A Prompting- Jay Halstead Style
by taylorandmacster10
Summary: Sent in by YOU the reader, this is a collection of one-shot, stand alone prompts surrounding our beloved character on Chicago PD, Jay Halstead. Comment or DM me and I will bring your ideas to life. Let's have some fun!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- A Shocking Start

**Hello everyone! I'm going to try this crazy notion of writing two stories at the same time. I have always had this desire to follow the footsteps of the great writers on this website and ask the audience for one-shot writing prompts. I think it's a fun challenge and plus, I love so many of the adventures that have come out of this writing style. You guys have great ideas, and I would be honored to bring them to life. So, I'm going to get the ball rolling with this one and then I'm handing the map over to you. You have the directions, I've got the wheel, let the journey…begin. **

The great meltdown, that's what everyone was calling it. It's a weather phenomena that happens at some point in the month of April in the city of Chicago. The stuff falling from the sky transitions from thick, white, silent precipitation into clear, loud, very wet things called raindrops. All the months and inches of snow that are residing in the gutters, street corners, and quiet parks begin to melt as this welcoming weather falls; signaling spring is on the way. On the downside, the city turns into the world's largest cup of water with ice chunks floating around. One never knows when the meltdown will begin, you just know to look out once the calendar reaches this glorious time of year. This April, the skies opened towards the end of the month. It was the final Thursday night of April and everyone was rushing indoors. The rate of rainfall was near record rates and the wind rarely calmed down, creating the terrible situation of blown-out umbrellas and soaking wet feet. People were desperate enough to hold soaked, ink dripping newspapers over their heads while flailing a free arm in the air, hoping a taxi would brave the elements. Even the train stations were extra crowded. It was almost comical to see how many people could huddle under the overhangs near the tracks. Personal space was thrown out for the sake of dryness and vanity. Furthermore, no one was jumping to get on the train when the doors open. Crowds climbed out before the waiting people shrugged their shoulders before speeding through the gap between the overhang and train's edge. While all of this was going on, somewhere in the streets of Chicago, Jay Halstead and Kim Burgess found themselves dry and cozy in the truck, weaving their way to a crime scene out in Pilsen.

A shooting at a house near Harrison Park involved known gang bangers and a case of guns. The case worked it's way through the many departments before landing on the desk of Hank Voight. Perhaps it was the rain, or the suspicion of a brewing gang war, but Intelligence was the only one willing to take on the seemingly easy case. Jay and Kim were given the instructions to be at the scene first and gather insight while the rest caught up. They were running adjacent to the south branch of the Chicago River when the rain began to pick up speed and pounding.

"Well this is awesome," Kim sarcastically spoke. Jay smirked while nodding his head, not really looking forward to getting out of the car in a few minutes.

"I don't think it's been this bad for awhile, if ever from what I can recall." Jay turned the wipers on full power now, crawling down the street at this point.

"This has nothing on storms in the South. One time I was driving through Louisiana on my way to Mardi Gras and it was storming so bad that everyone on the highway was doing twenty, maybe, and flashers were all you saw. The road was a grey murk and the lines were completely gone. You couldn't pull over because you couldn't see who was next to you and where the road ended. It got to the point where I was confessing out loud how stupid I was to be doing it. That was insane, this is manageable."

"You went to Mardi Gras?" Jay laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he flipped the indicator on.

"You don't seem like a Mardi Gras person? I've never been, what's it like?"

"What happens in NOLA…" Kim opened her mouth in disgust and shock.

"Seriously? We've known each other how long and that's all I get?"

"Pretty much." Kim rolled her eyes as she gazed out the dripping window. The yellow tape and flashing police lights came into view a couple moments later.

"Game time." Jay got out of the truck first and ran to the passenger side with an umbrella in hand, popping it open before opening the door for Kim. He was completely soaked when they reached the front steps of the house.

"What've we got," he asked the officer flagging them down?

"Two DOAs and one being transferred to an area hospital. All young, adult men with gunshot wounds. The two DOAs were shot point blank in the temple while the third victim suffered chest wounds. It doesn't look good."

"Drive by" Kim asked?

"Good luck in this mess tonight. Perps seemed to enter from the back and front of the house. Both entry points of the house were forced open."

"I'll take the back, you take the front," Jay instructed, Kim silently happy he gave her the dry option. She offered him the umbrella but her told her to keep it, saying it was pointless at this point. Kim was shining a light on the shot open front door when she heard an electrical sound followed by a flash and grunt. Her head snapped up in time to see Jay stumble backward and fall on the sidewalk, very much unconscious.

…

"10-1, 10-1 officer down! I'm at the corner of W 21st and Paulina Street, roll an ambulance to this location ASAP." Officers were running to Jay's sides as Kim sent out the call, yelling for everyone to stop as she saw the cause of the accident jumping a couple of feet from Jay.

"Wait, there's a live wire over there! Don't touch him or you'll get hit." Rain soaked officers stood motionless, suddenly very wary of the large puddles surrounding them.

"You didn't see that," Kim half asked as she held the umbrella over a limp Jay Halstead.

"The house was dark when we pulled up, figured the power was out."

"Clearly it's not. Call the power company," she barked as she held the umbrella over Jay, feeling completely stupid and helpless. There was that gut wrenching stench of burnt skin on Jay. It didn't take a genius to figure out he stepped in an electrically charged puddle of water. Kim kept shifting her weight from one leg to the other, mumbling something about things taking too long. She'd dance her eyes from Jay to the street to the policemen scrambling on their phones. Jay was still unconscious at this point, his breathing shallow and irregular, becoming quieter with every breath. Kim resisted the urge to reach down and feel for a pulse, knowing the very real danger of doing that. As long as the wire was live, Jay was a connection from it to her. Thunder and lightning were making their presence known in the not-too-far distance, creating a more dramatic situation.

"Power's off!" A siren was just coming into earshot as Kim flung the umbrella to the side and grabbed Jay's shoulders, getting a mild, but stimulation sensation.

"You ok," someone asked as she stepped back in pain?

"Yeah, I'm fine, just residual static from the shock. Feel for his pulse." The ambulance rolled to a halt a few feet away, the paramedics swooping into the scene seconds later.

"What happened?"

"Stepped in a pool of water with a live wire nearby." One of the paramedics grimaced as they set up an IV line, the other searching for the entry source. She removed his right shoe to reveal a red, bleeding, swelling sore from Jay's heal to the ball of his foot.

"Definitely the entry point. Heart rate?"

"Elevated and irregular. Do we charge?"

"No, the heart's already been through enough. Start CPR and get him on an O2 mask. He needs to leave, now." It was a quick, blurry set of steps but soon Kim found herself in the back of an ambulance racing towards a hospital. She heard the paramedic say the name but didn't register it. Her whole focus was on Jay. He still hadn't regained consciousness and failed to move anything. He was limp and his foot made her want to vomit from its' grotesqueness. Reality buzzed her in via a cellphone. She was watching the paramedic's arms pump life into Jay's frail heart as the phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Hello," she weakly answered?"

"What happened?" Voight's gravelly, slightly concerned voice put her back in reporting mode.

"Live wire was sparking on the ground and Jay walked right into it. It's not good." Silence echoed on the other end. The sound of sirens and shouting gave hint to Voight and the rest of the team being back at the scene, reminding Kim that the world was still existing outside the ambulance window.

"Where are they taking him?"

"I don't know, they mentioned it but I don't recall. Somewhere close."

"Stay with him and keep us updated." He didn't wait for a reply, simply ending the call. An unknown trauma bay came into view with unknown doctors and nurses waiting for the ambulance to meet them. From there everything was a swirl of noise, moving, and helplessness. The paramedics were spewing out details of Jay's declining health while people were shouting directions and commands. Kim hung back for a few seconds, watching the sea of doctors, nurses, medics, and Jay all clamor into the dry ER department. Her feet finally reminded her of their existence and began urging her to utilize them. The waiting room went by in a blur, her directionally challenged self zooming in on a small curtained off area a few rooms from her. She arrived at its' doorway only to wish she hadn't found the room. Jay had been transferred to a bed by now and was attached to a vast amount of monitors and life saving things. His clothing was removed and a hospital gown was draped at his waist, revealing a wet, shivering person convulsing on the bed. A doctor had relieved the medic of their CPR duty and was pumping harder, a small amount of sweat building up on his forehead. Someone was asking something about shocking Jay back into rhythm and degrees of the burns on Jay's foot and left shoulder, the electricity's exit point. It all was background noise over the heart monitor alerting people that Jay's situation was quickly becoming more dangerous and dire by the second. Kim doubled over at this point, pressing the back of her hands to her ears and praying for it all to cease.

…

He was a numb, mute soul who's body was bobbing with the flow of the train under him. It was a sixth sense moment for Will Halstead. Without hearing the name of the officer down, he knew it was Jay. The call over the ED radio crackled in twenty minutes ago and he just so happened to be standing at the desk when it came through. This small voice mentally told him to get ready, that his night was about to take a dark turn. When the second phone call went to Jay's voicemail, he dropped the tablet off with Maggie, grabbed his raincoat, and mechanically stormed out. (Pun totally intended). Maggie told him the name of the hospital as he raced by, nodding his head to let her know he got the message. It was Rush something and he knew nothing of their capabilities, but Will didn't care. Getting that visual of Jay in a safe, helping environment would do wonders for his racing, dangerously hopeless mind at the moment. At every stop he'd glance up at the map on the wall and mentally alert himself the numbers of stops before his. A couple of times it took everything to not shout at the loading people; wanting to tell them that a life was literally at stake. An eternal twenty minutes later the hospital stop arrived and Will practically bolted out, only slowing down after an epic slide on the sidewalk. He was soaked to the bone when he arrived at the ER doors, doubling over for a second to catch his breath before crossing the threshold of this unknown place. He also did a very uncharacteristic thing and shed his raincoat and left it on the ground, half thinking that make him look more presentable.

One random night at a bar, Jay told Will this great trick that was almost foolproof: walk like you're supposed to be there. Wherever you are, wherever you're going, act like you're in the right spot and know exactly where you're going. Give off that vibe and people will not stop you. It was so bizarre and random but it actually works and Will have every intention of using this phenomena tonight. As the ER doors rolled open, Will pulled his shoulders up and confidently walked onward, waving to the receptionist in the waiting room as he successfully made his way to the ER rooms. It worked like a charm. Will stood in the middle of the department before a doubled over Kim caught his eye. His stomach was in his mouth as he walked towards her, reminding himself that Jay was a closed curtain away.

"What happened," he asked? Kim practically slapped him in the face as she pivoted to greet him.

"Will! I'm so sorry. It all happened so fast that…" Her train of thought was interrupted by the most chilling, blood draining sound in the world: the single, long beep of a stopped heart. Kim felt the tears burn down her face as she watched Will pull the curtain back and stare in complete disbelief. The doctors and nurses were scrambling at a mad pace now. The person doing CPR was pounding Jay's chest with a fist now, muttering under his breath for Jay to live. A nurse shouted about inserting another round of epi when a resounding crack made everyone stop.

"Hey! It's time to shock the heart," Will shouted. The group turned towards the stranger in unison.

"And you are?"

"Does it matter? You've successfully broken a couple of ribs and it's not working. Shock the heart on a low voltage, now." Paddles were thrusted into the doctors hand's, the whining of the machine warming up stopped milliseconds later.

"Charge to 200, clear!" Jay's body convulsed under the wave of electricity, Will ignoring it as the monitor's finally gave hopeful news: sinus rhythm.

"You now need to externally pace him. That rate won't last long." The doctor coked his head while throwing his hands in the air.

"Hey man, why don't you just come over here and do my job for me."

"You want to be in charge here, fine. But don't let him die for the sake of your ego. Do it." Kim was very much confused at this point. They were in an ER watching Jay die before returning to earth and now Will was in a pissing match with the medical team; a very Halstead thing to do. She wasn't sure whether to cry or laugh or fist bump Will. A rather confusing moment indeed. The two of them watched as the medical staff attached the external paddles to the front and back of Jay and set the machine to a Will approved rate. Kim would jump at every jolt in Jay's body, but soon things stabilized, giving everyone a moment to breathe.

"Alright, he'll be on those the next twenty-four hours and then we'll start weaning him off of them, if that's alright with you," the doctor asked Will. An approving nod was all he got.

"Ok, page the burn unit and plastics, he needs a couple of skin grafts and treatments for the entry and exit points but after that, it's just monitoring for a couple of days." The doctor flung his gloves off and headed for the exit, leaving Will, Kim, and Jay alone for a brief moment.

"Nice job there man. How do you know him?"

"I'm his brother, genius." The doctor nodded before exiting the room, Kim beaming at Will. He shrugged his shoulders as he rested his hands at the foot of Jay's bed and hung his head.

"You need to get that looked at," Will told her after awhile, pointing to Kim's red, bleeding hands.

"Oh, no I'm fine. It can wait."

"You say that now, wait till the adrenaline wears off." A nurse poked her head in at this point, starting the pre-op process for skin graft surgery.

"Hey," Will interrupted.

"Can she get those looked at?" The nurse ushered Kim out, stopping at the trauma room curtain for a moment.

"It's fine, he's not going to be alone," Will insisted. Kim nodded after a final glance and headed out. Will grabbed the hand closest to his and squeezed it. In this quiet, somewhat calm moment, he finally got to take everything in. From the injury sights to the devices and lines keeping his brother alive, it all summed up to how lucky his brother was and the hurdles he still had to overcome.

"You never do anything half tilt, Jay." Will got a small twitch from the hand in his grip. He figured it was the result of the external pacing, but deep down, wanted to believe it was his brother under everything. Will smirked before sitting back in the small, plastic chair given to him, allowing himself to breathe again. His hands were shaking from the wearing off adrenaline and growing realization. Will cupped his face with his hands and sobbed. His stupidly stubborn brother would live to fight another day.

…

_11:58…11:59…12:00. Good Friday morning. _Will had belly flopped onto a makeshift bed in the corner of Jay's room and watched the clock turn over to a new day. While in its' infancy, the day was already a one eighty of the twenty-four hours prior. Jay was in a deep sleep his room on the small, quiet ICU floor. His bed was resting at a normal level with Jay slumped down into the many blankets and pillows attempting to make his healing body comfy. Skin grafts aren't for the feint at heart and they were going to truly hurt once sleeping beauty awoke. Preemptive pain management was utilized and Jay was on a heavy cocktail of dilaudid and fentanyl; pretty safe to say Jay wouldn't remember most of this hospital stint.

The oxygen mask that was placed in the ambulance was replaced with a breathing tube and vent for the surgery which was also swapped out for a cannula in the recovery room. Despite everything, Jay managed to fight the need for a vent, his breathing never getting to a point of necessary assistance. Will chuckled when the surgeon told him that Jay really fought when he resurfaced from the anesthesia. He would've been concerned if Jay hadn't tried to do his own thing. But looking over his drained, snoring brother, Will was glad for the stubborn Halstead gene, shuttering at how differently things could've played out if they just sat back and let things unfold.

"Good night, Jay. Just rest," Will whispered. He rolled over and stared at the wall next to him, finding sleep a very hard state to reach. He repeatedly told himself to sleep, forced deep, slow breathing, and stretching his extremities, but nothing availed. Will gave up after some time and rolled over onto his back and just stared at the ceiling, letting his brain replay everything. The surgery took three hours and Will spent most of the time in the waiting room. Kim was treated and released with first degree burns on her hands. She held up her bandaged hands to Will when she found him in the waiting room. The two of them talked about random things, the weather, how many celebrities had a birthday in April, just anything to keep their mind off of the person down the hall. The rest of Intelligence shuffled in an hour after Jay went back, everyone making it a point to hug Will and share their apologizes and willingness to help. Other police officers came and went, each mirroring Intelligence's responses. The small group sat for some time, catching each one up on the case and Jay's condition. Voight's phone rang some time later, alerting the group it was time to part ways. The city doesn't wait for one person's recovery and the case was needing Intelligence's assistance. Will promised updates as they reluctantly filed out, nodding their heads in thanks. At some point, Will nodded off to sleep. Kim would nudge him when the snoring got loud and the two would laugh over it all. The eternal three hours ended with Will being shone the surgeon's fine handiwork on the foot and shoulder. Will knew what skin grafts looked like and the recovery stages, but knowing it was Jay's body going through it all made his stomach queasy, making him regret his desire to see and know. It was at this point Kim left, saying she wanted to give the brothers some space and would stop by later. Will was thankful for the alone time, but knew the true reason for her sudden departure: it was hard to see Jay this way. Jay had created this persona of being tough and untouchable, witnessing him as anything but that was wrong almost. Will rubbed his temples at that one, internally confessing to hating this current predicament. However, shuffling and grunting sounds interrupted his dark, depressing train of thought.

"Jay?!" Will sat up and looked at the bed to his right. Jay's eyes were lazily hovering around the room as he pulled for the tube under his nose. He started moving his legs under the sheets but stopped at the pain that caused. Jay managed to pull the cannula under his mouth when Will was at his bedside.

"Hey, hey keep that on." The drug stupor was rather evident as Will put things back into place.

"Wht…whr are we," Jay slurred?

"A hospital. You kinda scared us all tonight." Jay response was a clueless expression.

"Do you remember the house you guys were sent to?" Jay's eyelids drooped closed before snapping open a minute later.

"What?!" Will couldn't help but smile. Jay was very much out of it.

"The house you and Kim went to."

"It…ws raining."

"Yeah, because of the rain you were stepping near a live wire and got shocked. Your heart stopped for a moment but they got it back and you've got some burns on your feet and shoulder, but you should be fine after a couple of weeks." Jay stared into a day dream, not really grasping everything Will was saying, but took it as truth. He doesn't remember any of the reported things, but figured it all added up to his current surroundings. Will called him twice before responding.

"Yeah," Jay answered, still locked on something in the corner.

"You ok? How's the pain? We can probably have them up the doses if it's bad."

"When can I go home?" Will sighed, silently concluding nothing was ever easy.

"In a couple of days. They need to monitor you to to make sure the heart beat doesn't change. You also didn't answer the question." Jay nodded before resting back on the pillows and closing his eyes.

"Legs and shoulder hurts, but it's fine."

"Yeah, it's from the surgery. Get some rest." Jay responded with a grunt as Will climbed back into bed. Jay adjusted in bed a couple times before his body completely relaxed.

"Goodnight Jay, love you." Will only got snores.

"Of course," Will laughed. He rolled over for the umpteenth time and soon both Halsteads were completely and soundly out, listening to the rain drip down the hospital window and wind howl.

**One-shot endings are so tough for judge. You want to end it but don't want to leave too much out. Thank you guys so much for reading! I'm super excited to see what comes next. The baton has been passed on to you guys. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-An Afternoon in June

**This is a chapter full of firsts. This is my first one-shot fan submitted story based on the first prompt I received and it shall be a follow up to the first FanFic I ever wrote. I loved the idea sent in by WhyDoIWrite and I hope you guys enjoy it. **

**_WhyDoIWrite: "What about a prompt where Jay faints out of nowhere with everyone at med watching and classic Will freaks out." _**

**Let's dive in.**

_Inhale…exhale….inhale…exhale… _The Riverwalk was becoming Jay's favorite place to run. Ever since that night in November, everything was centered around getting back to normalcy. Whether it was relearning the route to work, or getting back into a decent, Jay approved running pace, pre-brain surgery way of life was the lofty goal. Over the last few months, things were falling back into their normal rhythm. He was successfully re-certified to carry a gun and was two weeks into returning to work. Everyone gave him a hard time about his lengthy absence, in a total loving way, but Jay absorbed it all. It was great to just settle back into things, laugh with the group, and play a role in solving the criminal mysteries in Chicago. Sure, there were moments of memory slips and rest was a nagging requirement, but gone were the days of check-ins and mental exercises.

Today was a rare day off and Jay used it to his advantage. He slept in till 9am, a very uncharacteristic thing for him to do, and opted to head downtown to run along the Riverwalk. On this hot and humid day in the city, a weaving run around the river sounded refreshing. The pathway skirts the water's edge, creating ninety degree turns and shade under the numerous bridge above, a challenging yet fun element. Jay found the first couple of miles rather easy. It was early June now and the city was thriving. Water taxis and tourists boats speckled the water, offering a gentle breeze and misting as they passed the walkway. People were fishing off the railings on the pathway and children were drawing shapes and letters on the concrete. Jay had his earbuds on blast, but made sure to smile and wave to those on his route. Summer was an exciting and brief time in the city and it was always a delight to see it alive and bustling. It was around mile three that Jay's music was interrupted by an incoming text message from Voight.

"Got a case. Here's the address." It was a business in the Loop, not that far from Jay's current location. He sighed as he responded he'd be there soon. While there are several pros to being a detective in the city of Chicago, its' unpredictable schedule was definitely a con.

…

"What've we got," Jay asked as he slipped under the tape? A collection of odd looks were all he got.

"Car trouble," Adam asked, scanning Jay's sweaty appearance and workout attire?

"I was in the area and just wanted to head over. I'll change when we get back." Adam smirked while Kim and Hailey rolled their eyes, allowing Jay's explanation to pass. Voight was the one to break up the questioning.

"Great, crime scene is over here." Antonio rounded the corner of the business at this point, scrolling through his note pad as he spoke.

"Victims are Craig and Sheila Hines. Both in their 50s and have owned and operated this convenient store for twenty-five years. Store was going to be turned over to their kids in a couple of years. There have been some gang issues in this area for a couple of weeks. Business owners refusing to pay them protection money, with vandalism or arson crimes a couple of weeks later.

"Any patterns," Kim asked? Antonio shook his head.

"Nothing that immediately stands out. Only one gang really controls this area so it's likely different people from the same group are committing these acts. No charges have been made yet."

"Murders in those other crimes?" Another head shake response.

"This is the first." Jay turned away from the group and scanned the whole scene. Crime scene techs were brushing for prints, snapping photos of the scene, and analyzing shattered pieces of glass. Medical examiners were zipping up body bags and gently placing Mr. and Mrs. Hines on the gurney, destination their cold, dark slab for answers. This part of the job never got easy: witnessing the overturning of people's lives. Someone told Jay once that when that moment gets easy and accustomed to, it was time to hang up the badge. Shaking his head, Jay rotated to face the large crowd. A shrunk, interesting person three rows deep caught his eye.

"Any descriptions of the perp?" Everyone stopped their debates to notice Jay a couple of feet away from them.

"Um…the Hines did file a police report for the run-in a couple of weeks ago. Described the person as tall, long haired, underweight, and a tattoo on his right cheek." Jay turned to face Intelligence.

"Guy over my left shoulder, three rows back." Antonio and Kevin nodded after a moment, confirming Jay's suspicion. Jay slowly walked towards the crowd, making sure to scatter his focus on various people, hoping to not spook his intended target.

"Sir, can I talk to.." But Jay didn't get to finish because the target took off running.

"Shoot," Jay muttered under his breath. He shouted for people to move as he locked in on the guy a block ahead of him. Adam and Kevin were not too far behind, shouting for Jay to go as they split off in different directions, hoping to form a blockade for the perp. The run became a tunnel vision sprint. Jay ignored the cars crossing the street and all but leapt over people in the street. Every stumbling block was giving the perp that much more of a lead. Jay shortened the gap to a few yards when Kevin came out of nowhere and tackled the guy to the ground. Jay breathed a sigh of relief as he slowed to a walk, beginning to notice weakness in his arms and legs.

"I think you broke my arm," the suspect cried, Kevin clicking the cuffs a little tighter.

"Shut up, don't run next time," he replied as he forced the guy upright and threw him in a now present cop car, ordering the driver to transport the perp to Med. Adam jogged by at this point and noticed a day dreaming Jay, hands resting on his knees.

"You good?!" Jay jolted before looking over at Adam and nodding.

"Yeah, haven't gone that fast in a minute." Adam laughed before patting Jay's shoulder, noticing a pale complexion on him.

"You don't look so hot." Hailey pulled up in the truck at this point, rolling the window down to ask if everyone was good.

"Yeah, let's go to Med," Jay replied as he opened the passenger door and climbed in. The ride over was a congested twenty minute journey. Jay used the time to close his eyes and practically inhale the cold air blasting out of the vents. There was the smallest of headaches beginning to creep in but Jay chose to ignore it, telling himself that everything was fine.

"Maybe you should get checked out," Hailey confessed as they pulled into the ED bay.

"I'm fine, just tired."

"Almost nap time," Hailey jokingly asked? Jay rolled his eyes, silently wanting this stage of the recovery to be over. It was as he walked into the ED that the nausea kicked in and the darkening vision began to overcome him. He heard someone ask him something but he couldn't make anything out. The very familiar and scary sensation of a pounding head was the last thing Jay remembered before feeling everything go limp as he gave into the darkness.

…

Will was looking over the x-ray of the perp when he heard a crash and shouting, someone saying something about falling. At first, Will just shrugged it off, chalking it up to a normal day in the ED. However, Maggie sticking her head in the trauma room made his interest spike.

"Will, they need you out here," she calmly spoke, very aware of who Will was working on. Will nodded before asking Maggie to grab another doctor. She nodded before ushering him out. It was amazing to see Will's disposition instantly change. He left the trauma room a little ticked, wondering what was so terrible only he could fix it, but all that vanished as he noticed Hailey holding the hand of a person lying on the ground, the shoes a dead give away as to who had fallen in the ED.

"Jay,?! What happened," he asked?! Hailey was moving away to give Will a spot between Ethan, Natalie, and a nurse.

"I don't know. He said something about being tired and he kept rubbing his temples and next thing I knew, he collapsed."

"His heart rate is strong and his breathing is fine. He just passed out," Ethan interrupted.

"And?!"

"Will," Natalie spoke, getting an earful from Will before she could continue.

"No, there's no simple reason for this. He's six months post-op from two major brain surgeries. He could have an aneurysm or a bleed or swelling. Why isn't he on a monitor, pulse oximeter, oxygen? Page Abrams and get him to a trauma room." Natalie gave Ethan a look before shrugging her shoulders, realizing there wasn't a world where they'd talk Will out of this.

"Fine, clear a trauma room and put him on leads and pulse oximeter." Everyone began to move around Will and a still passed out Jay. Will did a quick scan of his brother, finding it odd he was on the job wearing workout wear. Perhaps it was necessary, but his currently fearful mind told him it was another sign to a brain injury: confusion. At the time, Will concluded the sweaty clothes and stink on his brother as factors of a fever. God bless Will and his worrying.

They had placed Jay on a heart monitor and pulse oximeter when he finally stirred, coughing first before getting a good view of the world above him. Will was grabbing his hand while Ethan was holding a stethoscope on his now bare chest. Natalie was about to wave a penlight in his eye when he blinked.

"Oh, hey Jay. Everything's fine, you just passed out." Will looked up from something on the floor to greet Jay, an overly happy face met Jay's confused one.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Jay ignored them and began to try sitting up, wanting to be anywhere but on the ED floor.

"Where's Hailey?"

"Over here," she replied.

"Everyone's here," she continued, pointing to a place behind her. Jay turned his head to the right to see a group of waving, worried faced people. The redness from embarrassment was blossoming.

"I need to get up." Ethan and Will grabbed an arm and helped Jay upright, Natalie collecting the monitors and walking behind the train of people. Jay stumbled the first couple of times, Will and Ethan right there to catch him. It was incredible to see how quickly one's extremities become weak. Jay was shocked that he was able to run miles hours ago and now couldn't move without assistance. He was guided to trauma room four and sat on the edge of the bed before Intelligence was shooed out and a curtain encased the perimeter of the room. During its' closure, Intelligence chuckled over Will and Jay's comments; Jay saying everything was unnecessary and Will telling him to stop and let people do their jobs. Jay was revealed after a bit, donning a hospital gown, many monitoring leads, an IV delivering fluids, a cannula, and a growing red mark from where his face met the floor. It was an unpleasant throwback to six months ago; a picture they didn't want to see again, especially so soon.

"Sorry guys," Jay embarrassingly spoke while messing with the cannula tube on his ear. They all reassured him everything was fine, but deep down they knew what he really meant: he hated to put them through this again. It was at this point Dr. Abrams sauntered into the room, a little surprised to find out who the patient was.

"Again, seriously Jay? If you like it here so bad, I'm sure there's a job opening here for you." Jay laughed it off, hoping Will got the message that everything was overkill.

"So, what happened," Abrams asked?

"Passed out in the ED a couple minutes ago," Will reported, earning him an annoyed expression.

"I was asking Jay." It was Will's turn to be royally embarrassed.

"Um, just felt sick and had a headache. I walked into the ED and then everything went dark." Abrams nodded as he shone a light in Jay's eyes, asked him to follow his finger, and check reflexes.

"How bad was the headache?"

"Like a normal one, nothing massive." Abrams moved on to asking questions about the year, names, where his nose was, and the last thing he remembered. Jay passed all tests with flying colors.

"From the clothes in the bag, it looks liked you worked out. Did you drink anything afterwards? Stretch or rest?" Jay responded with a eventual 'no.' Will mentally slapped himself.

"You guys called me down here for, most likely, dehydration and exhaustion?" Natalie pointed to Ethan, who raised his hands in surrender.

"Good luck convincing him of that." Everyone looked up at Will now.

"Better to be thorough than let something major slip by."

"Ok, I will send you up to radiology for a CT scan just to be sure, but everything looks normal. I take it you guys can handle the rest," Abrams replied as he handed the tablet over to Ethan. Will yelled a 'thank you,' as Abrams marched towards the elevator, satisfied with his overly brilliant self; a very Gregory House thing to do.

…

"Hey man, welcome back." The room was dark, letting Jay know a large amount of time had passed since he was last conscious. Before being transferred upstairs, Jay requested to be sedated, saying he didn't to get cluster-phobic in the CT machine. This was such an odd request from Jay that Will was concerned, but got Ethan to grant the request. He stayed with Jay till the sedative kicked in. It was a bad flashback to that night not so long ago. Will felt the dread and uncertainty return. Of course, this situation was vastly better than Jay's last hospital stay, but to see him in this place as a patient was never going to be easy. Will and Intelligence waited outside the radiology doors for over an hour, each one trying their best to push away their hatred for being back in that place. The lab tech came out ninety minutes later to announce that Jay was done and sleeping off the sedative in a regular room, a great sign for the results. They all made it to Jay's door before parting ways. Will was touched that they stayed and appreciative for the alone time with Jay. He'd just gotten situated in the awkwardly positioned chair when Jay moved his hands towards his face.

"Is it done?"

"Yeah, Abrams texted a couple minutes ago that everything looks fine." Jay sighed, refusing to make eye contact with Will.

"Sorry, I freaked out. But you get that the last time.."

"-Yes, I do. I didn't ask for this to happen."

"Obviously. But it scared me. You nearly died the last time you were here and that's something I don't want to revisit, or even come close to being in that place again." Jay sat up and faced Will, who was fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry, seriously. It was a slip-up on my part. I'm somewhat aware of what went down that whole month, but I get that I put you guys through a lot and I never want to do that again. But I'm fine now and things are getting back to normal."

"For now," Will mumbled, making Jay smirk.

"Yeah, probably." They both laughed for a moment.

"Love you, Will. And thank you."

"Love you too, and next time, drink something?!"

"Deal."

"And you're staying overnight." Jay eye rolled at that one.

"Fine. You're the boss."

**Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- 13 Hours Staring At The Light

**I'm bbbbaaacccckkkkkk! Thank you all so, so much for your sweet responses and awesome prompts! I will try my best to get to each of them and I hope they deliver. Before we get to this chapter's prompt, I wanted to answer a question I received. **

**Guest asked: ****_"…do you work in a medical profession? I have no idea about medicine but you convinced me." _****I do not, but I do have a very interesting google search history. :) I'm actually an accountant at a non-profit but would love to break into screen writing or at least writing for a certain television show. Don't know how to get into that realm, but would love the opportunity. **

**So this prompt was a somewhat popular one. **

**_Anon: "Could you do a story where our beloved character is stabbed. Serious repercussions of course. Thanks!"_**

**_Anonymous: "I like Jay being stabbed."_**

**This is going to be crazy. Let's get it started. **

It was a normal day involving a normal case. The members of Intelligence arrived in their usual cars and sauntered and schlepped up the stairs at their normal rate. There were the typical jokes and snarky, humorous remarks and the settling down from the leader. The case was well within the district and involved familiar enemies of the city. Teams were broken down into the assumed groups and each went about doing their qualified, regular things. The drive to locations were the same and the demeanor was per usual. Some could say it was the simple, single diversion of protocol that sent things spiraling. Others might argue it was all part of life's plan. Regardless, one person's split second decision sent the seemingly normal day into a series of unfortunate, dire events. It was late afternoon, early dusk when it all began.

There was the sound of metal hitting concrete. The two of them were tip toeing around an abandoned building; the smell and aisles giving hint to a hardware store. They bookended each aisle, one looking left while the other went right. They were near the end when from the back, the sound echoed. Scuffling and hushed, slurred swearing confirmed a living, unknown person was in their midst. Jay told Hailey to radio it in as he picked up his speed, ignoring her warnings as he charged forward, hell bent on capturing whoever was ahead of him.

He made it through the door to the back of the store when a crack of light from the outdoors broke open. Jay was sprinting at this point, still ignoring Hailey's cry to slow down and wait. The light from the sunny afternoon made him squint, creating a moment to pause and adjust. Looking back, the attacker, evilly and smartly, utilized that moment to his advantage. Because Jay maybe inhaled once when the first thin, white hot radiation of pain broke the plane of Jay's skin. It took his breath away, but the mental toughness kept him in action. Stopping was going to be the end of everything. Keep moving, continue fighting, and he'd win this. Jay didn't look down, but rather, fixated his vision on the person on the other end of the knife. He was a scrawny, long haired, thin guy who was barely over twenty. To the unsuspecting eye, he looked liked a guy your grandmother could put away. But, when you add in adrenaline and a random concoction of drugs, the guy might as well have been Muhammed Ali. Jay grabbed the guy's arm and squeezed, hoping to find that pain spot in the wrist that immobilizes the hand. He squeezed, the guy used his free hand to punch Jay squarely in the jaw. His head twisted before the rest of him lunged on top of the attacker, still not letting go of the arm wielding the knife. It was a long, thick blade. Looking like a chef's knife or a well constructed shiv. More than qualified to do some serious damage.

It was a series of rolls, punches, and slamming on concrete, but Jay still found himself pinned to the ground. They made eye contact with each other, mentally telling the other to flinch first. That was when the brief smile broke out before driving the knife through a second time. The pain level spiked to a new level of misery. Jay actually grunted and fought back tears, still reminding himself that stopping wasn't an option. It was at this point Jay remembered he had legs, and successfully kneed the guy in that super sensitive spot. He stood up and backed away from Jay, cradling that spot as Jay pulled out a gun and aimed it point blank.

"I dare you," Jay half whispered, hoping the shake in his hand wouldn't botch the shot. Sure enough, in his manic, drug infused state, the guy lunged and Jay fired. The guy was dead before he fell at Jay's feet. It should be mentioned that the back of this warehouse had a ledge where trucks backed in to unload inventory. This is important because, in his shocked, physically declining state, Jay misjudge his two backward steps and in no time, was looking up at the ledge twenty feet above him. He did his best to cry for help, but it was a mere whisper as he slipped into a deep level of unconsciousness.

…

"Jay! Can you hear me? JAY!" Hailey's head snapped left and right, looking for a direction. She noticed the limp body starfished at the end of the ledge. She cautiously walked towards it, knowing it wasn't Jay, but wondering how this guy ended up this way and what that meant for her partner. It was an out-of-body moment finding Jay in that state. Her knees buckled and her arms became magnets to her face, the stomach was making its' ascent to her mouth.

"10-1, officer down. Ping my location and set up a level one protocol. I needed an ambo here yesterday." Crackling confirmations replied as she worked her way down to Jay, feeling the sting of the jump against her feet, only dreading how bad off Jay was after a fall that great.

"Hey, just breathe. Hang in there." She didn't know where to start. There was red, everywhere and it was steadily leaking out from under Jay. It was a creepy contrast to the white ground beneath him. Like a horror movie almost, there was just red and white and black and fear all over. Hailey didn't know if she should move him or press or just sit back and sob. She opted to lean closer, thinking that would give her the path to choose. Jay's eyes were closed, but he'd let out grunts or whines every minute or so. Like he was dreaming or something, she figured it was all he could give her, letting her know he was alive. His breathing was rather labored, making it appear every ounce of existence was channeled into every breath. Hailey noticed the shake in the exhales, the blood loss making him colder with each heart pump. The gurgle in his inhale made her skin crawl.

"It's ok. Just keep breathing. Help is coming," she kept repeating. She could have sworn a smirk briefly shone on his mouth, making the dam of tears burst open. Hailey held his hand and repeated encouraging words. It was a random jumbling, but she hoped the noise would keep him with her. The ambulance arrived and Hailey didn't break her spot next to Jay. The paramedics literally had to pry her hand away so they could work in the rig. Shell shock kept her from remembering the turns and lane changes. What seemed like five hundred million years later, the group rolled to a halt in an ER ambulance bay. Hailey curled into a ball as the swarm of people whisked Jay out of Hailey's viewpoint. Her sobs intermingled with prayers, asking that that wasn't the final moment she'd see her partner breathing on earth.

…

A wailing police siren creeped into her auditory field, but it was nothing more than background noise. The scared, somewhat loud voice is what brought her to back to reality, unfortunately.

"Hailey," Will nervously asked? It dawned on her that she ordered a level one protocol, the series of steps that no one ever wants put into motion. A police officer from the 21st was given orders to snatch Jay's emergency contact—Will—from wherever he was and race him to Jay's current location. Hailey did a once over before realizing they weren't at Med. The coloring of the outside walls were different and the people sitting around were unrecognizable. It was entirely dark out now. Words were not coming up so she sat there, on the seat in the ambulance, dumfounded.

"Hailey," Will spoke again, his voice more serious this time.

"He…grunted…red…" Will stepped into the rig and sat next to her, grabbing a shoulder and waiting for her to look over at him. He saw the tears and realized it was bad. He'd seen her on and off the job, elated and concerned, but never catatonic. She was physically here, but mentally wherever Jay currently was. Immediately, his mind went to the worst case scenario, Jay was dying.

"I'm sorry," she whispered through the new set of tears. Will leaned in to hug her, still wanting to learn what all happened. She mumbled apologizes and Will reassured her things would be ok, basically telling himself the same thing. They were like this for minutes before the paramedics returned to their vehicle, surprised to find people still occupying it.

"Hey, sorry, but we've.."

"-It's fine," Will interrupted.

"We're leaving." The medics connected the dots as Will helped Hailey out.

"You're the emergency contact?"

"Yes, his brother. What happened?" They gave him the highlights. Multiple stab wounds, back injury, blood loss, in and out of consciousness. Very unlike Will, he left Hailey behind, no longer caring about anything else. His brother was dying and he needed to know. Gosh, he hated his curiosity and control. He could never leave things in the hands of others. He needed to know what happened and how he could fix it. He's not one to sit back and just see what happens. Furthermore, he was not about to let his brother go without a fight.

"Sir, you can't," a nurse yelled, Will not caring in the least.

"You're going to have to drag me out," a spoke as the ER doors slid open, granting him full access to the small, quiet department. It was so odd going from a jam packed ED to a quiet, almost boring environment. Sure, they were in a quieter part of town on a slow night, but there was something eerie about this place. There was a reason people drove past this place to another hospital, but Will couldn't figure out why. It was a university run hospital and appeared to be up to date. Whatever the reason, Will was grateful for it; less traffic meant more resources at Jay's disposal. The room was set up vastly different from Med. Rooms were squared into corners along the perimeter of the room with the nurses station down a hall. Room were divided by curtains and lacking in numbers. It appeared people just grabbed whatever was free. On this night, there were only two curtain drawn in the department. One had two sets of feet while the other had four, five, maybe six sets; alerting Will that Jay was in the crowded curtained room. Perhaps he shouted Jay's name, or that pesky nurse caught up to Will, but he had his hand on the curtain door when someone yelled at him.

"Sir! You can't go in there."

"I'm his brother and a doctor. I have to see him."

"No, not in that state. Let them work. They're doing all they can."

"What?! What state?"

"Just let them do their work." In a caring way, she pushed Will onto a bed across the way from Jay and let him watch. Down a sense, Will kept a laser beam of focus on the green curtain across the way to figure out what was going down. The moving sets of feet told him the situation was bad. Wheels were moving closer to what Will assumed was a bed. People were shouting to stand back and a clicking sound came seconds later. An x-ray, Will detected, inspecting the back injury. Will noticed a black pile in the right side corner of the room. The Velcro badge told Will it was the failed vest, the perimeter of blood making Will's head droop in depression. If his clothing was that blood soaked, Will shuttered at how much might've been left in Jay's body.

"Get a thoracotomy kit," echoed throughout the department. Will got a small glimpse of feet on a bed as the curtain opened and shut. They were poking out from under a hospital gown thrown at the end of Jay's body. They were grayish, which was odd, and his toes were pointed out; evidence of testing for sensation and reflexes. The fact they were pointed out was a good sign; a glimmer of hope in the midst of a crisis.

Will was transmitting mental messages to Jay when the curtains opened wide twenty-five minutes later. Will let out a small gasp before his legs took over. He didn't tell himself to move, but soon he was walking a foot behind Jay and the horde of medical personnel. They were moving at a quick pace, each focusing on the person lifeless in the bed before noticing the addition.

"Hi," one of the nurses rudely questioned?!

"I'm…I'm, dammit. He can't be alone." Whatever word he muttered worked because they allowed Will to ride on the elevator to the surgical floor. Will didn't say anything, just stared at Jay in a trance. He was pale, like a week old corpse in a morgue. He was connected to so many things, and breathing via a machine, he looked so thin and helpless and tiny. There were two large, bloody gauze pads on Jay's sides. One appeared to cause the need for the thoracotomy tray's chest tube, the other in a sensitive, vital spot. More than anything, Will wanted to reach down and hug him, breathe life back into the broken body. Instead, he opted to grabbing a cluttered hand and squeezing till he was told to let go. He watched them all disappear behind the beige doors before collapsing in a chair. He hated that he wanted to know everything because in this moment, it was hard to find a silver lining.

…

It felt to be well into the early hours of the morning. Will lost track of how long it'd been since he saw Jay venture down that hall, but it felt to be half a day at least. People came and left. Apologies were given and moments of comfort were dealt. Hailey sat outside the OR doors for about an hour before passing out in a chair, Adam and Atwater offering her a ride home. Voight hung back with Antonio, much to Will's dislike. Not that he didn't want them there, he hated to keep them away from what they were good at: finding answers to the necessary questions. Their response was that Will was priority number one, everything else could wait. So the three took shifts staying awake. Will crashed first followed by Voight and Antonio. Their awakenings always started the same: "any word." Solemn head shakes were the only response. Will had fallen asleep for the second time when the door creaked open, causing the room to heighten its' anticipation and dread.

The news was a quick delivery. Fractured vertebra in his lower back, swelling and excessive bruising around the area. The fractured portion was refused and reconstructed with things Will didn't want to hear about. Then came the stabbed areas. His right kidney was functioning around forty-five percent and likely to not last much longer. High doses of miracle drugs were being administered, but the end of that organ loomed large. The stabbing on the left side punctured his lung, but the chest tube, ventilation, and time would heal the damage. Overall, he wasn't out of the woods and currently in a lot of pain. Jay was sedated for the night with reevaluation the following afternoon. From there, things became a jumbling of words. Will hung his head low and repeatedly shook his head in disbelief. Any one of those could drastically altar, or worse, end Jay's life. The trio was waiting for a miraculous intervention. Voight and Antonio practically held Will's hands on the ride up. Everything was numb and senseless. Will wasn't sure how a totally normal day went so tragically wrong. He didn't notice the floor Jay was on nor did he remember the maze of turns and hallways to Jay's room. The three stood outside the door staring at the struggle soul in the bed. Antonio opened the door for Will and told him to hang in there. The two of them stood outside the door watching Will pull up a chair next to Jay and seriously sob into the sheets draping over the edge of the bed. Dawn was creeping into the gut wrenching scene's backdrop.

…

It was around the twenty-four hour mark that Will made the call. The day was a blur of sleepless pain. Will calculated he might've gotten two, three hours of sleep that day. He'd doze off and a nurse or doctor would slide into the room, waking him from his mild slumber. There was only one check-in he missed and figured pure exhaustion was the reason. But even in his record level of sleep deprivation, he considered his day great compared to the person in bed. The thing that shocked Will the most was how much pain Jay was experiencing while under the sedation. Obviously, he couldn't talk or move, but he'd groan, like a person having a terrible nightmare. At first, Will meant that to mean Jay was trying to wake up. But as the incidents happened every four hours or so, it became apparent it was the pain meds wearing off. From there, doses were upped and new, more powerful medications were administered, but nothing seemed to keep Jay out of that four hour cycle. There was a particular moment around 1pm where Jay's eyes snapped wide open and he gagged on the vent tube exactly once. Will had never sprung that fast, instantaneously sitting at the edge of Jay's bed, hovering over him and telling him things were fine. Jay responded with sped up breath and tears. That sent monitors off and nurses rushing in to inject the sleep inducing, mild pain relieving drugs. Will talked to Jay till things resumed their normal levels. It was a first, seeing a medically induced, comatose person just return to the world. From there, he'd sit by Jay's side when the groaning pain would kick in. If Jay was conscious in those brief, terrible moments, the last thing he wanted was for Jay to feel alone.

It was getting dark out the window now, letting the occupants of the room know another day was over, a big hurdle was leapt over. Jay had reached the twenty-hour mark since this whole escapade started. The trauma surgeon who worked on Jay, and a nephrologist were conducting the promised check-in, discussing the next step no one wanted to take.

"He seems to be holding," Will hopefully interjected into their concerned observations.

"And the pain levels should start declining tomorrow." They both nodded before going back to reading the monitors over Jay's head and the tablets cradled in their hands.

"We need to discuss the removal of the kidney. The dialysis isn't working. He's had several rounds of it and the function is still going down. At this point, it's putting strain on the good kidney and soon will start effecting other organs. It's time."

"Yeah, I know," Will replied, still not believing they were at this point. No one ever envisions being at this place: cutting out a vital part of a family member's body like it's a game of Operation. Will hated that Jay was going come out of this physically changed, but that's the situation in front of him: the kidney or Jay, keep one and kill the other. The answer was undeniable simple.

"Take it out." Things began moving around and outside the room. Pre-op nurses came in with paperwork needing signatures and wristbands for a free spot on Jay's right arm. Sedation was lifted and areas were prepped. Will looked away as they applied the brown, sterile liquid near the first surgery's entry point. The worst part was the removal of the pain medication. Mixing those with the anesthesia was a risk, so they opted to put Jay under in his room. There was this small overlap of things exiting his system and the anesthesia being injected. Of course, Jay used that time to wake up and squirm from the pain and discomfort. While it was awesome to see Jay use his legs, the act of moving only spiked everything. His eyes ached with pain, each blink harder than the last. Will rested a hand on Jay's arm, hoping to divert his attention.

"Hey, you've gotta stop moving. It'll help," Will spoke, fully aware tears were dripping down his cheeks.

"Jay, just hold still. They're coming with something to help." It was the first time the Halsteads made eye contact with each other, one trying while other really not understanding. The anesthesiologist emerged minutes later and was soon counting Jay down to sleepy time. It was odd to watch. Jay went from moving and moaning to complete unconsciousness in a matter of milliseconds. Will stepped away to let the surgical team take over. He followed them down the hall, onto the elevator, and swing through those same beige doors from yesterday. Will was thankful Jay probably wouldn't remember this part of the recovery. It was absolute hell and Will concluded it would change the essence of Jay Halstead everyone knew and loved.

…

The hospital had this large, glass encased pedestrian bridge overlooking a busy road, with the city's expansive nature in the foreground. The bridge was the connection between the surgical suites, ICU floors, and emergency departments and the offices and outpatient sections of the hospital. Will stood outside _the _beige doors for a few minutes before his mind told him to get away for a bit. The waiting room felt like a death trap, so he walked past it and just shuffled on. The cafeteria was a quick visit, allowing to Will eat food for the first time in twenty-four hours. He got a couple of bites of sandwich in before the anxiety brought digestion to a halt. Very zombie like, he tossed the food before riding the elevator, destination unknown. He was convinced people were chatting about him, wondering what happened to put him in this state. But he honestly didn't care. His brother was losing a piece of him, truly, nothing else mattered. He was reaching this moment of epiphany when the elevator chimed and the doors quietly opened, revealing the shining light of the outdoors reflecting on the window covered bridge. Angels were singing in his head as he walked toward the literal light.

It was stunning, seeing the world in this way. At this height, life was put into perspective. There wasn't any noise and there was no chaos. All that was left was the beauty of the world. The sun was setting, cascading the sky's varying pinks, reds, and oranges against the dark grey buildings. Trees were rustling against the ever present puffs of wind. The grass was green, the water was blue, everything looked like a perfectly detailed painting. Will rested his chin on the railing and just stared. He people watched, day dreamed, did everything he could to divert his attention away from a room in this hospital. His phone buzzed in his pocket, taking him out of his euphoric state and back to the life he was residing in.

"How's he doing?" The ruff voice gave away that it was Voight. The weird thing was the slight concern in the question.

"In surgery," was all that came out.

"Bad?"

"Yeah, they couldn't save the kidney." There was a pause for a moment.

"I'm on the bridge," Will mumbled under his breath, his eyes not breaking the stare of the city.

"We'll be there." And then the phone clicked. Will had never been more thankful for people in his life. Regardless of the important things they were doing, it was all dropped for the sake of Jay's, and Will's, wellbeing. He didn't know what they did to deserve such people, but was overwhelmed with thankfulness and gratitude for the opportunity to have them.

They came in a single group. They waved and nodded their heads, getting that Will wasn't in a talking mood. They let Will lead the waiting game. When he was silent, they were silent. When he talked, they talked. It wasn't about making Will feel better or distracting him from wherever Jay was. It was just about being there, letting Will get a visual reminder that he wasn't alone in all this. And that's how they were for the remainder of the surgery, only stirring when someone on the overhead speaker called out Jay's patient ID. It was done. Now came the second act.

_Three Days Later_

"Good job, Jay," Will praised as the nurses took away the ventilator and breathing tube. The atmosphere shifted so quickly from a few days ago. The day after the surgery, Jay woke up, like alert and conscious levels. The drugs were still doing a number on him, but he responded to questions with blinks and was somewhat coordinated. He was able to feel all the way down to his toes and twitch them when asked. Over time, as the swelling and bruising would subside, his mobility would return, the doctors confident he'd be walking and running before too long. At the time, he was still dependent on the vent, so they gave him a paralytic in his neck to help with the gagging. The side effect was constant drooling, but it was better than watching him lie on the bed unconscious.

The next forty-eight hours saw steady improvement. The drainage tube from the now kidney-less side of him was removed yesterday, which was an ordeal all in itself. Jay still wasn't totally aware of what all went down earlier in the week, but he got that it was dire for a bit. Then came the dawning of day three post-op, the day where he decided breathing on his own was cool. He'd take a breath as deep as he could, and gag on the exhale. That was all that was needed to ditch the tube. And now, as the high-flow oxygen system was strapped around his nose, it was incredible to witness. This still broken body had a determined and willing soul desperately trying to break out. Jay would roll his eyes in tiredness or resentment for the new contraption, but he was doing a vital thing on his own. He was sound asleep as the crowd left the room, leaving the two Halsteads alone again. Will loved the silence. Things felt more normal, despite them still being on the ICU floor days after two massive, life changing operations. Jay slept for the rest of the day, not even stirring when blood draws and needle pokes were administered. The staff chuckled at his level of deep sleep, Will couldn't have been more proud. Then came midnight.

"Feel…swollen," Jay slurred, the constant blasting of the high-flow oxygen sounding through his voice. Will sat up from the chair, his hair a royal mess.

"Did you say something?"

"Swollen." The tone was veering on the annoyed side.

"Sorry, but it's normal. It'll go away when the tube comes off." Jay got a half nod in, satisfied with the explanation. It was silent for awhile before sleepy one spoke again.

"Back hurts." Will got up and did the normal routine; squeezing toes and poking up the legs before gently feeling around the incision on his back. Everything appeared normal at this point of the recovery.

"Things seem fine. Your back was fused and reconstructed with disks and screw, it's going to hurt. There's a button over there that'll give you more drugs, but you might need an epidural if it gets worse." Jay nodded again, saving his energy for necessary communication.

"What about everything else?" Jay opened his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, becoming more coherent as he stared out.

"Where's everybody?" Will leaned forward in the chair a bit.

"It's after midnight so they're home. But they were here earlier." Another nod as he touched the tube under his nose.

"When does this come off," pointing to the chest tube in his side.

"Probably before you get discharged, which'll be in about a week if things go well." Jay resumed day dreaming, feeling the full effect of the drug haze. Will just kinda stared at him, smirking as Jay failed to detect his glare.

"There was a light," Jay whispered.

"What?" Will was convinced Jay was out of it.

"A light. It was really bright and it kept saying things. Time or something, I don't know. But it told me to wake up and…" He looked over at Will, who wasn't sure where to go from there. He eventually choose the option of sarcasm.

"You smell really bad. Like you haven't showered in five or six days." That got an epic Halstead eye roll.

"Tomorrow," he replied as he fell back onto the pillows and snoozed.

**I warned it was crazy intense, right? You know the rest of the story. Jay gets discharged, recovers, and goes back to work all while annoying and scaring Will and the rest of Intelligence. Thank you so much for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed this one. Can't wait to see what comes next. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- In The End

**We're diving right into this one. This chapter's inspiration comes from Halton's prompt. **

**_Halton: "Maybe him [Jay] getting shot in start of season was more serious and she [Hailey] goes in ambulance to Med with him and how she and everyone deals with it at the hospital." _**

**This is an interesting one because I know a few people have already tackled this scenario. My goal is not step on the toes of those that have gone ahead of me and done a great job. Furthermore, I'm going to add, no, weave through this prompt a bit. You'll see what I mean. Let's just get it rolling!**

_"__When your head is on straight, we are going to talk about this." _

_"__Alright."_

She gave Adam that face. The face you make when you really want to convince people things are dandy when actuality, you're about to collapse into a pile of tears. She walked a step ahead of Adam, shaking her head once as he picked up that things were not fine for her. He grabbed her shoulder as the hot tears began their descent down her face. She was shaking, petrified, feeling the realization of how close they all came to losing Jay. And for what, a low life person wanting a stake in a cartel that was killing thousands of lives. But it was more than that for Jay. It was revenge, protection, defending his family, despite his continuous assurance that wasn't affecting him. Life's remaindering nature came to visit today and Hailey wasn't totally sure who the intended target was. Adam was saying something to her about adrenaline now, offering an invitation to a drink when she stopped in her tracks and turned around. Foster was pushing Jay further into the rig, indicating his departure to Med was momentary. Something told her Jay would need a comforter, a friend when he arrived. She feared the wrath of Will and whoever else and knew Jay needed something helpful and positive today.

"Hey, you want to get out of here?" Hailey turned to face Adam, giving him a sorry expression.

"He doesn't need to be alone," she almost whispered. Adam cocked his head and sighed, trying to convince her to leave things alone.

"Are you sure? You're going to be alright?"

"Yeah, rain check on the drink," she replied?! Adam shook his head and smirked.

"Watch out for him." Hailey nodded as she jogged towards the ambulance, waving at Foster inside.

"Got room for one more?!" Foster scooted further down the bench, patting the spot she just vacated. Hailey slammed the door shut and sat, looking over at a silent Jay sitting up on the gurney, legs hanging over the bed. He was still holding the torn shirt around his waist, arms crisscrossed and holding a side. The bruise on his chest was flourishing brilliant shades of pain. They all knew the following day was going to be a bear for Jay, but he didn't seem to care in the least.

They sat in utter silence for the duration of the ride over. Brett would radio how far out they were or Jay's current status, but other then that, no one spoke. Jay was a mix of guilt, shock, and disbelief over how the the day's events unfolded. Hailey wanted to swing over and sit next to him, offer comfort and reassurance, but now wasn't the time. Jay was in control now and he wasn't giving off the welcoming vibes. The group's trip came to a halt some time later. It was weird showing up at a non-hectic time. There wasn't a sea of people nor were they grabbing at Jay to drag him out. It was a nurse and Ethan with a wheelchair. Foster got out first before Jay stood, wincing at that act. He allowed the medical staff to help him out of the ambulance and settle him into the wheelchair, the four of them rolling towards the ED entrance. Hailey climbed out as she watched Jay disappear behind the sliding glass doors. She noticed Will advancing to Jay's room and began picking up her pace. She wanted to explain things to Will, let him know what had already been said before he stormed in. He was standing in the trauma room doorway, staring at Jay with a face when she got in earshot of him.

"Will, can you come over here?" She noticed the Halsteads in a deadlock, one daring the other to blink. The verbal storm was brewing and Jay looked to be encouraging it, waiting for it to just be over.

"Will!" Jay went back to listening to Ethan's commands, not caring about Will's presence. Will eventually turned away and walked towards Hailey, rubbing his forehead as he got close.

"What the hell was he thinking?! His stubbornness will kill him one day." The sting of the last line made Hailey take a step back, eyes pointed towards the floor. She was just glad the venom words were spewed at her rather than Jay.

"I know me saying this won't help, but Jay realizes how badly he messed up. Voight already gave him a pretty heavy talk. He doesn't need another person yelling at him, much less making him feel even worse." Will rested his elbows on the nurse's desk counter and pressed his hands to his eyes, standing like that for a bit.

"It's just he and I," Will spoke through his hands, the emotion beginning to creep in. Hailey nodded at that one, the realization of that settling in.

"Which is why you can't be mad at him. You don't think he gets it's just the two of you?" Will surfaced from the hand cup, wiping tears away as he turned to face Jay's room.

"His actions say otherwise," Will replied, anger still dripping in his voice.

"He was doing it all for your Dad, for you." Will looked over to Hailey, nodding in shocked agreement.

"Just be there for him." Will responded by venturing back into the room, Hailey a step behind him.

…

"Scans came back normal. Just need to suture to bullet's impact areas and you'll be set." Jay still wasn't talking, merely acknowledging people with head nods and shakes. Ethan left to go get a suturing kit, leaving the very quiet room to themselves. Since returning to Jay, Will didn't speak at all, just stood in the corner while staring at things around the room. Hailey had left to grab a change of clothes for Jay, but mostly, wanted to be away from that first interaction between Jay and Will. Obviously, they couldn't sweep things under a rug and forget what all went down, but now, Will wanted to let Jay know he was thankful. It wasn't like he was seeking revenge for what happened to their father, but there was a part of him that was happy the criminal behind the fire was dealt with.

"Thank you," Will eventually blurted out. The response was a slow nod from Jay as he messed with the hospital band on his wrist.

"I'll take you home when you're done." Again, another nod from the silent one. Ethan returned at this point, carrying a tray that housed a needle, medical string, tape and gauze. Ethan instructed Jay to roll onto his side, stitching up the hole in his back before dealing with the front. He verbally walked Jay through the stitching up process, getting nothing from the patient. He'd talk to Will about at home care and pain management but respected the brothers' silence for the most part. Hailey returned right as Ethan was sitting Jay back up and handing him discharge papers.

"You'll need those taken out in a couple of weeks. Try to keep them clean and change the gauze pads everyday. Here's a prescription for pain meds, you're going to need them by tonight, definitely tomorrow. Just sign on the bottom and you're good to go." Jay did so before standing, his vision becoming blackened and spotty. Will picked up on it and stepped in to grab Jay before he collapsed.

"Whoa, it's the adrenaline wearing off. You haven't stood in awhile. Just sit and let things adjust." Jay closed his eyes as he sat back down, clearly still in a pain filled daze. Hailey was standing at the doorway, watching the little moment before realizing she was holding a pile of clothes and shoes.

"Will," she spoke, holding out the items for him to see.

"Hey, do you need help changing?" Jay shook his head.

"I'm fine," he finally whispered, earning him understanding faces from Will and Hailey.

"Ok, we'll be right outside." The two of them stood guard of the door, both ready to get this show on the road.

…

The three of them were sitting outside of the apartment. Will was in the driver seat with Jay slumped down in the passenger seat, Hailey was in the back. On their way over, Jay stared out at the window, partly in a day dream, but mostly in a depressed, zoned out state. Will told him they needed to stop by, just to assess things and get a game plan. He'd call Jay's name a couple of times, slightly concerned when he'd get a minimal answer. As soon as the car came to a halt, Jay was out first, holding his side as he got up and walked towards the front door. Will practically ran after him, wanting to stop whatever crazy idea Jay had. Hailey wasn't sure if it was appropriate to still be there, especially at such a private moment. They all rode the elevator together and walked down the hall as a trio, but she hesitated outside the door, suddenly realizing this was where the imaginary line was drawn.

"I'll wait out here," she announced as Will unlocked the door. Jay nodded at her and Will gave a thankful nod. They closed the door behind them, leaving Hailey to listen to the sounds of a family entering the reality that a large character in their life was no longer among them.

At first, it was silent. You could hear Will and Jay moving about, pulling things open or closed, muffled words every now and then. Things went completely quiet after that, Hailey now wanting to crack the door and figure out what happened. But then the crying sound came. It was deep, heavy, overly sorrowful. She'd heard it before while on the job, but knowing it was coming from someone she knew made things that much more terrible. Her hand was on the doorknob, but flinched away when the cry came out. She opted to sit down, back against the wall. The sobbing softened soon and the muffled words came back. It was minutes later that the front door abruptly opened, Will holding the door for Jay. Hailey sprung to her feet, noticing the redness and puffiness around Jay's eyes, getting her answer as to who was the crier. She offered him an apologetic look and he gave her a nod, moving out into the hall and watching Will lock the door.

"I'm going to head out," Hailey said.

"Ok, I'm going to take him home. He doesn't need to be alone tonight," Will whispered, both of them watching Jay walk down the hall.

"Yeah, let me know if things change." Will promised to do so before the two of them parted ways for the night. Hailey made it a couple of steps before holding Will up.

"Will…I'm sorry, if you guys need anything…just say the word." Will thanked her before leaving her alone in that hallway, wishing there was a magic word to take all the pain away.

…

"You hungry," Will asked? Jay was sitting on a barstool at Will's island in the kitchen, feeling rather comfortable in his silent world. He shook his head as Will searched the refrigerator for sustenance.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Jay mumbled.

"Well, at some point you need to. You can't keep this all bottled up." Jay responded by rising out of the chair and heading for the guest room, the door slamming behind him. Will sighed as he made dinner for one, fearful what it would finally take for Jay to open up, to show that he was a person in mourning. He listened to the bathroom sink turn on and the toilet flush, the noises of a person preparing for sleep. He figured the wear of the day finally caught up to Jay and concluded sleep would do him wonders. The sunlight of the following morning would finally bring answers Jay sought. Will cleaned up his kitchen mess before heading to his room. Television wasn't going to silence things, nor was he looking for a distraction. He too was dealing with a loss. Yes, their father wasn't the picture of love and attention, but he was their _Dad_. The other half to their gene pool, the one who brought them home from the hospital and taught them to ride a bike. The guy that worked tirelessly to provide for them all. Sure, things went awry after Kimberly passed away, but Will clung to those early memories of their father, hoping that would bring closure to this complicated relationship in both their lives. He peaked into Jay's room to find him splayed out on the bed, resting at an odd angle. He wasn't lying flat nor was he sitting up. It looked like Jay had just plopped down against the upright pillows, slowly slipping to the right as he got deeper into sleep. Will fixed the pillows and sheets before tip-toeing out of the room, leaving Jay to his stress-free slumber, hopefully.

…

People were shouting. Sirens were blinking constantly. They were red, blue, and there was this overall whine. Like a high pitched note at the climax of a horror movie, it was all that could be heard. People were talking, but you only heard the whine. Things shifted. Dad was dead. Lying in the bed and not moving, his skin white as ever. The pace picked up and the whine only got louder. There was running, steps descending, yelling, running, turning, and then this white hot pain. He screamed as the pain got worse, collapsing on a hard surface. He screamed again, noticing he couldn't hear himself over the racing whine.

It reality, he'd fallen out of bed from subconsciously ripping the gauze off his stomach. It took a moment, but Jay put things together. His side was killing, fully feeling that pain everyone swore was coming. Jay looked over to the clock to see it was early in the morning, the sun a few hours away from rising. Using his legs, Jay made it to the edge of the bed before relaxing a bit. His hands were shaking from his racing pulse. He returned the gauze pad to its' rightful place as he grunted in pain, now noticing the tightness in his chest. And was that hard to breathe just now?! He felt around the bedside table to find the pill bottle of relief. Scooping out two pills, he got up to head to the kitchen for a glass of water. It was a weird thing of his: only being able to take pills with a copious amount of water. People told him there'd come a time when he'd have to sacrifice, but he continued with his odd habit. It was during his trek to the kitchen that the tightness in his chest got worse. His mouth was dry and the wheezing in his chest shook with every exhale. Jay figured it was just from the impact of the bullet hitting the vest; nothing to worry about. He managed to grab a glass when the coughing fit began. It was continuous and sharp, Jay never seemed to be able to catch his breath. He bent over the stink as something came up the windpipe. It wasn't much, but the metallic taste told him it wasn't good. He found a light switch a flipped it, startled to see the contents of the sink.

"Will!" Another coughing session was coming on, but Jay kept screaming; noticing that breathing was now harder than ever. The bed headed soul shuffled out as Jay was double over the sink, coughing up more blood and spitting it into the sink.

"Jay?!" His feet picked up their shuffling, now standing next to Jay who looked horrified.

"It hurts," he gasped between coughs.

"Ok, ok, just keep getting it out. I'm going to call Med and let them know we're coming." Jay just nodded, not really caring what Will was saying. The fits were making him go in and out of alertness. He'd shake his head with every episode, refusing to lose it on Will's kitchen floor.

"Hey! Stay with me," Will yelled as he flung shoes on and grabbed towels and a bowl for Jay. He only get a nod in response.

"Here, hold this under you." The coughing died down for a moment, allowing Will to wipe blood remnants off Jay's mouth and help him out the door. They managed to get into Will's car before the next round began, more blood and wheezing coming with each inhale.

"Maggie! I'm coming in with Jay. I think he's got a pulmonary contusion. Page Rhodes and have him meet me at the ED. It's bad." He'd looked over at Jay and shook his shoulder, trying to keep him from passing out. Maggie told Will she was on it before the two hung up, Will putting his foot further down on the pedal.

"I'm sorry," Jay whispered, the tightness of his chest making things extra quiet.

"I messed up. I should have.."

"-Hey! Don't say that. Just focus on breathing. You're going to fine." Will profusely nodded his head, trying to best to keep Jay hopeful, even if he didn't totally believe it himself.

…

Unlike the last ED visit, the medical team waiting for Jay's arrival did grab him out of Will's car, whisking him away to a helpful corner of the department. Will pulled his car further into the ED bay, not caring if it stayed there or was moved. Another Halstead was not slipping away, especially on his watch. Also unlike the last visit, all of Intelligence was sitting in the waiting room, faces a range of shock as Will took them all. How thoughtful of Maggie to call Voight, who called in the calvary. They'd just seen Jay breeze by them, everyone understanding the middle of the night call. Naturally, they all had a millions questions so Will tried his best address them before they were asked.

"I woke up to him yelling for me. It was odd since he went to bed early and wasn't speaking. When I made it to the kitchen, all I heard was the worry. He was coughing up blood. A lot of it. It might be a pulmonary contusion, a bruised lung. The impact of the bullet on his vest stopped it from entering his body, but it was probably a hard hit. I don't know why it didn't show up on the scans, but it best explains his current condition."

"How do you treat it," Voight questioned?

"It depends on the level of the trauma. It can range from being on oxygen for a day to being sedated and put on a vent. It really varies. But the fact he couldn't breathe and was coughing up blood, it's probably serious. The lack of air also hints at him having fluid in his lungs. They'll have to drain it before dealing with the breathing issue." They all were quiet after that. Had they known what was going to transpire, perhaps they wouldn't have gone so hard on him, Voight especially. But, of course, you couldn't predict the future. Sure, they felt guilty for all but telling him things were his fault. But that wasn't going to fix what was happening in the department on the other side of the doors. Now, it was about being there for him and helping get through this; all of it.

Will sunk into a chair and rubbed his eyes, somewhat convinced this was the worst of bad nightmares. Their father was laying in a morgue in this very hospital while the eldest son was fighting for his life in other place; here he sat in a helpless state. This was not normal. This level of hell is concocted in books or movies, not real life. He wanted to slap himself awake, see sunlight and a missed phone call from Pat. But the comforting shoulder squeeze from Voight put him back in this world, letting him know that idea was just a fantasy.

"He's going to get through this." Voight quietly spoke. Will found the energy to nod. The dread of not knowing was making itself known and Will hated that he couldn't push it away.

It was an hour or so later that Rhodes walked through the ED doors, making those awaiting news to immediately rise from their spots. He looked tired and dejected, making everyone in the room that much more fearful. He asked them all to sit before going into the details.

"It appears the impact from the bullet did cause a pulmonary contusion on his right lung. The swelling must've been slow at first because comparing the scans from earlier to now, it's a night and day difference. He was having a hard time breathing on his own so we had to sedate and intubate him in order to alleviate that issue. It was after he was put on the vent that the plural effusion really came on. Despite being on a high dose of oxygen, his levels were still low. We did another x-ray and saw that most of his lung was filled with fluid. We were able to drain the fluid but he might need another one before everything heals."

"Where is he," Will asked?

"He's up in the ICU right now. He's going to need close monitoring and they have the equipment for the plural effusion should another one happen."

"Odds," Voight questioned?

"Actually, I'd say pretty good. It's a good thing you brought him in as quickly as you did. Any longer and we'd be looking at a very different situation. He's going to be sedated for a day just to give him a break and then we'll go from there. Pulmonary contusions don't have a set amount of time for healing, some take awhile, others a couple of days. Once we get him to breathe on his own, he'll be able to go home."

"Can we see him," Hailey asked?

"Of course." They rose behind Rhodes and followed him up to the floor. On the way, Will swore it was Groundhog Day. It was mere days ago he was doing the same thing: traveling to greet a comatose family member. However, while this situation wasn't life or death, it still had that same eerie feeling. He shook his head as the elevator doors opened, trying to convince himself that this wasn't his father's situation and the outcome wasn't going to be the same. They all made their way down the hall and into the main department, stopping at a room far away from the entrance. Rhodes told them all to take their time, letting them know the floor staff knew the situation and would overlook visitation rules. They filed in and took a spot around the bed, saving the chair for Will.

It was too much for Will to look at. It was the same hospital gown and band, same devices keeping the body alive, even the same floor. Will couldn't look at Jay right now, the similarity too severe for him to acknowledge. He listened to everyone talking in hushed tones, each saying something to Jay about hanging in. There was also this air of sorry. None of them said it, but it was easy to feel how regretful they all were. Telling him how stupid or selfish he was, now realizing that that was the last thing he'd heard from them. They resided in Rhodes' optimism, but knew there was a chance Jay wouldn't make it. One by one they left, each offering Will a farewell and desire to help if needed. It was Hailey who got eye level with him and waited for Will to look up.

"I'm going stay with you guys tonight. You two don't need to be alone." Will could only nod, fighting the tears as they mad their way out.

"It's too much," he whispered. Hailey went in for a hug, repeatedly telling Will things were ok as he cried into her shoulder. The entire time, Will stared at Jay, still not believing this same scenario was right in front of him. Hello de ja vu.

…

The following twenty-four hours saw steady improvement. Jay, Hailey, and Will all slept through the night, none of them stirring when check ups were administered. Jay was taken off the sedation late in the second day and stirred around midnight. The uptick in his heart monitor alerted people when Jay was semi-conscious He didn't open his eyes, but would respond to questions with hands squeezes or arm movements. It was common for one's alertness to be slow. The whole body had been shut down and it took a minute to get everything firing again. It was around day two that the eyes decided to open. Will had stepped out for food when Jay started panicking over the tube. It was a bit of an episode, but Hailey and the nurses eventually got him to relax. He was out of it from the strong cocktail of steroids and other drugs, but he managed to make eye contact with people and stay awake for a bit. His movements were stiff and slightly uncoordinated, but at least he was mobile, relatively speaking.

The brothers reuniting was memorable. Will explained things to Jay through pouring tears, which made Jay start to tear up too. Will's attempts to stop the tears made him start laughing which made Jay follow suit, not the best of ideas with a tube down your throat. Hailey finally stepped in when Jay really gagged on the tube, getting Jay resume matching the breathing of the vent attached to him. The excitement from the reunion made him pass out for the night, but it was exactly what they all needed: seeing a Halstead make it out of this floor alive.

Today, day three, was the day the tube was elected to be taken out. Throughout last night, Jay had a hard time sleeping because he repeatedly breathed over the machine. Each episode would take some time to get over, making the total hours of sleep hovering around two or three. The weaning of the paralytics made for a tough time getting Jay to relax long enough for the tube to be removed. His throat muscles would tighten every time Rhodes pulled on the tube. It took massaging the throat to finally begin the removal but at last, Jay was free. And now, as a nurse put a tube under his nose while the ventilator was removed from the room, Jay looked exhausted but happy. The worst was behind them.

"It's about time," Hailey remarked, making Jay smile in embarrassment and shrug his shoulders.

"Sorry," he roughly replied, earning him a deep cough as a result.

"Hey, go easy on the speaking. You were just extubated." Jay nodded before examining himself, stopping on the gauze pad taped to the right side of his chest.

"It's from the draining of the fluid. There was a port there but they took it out a couple of days ago. You only needed the one draining." Jay laid back on the pillow and closed his eyes, finding it weird that he wasn't totally aware of what all happened when he was out. Hailey left for the night, letting them both know she'd be back tomorrow. Jay gave a thumbs up while Will quietly spoke a thank you. Jay's lack of sleep finally won, allowing him to peacefully sleep. Will used the time to update people and start arranging things for after Jay's discharge. He'd finished setting things up for the funeral home when Jay jolted awake, like he'd woken up from a bad dream.

"Hey, is the breathing alright?"

"Yeah," Jay replied, a little out of breath.

"Good." Suddenly there was this tension in the room. Clearly the events of the past few days were still fresh for the two of them.

"I'm sorry," Jay finally spoke, Will slowly exhaling afterwards.

"I was out of control. I thought it didn't bother me but this…kinda says otherwise." Will turned to face Jay, noticing the regret all over his face.

"He was your Dad, our Dad. Despite how you two left it, that truth still holds." Jay just nodded, refusing to look at Will.

"I didn't realize that he actually cared. He kept up with stuff and I didn't even know it. And now it's too late to apologize, to try and fix things and I have to deal with that." Will got up now and sat on the edge of Jay's bed, not speaking till he got Jay's attention.

"You found the guy that did that to him and he's gotten what he deserved. You did everything you could do and honestly, I think he'd be very proud of you. Whatever problems you guys had stemmed from him and you were just responding to the lack of love. You did everything you could, remember that. Ok?!" Jay looked up at Will as he spoke, somewhat rolling his eyes as he nodded.

"I just wish I could've told him I loved him."

"You did. Your actions told him that and he knows." Will reached over to hug Jay and the two of them sat there for several minutes, Jay crying while Will reassured him. Nurses who were supposed to check in stood outside the door and waited, respecting the moment between the two. Jay eventually picked up on someone staring at them and moved away, rubbing his eyes and smiling in relief as she came in.

"So when do I get to leave," Jay asked as the nurse documented the latest breathing exercises.

"Tomorrow." That one perked Jay up.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, you were only in here because you couldn't breathe on your own. Everything else can be managed at home. Which is where you'll be staying the next couple of weeks."

"Fine, fine." Jay waited to ask the next question for after the nurse left. It was a couple of minutes later, but eventually, they were alone again.

"When's the funeral?"

"Friday." Jay nodded before closing his eyes.

"He's really gone."

"Yeah," Will replied. The two of them sat in reflection for a bit.

"And it's just us." Will looked over at Jay, trying to find something to rebuttal with.

"We'll be ok. We've done it before so we're more than capable of getting through this." That one got Jay excited.

"Definitely."

**Ta-Da! This was another doozy one and I hope you guys enjoyed it. Even though this wasn't exactly what the prompt requested, I hope it met its' expectations. Also, I still don't know the actual name of Mrs. Halstead so I went with the one I came up with in another story. Looking forward to where the journey takes us next!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Red Jello Settlement

**We're going to have a little fun with this one. The last two chapters have been a little heavy and deep so this shall, hopefully, be a mood lifter. It's time to inject some lighter moments and I'm stoked about the opportunity to do so. This chapter's prompt comes from a very sweet person named Lima. I'm totally excited to work on this one but, I shall be weaving again through this one a bit. I hope you still like it, Lima!**

**_Lima: "Will goes home and finds his baby brother sick…the fever getting worse and accompanied with abdominal stiffness. [Jay] refuses to check in with Will and at the end when Jay gets up from his bed to grab a water to drink, he collapses and is unconscious. Will probes Jay's stomach and finds appendicitis. Will brings Jay to Med and Rhodes performs the surgery. Will sits at Jay's bedside and holds his hand with tears." _**

**I'm pumped to write this one. Let's take it away!**

"Jay…hey…JAY!" The daydreaming one jumped at the last word, looking around for who interrupted his zoned out state.

"What?!" He was resting his elbows on the top of his desk, hunched over a bit as the achey-ness began fanning out to every extremity of his body. There was a flu going around the district so he figured that's what he was fighting.

"You don't look so hot," Atwater remarked, earning him a look from Jay; his sick record was not about to go down that easy.

"I'm fine. Just tired. Had a crappy night's sleep." They all kinda looked at him with unassured faces, knowing that wasn't the truth but moved on for the sake of the case. Voight entered the room at this point and began asking questions pertaining to the case. One by one, each person filled him in with what they knew and what was still needed to wrap it all up. Correction, everyone expect Jay threw their two cents of information in. He resumed his silent, checked out demeanor, only returning to the world when Voight told him to pair up with Hailey and head out. In a very robotic manner, he grabbed his coat and gear and headed for the truck.

It was as he was putting his hand on the door handle that the first wave of nausea kicked in. One minute he was tired and lethargic, the next he was bolting for a bathroom. Hailey was a couple of minutes behind him during all of this, so to get out to the car and see him missing was odd. She called him twice, getting the voicemail each time. She started heading back up towards the office when he slowly walked out of the bathroom, looking like he endured something terrible.

"You're driving," he announced, the roughness in his voice and stench letting her what all went down.

"Since when did being tired make you throw up?" Jay just rolled his eyes, dead set on making it to the passenger seat of the truck before the next bout cropped up. She mentally concluded he was the stubbornest person she'd ever met.

They rode in silence. Not out of choice, but because Jay would shush her every time she attempted to ask something. He was slumped down in the seat and resting his head on the window. One arm held his stomach while the other became a shield over his eyes. He also smelled of sickness and his skin was pale white. Overall, he was doing a crappy job of hiding his oncoming sickness. She lightly tapped his shoulder when they arrived at the location and he all but moaned at her.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea to sit this one out," she whispered.

"You really aren't fit to be doing this. I'll call Adam or Kevin to come out here. Take a sick day, no one will think any less of you." It was his willingness to follow the idea that made her uneasy. He was not one to give up that quickly. Whatever was wrong with him was historically awful. She offered him a ride home and he only nodded. The trip took longer than expected because of the many pullovers, but eventually they made it to the apartment. She walked next to him as they rode the elevator and ventured down the hall to his place. He found the strength to open the door and let her in first.

"You need to go lay down," she spoke, not realizing it was to herself. Because when she turned away from the kitchen, glass of water in hand, Jay was gone, the sound of retching down near the bathroom. She walked to the closed bathroom door and heard moaning, the dark outline close to the bottom of the door told her he was resting on the floor.

"I'm leaving, try and get some rest." A groan was all she got. Out of all the illnesses, the stomach virus might be the worst of them all, something people legit dread to get. Hailey all but ran out of the apartment, now aware of the number of germ-infested things she touched. Her phone rang as she barged out into the sunlight, fully inhaling every ounce of fresh air she could get.

"Where are you guys," Voight questioned?

"Dropping Jay off at his place. He's really bad off." A slight chuckle came from the other end.

"I'm heading back to the scene now. Adam's coming to meet me. And Sarge, someone needs to do a Lysol and grape juice run, ASAP."

…

The pounding headache is what woke him. Jay's eyes were burning as he blinked, realizing he fell asleep on the bathroom floor. There was a fantastic tile imprint on the side of his face, his hair in disarray and complexion that of greenish hues. Staring at his reflexion, he concluded this was the worst thing he's ever gone through. He thought his time desperate run-in with airport sushi in Germany one time was the worst, but this trumped all. At this point, death wasn't a horrible idea. Prior to the nap on the floor, he'd reached bile stage of the vomiting process. Whatever food was in him was gone, leaving him feeling rather light and exhausted. Now came the terrifying decision: take a pain killer and risk throwing up again, or wait out the headache and hope it didn't get worse. Sleeping it out was the selected option. He completed brushing his teeth—which was a task—and had collapsed in bed when his phone rang, slightly relieved to read that name on his screen.

"Yeah," Jay gruffly answered?!

"Well don't you sound like crap," Will replied.

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Ok?! So I guess hanging out isn't an option tonight?" Jay responded with a half-hearted grunt.

"You know, this is why you should take more vitamins and drink the green, healthy smoothies that you call, 'soggy grass.'"

"Don't talk about that. It'll induce another trip to the bathroom." Will let out a deep laugh.

"I think it's something I ate, I'll be fine tomorrow." The oncoming nausea made Jay regret saying that word: ate.

"Ok. If you need anything, let me know. Also, call me if it gets worse." Jay's farewell was quick, hating himself for answering the phone because it seemed to encourage whatever was left in him to come on up.

…

The sun was shining in his face, very much to his dislike. Whatever level of misery he was in last night, today's felt to be ten times worse. He fell asleep to pounding, he awoke to a sledge hammer perpetually whacking the inside of his head. Everything hurt and was requiring more energy than he could muster. His skin was sensitive, the lightest touch causing waves of shivering and he transitioned from freezing cold to unbearably hot. At this time, he truly felt like he was dying and was half alright with that, in a totally humorous way. Something was talking over him but it was muffled, like they were talking into a pillow. He kept blinking and staring, his illness riddled mind concluding that would fix things.

"Jay, you need to say something." Will felt his brother's forehead, rewarded with a high amount of heat and thumping.

"Oh my word, you're burning up. Why didn't you tell me?" Will kneeled down next to Jay's bed, trying to break Jay's fever infused daydreaming. He waved his hand in front of the eyes a couple of times, eventually being rewarded with a blue, pain filled stare greeting him.

"You're really bad off," Will told him, trying to hide the laugh. Jay was a vision of bed head and sloth living, his clothes scattered across the room and the sheets very much disheveled; evidence of a restless night's sleep.

"Why aren't you at work," Jay asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's two in the afternoon. I already finished work. When you didn't pick for the tenth time, I came over, bearing gifts." Will held of bottles of Pedialyte and Gatorade. Jay didn't offer him a reaction.

"I can't have that." Will stood and began picking things up, trying to piece together the events of the last eighteen hours.

"When did you last…you know."

"I don't know."

"Was it dark out?" Jay rolled over to his right side, now noticing how painful that whole side of him was.

"Not totally."

"Ok, you're probably fine to have a small amount of liquids. You're really dehydrated and right now that's doing more harm than good." It was at this point Jay found the strength to not only sit up, but maneuver himself into a standing position. Will was holding his breath whilst venturing into the bathroom, not noticing Jay had gotten up. He was relieved to not see contents all over the floor and turned on the shower before running out of oxygen.

"Ok, let's get you in…Jay?!" Silence, the empty room making his senses heighten. He walked out of the room and down the hall, getting to the living, dining, kitchen area just in time to see Jay go limp near the sink. Perhaps it was the lack of fluids for over a day, but the oncoming unconsciousness spiked Will's uneasiness.

"Whoa, ok. Jay, stay with me." Even in his weakened, lighter state, it was hard to crutch Jay up. He was able to support him for half a second before they both crashed on the floor, Will laughing from embarrassment while Jay just moaned in pain. Pain that was bad enough to snap him out of almost passing out. During the spill, Will had touched Jay's right side, the grimace he gave told Will all he needed to know.

"Does this side hurt?" Jay only nodded through closed eyes.

"Dude, I think you've got appendicitis. Again, why didn't you call me?" Jay just shrugged, now breathing through his mouth to combat the pain. Will reached to feel the lower quadrant of Jay's stomach, earning another flinch and moan, perhaps a curse as well.

"Yup, that's definitely it."

"I thought kids only got that."

"I'm going to chalk up the dehydration and pain as reasons for such a stupid reply." Will smiled, trying to convey that was clearly a joke.

"Wow, you talk to patients like that and you still have a job?!" Will playfully smacked Jay.

"C'mon, we're headed to the hospital. Can you make it to the car?!" Jay nodded, not completely sure but also not wanting the medical calvary storming his place. Will helped Jay up and got him to the bed, throwing clothes at him to put on as he packed an overnight bag. Based on Jay's current condition, he'd be looking at a least one night in the hospital. The duo embraced each other and slowly, but successfully, made their way out the door and to the car. Will hovered over Jay as he climbed into the car, reminding him to not move around too much. Jay wanted to let Will know he wasn't a ticking time bomb, but alas, he didn't have the willpower. They rode in silence for the most part, Will worried his stubborn brother worked himself into a burst appendix while Jay just wanted to rip the thing out himself.

…

"What is taking so long? Seriously, what does it take to get sped through the waiting room?"

"It's fine, there are other people sick in this city, Will." They were quite a sight. Jay was slouched way down in his chair and rotated on his left side, the hood from his hoodie covering most of his face. His eyes were closed and he spoke through gritted teeth, his voice reeking of tired. Meanwhile, Will was pacing up and down, like a kid wanting to leave a clothing store. All that was missing was the whine and tears of boredom.

"I should've put actual appendicitis, not possible. Plus, I'm on staff here and this is what I get?!" Jay wanted to kick Will if he actually could.

"Yes, you are a doctor here which is why you should know you have to wait. Why am I telling you this?!"

"You probably have a ruptured appendix by now."

"No, I don't." Will stopped in his tracks and stared Jay down.

"You wanna bet?!"

"Sure, fine. Whatever it takes to make you sit down." His rear was hovering over the chair when the glorious words sounded from the ED doors.

"Jay, we're ready for you," April spoke. Will offered a hand, but Jay shook it off and stood himself, walking fast enough to keep Will behind him. The group made it to trauma three and April waited till Jay was seated to toss a hospital gown at him. Jay gave Will 'the look' to leave. The curtain was drawn open a few minutes later, Will taking on the role of family member while Rhodes and April took over the doctoring roles. It was odd being on the observation side of things but Will did his best to stay out of the way.

"Okay, you look like you've been through hell," Rhodes joked as April handed him the portable ultrasound. Jay laughed, mouthing 'ow' over the pain that caused. Rhodes squirted the cold jelly on the right side of Jay's stomach and rolled the probe around, taking no time at all to confirm Will's assessment. Meanwhile, Jay was trying his best to not death grip Rhodes' hand over the pain the probe was causing.

"Oh yes, you've got a very angry appendix and there's a good chance its' ruptured. You up for an evening surgery?" Jay gave him an odd face, not sure if the fluids and meds he was getting was making everything sound wacky, or if Conner was excited to cut him open.

"Sure?! Do I really have a choice?"

"Not really. April, tell pre-op we're on our way up." Will broke support protocol and grabbed a side of the gurney, Rhodes choosing the side closest to him. It was on the ride up Rhodes explained the whole operation. The appendix is at the beginning of the large intestine and was pretty far down the right side of the stomach, closer to the pelvis region. Rhodes would be performing an open procedure, requiring a four inch incision and a drainage tube for at least a day. The short story was Rhodes would cut, remove the enlarged appendix, clean out the area, and then close up. The whole thing would take an hour, hour and a half tops. Rhodes assured Jay this was a such routine and easy procedure that even Will could still perform, earning him some scoffs and defensive looks from the former plastic surgeon.

Pre-op went fast. All that was really required was Jay to sign papers, start receiving anti-nausea meds, and wait for the OR to become available. It was twenty minutes later that the surgical team knocked on the door, letting the Halsteads know it was time. Will walked alongside Jay till they reached the big, white OR doors that reminded people of the imaginary sterile line.

Will's final comment to Jay was, "I am owed money." The mild sedative was already doing its' trick on Jay because he managed to get out a, "huh?!" before he was completely passed out. Will just smirked and rolled his eyes as the two of them went their separate ways for a bit. It was odd thinking of what was about to go down in that operating room, but Will found himself in a world of relief. Jay was being taken care of and Will wasn't at risk for catching a stomach virus; a win-win scenario.

…

The sun was setting, but Will was deep inside the walls of the hospital to even know. Two hours after Jay was taken back, one of the OR nurses was guiding Will to the recovery ward. Rhodes came out a few minutes prior to let Will know everything went great, aside from the fact the appendix did indeed rupture. It took a few minutes of rinsing and treating, but the appendix's deadly toxins were out of Jay's system and he was currently on antibiotics just to be safe. There was a drainage tube in place near the incision and a two day hospital stint was in store, but Jay would come out of this unscathed, aside from the missing appendix. Will found himself laughing at Jay's inability to admit things, wondering how far he would've let things go before taking action. But all was forgiven as he got that first look of Jay on the other side of everything.

For starters, he looked nourished, like a body that was taking in nutrients and holding them; thank you anti-nausea meds. He was resting at an angle between sitting and lying flat and was still connected to a few IV bags. Jay's head was off to the left with his chin meeting the shoulder, making him a picture of deep sleep. The cannula delivering fresh oxygen was under his nose and tucked behind his head, the hissing flow from the tank was background noise to the monitors beeping a strong heart rate. Will was grabbing a stool and rolling it to Jay's right side when he noticed the drainage tube poking out from the sheets, the line tinted yellow from the puss and liquid escaping the incision site. Even if it was a routine procedure, a part of Jay was no longer with him and that was weird to think about. Will grabbed Jay's hand and lightly squeezed, letting his brother know he was present.

"It's all done. You did great," Will whispered. He sat up on the stool while keeping hold of the hand, hoping to get some kind of response. A response that arrived at an unexpected moment.

"Why are you holding my hand?" He was so out of it. His voice was deep and raspy from the breathing tube and slowed from the drugs, but it made Will immediately jump, not anticipating verbal communication at this point. His hand practically leapt away from Jay's, like there was a bug crawling on it. Will started crying tears of laughter, which Jay didn't translate in his current condition.

"What?!" The laughs just kept coming, Will forgetting there were tired, hurt, sleeping people all around him.

"Oh my word you scared me," he eventually spoke, wiping under his eyes as he attempted to calm himself down.

"Huh?!" The anesthesia was still strong in Jay's system.

"How are you feeling," Will asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"Groggy."

"That's expected." Jay rolled his head to the right and fell back to sleep, a snort waking him up seconds later.

"Wait, is it done?" Will nodded.

"Yeah, and you owe me twenty bucks." Jay's alertness picked up a bit on that one.

"What?!" An attempt to sit up was brought to a halt as the sore abdominal muscles, fresh suturing and tube screamed in pain. Will stood from his stool and carefully pushed Jay back agains the pillows, reminding him to breathe till things subsided.

"Do you not remember? I told you the thing was ruptured and you said no. A bet is a bet and you agreed."

"I don't have that kind of cash on me." A very stupid grin came across his face, causing Will to resume his laughter.

"You are _so_ high right now." Jay quickly agreed while rubbing his eyes, hoping to snap himself out of the haze. The nurse cracked the curtain a bit, letting them know Jay would move downstairs in a couple of minutes. Will quietly thanked her as Jay drifted back to sleep, or so Will thought.

"Do you have any Jello?"

"Not on me." Will stepped out for a second to ask the nurse for some, only to return to find a passed out Jay.

"Hey, you awake?" Nothing.

"It's red Jello, a childhood favorite." Not even a muscle move at that one. So Will took it upon himself to sit back, peel the lid off, and consume the package in record time. It would be a shame to let it go to waste. He was doing a service for Jay, the hospital, perhaps even the entire city. Or, it was the perfect settlement.

**So fun fact, if you ever come across someone who has a stomach virus, drink Welch's 100% grape juice. It's this trick someone told me once and it works like a charm. It has something with making your stomach a hostile place for the virus, killing it before it does a number on you. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this one. On to the next adventure!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- There's A Horse Loose In The Hospital

**The title comes from a John Mulaney Netlfix special titled, ****_Kid Gorgeous_****. It's a comedic riot and I highly recommend checking it out. The title of this chapter is humorous because this story is not. We're veering off the trail for a moment but I think you guys might enjoy it. The story will include the Halstead brothers, but in the way we're not accustomed to. This was somewhat of a popular request and I hope it delivers. **

**_CBloom2: "Is there a chance of a Jay story that involves him worrying about Will? Just a thought." _**

**_Halstead-cpd-cm-stories: "Maybe you could do one where Will gets hurt (shot, stabbed) or catches a sickness from a patient and needs to be in the hospital and then we see how Jay reacts to that?" _**

**Are you ready because away we go!**

It was Halloween, that much Will remembered. Perhaps that was all part of the plan. When one thinks about it, it's a day dedicated to mischievousness, evil driven deeds: scaring the innocent and playing on the fear residing in us all. Some enjoy it while most just want the day to flip over to November.

It was a glorious, uncharacteristic day. Typical for this time of year, people were usually beginning the bundling routine, piling on those outerwear layers and matches scarves to clothing. However, this October was unseasonably warm. The goal was to create costumes that were breathable and went with flip flop or shorts. It was such an odd contrast, the scenery was in full fall glory while the people seemed to be closer aligned to summer.

Driving into work that morning was dreadful. People say it's the busiest traffic day of the year, but you need to commute in the gridlock to truly believe the supposition. Mothers were rushing through stores, trying to find that last minute costume thing while fathers were scoring random bags of candy and things to decorate the exterior of the house. Will felt to be back in the streets of New York. The constant horn blares and weaves around stationary cars made for quite the maze to Med. He mentally smacked himself for willingly taking the Halloween night shift, but concluded it was too late to back out. Plus, he was one of a few people who weren't tied down to family activities. Ten minutes after his scheduled shift time, Will dragged his ticked off self through the front doors. Maggie read him like a book, combatting his visual anger with a smug remark.

"You should go as Father Time tonight. That way you'd at least get to places on time."

"Ha." Will didn't break his stride, just wanting to escape to the doctors lounge and unwind before the hellish night began. Natalie was grabbing her things as Will walked in, the two of them staring at each other before she went back to her locker.

"Heading out," Will asked? Natalie nodded.

"Um, yeah. Maggie let me leave a couple hours early. It's been slow for the most part. Hopefully it stays that way for you." Will scoffed while he nodded, watching her walk out the door and down the hall. He grabbed his necessary things and sat for a moment, closing his eyes while listening to the world outside the door. Tonight was going to be the peak of throw up at one's feet, knives stuck in odd places, broken bones, and drunk, stoned teenagers coming off their various highs. It was a weird phenomena that Will could never understand. What was it about Halloween that made people behave so childishly? It was the worst twelve hours of the year and Will was counting down the seconds till it was over. Maggie buzzed his pager, the message telling of his needed assistance. He stood, ventured to the door, and gripped the handle. It was show time.

…

"What've we got," Will asked as he took the tablet from a nurse?

"8 year old named Dylan who's got stomach pains. Mom says he missed school today because of it." Will read the general information on the chart as he was walking in to trauma four, sliding the curtain back and dispensing hand sanitizer onto his palms.

"Hi Dylan, my name's Dr. Halstead, I hear you're not feeling well?" Dylan responded with a shy head shake, his face the vision of sick.

"He was throwing up all last night so I kept him home from school today. He seems to have stopped the vomiting but now he said everything hurts." Will nodded as she spoke, stepping closer to Dylan's right side and began probing, finding the source of the pain in the lower end of the stomach. And of course, Will's reward for hitting the bullseye was a spraying of puke. Clothing, ruined. Shoes, trash. It took everything in Will to act like everything was totally normal and cool.

"I'm so sorry," Dylan's mom gasped, standing to help Will clean himself off.

"It's fine, really. Not the first time and won't be the last. I'm going to get the general surgeon down here because Dylan seems to have a case of appendicitis." Will was slowly walking to the door as he spoke, telling the nurse to grab the ultrasound as he went to page the doctor. He made it to closing the door before Maggie let out a deep laugh, making Will all the more miserable.

"It's too early for this," he replied. She was saying something about a record but he wasn't listening, nothing mattered aside from burning his current clothing and changing into puke-free attire.

The surgeon and ultrasound concluded Will's assessment, a swollen appendix. The look on Dylan's face as Will told him what was about to happen said it all, it was the worst thing that could've happened tonight. Will tried his best to lift his spirits, but Dylan was an upset, nervous wreck.

"Think about how cool it'll be to tell your friends about the real scar you got on Halloween? You'll be legendary for sure." Will was walking with Dylan and his mom to the elevator.

"What were going to dress up as?"

"A goal post," Dylan whispered.

"That's…interesting," Will replied.

"It was an idea he and his friend had. One wanted to dress up as a football and the other a goal post. They'd trick-or-treat at different places, making the football never see the goal post. It was for the Bears game in the Wild Card round."

"Ouch! That is cold but awesome." Will extended a fist for Dylan to bump and he obliged. The OR nurse pushed Dylan into the elevator with his mom in tow.

"You'll be fine," Will told them as the elevator doors closed, turning around to claim the next victim of Halloween.

"What's next, Maggie," Will asked? She thrust another tablet in his hand and gave the short version of the patient.

"Nick, 11 years old, broken arm in curtain one. Tried out running another kid for a king size candy bar and tripped on the stairs."

"Sweet." It was routine at first, Will asking what happened and a parent filling in the missing pieces. The ED was busy by now so Will volunteered to escort the family upstairs to radiology. He had wheeled the patient into the elevator when the screaming began. He didn't notice it at first, just took it in as background noise as a result of a typical night in the ED. However, it was the sound that came after that told Will it was anything but the usual. It was the sound people never expect to hear, especially in a place like this, a fortress of safety and help: a gunshot. The doors were partially closed when Will turned to face the sound, getting a millisecond glimpse of ghostly masked people waving large guns at people. People were falling and screaming. It was pure pandemonium and Will was split between jumping out to help or running for safety. A bullet struck the doors right as the elevator car began it's ascent, Will realizing the floor number on the display made them sitting ducks.

…

Jay was a block away from his apartment when Voight called. He didn't know the specifics, just the bare necessities. Someone, or someones, had stormed into Med and begun firing. Jay hung up with Voight and called Will, getting the auto-generated voicemail each time. It had the same feeling of the police shooting from a few years back. Whatever was happening was evil driven and the night wouldn't end well. He was at a red light when he made the easy, instantaneous decision to doing a one eighty and head for ground zero, the epicenter of chaos and fear. Someone had the gumption to violate the sacredness of a hospital and Jay had every intention of playing a role in stopping them.

The tent housing command center was being erected as Jay pulled up. Police officials were rushing computers and wires from the hospital doors and windows to the tent, hoping to establish verbal and visual communication. It was odd that SWAT, or anyone, wasn't in the hospital at that time, but without knowing what was going on, sending help in would lead to more deaths than rescues. The other members of Intelligence were in the varying spots between their cars and the tent. Each offered a confident look to Jay, hoping to let him know they were here for Will and everyone else inside. Jay curtly nodded as he sped walked to the tent, hoping the command to breach was near.

"What's happening," Jay asked, slightly out of breath. Voight, Platt, and other higher ups turned to face Jay, their faces a look of pure shock.

"Multiple shooters. Assault rifles and possible explosives. They're masked and clothed in tact gear. They entered through the ED and based on calls and flashes, they're somewhere on the fourth floor."

"Who called it in," Jay asked as he quickly suited up in gear and secured proper weapons.

"Maggie. She was keeping us informed till a couple of minutes ago. We can't get a hold of her and she isn't trying to make contact." Jay paused on that one.

"This is bad." They all nodded.

"We'll get them out." Jay didn't bother asking about Will, trying his best to keep those thoughts out of his head. Worrying wasn't going to benefit anyone tonight. The SWAT team leader stepped into the circle at this time.

"Snipers are in place. We're ready to breach."

"Go. Permission to take lethal measures if necessary." The leader nodded, quickly skipping out and rounding his team up. Jay was antsy by now, pacing a few steps as he waited for Intelligence's signal. The radios were silent at first, static heightening everyone's uneasiness with each crackle. People were speaking in their special codes, keeping each person in the loop with their findings and location. And then the gunfire came. It was so loud and sudden, several people in the tent jumped. There were shouts and curses, letting the attackers know who had entered their playground. They commanded them to stop and bangs were the response. You'd hear the occasional snippet of information: numbered casualties and hurt or potential hostages that were in the process of being freed.

And then the silence resumed, but it was on a different level. Platt would radio in and get nothing. The radios were no longer sounding static, but utter silence. People were begin to trickle out of the building now, officers calling for them to run to their safe arms. The people in the tent didn't notice because they were too consumed with what was, or wasn't, still going on inside the hospital. The close, body numbing shot from just on the other side of the tent door brought them to defcon one. The shooters were on the roof. A couple members of Intelligence stuck their head out, terrified at what they were witnessing.

"They're attacking us, them, whoever," Antonio reported. Jay was running his thumb against lips while staring into nothing, fitting the growing urge to run in. Voight seemed to read his mind because he told Intelligence to breach, grabbing Jay's shoulder as he collected his long gun.

"Jay, no. You're too close to this."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"You running in there with a vendetta isn't going to do any good."

"My head is in the right place. I need to help them get everyone out, including Will. I'm not going to sit back and just watch." A call for Voight forced him to step away, allowing Jay the opportunity to grab a radio and stand near the entrance, praying someone would call for him to head in. Meanwhile, Intelligence had entered and were calling out specifics. Sadly, there were multiple casualties, a lot of them medical personnel. Every radio transmission was more terrifying, Jay just waiting to hear the worst case scenario.

…

"C'mon, get in here guys. It's deep in the hospital and it'll take awhile to find us." When the elevator slid open, Will, Nick, and his mother were relieved to be greeted by silence. The attackers were either tied up with climbing the stairs, dealing with things in the ED, or they were on the elevator next to theirs. Going with option number three, the gang of three walked as fast as Nick's broken arm would allow, eventually finding shelter in a CT scanner room. The trip there was slow and scary. Every corner seemed to signal the end of the line, the point when the attackers would catch up. Miraculously, the floor had been cleared and it appeared Will and his companions were its' only occupants. Thank you Maggie and your speediness.

Instead of putting them in the scanner, Will guided them to a small space behind the machine for them to crouch down in. Nick was tucked in first, Will instructing the mother how to hold him. By now, the numbness from the break was wearing off and the broken bone was alerting the world of its' pain. Nick hissed with a sharp breath, fighting off tears as he had to shuffle around for his mom. It was apparent Nick wouldn't last much longer without some narcotic help.

"I'm going to go find some pain relievers. You two stay silent, and I mean completely. We cannot give them any help." They both nodded, each completely shell shocked over the situation. Will was a little surprised how calm he was, chalking it up to having a badass brother who made a point to prepare him for anything. His hand was shaking as he reached for the CT room's door handle, readying himself for entering the battlefield…again.

It seemed that every footstep echoed like a gong. The floors had been polished earlier in the day so footsteps were met with floor squeaks. Will considered taking his shoes off, but then realized he'd have to carry them and the medication and a syringe, creating an opportunity to drop something. The room housing medication was a couple of turns and hallways away, but it might as well been in a whole other county. Will got into the rhythm of taking three steps and pausing for a reaction. Corners were dealt with him crouching down and doing a quick peak, his head bobbing like a bird. Thankfully, the trip over was uneventful. Everything was still and silent and Will wasn't sure to appreciate or hate that. He rustled through draws before finding the key to the case and unlocking it. Dilaudid was selected and a syringe was secured before Will turned around and headed back to safety. That's when the second glimpse of them happened.

He was halfway closing the door when a thunderous boom, followed booted footsteps, echoed down the hall. The adrenaline had Will back in the room and sitting under a desk in seconds, his racing mind hoping the attacker didn't notice his speedy movement. Alas, the growing thud told him otherwise. Will held his breath as the noice stopped just outside the door. He wasn't sure if he should yell for help or stay still and mentally take himself somewhere else. The door was opening when he chose option number two. The boots were black and chunky, a carbon copy of every other combat boot out there, and smelled funky. It was a mixture of sulfur and iron. They came inches away from his knees, Will bracing for impact. He didn't look up, but out, thinking that would make him invisible. The attacker stood still for a second before rotating towards the medicine cabinet and firing, making Will jump and grab his mouth. His eyes didn't blink, fully taking in the attacker scooping out vials of medication and securing them on varying parts of his attire. Will watched in awe as the guy calmly walked back towards the desk and opened the door. The careful closing of the door freaked him out the most. Like he wanted things to appear normal when they were anything but. Will waited several minutes before inching out from under the desk, now set on communicating with the outside would. He grabbed the phone, dialed 911, and let the operator know who he was and where he was located.

…

The voice caught Jay's attention. He didn't move from his spot, but pointed his ears towards the person echoing over the speaker.

"I'm in the office just off the CT scanners. The one housing the medicine cabinet." It was Will. Voight breathed a sigh of relief, hoping it would keep Jay still.

"Can you get out," Voight asked?

"No. I'm on the third floor and I've got people hiding up here. I can't leave them." Jay wasn't sure if he should hate or admire his brother's commitment.

"Can you get back to them?"

"Yeah, I think so. I have to." Jay closed his eyes, saying a small prayer.

"Hang in there, Will," Jay finally spoke, making everyone turn to stare at him. Voight took the phone off of speaker at this point and stepped further into the tent, seeming to give Jay the green light to breach. Jay breathed, gave the bustling tent one final look, and bolted towards the hospital.

…

He rounded the corner of the hospital to find the main entrance shot out but quiet. He cautiously stepped over the broken glass while listening to the pings and pops of exchanging gunfire. Between breaching and Jay's entrance, SWAT had radioed that they'd captured three targets and taken out one, Intelligence reportedly having taken out four more targets. According to Maggie's quick calculation, there were two attackers floating somewhere in the building. Jay calmly spoke over the radio, letting the group know he was in and joining the hunt. He told them he'd be starting on floor three as he found a stairwell. It was a methodical, military trained climb, but he made it to his intended stop without any action. He cautiously opened the door and pointed his weapon into nothing. Satisfied with the level of security, he crawled out a couple of steps before standing, venturing down the hall Will once occupied. He took account for the phone Will called from and the shot out cabinet he reported in. Jay was a couple steps past the door, heading for the next room, when shouting made him stop in his tracks. Will was caught.

At that point, family instincts kicked in. Screw protocol or remaining stealth-like, his brother was at a point of crisis. Jay ran, keeping his gun drawn as his eyes darted around the floor. He wanted to call out, telling the attacker to take him instead. But he feared shouting would startle the guy enough to pull the trigger. So he kept running and searching, finally getting the visual confirmation that Will was indeed in trouble.

"Chicago PD, drop it," Jay shouted, the attacker not moving a muscle. Will had his back to the guy, but his arms were raised, showing him he was unarmed. The floor was designed that the hallway Will was in could be accessed from the north and south sides of the building. The attacker entered from the north, Jay from the south. He was making direct eye contact with the shooter by now, refusing to look at Will in an effort to keep himself primed for the situation.

"Drop it or I will shoot!" A smile crept across the shooter's face now.

"No you won't." Jay would reply with the same command, the guy still not moving. From there, he tried to talk him out of doing it, falsely telling him they could work out a deal if he put the gun down and walked out. They went back and forth for some time, Will playing the monkey in the middle of the shouting game. It was at the point of shouting and cursing now and Will felt the end was near. Whether it was him escaping or dying, the final moments were here.

"Jay," he mumbled with a terrified voice. That was all it took. The bullet struck Will high on his back, inches away from his spine. The impact pushed him a step towards Jay before allowing him to collapse. For a moment, Jay didn't realize Will was hit. All he registered was that the guy fired and he had to return the act, quickly. The shooter was dead before he hit the floor, bleeding out as Jay knelt next to Will.

"I need medical assistance, now! I'm on the third floor near the CT scanners. It's Will," Jay radioed, now feeling the tears enter his eyes. Dark, thick blood was seeping out from Will, his eyes seeming to blink out of habit, rather than alertness. Will's breathing was quiet but trying, each breath sounding more crackled and gurgled that the last. Jay rolled Will onto his back, hoping to use Will's own weight to slow the bleeding.

"Hey, stay with me," Jay repeated, only getting an occasional smirk or blink from Will. It was odd to think Will was healthy and alive moments ago, because the only adjective to describe him now was dying. Jay searched Will's chest for an exit wound but found none. He'd let out random, loud grunts or screams before collecting himself. By now, he didn't care if there was a final shooter in the building. There were qualified people looking for him and he wasn't in a mood to care. Will was running out of time and there was nothing he could do to change that. People were radioing into him, letting him know medics were en route. Jay'd constantly update them on Will's condition, every blink or breath or small movement. Will would weave in and out of consciousness. His eyelids would lazily close shut before waking up to Jay's shouts. It was right before the medics showed up that Will found one final ounce of strength.

"Get…them." It was so quiet and mumbled that Jay didn't understand at first, jumping at the noise coming out of Will.

"Hey, I'm here and help is coming." Will blinked out of pain, grunting as he twitched his arms in the direction of the CT room.

"Them," Will gurgled. Jay just kept nodding, now holding Will's hand and he reminded him to hang in. The stairwell door slammed open at this point, people shouting for a direction.

"Over here!" Jay didn't break his stare of Will as he yelled, preparing himself for those final times: the last breath, last blink, final heartbeat against his hand. Jay tried to push those things away, but it appeared that time was upon them. The medics had reached the Halsteads by now and practically pushed Jay out of the way. It was at this point Will's message clicked and Jay got on his feet, sprinting for the CT room. There were screams as he slammed the door open, figuring they didn't realize what all had happened.

"It's ok. I'm the police. You're safe." Nick's mother slowly crawled out from the space, running into Jay's open arms. He held her for a moment, looking up to see a small hand waving for help. The two of them assisted Nick out of the hole, Jay picking Nick up and telling him to close his eyes as they left the room. Jay kept his vision locked on the SWAT team members motioning to him. He didn't look down as Nick's mother cried and buckled at the sight of Will, just kept walking. By the time he'd passed the human batons to the right people, Will had been placed on a monitor and defibrillator and a breathing tube was in place. They'd moved Will onto a gurney and were calling for people to clear. Each shock made Jay jolt, the fourth round making him turn away from the scene. But then, something miraculous happened.

"We've got normal rhythm," the medic announced to the group. Tears were streaming down Jay's face as he widely grinned.

"There you go Will," he blurted out, not caring who heard him. It was a fast trek to the waiting ambulance, but they got there with Will still fighting. Jay was pushed into the rig by Voight as the medics got into their designated places. All of Intelligence was outside the ambulance doors now, giving Jay that look. The look you give someone as their about to endure something terrible. They were there, a source of comfort and stability amongst the unrelenting chaos. Jay watched the hospital become a mere blip out the doors of the rig, hoping neither he nor Will ever had to see that haunted building ever again.

…

It was a pleasant surprise to see a familiar face on the other side of the door. With Med out of commission, victims were transferred to Cook County Hospital, a smaller but able hospital just north of the Loop. Furthermore, doctors and nurses that weren't on duty, or who made it out safely were instructed to head over the new headquarters, privileges were granted before they arrived. The horde of people at the ambulance door were dressed in Halloween attire, providing a brief comedic moment for the hellish night. Jay had all but forgotten the night's occasion and just stared in awestruck before it all connected. The nurses grabbed for Will first, a dark haired, attractive person shortly popped into the scene.

"Conner?!" He didn't budge at Jay's question, fully intent on getting the latest patient in the ER, the one he was specifically called in to save.

"Where are we at," he asked, now in a full sprint to a semi-available trauma room.

"Coded twice on the way, BP isn't falling out of the 150s and it's hard keeping his pressure up. He lost a couple of pints before we got there." From there they kept spewing out numbers and phrases Jay didn't understand. All he gathered from the rundown was that Will was in massive trouble and steadily deteriorating. People didn't seem to notice him running with the pack so he used it to his advantage. They all whizzed past the waiting room and didn't listen for a direction to go, just kept running till they found a place with the essentials. Will was instantly transferred from the gurney to the bed, the paramedics grabbing their stuff and heading back to Med. Jay found a corner of the room to stand in and watched as Will was stripped of his clothing and a gown thrown over his lower half. Rhodes was shouting for monitors and x-rays and reads but it was all blurring into a mesh of noise. Alarms were blaring now, which only heightened the tensity of the room. Will was very much unconscious now. Jay wasn't scared by the tube and wiring and machines now, but the lifeless appearance radiating off Will shook him to his core. He didn't think Will could look worse than he did at Med but evidently, human skin can find new levels of white.

Everything came to a head in an instant. The alarms going off were peaking as Conner glanced at the ultrasound monitor, letting out a controlled curse as he flung the device away and began prepping Will's chest.

"The bullet is lodged between two arteries, we've gotta crack him." Whatever numb, zoned out stare Jay was performing, that one snapped him back to the room. His head instantaneously found Rhode's stare, the two of them not believing they were here, having to play this game. A nod was all it needed. The scalpel dug in at the top of the sternum and slid all the way to just above the belly button. Jay saw it break the skin before his head fell to the floor. He swore he could feel the pain that would cause and suddenly found it hard to breathe. Rhodes asking for the surgical saw was the final straw. Jay's whole body shook as he heard the blade prepare to slice the bone.

"Get him out of here, he doesn't need to be here for this," Conner asked. Jay was somewhat grateful for the gentle push out the door. Someone told him to walk back to the waiting room and he willingly ventured. His journey there included several pauses at other trauma rooms and curtains, absorbing what was going down and comparing them to the room he once stood in. Some people were alert but terrified, others were unconscious like Will but things didn't seem to be as dire. He heard a doctor instruct a nurse to take an unnamed body to 'the room.' No further explanation was needed for Jay. He had no desire to find out where that was place.

As miserable and frightening as the treatment rooms were, the waiting room was on a whole other level. For starters, the chairs were stuffed with people, two or three per seat. Kids were crying, parents were sobbing, and some were even yelling. It was totally expected for the situation. People were scared. They didn't know if their family members were alive, missing, on their way, or sadly, dead. It was a natural reaction to freak out and demand things. A massive piece of them had fallen into the hands of evil and they just wanted to find some solace or conclusion to their fear. Jay watched a man berate a nurse, stop inches away from her face and demand where his son and wife were. The nurse's hands were trembling as she fumbled through a clipboard, shaking her head in an apologetic manner. All the screams, tears, questions, and conversations gave Jay an instant headache and he was seconds away from losing it. It felt like Times' Square on New Years Eve and he wished there was a way to make it all cease. So, he leaned against the free wall and slid, stopping when his elbows hit the top of his knees. Closing his eyes, he let the tears out as he plugged his ears. Then a tap interrupted his moment.

"Follow me." It was April. She guided him to an elevator and the two of them climbed in. The silence did wonders for both their spirits. Jay didn't look over but could hear sniffs to the left of him.

"Who does something like that? Attack a hospital? Perhaps the last safe haven in the world."

"Yeah," was all Jay could muster. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, letting out a long exhale as he did so. A ding let them know the ride had come to an end, the doors opening to hushed communication. April led Jay to another place that looked like a waiting room, but far quieter and smaller than the one downstairs. Most of Intelligence was already there, rising as Jay entered the room. One by one, they hugged Jay and told him they'd stay till Will got out. Jay was convinced he looked dreadful, like he'd witness death, and was grateful that he wasn't going to be alone. They cautiously asked for details and he responded with a quiet, "I don't know. It's not good." Hailey pointed Jay to the couch and sat with him, just being a source of comfort and support. It was after midnight now on the backend of a historically awful night. Jay made it about fifteen minutes before things caught up to him and he fell asleep on Hailey's shoulder.

…

"Jay, Conner's here," Hailey whispered, nudging him after each word. He grunted before dozing off, his ears detecting some chuckles.

"Jay," the voice was sterner this time. He opened one eye and roved before opening the next. It was blurry, but the outline of a face was a foot away from his. Jay blinked as he slowly sat up, his muscles screaming in pain.

"He's out of surgery," Rhodes announced. He looked around the room as everyone's shoulders fell in unison.

"It was touch and go for awhile, but the SOB pulled through." Jay just nodded, not sure if this was a dream or reality yet.

"What happened," He asked through a yawn?

"The bullet entered his back, breaking a rib and missing the spine before resting between two major arteries. Had it been a couple of millimeters closer to the heart and he probably wouldn't have made it. He got extremely lucky. He's getting a transfusion right now and he'll need a couple more over the next few days. He lost a good amount of blood and we're going to slowly replenish him. Too much too soon will put him in a worse spot than he's right now." Jay just nodded, trying to swallow the replenishment talk, like it was just totally normal to talk about refueling the body with its' needed blood supply.

"Is he going to make it?" Rhodes exhaled before replying.

"I want to say yes, but he's looking at a lot of recovery. We got the thing that was harming him out, but now it's about seeing how he responds to things. A lot has been done in a small amount of time. I'm confident we can pull him through, but he's gotta be willing to fight." That was all Jay needed to hear. Much to the surprise of everyone, Jay stood and walked to the door, turning around and pausing as he put his hand on the handle.

"I need to see him." He opened the door for Rhodes who waved him out and down the hall. The two of them climbed back on the elevator and rode up one floor to the ICU. It was early in the morning now so the staff was pretty skeleton. They walked by the nurses station and they seemed to know who Jay was headed for. Whatever lively conversation they were having was hushed, the group staring and nodding as Rhodes and Jay passed by. At last, they stopped outside a frosted glass door with Will's name in the card holder.

"You ready," Rhodes asked? Jay nodded, not fully understanding why that was being asked. It wasn't till Conner opened the door that he got it. His mouth gaped open a bit before he collected himself, being reminded it was Will in there. For starters, Will appeared to have collected a few more IVs and tubes since Jay last saw him. He had a tube coming out his nose and the breathing tube was still in place. From there, a collection of small tubes and wiring were surrounding the massive, long, white strip of gauze shielding Jay from the place Rhodes opened Will. There was a clip thing on Will's finger and another one taped on the other hand. Jay found a chair and sat close, inspecting every part of Will before resting on the hospital band on his arm. It said his name, the doctor, the hospital, and floor he was assigned to. Jay found it all so odd, the doctor playing the role of patient. The one who usually saved the day was the one relying on others to get him out of this. Will didn't look like a person right now, but something you only see in nightmares or scary movies. He wasn't real right now and Jay seriously didn't know if he'd ever look at his brother the same.

"I'll leave you two," Rhodes commented. Jay had all but forgotten he was still in the room. He flinched at Rhodes, smiling as they both acknowledge Jay's jumpiness.

"Thank you Conner, seriously. I'm glad it was you who was there." Conner nodded as he walked towards the door, hesitating before sliding it shut.

"We'll get him through this." Jay smirked and nodded. Soon it was just him and comatose Will. Jay loved the silence. It allowed him to accept that they were both here, they were both alive, and they'd both get back to normal…eventually.

…

Hurt wasn't the right word, nor was sore. Everything groaned in agony. Each breath was sharp and unforgiving. His chest swayed from piercing to creaking and cracking. A headache was making itself known and his back felt to be propelling him to roll over. Even his feet were difficult to move, but it felt like someone was doing that task for him. His eyes burned as the lids slowly detached from each other. Had he been crying or was the blurry vision permanent? If his throat wasn't so scratchy and stiff, he would've let out a full sentence. Instead, all his depleted body could conjure was soft grunt.

"Will?" That voice, it was so familiar; engrained in his mind from somewhere far away. He swore he knew it as long as he could remember. Perhaps another sound would help. Let's try a forced exhale.

"Can you hear me?" Ah, it was that pesky brother. Will forced his eyes all the way open this blink, getting a full scan of the world around him. Now slightly more awake, he detected his whole body to be puffy, like a marshmallow man or something.

"Jay?!" He pretty much leapt from the chair, magazine smacking against the concrete floor underneath him. The once vast view was completely blocked by Jay big ass head.

"Yeah, I'm right here. How are you feeling." Will blurted out the first thing that came to him.

"Hungry." Jay laughed, not aiding the headache. Will closed his eyes until Jay calmed down.

"Sorry," he whispered. He sat a little further back and waited for Will to wake up. It had been a roller coaster last few days. It was at the tail end of two days post-surgery, post-attack. Yesterday, both Will and Jay slept the entire day. Knowing Will was put in a medically induced coma, the odds of missing anything major was slim to none. It wasn't that he intended to sleep twelve hours, but appreciated the effort and respect people gave to allow him that. Will fighting the vent was the thing that actually stirred him from his slumber. There was a gag and small cry followed by increasing heart beats and a couple of alarms. Jay would never forget rolling over to see Will wide awake and freaked out, his arms flailing about before landing on the tube down his throat. It was a rare moment where Jay felt helpless. He watched as the nurses put Will under again before Rhodes fully examined Will's ability to breathe, concluding he was ready to try going solo. Extubation was quick and a couple hours later, Will coughed himself awake. Unaware of the incisions and things attached to his chest, Will's first moments of being conscious consisted of unwelcome pain and blood oozing from the surgical sites. It was during the re-suturing that he uttered his first words, ones Jay would never let go.

"This sucks and I hate you all." The nurses just shrugged it off, but Jay was worried. Worried this was the new Will: a complete asshole. Fortunately, common sense reminded Jay of how medicated and out of it Will was and in all likelihood, wouldn't remember any of that. Over the next twenty-four hours, Will would flirt with consciousness before drifting back to sleep. A moan here, or grunt there, but never a response to Jay's questions.

"I can't get up," Will softly spoke. Jay reminded him that mobility wasn't possible right now, but volunteered to sit the bed up higher. Will took up his offer. Jay ever-so-carefully reached behind Will and pulled him forward, tucking pillows under him as he pushed the bed's remote to raise the bed. Will painfully breathed through it all, tears forming in the corners as Jay laid him back down.

"Here," Jay remarked, reaching for a tissue and wiping.

"How long was I out," Will asked?

"Like two days." Will's eyes went wide.

"What?!"

"Yeah, it's November 2nd." Will looked off into nothing, trying to figure how that much time went by without his knowledge. Jay picked on the racing mind, filling the gaps while avoiding the big thing.

"Do you remember what happened on Halloween?"

"I got puked on…wait." Will didn't finish but just stared at Jay, receiving a nod.

"Where's everybody? Did they figure out who did it?"

"Twenty dead, thirty-five injured, they're working on the motive part. There's a good chance its' drug related, but we're still figuring out why the plan went that…elaborate."

"What about Maggie?"

"She got hit, but it wasn't anything major and she'll be getting out of here tomorrow. They sent all you guys to County. The hospital is still a crime scene." Will looked up at the ceiling now, trying his best to blink away tears. It all was flooding back now.

"Anyone else?" Jay looked down at his hands as he spoke.

"A few doctors and nurses, but I didn't recognize the names. I'm sorry Will. I should've been faster, pulled the trigger sooner." Whatever state of pity he was in, that vanished as he looked over at Jay.

"What?! No, this wasn't your fault."

"I was the one that hesitated."

"No you didn't. Did you kill the guy?" Jay nodded.

"Then you did your job." The two of them were quiet after that, each taking a moment to remember and reflect.

"Nick and his Mom said thank you. They came to visit yesterday while you were out." It was Will's turn to nod and look at his hands.

"You're kind of a hero, Will." A head shake was the response, Will refusing to look at Jay.

"No I'm not."

"You kept those two safe and took the punishment instead of leading the attacker to them. How is that not heroic" Jay got up and stood next to Will, offering open arms for a hug.

"You up for it?!"

"Carefully." Jay every so gently wrapped his arms around Will, very aware of everything attached to him.

"Love you, Will. Thanks for sticking around."

"Likewise," Will spoke into Jay's shoulder. They stayed like that for a couple more seconds till Will tapped the back of his hand on Jay's chest, letting him know to get up. Jay left the room to collect sustenance, allowing Will to doze off for a minute. He was just above restful sleep when Jay returned and began opening the Jello cup. Will pried one eye open to see a spoon inches away from his mouth.

"Open," Jay commanded. Will did so, watching in horror as Jay turned the spoon towards himself and swallowed. Will wanted to smack the top of Jay's head if he could. Instead, he chose verbal insults.

"What an ass." Jay smiled, all was right again.

**How is everyone doing? That was a lot, like over 7,000 words a lot. Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think or what else you'd like to see me write or if you just have questions. I'm up for whatever. Onto the next one!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- Crush It

**Can we take a minute to talk about the season finale? It was THE best finale PD has ever done. It definitely ranks in the top 5 for favorite episodes. I may or may not have ranted about it on Twitter. Anyway, this chapter's inspiration comes from Extraordinarygirl116. I read this, I instantly knew the story. It's a good one and I've got my work cut out to match its' potential. **

**_Extraordinarygirl116: "For a prompt idea maybe where Jay has a crush injury to his arm or leg and it's really bad and they are unable to move him and the more they wait the worse it gets for him. Jay may be trapped or something like that. There's talk about amputation as the best option to save Jay's life, but of course Jay's not having it, so they have to think of another way to save Jay. Maybe they have to send someone Connor to perform an emergency surgery or some other doctor and of course Will is there freaking out." _**

**I feel like I've said this before, but this may not be letter for letter, but I'm going to try my best to stay true to the prompt. Take a breath because we're diving in.**

It was so unexpected and sudden. One second, they were clearing a room, the next the ground gave out. In a split second decision, he practically threw her in the stairwell as the floor collapsed. She screamed as she watched her partner fall from her peripheral, trying to wrap her head around what was happening. Clinging to the doorway of the stairwell, she watched as her surroundings collapsed all around. The second floor went first, followed by the stairs behind her, the roof saving the best for last. The miracle was that the landing and her side of the building remained in tact, putting her in a very different scenario than the person at the bottom of it all. It was loud, booming. Like rocks cracking under a mill, it sounded like the world was grinding its' teeth. The whole thing might've taken a minute, but in her world, it was a lifetime. And in reality, a life's time on earth was all but snuffed out in that span of time.

…

She closed her eyes when it began, opening them after a prolonged time. Water was dripping, no, flowing from somewhere, cascading a waterfall of sparks from live wires. Fire alarms were buzzing, drowning her thoughts with their constant tone. The ground still seemed to be groaning, like it had stubbed its' toe. The worst was the metal or iron beam swinging up above, just waiting for a slight breeze to drop down below. And then it struck her.

"Jay!" She worried her scream would create an echo, that final straw to start another settling of the ground. However, common sense kicked in, letting her know it'd take more than that to disturb the whole earth. With shaking hands, she crawled an inch at a time to the end of the makeshift platform, really not ready to see what was on the other side. You might as well have been hanging over the edge of a vast mountain range. Jay seemed to be a mile below her, a mountain terrain of concrete, rebar, and metal all around. Tears were welling up, but she kept peering, hoping to see some evidence of life down there.

"Jay," she called again, an uptick of worry this time. The place was silent, seeming to scream to her that Jay was no more. She was searching for her phone on her person, depressed to find it smashed and useless, when the blood curdling scream sounded.

"What," she cried back. Grumbled swearing and panic breaths were all she got.

"Jay, please talk to me."

"I think I just dislocated something, I can't feel my leg. Where are you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so," she responded while doing a once over.

"I'm coming to you. You've gotta keep talking so I can find you." Jay started with insisting on her staying, which only made her move faster. She silently thanked herself for those rock climbing lessons in high school, because the trip from her ledge to the rubble Jay resided in was pretty much like scaling the side of a rock. Miraculously, there were slots and holes that seemed to perfectly align with hand placements and foot movements. As she descended, she tried her best to assess Jay's mental state, asking about why they were in the building, who they were after, and what he ate that morning. Naturally, he passed with flying colors.

She was on flatish ground now, crawling around like cat. Each step was met with hesitation, convincing herself that would be the one that sent everything falling. Soon enough, she reached the rock Jay resided under, scooting under tent shaped pieces of rock to find Jay totally and seriously trapped.

"Hey there," she confidently greeted, taking a quick once over while trying to hide her emotions. He was stuck, buried under a large, thick piece of concrete. His upper half was covered in rubble that could be pushed away or easily rolled over. But it was the bottom half that made her eyes go wide and the pit of her stomach fall out. His right leg pinned down by a substantial chunk of concrete with a decent sized portion of rebar sticking out above the knee. His left leg was wedged by more rebar and rock, but looked to be free-able.

"How bad," he asked through closed eyes. Hailey stuttered as she moved the stuff away from his upper half, resting a hand on his chest before speaking. Better to deliver the news than lie to his face.

"Right leg needs freeing, like serious tools and leveraging. Left doesn't look too bad. I could get it free, but it'll probably hurt."

"This is probably a bad time to announce I'm claustrophobic."

"Shut up," she responded while rustling his hair, earning some laughs and grimaces. He was in pain, that much was crystal clear, but she applauded him for trying to remain calm and humorous. She crouched next to his left side and began formulating its' exit strategy. The rebar was crisscrossed over his foot, resting an inch above Jay's jeans. The rock sitting on his calf was L shaped, but wasn't too difficult for her to manhandle.

"Ok, I'm going to remove the rock and then work on the rebar. I'm sorry if this hurts." She started the task before he could answer, wincing and cringing over his pain filled grunts and screams. He pulled his vest closer to his mouth and bit down, the act not really doing anything to help. Hailey was pleading for him to pass out as she grabbed the rebar and twisted, Jay not cooperating.

"Ouch."

"What," he asked. Hailey pinched her hands together, trying to compress the splintering pain from the sharp rebar.

"Did you cut yourself?"

"No, it's just sharp."

"Just stop, I don't want you getting hurt on my part." She gave him a look, letting him know that wasn't going to happen. He could be chilvarous all he wanted, she was going to do whatever she deemed necessary. She gripped, hard, and pulled. Grunting in determination till the pieces jolted free. His foot practically sprung from the ground, Jay laughing in relief as he reached to feel the leg under his hand.

"What about the right? Too much?" Hailey laid on the ground next to him, heads inches apart. She grabbed a hand and looked him square in the eye.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Jay nodded before rolling his head to look at the world above him, blinking back tears. Hailey leaned in closer, her body almost resting against his.

"No amputation," he spoke after a couple of minutes.

"It won't get to that." Jay scoffed.

"It will." She nodded, doing her best to reassure him things would get better.

"Just rest. You need to save your energy for later." The two of them stared up into nothing, Jay nodding off before too long. Hailey was sobbing as she ran her hand through his hair, listening to the sirens in the distance creep ever closer.

…

The call over the house's intercom described the accident as 'building collapse' and possible 'man trapped.' It was odd that every unit of 51 was called in, but they all climbed into their designated rigs and headed to the scene. It was an old three story apartment complex north of the city that was recently placed on the dangerous buildings list. At the time, it was just another call to them. The day was mundane till they rolled up and noticed the vehicle parked out front.

"Isn't that an Intelligence car," Foster asked? Brett rounded the ambulance and squinted, trying to study the plate on the truck.

"Yeah, that's Jay's I think…wait." In unison, they swiveled to face the house, now fully aware of who was in there, deep in the maze.

"Call Voight," Foster yelled to Boden, pointing to the truck as he stared at her with a quizzical expression. He was pulling out his phone while barking orders to the rest of his people.

"Squad, get in there and make sure it's safe for Foster and Brett to get in there. 81, find the shut offs and assist Squad when they've provided a path." They all scattered to their posts as the phone rang, Boden not sure if he wanted Voight to pick up. Two rings later, a gruff greeting sounded on the other side.

"Hank, it's Wallace. We've got a situation…"

…

The path from the front door to Jay was an interesting one. Without a visual map, a steep mountain road is the best way to describe it. You entered the building on the first floor, the lowest level being a basement or laundry room. There was a small lip of floor about a foot wide, followed by a steep drop off into the canyon of debris. It was odd, seeing doors, bathtubs, and refrigerators scattered in the field, the whole perimeter of the building now on display. The stairwell was the anchor of it all, about thirty feet to the left of the entrance. That was the point of entry. Severide was the first to open the door, shortly holding his arms out to stop the rest from moving.

"Hold up, this is all that's there." The little ledge creaked under his feet, encouraging Kelly to hold his breath as he peered over.

"Jay! You down there?" A familiar female voice called back.

"Down here. I'm alright but Jay's trapped."

"Ok, we're coming down." Hailey gave the confirmation, alerting him of the beams above.

"Follow me. If you hear or see anything shift, stop right where you are. We don't need any more trappings today." The unit nodded at Kelly, just wanting to get this part over with. It was a treacherous shuffle from the door to the stairwell, but a pleasant surprised greeted them.

"Stairs are gone, but the anchors for them are still in tact. Cap, go get the repel gear." They could hear Jay and Hailey talking, Hailey mainly updating while Jay spoke a series of 'oks.' Before long, the repel gear was delivered, installed, and Kelly was lowered to the bottom. The floor below him was stable, but only so much. He stared out into the abyss, suddenly feeling small against the piles of grey and black. Hailey crawled out some twenty yards from where he stood, waving her arms.

"It's not too bad, just keep the line as straight as you can." She guided Kelly each step of the way, under the piles or scaling over them. He'd occasionally stop and mark the path with colored chalk, thankful someone from long ago deemed that necessary for their kit. She reached for his hand to boost him over the final hurdle, the two of them crawling under the tent's edge to a nervous Jay.

"Hey," Jay spoke, the panic all over his face.

"Hey, we need to stop meeting like this," Severide shot back. He crawled down to Jay's feet, pulling off his left shoe and pinching a toe.

"Can you feel this?" Jay nodded. Amazingly, Jay's right foot was clear of the rubble, allowing Kelly to pull the shoe off. This time, he held his hand on the toe, waiting for a reaction. Nothing. He didn't want to tell Jay, knowing it would only make the situation worse. Instead, he looked at Hailey, who blinked in acknowledgment.

"I marked the path. Send in Foster and get cribbing, the jaws, and the air bags down here. All of it, we're running against a clock here." A collection of confirmations crackled on the other end, Jay's eyebrows spiked at the mention of the clock.

"It's just normal procedure. We don't know how long this will all hold," Kelly reassured. Hailey nodded and smiled, her hand not leaving Jay's. The three of them sat in silence waiting for the rescue party to show up. Foster arrived first, quickly looking everything over before starting the crush syndrome protocol.

"Starting you on fluids and hooking you up to a monitor. How's the pain?"

"Not too bad," Jay replied through a wince, not too fond of the IV needle breaking his skin. Hailey helped attach leads and place the oxygen tube under his nose, continuing to reassure Jay things were fine. Squad and 81 were there by now, utilizing the bucket brigade system to hand things to Severide. Foster was documenting the blue/numbness track on the leg when the jaws began breaking the rock on top of Jay. Light wasn't coming through yet, but something moved, a millimeter maybe.

There's no way to prepare oneself for that level of pain. See, when you are skewered or crushed by something that object, in a way, becomes like a layer of you. When it moves, it feels like your body is ripping apart. Thus the indescribable pain and shaking, your body is acting like it's losing apart of itself.

"Stop," Foster yelled, all of them listening to the monitor beep fast. Jay was near convulsing now, his skin had a nice sheen to it from the sweating. The world around them creaked from the small movement, only heightening things that much more.

"We've gotta move," Kelly reminded everyone, meaning every definition of that phrase.

"He'll go into shock if we keep going." Kelly gave her the look, telling her to make that call. Hailey picked up on it pretty quickly.

"No. Don't do it." Jay just rolled his eyes, bringing a hand to his face and covering it.

"We're fighting a lot of things here. It's the fastest option."

"Keep going," Jay broke in, and dammit if that was his strongest voice of the day. Severide looked down at the entrapped leg for a moment before speaking.

"It's going to hurt, a lot. You'll probably pass out." Jay nodded, fully prepared to take it all on.

"On one condition, we get a surgeon down here just in case something happens." Jay looked to Hailey, the two of them seeming to be synching up their thoughts before continuing.

"Fine." Foster radioed for dispatch to send out a trauma surgeon to the site as Kelly pushed more cribbing and bags around the site. Jay just closed his eyes and shook his head, convinced this was one of those very real nightmares.

…

The call came as Will just so happened to be walking by the computer that housed the EMT requests. He didn't pay much attention to it at first, the blinking message and voicemail just background noise to the busy ED. It was Memorial Day weekend and the craziness was at peak levels. However, it was Rhodes passing comment that made life screech to a halt.

"Will, I'll get him out." Will stared at him funny while doing a quick scan. He had scrubs on, but his EMS jacket over them, a bag housing medical equipment in his right hand.

"The call that came in?"

"Will." Nothing more was needed to be said, he just knew. The brother mind telepathy thing got the message.

"I'm coming," he nervously replied, practically sprinting to the doctor's lounge to gather things. Rhodes opened his mouth to protest, but Maggie cut in.

"You're not going to keep him here."

"Yeah, I was afraid of that." A cop car was outside the ED entrance now, whooping its' horn for them to get in. The two of them climbed in, slammed the doors, and were whisked off to the unknown. On the way, Rhodes was phoned, informing him of a possible amputation. He kept his responses to a minimum, making it a point to keep Will out of the know. It was bad enough he was going to watch the extraction, witnessing that was on a new level of awful.

Intelligence, house 51, and a swarm of cops were surrounding the building when they pulled up. People were running and barking orders while others were standing in awe. Radios were crackling and beeping at constant rates, messages ranging from updates to safety assessments. Rhodes headed towards Boden while Will automatically ventured to Voight.

"What happened?" Voight turned around a little startled, not expecting that voice to speak.

"Second story floor collapsed into the basement. Jay is down there with Hailey."

"Bad?!" Voight nodded.

"Right leg trapped." Will doubled over, grabbing his knees as the vomit crept up the throat.

"Have they mentioned crush syndrome?"

"Yeah, they said it's already setting in. But Jay is still alert and talking, refusing amputation if it comes to that." Will just nodded, not getting up from his position. Voight did something very unusual: he sat on the ground to face Will, placing a hand on his neck.

"He's going to get through this." Will didn't speak or move, just trying to process things. Voight presented a radio at Will's face.

"You want to talk to him?" Will grabbed the radio and pressed the button on the side.

"Jay?"

"Will," crackled through a moment later. Shaky hands wiped around his eyes.

"You need to hang in there."

"I'm trying," Jay responded through a laugh. Will handed the radio off and sat on the ground. The rest of Intelligence joined him in the act. Imagine what that scene looked like; people are running around, machinery and lights heading into the scene, cars are coming and going. In the middle of it all, a group of people were sitting on the ground in silence, watching the sun set on the world in front of them.

…

This would be a good part to explain what crush syndrome entails. In simple terms, crush syndrome occurs when a heavy object compresses, or crushes, a portion of someone's body. When this happen, the cells in the body begin to break down. Starting with the swelling of the cells, the human body begins to release toxic things into its' system, causing a myriad of problems including cardiac and renal failure, hypothermia, and even paralysis. Naturally, a release of toxins into one's system can become deadly, the potential for too much potassium being the greatest problem of them all. I explain this all to you because if in Jay's current situation, I would think you'd chose living over dying, saving the whole body over a part of it. But alas, in typical Jay Halstead fashion, he opted to be stubborn. Since Will's radio call, the situation down in the pile—a phrase used by the first responders—was become dire. Settling was an issue. It would come sporadically and vary in shifts and groans. At one point during the third hour, the ground shook to the point that everyone, not over Jay, penguin walking back to safety in the stairwell. Foster, Hailey, and Kelly became human shields for Jay who was really unaware of things at that point. Miraculously, the swinging beams above never went.

The crush syndrome was really kicking in at that point. Jay'd weave in and out of consciousness, asking the same thing multiple times while clutching chest as he breathed. Foster had offered to sedate him and insert a breathing tube, but he wasn't having it. His argument was that as soon as he became unconscious, Rhodes would be sent down to remove the leg. Of course, those helping knew it was the health issue that was the reason behind the blunt, aggressive comment, but to hear him speak like that drove home the severity of things. Life shrunk down to two choices: freeing Jay or watching him slowly die. However, it was during hour number four that things came to a point. The rock wasn't moving fast enough and Jay's declining state slowed the rate of progress. The latest settling had calmed down, people returning to their posts and continuing on. Foster got close, really close to Jay's face and laid it all out.

"Jay, we need to get out of here. If we stay down here another hour, you won't make it out." Hailey was on the other side, nodding her head as the tears streamed down.

"No. I can't do that."

"Jay, you can live a normal.."

"-NO!" That one made everyone stop. Hailey looked to Foster, holding her hand out for the radio.

"Can we clear the spot for a moment?" Kelly was about to protest, but a stern look from both women told him there really wasn't a choice.

"Yeah." Hailey clicked the radio's speaker.

"Will, you need to talk to him." Her voice was clear and concise, letting Will know it was time to step in. The three of them crawled out as Jay grasped the radio in his hand, listening to Will breathe loudly in the mic.

"Jay, I know you don't want to do this, but we're talking about your life now. No one will think of you any different. It's just a piece of you, a leg. You can get out of there in a couple of minutes and go on to lead a normal life."

"No," Jay responded with a teary voice.

"People look at you weird. You no longer have a name, just a phrase: the guy who doesn't have a leg. I can't do it Will. I can't agree to be a lesser version of myself." By now, Intelligence had backed away from Will, trying to get out of hearing range from the conversation. Will was pacing now, pressing his hands on the top of his head. He was out of options, no longer able to talk sense into an oxygen deprived, shocked Jay Halstead. Rhodes left his post with Boden and walked over, grabbing the radio out of Will's hands and talking.

"Jay, Will and I are coming down." He patted Will's shoulder and the two of them walked to the entrance of the building. In no time they were harnessed and repelling down, getting spotter calls from the firefighters above them. During the trip to Jay, Will did his best to not look around. Getting that shot of what was sitting on top of Jay wasn't going to help anyone. Hailey guided them through the final crawl, allowing Rhodes in first followed by Will, who decided then was the ideal time to vomit out of stress, fear, and the first glimpse of Jay. It was a sight no sibling ever wants to see, especially when the relative was in that state. Jay rolled his eyes in embarrassment, Will's greeting not helping things. Rhodes started taking things out of his bag, laying them in a line for Jay to see.

"This is what I'll use, the whole should take two minutes. We can either knock you out, or you can experience the worst pain of your life. I can make it quick and clean, I just need your permission." Jay was practically panting by now, his while body in a constant shiver. The hypothermia was doing a number on him.

"Above or below the knee," Jay asked through closed eyes.

"Above."

"Shit." Jay breathed a few times out of his mouth, the words just on the tip of his tongue.

"Do it, I want to be awake." Wide eyes went up all around. Rhodes was a little startled how easy that was, but began the procedure.

"I'm right here," Will reassured, Jay only nodded. Rhodes ripped the pants away from where he'd be working, held the scalpel, and had begun cutting when a Foster yelled for him to stop.

"What about a bolt. We could pump fluids in, flushing out the toxin."

"How does that help get him out quickly?"

"Well then, what about drilling above."

"I could hit him," Kelly commented.

"So drill far enough to where you can lift it off. We can't just give in." The group sat in silence contemplating, a collection of smiles sprouting moments later.

"It wouldn't hurt to try." The scrambling resumed. Will and Hailey crawled out of the tent structure to let the pros work. Foster offered a shot of morphine for the incoming pain, Jay finally obliging. Honestly, it was the probably the exhaustion and pain that finally broke him. She'd just inserted it when Severide fired up the large drill and dug in. There wasn't a ton of pain, but to Jay, his leg seemed to be flying off. The drill would dig in, showers of rubble would pepper everyone, the load would get slightly lighter. Several rounds later, Kelly gave the eagerly anticipated thumbs up, alerting the crew the end was nigh. Rhodes inched closer to Jay's right side.

"Ok, they're going to lift this and most likely, the toxins are going to release and spread very quickly, possibly putting you in cardiac arrest. We can get you back, just don't towards the light." Jay had been keeping his vision on the two people at the entrance of the tent the entire time. As Rhodes talked, the two of them would nod and smile, echoing Rhodes' sentiment: don't die.

"Ready," Severide interrupted? Jay blinked and nodded.

"Let's get out of here."

"Copy that. We'll pull the concrete off first and then cut the rebar, but you'll probably be out by then." Jay took a breath, gave a thumbs up, and exhaled. No better time like the present to resist death.

"1…2…3. Go."

…

The amount of fluids bought enough time for the rebar to get freed, but Jay did indeed fall into cardiac arrest. He was alert long enough to see his right leg, but faded out shortly after. Severide took seconds to snap the rebar, but soon it was Rhodes and Foster call a code. Three epis and shocks later, jubilation erupted as sinus rhythm beeped on the monitor; Jay was ready to move. A stokes basket was awaking its' passenger as they pulled Jay out, strapping him to ropes and pulleys as House 51 lifted him to solid ground. Brett had backed the rig just feet away from the door, Intelligence was surrounding the waiting gurney. They reached inver to pat unconscious Jay on the shoulder as he passed by them, ignoring the deformed extremity and thing sticking out of it. Reality hit them in the form of a two inch cut on his thigh, the sight where Rhodes was going to break Jay free. They were that close to seeing Jay come out incomplete. Jay was loaded in record time with very dirty, auto piloted Foster, Rhodes, and Will clambering in right behind. Severide slapped the bag of the rig hard, telling the party to get a move on. Everyone watched till the ambulance's lights disappeared around the corner, relishing in the hope that they did their job in time.

En route, Rhodes was on the phone putting things in place. Jay wasn't in a state to need the OR in the ED, so a room on the OR floor needed to be claimed and have the right people and equipment in place, ready for the non-stop journey from the ambulance to the floor. The only holdup would be an x-ray in the ED, but even that was ready for their arrival. Foster was doing the pre-op tasks, measuring reflexes and recording the latest round of blue numbness on the leg. Now with it on display, you could clearly tell how bad it was. When it was buried, they were using the other leg to measure, relying on Jay's feedback and known crush syndrome facts to document how things were progressing. His left leg was speckled with black Sharpie line, marking the hourly progression of things. Now comparing the figured verses the actual, it was evident to see how far off they were and the level of trouble Jay was in. Will's eyes would dart from Jay's face to his leg and vice versa. He did not speak, he did not react, he did not even move, he just sat in silence, staring. Jay may not have been trapped under that rubble anymore, but he was far from free. The chance of him still losing his leg was very real, and this time he wouldn't get to make the call. Will only hoped Rhodes got that, would be willing to fight for what was wanted.

The rig stopped abruptly, basically shoving Will out of his misery riddled world and into reality. Ethan, April, and Maggie wasted no time opening the doors and pulling Jay out, Rhodes right behind holding IV bags and a clipboard. They didn't react to who it was or his current state. They just grabbed and ran. Rhodes was shouting orders as he rolled out, making sure no time was wasted. The life saving measures under the tent were a bandaid, the threat of Jay dying from crush syndrome was still large. He needed serious drugs to help correct the damage and the source of it all to be repaired. Delays weren't an option. Will walked with them to trauma three and stood at the doorway, watching Jay transition from person to patient. His leg was clothing free now and an anti-septic wash was splashed on the leg. Someone was inserting a central line and the breathing tube was switched from a bag to ventilator machine. More IVs were installed and shots of antibiotics were administered directly into his arm; the catheter insertion was the weirdest of all. Meanwhile, Jay was still unconscious, not reacting to anything that was happening. Will used to laugh when Jay would get squeamish around needles. The guy who can do it all is afraid of the smallest of things. Will used to joke with him about it but now, he wanted that more than anything.

"Rebar is resting next to the femoral artery. We've gotta move," Rhodes announced, tossing the x-ray off to a nurse and grabbing a side of the gurney.

"Urine output," he asked? Foster held up a bag with the tiniest of amounts.

"It's better than nothing." The mob of people scurried towards the elevator, the force of them practically dragging Will with them. Rhodes had gone ahead of them up the stairs, hoping to gain that much time for scrubbing in and getting set up. Feet were tapping on the floor as they climbed the floors, faces wore differing looks of anxiety and stress. The second the floor number lit up, they were on the move. Foster and Will were stopped at the doors, hands and shouts telling them to stay put. They watched Jay disappear down the hall and hook a left, realizing they'd reached their dead end, no longer in their jurisdiction. Foster guided a ghostly Will to a chair in the waiting room and he nonchalantly sat. Will realized he didn't get to say goodbye, good luck, not even an 'I love you.' The last thing he told Jay was to remove the leg and only prayed that wasn't dancing around in Jay's head.

…

"Guess who gets to walk again?" Will literally fell out of chair while laughing, Hailey's eyes got super wide and her face broke out in a smile. It had been forever since they'd done that. Their faces ached, but it felt good to be happy and hopeful again.

Hailey sheepishly walked into the waiting room around hour four of the surgery, just waving to Will as she sat. They hadn't really spoken much since she joined Intelligence, just talking in passing while on the job. At first, the room was silent, but it was Will who wanted to get to know her, talk about anything apart from what was happening down the hall. By the end of it, he understood why Jay adored her so. She wasn't Erin, but Hailey; a determined, able, caring, and all around great person. She had her shields, but then again everyone has them. Minutes before Connor walked in, they had drifted off to sleep, the events of the last day—or was it a day and a half now— had caught up to them, making alert and awake near impossible. Rhodes' boisterous one liner knocked them off their game, but they loved to be emerging from the fog.

He explained the twelve hour procedure in great detail, explaining how the rebar was extracted and the major arteries and vessels were stitched back in place. Jay had good blood flow and the smallest of pain stimuli reflexes, a serious miracle for that early in the game. Hailey and Will just kinda nodded, wanting to stop hearing about Jay and just see him. Another elevator was boarded and ridden. Feet were stomping this time, but for good reasons. They were super antsy. The bright sunlight pouring into the windows startled them. They'd lost all notions of the time of day or the placement of the sun or moon. The last day or so, things were measured in distance, hours, minutes. Now, they could adjust back to the normal rhythm of things.

Rhodes gave them odd faces as they smiled and giggled the closer they got. To the untrained eye, you would've thought they were going to meet a baby or something. Rhodes slowly opened the door, like pulling back the curtain on some grand production. The other side revealed a passed out Jay who was breathing on his own. Most of him was draped in blankets and sheets, but the leg sticking out in the exposed world made their hearts soar. It was heavily wrapped in bandaging with a leg circulation band strapped to the ankle and foot, but it there, attached to its' body. Against all the wires, tubes, monitoring cuffs, and hospital tags, that made it all worth it and fine. Jay would get out of this place, this terrible freak accident, in one piece. Rhodes backed out of the room as they inched closer to Jay. Will pulled up a chair for Hailey before venturing down the hall to score one for himself. Hailey used the opportunity to have a moment with Jay.

"See you when you wake up." She leaned over and kissed his forehead, brushing his cheek with her fingers. A throat clearing voice told her they were no longer.

"I didn't see anything." Hailey's face got red as she smirked.

"When do you think he'll wake up?" Will sat and leaned back, letting out a deep exhale.

"Well, he was under anesthesia for twelve hours, so it'll be a few hours at least. But the cannula will help clear it out of his system." Hailey sat back in her chair as well, the two of them holding a Jay hand while doing so. They were an interesting trio to look at, but their overall theme could be summed up in a single word: peace.

…

_6 months and several surgeries later_

"Oh that's so weird." The last of the cast had just been sawed off, revealing a thin, super white leg that was peppered with scars from five operations, the fifth one six weeks ago.

"They'll fade," Hailey commented, watching Jay just absorb the sight in front of him. This was the first time in forever he'd seen his leg as just that, an extremity of his body. He'd seen it in the early days of the recovery, but it so swollen and had monitor and IVs coming out of it, the leg felt more like a foreign body than something that was apart of him. After each operation, he'd wake up hoping to see skin, but thick whiteness was all he got.

"Eh, I don't mind them." She rolled her eyes at the very Jay Halstead comment. Will poked his head in the room at this point, apologizing for running late.

"Did it happen yet?" Jay shook his head. The doctor discarded the cast remnants and held a hand out for Jay to grab.

"It shouldn't be that painful, just stiff and sore from not really working in awhile. Everything looks good and nothing's going to break." Jay nodded as he scooted closer to the edge of the table, the crinkling paper making a racket as he moved. He grabbed the hand and stood, his left leg touching down first, a habit he'd picked up while the right leg was out of commission. Will kinda gave him the hurrying motion with his hands, Hailey smiling and nodding out of encouragement.

It felt, weird. That's the best way to describe it. Imagine not feeling the bottom of your foot for six months. No cold tile flooring, no burning your foot in a shower when the water's too hot. You couldn't wear a shoe or sock or anything. All you got to see for a very long time was white cast. Now, imagine placing that numb foot on the ground for the first time, watching your toes twitch against the weight it now held up. Jubilation and relief would be the first emotions, uneasiness right behind that. The doctor was right, things were stiff and sore and he did worry if things were going to hold up. He stood in that first step phase for a couple of minutes, a wide, overly excited grin beaming on his face. Hailey's mouth was wide open from the excitement, Will just nodding in approval. Jay took a step, ignoring the slight pain, and waited for the nod to keep going.

"It's fine. You're not hurting anything." He took a step, and another, and soon was wobbling towards the door and turning the handle, looking behind him and smirking.

"Going for a run, be right back." He took another step when they protested.

"NO" they thunderous and nervously yelled! He let out a deep laugh as he turned to face them.

"Oh chill, I was joking." Will and Hailey rolled their eyes, realizing how untrue that statement was.

**Surprise! We had some Upstead moments. It's been a pretty popular request and I hope it met everyone's expectations. We're packing up and heading on our next adventure. Thank you for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- King of Chicago

**Hello, hello, hello everyone! I just wanted to take a minute to say THANK YOU! You guys are the sweetest, loveliest, most thoughtful people! When I first started in this One Chicago world, I felt so alone and shut out and just like that girl that stands in the middle of the room with everyone ignoring her. I didn't know how to break in and join the group, until this passion for writing came along. I just can't thank you guys enough for taking the time to read these little interpretations of mine and truly make me feel like a member of the club. Now, today's prompt comes from a very sweet and patient reader named Lily! I somehow missed this prompt and I'm so sorry for that. I hope you enjoy this, Lily!**

**_Lily: "Someone tried to kill Voight but Jay was the one being hurt. I'd love to see that it happened on their day off." _**

**We're going to take this one back in time to the land of season 3, episode 4. James Beckett has been released from prison and is now on a revenge tour, targeting Voight and everyone around him. Shall we begin?!**

Only Al would order wine at a bar. Wine was for special dinners or a weekend traipsing with friends, not an aged, industrial bar in the heart of Chicago. But, it's what he drank so Voight unabashedly ordered it. They decided to meet there after the day's case. It opened some old wounds and questionable choices of the past. Voight's meeting with Al was a peace offering, an unspoken apology if you will. He wrongfully half accused Al of taking money from a raid and his long-time friend all but told him to kiss his ass. And now, as the two of them commiserated over the day's proper conclusion, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Yeah," Voight answered, a slight hint of discomfort sitting deep in his gut. When it came to old cases and enemies, you always wonder if you truly reached the end.

"He's escaped, Beckett. Somewhere between lockup and central, he slipped out. No one even noticed till they were loaded people in the vans and noticed that names didn't match faces." Voight swiveled in his seat, looking now at Jay and Erin laughing at a table. She had smacked Jay on the arm and he was humorously offended. Who knew where their relational title stood at this time, but they were happy and content. Voight was just glad knowing she finally had a solid person there for her.

"Hank," Trudy asked? Voight nodded his head, placing himself back in the phone call.

"Yeah."

"I'm detailing someone to protect you. It's not up for debate, Hank." He rolled his eyes, turning back to a quizzical Al.

"Fine. Thanks for letting me know." He hung up and threw the phone back in his pocket, swallowed the remainder of his glass's contents, and stood.

"What was that," Alvin asked? Voight threw a twenty on the counter.

"Beckett's escaped and in the wind." Al nodded while deeply exhaling. This wasn't going to end well.

"Have a good night, Al." He didn't respond, just cocked his head and returned to his wine glass. Voight had just left the building when Jay experienced that same buzzing of a phone in his pocket.

…

The doorbell going off was what roused him from his deep slumber. He rolled over to check his phone for the time, a little shocked that he slept past 8am. Hushed talking and footsteps sounded below him as he rolled onto his back, staring straight at the ceiling. Sleep didn't really happen last night but then again, it's hard to come by when you're the leader of Intelligence. A bounty is always on your head, whether it's coming from the higher-ups or the gang bangers on the streets. Voight rubbed his eyes while exhaling, not ready for the day to get rolling. It might have been his day off, but the looming threat of a babysitter brought things down. He was a grown, rather able person. If there was anyone who could defend him, it was himself. A knock interrupted his righteous thoughts.

"Hank, you have a visitor." It was Erin. There was a peppiness to her voice. Yesterday, Voight had granted her permission to live on her own, again. He enjoyed the throwback to another season of life, but was elated for her to be back on the right path again. The last months were trying to say the least and he really thought he'd lost her for good. Grief, drugs, negative influences really did a number on her psyche, but he was relieved to finally be on the other side of it all. The happy ending to the dismal, dark story.

"Ok," Voight replied, pulling a shirt on and heading towards the door. As much as he'd miss having family around the house, it was going to be great not treating Erin like a rebellious teenager. He slowly walked down the stairs, not totally connecting the dots on the visitor.

"Jay."

"Sarge," he replied, a slight amount of nerves detected.

"You here to help Erin?" Jay shook his head.

"Uh no. I'm actually here for you." It instantly clicked. Erin let out one of those raspy laughs, melting over Voight's shocked reaction.

"Oh this is going to be good," she replied, patting Voight on the shoulder before running up the stairs. Let the interrogation commence.

"Trudy called you?"

"Yeah, she said she needed someone to protect you and figured I'd be willing."

"Protect?!"

"Her words, not mine." Voight scoffed, turning towards the kitchen and beelining it. Perhaps coffee would fully wake him from this odd dream.

"Look, I get that you're more than capable of handling things, but Beckett is out there and who knows what he can do, or what he has planned." Voight poured a cup before offering the pot to Jay, who eventually accepted.

"Have you ever done a protection detail?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"The Rangers, we were assigned to protect this high ranking official and get him through a hostile region."

"And?!"

"And we got it done with zero incidents. I get that Beckett is dangerous and all, but this is Chicago, not Afghanistan. I can handle it." Voight simply nodded and sipped, seeming to agree with the unchangeable plan. Erin stuck her head in the doorway, bags at her sides and face a vision of happiness.

"I'm heading out." She pointed to the bags.

"Alright, be careful." Erin and Jay had a quick eye connection, Jay pleading for her to not leave him alone for the day. She responded with an eye roll.

"You two have fun today, ok? Enjoy the day off, bake cookies." The two of them rolled their eyes and groaned, neither looking forward to what was in store. She hustled out of the house, slamming the door behind her. It was suddenly silent, like you could hear the water dripping in a faucet upstairs silent. Jay was afraid to move, convinced he'd get in trouble for something. It was strange, being in the boss's house. You don't ever envision seeing someone like Voight in pajamas, sitting in his kitchen having breakfast. But that's exactly what was unfolding in front of Jay. He tapped his foot and shot off random comments, hoping to find something to distract them from the oddness of the situation. Soon Voight got up, beginning his morning routine.

"I'm going to shower, do you want come check in the cabinets for booby traps?" Jay rolled his eyes before collapsing his head into his hands, Voight shaking his head while ascending the stairs. So much for a relaxing day off.

…

"Wait," Jay replied, jumping out of the car before Voight. The plan was a simple trip to the grocery store, but it soon turned into a logistical nightmare. Jay wanted him to go to an unfamiliar store, stating that Beckett probably knew his local hangouts and stops. Voight profusely refused, claiming he didn't want to waste the Saturday running all town, avoiding a maybe. Jay eventually caved, but on one condition: he would drive and go with Voight into the store. An agreement was struck, but only so much. The entire way, Voight grilled Jay about heat runs and danger points. Furthermore, he announced his hatred for being chauffeured around. He reasoned that he wasn't some fragile, ninety year old person. It got to the point where Jay was jokingly considering doing Beckett a favor and taking Voight out himself. But before the knife, handgun, or collapsible rifle were overly tempting, the store was in sight. Jay parked the car in a crowded area and looked around for a moment, eventually satisfied with the level of security. Hank had placed his hand on the door handle, making Jay react quickly.

"This is a bit overkill," Voight grumbled, receiving an eye roll from his body guard. Jay rounded the vehicle and stared out, not breaking his gaze on the world as he opened the door.

"Let's go." Hank got out and walked two steps ahead of Jay, waiting for him to lock the car and rejoin him.

"You ever seen _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_?" Voight gave him an irritated look.

"Yeah."

"Just pretend you're the Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago. You're the big shot who needs protection from the common people of the city." Voight just stared at him, completely lost on the train of thought. If Jay thought humor would get them through this odd, forced time together, he needed to try harder.

"And you're what, Ferris Bueller?" Jay smirked, cocked his head as he began walking.

"Something like that." In that moment, Voight wasn't sure what Erin saw in this kid.

The store trip consisted of choosing, inspecting, and eventual purchasing. Voight often asked Jay to sniff or scratch things, claiming Beckett was so detailed and ahead of them that he planted poison in the foods he knew Voight would purchase. Jay got the message: him tagging along was a bit much. His rebuttal was that it was better than being shot at. Soon the car was loaded and they were back on the road, destination Voight's couch. The journey back differed from the first one, making it a point to delve into traffic and make crazy, out of the way twists and turns. What felt like a year later, Voight's street came into view. Jay stopped the car a couple spots away from the house and did his inspection of things. He waited, got out, and opened the door for Hank. They were in the process of unloading the bags when a car barreled down the road. It was small, beat up, and just had an out-of-place feeling to it.

"Get in the car," Jay calmly told Voight, who reluctantly obliged. Jay placed a hand on his holster, ready to draw if necessary. The car wasn't slowing as it got close, almost seeming to speed up. Jay now had the gun drawn, keeping it at his side. He inhaled, took a step, and exhaled as the car continued past them. Now watching it go by, Jay felt slightly silly for his reaction. A group of teenagers were piled in, dancing and singing to some song blaring on the worn-out radio. Unless Beckett was recruiting high schoolers, they weren't a threat.

"C'mon, let's get inside," Voight commented, somewhat laughing at Jay. He got it, he freaked out. Jay re-holstered his weapon and helped Voight with the rest of the stuff, mentally smacking himself for his speedy conclusion to the worse case scenario.

…

They spent the rest of the day napping and watching TV. That's what most days off consisted of. The life of a cop in the city of Chicago is rather demanding and grueling, you take full advantage of those free moments. The two of them rotated nap times, Jay staying up first. One would rest for a couple of hours while the other would pick something on TV to binge, and then the roles would reverse. The day was uneventful for the most part but, around the 9pm hour, well after dark, something jolted both of them out of their relaxed states.

"Was that upstairs?" Voight nodded, now heading towards the gun safe. Jay rose from the couch, heading for the steps. He climbed two stairs before pausing, waiting for the silence to continue. Reaching the top, Jay took the room farthest down the hallway. He opened the door to find nothing, remnants of Erin's stay the only thing greeting him. He then moved to the bathroom, Voight's room, and the other spare bedroom, getting the same result. Voight was standing at the bottom of the steps, looking for an answer.

"Clear. Maybe something dropped in Erin's room." Jay holstered his gun and trotted down the stairs, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, sure." They returned to the living room when Jay noticed the flash. It was a blip from across the way. Whether it was in the yard or the house across the way, Jay knew exactly what was about to unfold. And in a split second decision, he dove, knowing full well the pain and damage it was about to cause.

…

Voight had his back to it all, turning around at the sound of shattering glass and Jay grunting. It was instantaneous. Jay was walking towards the living room, and then he wasn't. Hank dropped to the floor, reaching for his gun as he crawled towards Jay.

"Jay," he yelled! The kid was bleeding, that much he could detect. He didn't know the source or the extent of things, just that Jay dove in front of something meant for him. Along the way, Voight grabbed for blankets, pillows, and chairs, throwing all of them at Jay in an effort to create a fortress of protection. Jay had managed to roll from his side onto his back, wincing and heavily breathing while doing so. Voight had reach to feel for a pulse when Jay returned to the speaking world.

"I'm good, I'm fine," he reassured, Voight not buying it. The bullets were still flying into the now open room, each round inching closer to Jay and Voight; indicating the shooter was coming towards them. Jay worked himself into a crouching position, grabbing for his gun as he looked over the barricade, only to see a dark figure about twenty feet away from the window.

"Go upstairs," Jay whispered, willing his injured arm to move. He felt the pain and blood, but absorbed it all, knowing he was the only thing standing between Voight living or dying. Hank gave him an 'are you sure' look, Jay vigorously nodding his head. The two of them crawled to the base of the steps, Jay being Voight's six as he quietly went up, making a point to avoid the moonlight cascading on the stairs. He had just cleared the steps visible to the lower level when glass began crackling, letting the occupants know the intruder was in. Voight made a phone motion to Jay, who nodded before turning back towards the living room.

You could hear heavy breathing that almost sounded happy. The layout of the living room was a large glass window looking out with two chairs in the corners of the window. There was a couch to the left of the window, fireplace and television on the opposite wall. To the right of the TV wall was an opening into the kitchen, the very place where the intruder was standing when Jay stealthily made it back to the barricade. He could hear mumbling and rustling, like someone was going through cabinets looking for something. The sound of dishes hitting the floor gave him the green light to approach. Jay rose and confidently walked to the doorway, resting up against the wall before ducking his head around the corner, confirming a very large man to be in his midst. And then it happened. Perhaps it was intentional, but probably not, but something fell above them. Jay mouthed a curse while the intruder laughed, giving Jay the answer as to who was in the kitchen.

Beckett confidently strode past the doorway when the floor gave out from under him. In actuality, it was Jay tripping him. Beckett's face smacked the ground, a small moan coming afterwards. Jay lunged at him, grabbing both his arms as the body wiggled under him.

"You're not getting out of this one," Jay spoke, continuing to ignore the screaming pain coming from his shoulder. He must've loosened his grip for a brief second because soon his face was meeting the guy's elbow, the force knocking Jay off of him. Jay was blinking away unconsciousness as Beckett rang for the stairs, yelling something about settling and revenge. He marched up three stairs when this loud, booming, blast rang out. Everything went suddenly and completely still. There was this bright flash of light, much brighter than the first one. Beckett rolled down the stairs, landing awkwardly, as Voight stood at the top, cocking the shotgun just in case. He stormed down the steps, resting the muzzle of the gun on the side of Beckett's head, praying the guy would make a move.

"Like I said, I should have done this a long time ago." The response was a couple of raspy coughs, a wide smile, and then it was over. The light faded from the eyes as the body completely relaxed for eternity. James Beckett was no more.

Sirens were ringing out in the very far distance as Voight worked his way to Jay, stepping over the barricade and shattered glass. His detective was awake, but drifting. His eyes moved back and forth, his breathing heavy and shallow, like collecting air was hard to do. Voight turned on the lights, finally getting a good look at how bad things were. The whole left side of Jay was covered in blood, the hole in the left side of his upper chest still freely pumping. His face had a growing bruise from his right cheek to around the eye and stopping at the base of his forehead, revealing just how hard Beckett hit him.

"I'm going to roll you," Voight announced, Jay could only nod and blink. He turned Jay on his side, thankful to see an exit wound, oddly enough.

"Ok, it's a through-and-through and it looked to have missed the heart. But you might have a punctured lung."

"Awesome," Jay replied, trying to put a smile on his face. Voight returned him to his back, the two of them looking over at the dead body in the corner.

"He's dead?"

"Yeah, it's all over. Look's like the king of Chicago didn't need his body guard after all."

"The sausage king," Jay corrected, wincing at the act of speaking.

"Yeah, yeah." By now the police had arrived and were shouting for responses, Voight yelling for people to head their way. Jay's eyes rotated around the room now, going from Beckett to Voight to the kitchen before starting the path again. He was shivering now and everything was spinning. If he didn't know any better, he felt like he was dying. Out of all the places to die, Voight's living wasn't on his list. He tried talking, but this gurgling sound was all that came out.

"Hang in there," Voight told him, watching as Jay slipped into unconsciousness. Voight stepped away as the paramedics arrived on the scene. He slouched down against the wall and let the tears fall, fully realizing what Jay took on his behalf.

…

It became a game of catching up. By the time Voight had calmed down, Jay was already taken away in the ambulance, well on his way to Med. Alvin was standing over him, calling his name in his typical hushed tone. When that didn't work, Al sunk down next to Voight and just stared at him, letting him know he was there, ready for whatever. Voight appreciated this aspect more than anything. Alvin didn't need some explanation or reason to do things. Someone he cared for was in trouble and he was ready to dive into the unknown. A grunt was all it took to get things moving towards the hospital. Alvin drove in silence, letting the police lights being the only sound and movement. On the way over, people were constantly phoning Voight, wanting explanations or updates. He wasn't in a mood to speak so Alvin took that over, repeating the same thing each time: 'not now.' The only time the two men made eye contact was at the stoplight a street away from the hospital. Voight looked over to Al, who returned with one of those signature, silently confident nods.

They pulled into a parking spot and hurriedly strode into the ED, watching as Jay and a large group of people we're growing smaller behind closing elevator doors. Then an obviously shocked, slightly angry red head walked towards. This would be the second time talking with Will Halstead and Voight had a feeling it wouldn't go better than the first.

"Voight, right?" Hank nodded, coming to a halt somewhere close to the nurses station.

"Will, I'm so sorry."

"What happened?!" There was a some bite at the end of that one. Voight was in the process of opening his mouth when Alvin stepped in.

"He was protecting his boss, took a bullet for him. No one told him to do it." Will relaxed his shoulders a bit, sighing before moving closer to Hank.

"There's a waiting room upstairs, outside the OR doors. I'm going to sit in the observation room but you're more than welcome to wait for him." They all went their separate ways, a little relieved and shocked at how well that interaction unfolded.

People came and went. Officers, medical personnel, members of Intelligence, and so on. Each did the same thing: entered, apologized, and requested updates when they came. Erin was a little more emotional than the others. She burst into the room out of breath, a red face evidence of a couple crying sessions. After hugging Voight, she went through the myriad of questions, spewing them out faster than answers could be given. By now, Hank was better able to talk, give out answers at face value. He told her what he knew, what he didn't, and that she could stay with them. And then they all sat and stared and waited and were silent for the remainder of the two hour operation. The opening of the waiting room door rattled them to standing before they even realized they had. Will walked in with a relaxed face, dare I say a smile as well.

"He dodged a bullet, forgive my pun." They all smirked before quietly chuckling.

"It was a through-and-through shot and it did nick an artery, thus the reason for the amount of bleeding. He also broke a couple of ribs and did puncture a lung. The trauma to his face did cause a low level concussion so he's going to be closely monitored tonight, but he looks good otherwise. He has a chest tube in for the lung and is on strong pain blockers for the shoulder and ribs, but he's awake and asking to see you guys. Told me he doesn't want to wait till tomorrow." Will gave them the motion to follow and they willingly obeyed, their spirits lifting as they rode the elevator to the ICU floor. Will reminded them to be quiet as they walked down the hall, alerting them it was well after midnight and people were sound asleep. They arrived outside the door, inhaling as Will ushered them into the room.

Jay was rather frail looking. The bruise from Beckett's elbow was blossoming nicely across his face, painting the mid section of it a nice hue of blue and green. He had an oxygen tube under his nose and several monitoring leads coming out of his hospital gown. The left shoulder was wrapped in gauze and padding, making it look pretty immobile and swollen. Then there were the IV lines and ports, pulse oximeters on his fingers, and central line feeding strong narcotics into his system; the large tube snaking out his left side the worst of all. Add all this with the room setting, bedding, and the constant beeps and whooshes, it was crazy to think that hours ago, he was fending off an attacker.

Jay was asleep when they walked in, his head slumped over to his right. His eyebrows were twitching and he quietly grunted, like he was trying to talk in his sleep. Erin bypassed everyone and sat herself on the left side of his bed, carefully taking a hold of the hand and squeezing.

"Jay, can you hear me?" He lazily opened his eyes, looking around before finding Erin. A huge, dopey grin broke out on his face.

"Hey." The high-low tone of his voice told just how out of it he was.

"What happened to staying in and hanging out on the couch?" Jay shrugged his shoulder, rubbing under his eyes as she lovingly laughed at him.

"How are you feeling, kid," Voight asked? Jay looked past Erin, directly towards Voight and nodded, letting him know it was all good.

"Tired, drugged. Beckett's dead, for real this time?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." Will now looked at Jay funny, wondering where that rarely used came from. They spent the next couple of minutes piecing things together, Will filling them in on what happened during surgery while Voight gave the run-down of Beckett breaking in and Jay's role in it all. While no one was watching, Jay dozed off to sleep, his soft snores interrupting the details of the last few hours. Will encouraged everyone to get some shut eye for the night, assuring them Jay would be more alert in the morning. Erin planted a kiss on Jay's cheek before strolling out, not caring if people were gawking behind her.

"Hang in there, Ferris," Voight said, waving farewell to the Halsteads as he joined Al and Erin in the elevator. Al waited till the doors closed to inquire.

"Ferris?" Voight smirked.

"I'll tell you another time."

**I have a confession, this was a hard one to write. So much has happened since season three. Characters have come and gone, storylines have run their course. As much as I love throwing it back, it's hard going back to another point in time. I hope you guys enjoyed this one! Can't wait to see where we're headed next.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9- Nobody's Fault

**Greetings everyone and welcome to June! So, a theme seemed to yell at me this week and I think I got the message. **

**_Guest: "What if Hailey protects Jay from being hurt and gets injured in the process, Jay struggles and blames himself." _**

**_Vanchi1211: "They [Hailey and Jay] were ambushed (talk about the finale!) or something, but Hailey pushed Jay out of harm's way. She got hurt and taken to the hospital. Jay of course blamed himself and went self-destructive and pushed everyone away, even her."_**

**_RCMCWolf: "I agree with vanchi1211! What Jay would [do] if Hailey get hurt." _**

**So, I was beginning to figure out a one-shot when I came across this prompt. **

**_Anon: "Did you watch the finale? How about you twist the story and Jay actually got hurt in the van shooting?" _**

**It suddenly clicked. The wheels started churning and the story was finally revealed. The details may not be exact, but I hope this meets everyone's expectations and you guys are satisfied with how it all turns out. Strap in, because it's going to be a wild ride.**

The plan was so perfect. The loophole they searched months for was upon them. Kelton was about to go down, mere hours before being elected the Mayor of Chicago. Nothing was expected to go wrong. They were all stationed in their assigned places, just waiting for the person of the hour to show. Everything was going to plan until it happened. Hailey was reaching for her coffee when the blood curdling gunshot rang out, just feet from the van. Her hand was approaching the cup when she flung forward, gun flying off the counter and thunking on the floor. At the time, Jay didn't know if she was reacting to the surprising shot or if she was hit. Every instinct told him to grab her, grab a vest, and lay as low as possible; which he did in rather rapid succession. They didn't speak, half thinking that would keep the plan moving. Plus, he wanted the shooter to think he'd done his job. The bullets were flying at sporadic moments and uncoordinated places, marks of an untrained assassin. Things were spraying all around them: metal, lead, wood and papers from the counter. But through the terrifying ordeal, Jay kept his death grip on Hailey. He grunted at the halfway point, fighting the flashbacks to another time in his life, reminding himself this wasn't then and it wasn't going to last as long. And almost on cue, things stopped. No more bullets, no more flying objects, just silence followed by shouts.

"You good," Jay asked? The body under him didn't move.

"Hailey," he inquired, turning her onto her back, now realizing why she wasn't, or couldn't respond. An exit wound was located on a very critical part of her torso, hovering on the left side of the body. Blood was spilling out freely, the whole front of her thick and red. Jay's hands were seriously shaking now, making it hard to detect a pulse through his own sped up heart rate. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, the clumps of tears making that next to impossible. The guilt was swarming in now, pretty much screaming this was his fault. He was her partner. His main reason for existing was to protect her. He should have been the one sitting there, checking the exterior of their spot, something. He failed her, plain and simple.

"Are you guys alright," Voight cried towards the van, a little concerned when nothing came back. He inched closer to the shot out vehicle.

"Jay?!" Something told Jay it was time to verbalize. It was like the computer system overrode his free will. Whether or not he was ready or wanted to, words fell out of mouth, somewhat combining into one thing.

"She's hit," came this unusual, never before heard voice. Voight was sprinting now, radio at the ready to make that call, the one you never ever want to speak over radio frequencies. The doors revealed a scene Voight would have tattooed on his mind for the rest of time. Hailey was lifeless, dead to the observing eye. Jay was pressing his whole body weight on her side, tears pouring down as he kept repeating for her to wake up. Hank called Jay's name, but his detective never acknowledged.

"10-1, 10-1, officer down. I need an ambulance at our location ASAP!" The dispatcher was responding to the request as Voight shook Jay's shoulder, hard, finally getting a beaded gaze his way.

"What do you need me to do?" Jay's face was white, his mouth was opening before the voice kicked in.

"I failed her. She can't die." Voight now searched for a pulse, exhaling the smallest of amounts when an erratic, but there beat greeted him. He leaned over to hear the faintest of breaths coming out from Hailey. She was in bad shape, but she wasn't gone…yet.

"She's still alive. Keep pressure on it," he replied, flailing a finger at the bullet hole. Members of Intelligence trickled over to the van now, mouths wide open and eyes massive.

"Go find him, NOW," Voight barked. They would nod, get that last glimpse before taking off, clearly not in the mindset to capture the perp peacefully. But, neither guy in the van cared what happened.

The ambulance was pulling up when Voight noticed that Jay had changed. Not emotionally, but physically. He couldn't pinpoint the location, but things were off. That little voice in his mind told him Hailey wasn't going to be the only casualty today.

"Are you good?" Jay vigorously nodded his head, still not letting up on Hailey. And then Jay's whole person changed. He went from an emotional wreck to an informed witness, letting the medics know exactly what happened, not leaving out a detail. He even so much as let go and stepped out of the van, calmly turning to watch qualified people do their thing. Voight was completely perplexed by now, trying to figure out how Jay could switch things on and off so quickly. Jay would go between placing is hands behind his neck and then pacing a couple of steps; getting a thorough look at the world around him, inhaling every sight, smell, particle of the last few minutes. He finally stood still when he saw the coffee cup on its' side still pouring its' contents out. His world flipped just that quickly.

Hailey was loaded into the rig about six minutes later, Jay walking right behind her and the medics. Voight had told Jay to go with her, but Jay had already planned on it. There's a Gill Grissom quote that goes something like, "people never look up." In this situation, people never look down. Because of someone had, perhaps they'd have seen the droplets of blood dripping off Jay, becoming steadier by the footfall. Alas, Voight was too worried and shocked, busying his mind over his detectives being thrown into the back of an ambulance.

…

She was intubated and placed on heart monitors on the way, her clothing ripped to allow better access to the bullet wound. The paramedic would shout things to the driver who in turn, would alert Med of the incoming trauma. Things weren't good and they didn't get better as they drove, her blood loss near critical, in dire need of an OR to fix the damage. Words like 'excessive' 'kidney' and 'removal' were tossed around, but Jay wasn't hearing any of it. Gone was the robotic personality, now an overly sick one took it's place. He was sitting, resting his elbows on his knees and keeping his clasped hands behind his head. He didn't speak on the way over nor did he even look at her. He just kept his head down and eyes fixed on the ground.

Jay didn't see when they arrived at Med, somehow blocking out the shouts and commotion that happens when a life threatening trauma arrives. People moved around him, too concerned with the patient to care for his psychological well being. Will was the one to take Hailey, swallowing the dread as he noticed Jay in his catatonic state. Maggie yelled that trauma three was open when he pulled the medical caravan through the doors, not hesitating to guide them to their stop. The medics stayed with them long enough to claim their gurney and get out of the way. When they returned, Jay found another personality: anger. He stormed out of the rig, practically running past the waiting room and nurses station, chalking up his weakness and blurry vision to guilt or shock. He would shout Hailey's and Will's name, only stopping when he saw it: Will throwing paddles on Hailey's chest and her body convulsing shortly after. She was dying, that's all that registered. Jay slipped into the room, pigging backing with the trauma surgeon. Jay found a corner and slid, prayer-like hands glued to his lips. There were so many machines, people, wires, things fighting for her to live. But despite it all, the chilling, single, high pitched whine echoed through the room.

Jay actually screamed this time. A new set of tears were falling as Will yelled for Jay to get out, not losing sight of Hailey. He called for more rounds of epi and an increase in defibrillator power. She wasn't down for six or seven minutes, but two. They all smiled over the small victory as multiple beats rang out. They weren't pretty or stable, but Hailey was back. From there it was a race. The trauma surgeon took the reigns from Will, letting people know they were on the move right then. Jay sprung from his feet and bolted with them, ignoring Will's cries that he couldn't go. Jay stood next to the gurney and grabbed a hand, not caring about the dirty, angry looks he was getting from people.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as the elevator chimed the tune of an awaiting car. Her hand slipped away as they pulled her on, Jay standing in place while staring at his now empty hand. He wasn't sure if he should cry or scream or follow them. Instead, his body told him it was time to give up. Jay was out before his head hit the floor.

Will had his back turned when it happened. He was working on Hailey's electronic chart, trying to get it sent up to the OR, when a nurse yelled, 'he fell.' Will didn't need to be told who the 'he' was. In that nanosecond, it felt like he was standing on a beach, watching a hurricane move inland before turning to face the water and be staring down a monster category five storm.

…

A couple of nurses were kneeling next to Jay, feeling for a pulse and trying to find an explanation for the unexpected collapse. Will literally slid on the floor, landing in a hover over Jay. There was a shake in his being now, doing his best to run the mental tape back, trying to find the hints. Nothing. He hated that he wasn't more aware of what went down.

"His pulse is thready but breathing is good."

"Get him on a gurney," Will commanded, being tapped on the shoulder as he spoke. Everyone grabbed an arm or leg and soon they were headed back to the ED, a new nightmare to deal with. Jay was hooked up to monitors and put on oxygen and IVs in a frantic pace. It was during the clothing removal that they found it: a hole in Jay's back, exiting somewhere in the spleen region. The panic picked up, Will shaking his head over the unstoppable disaster. Just when things seemed to be manageable, a new, larger wave appeared.

"Page trauma."

"They're with Hailey." A mental head smack came from deep in Will's brain. Rhodes and Natalie entered the picture at this point, both a little shocked at what they were witnessing.

"Will, you can't work on him."

"Yeah, like hell." Rhodes now stood inches away from Will, giving him one of those stern glares, telepathically communicating to him to move. Will didn't budge for that, Natalie knowing she had to step in, for Jay's sake.

"Will, this isn't helping Jay. Back off, Connor's got this." The two doctors locked eyes for a moment, common sense finally letting Will know what to do. In the moment, it felt to be a betrayal. Will slunk to a corner and helplessly watched Rhodes confirm the spleen suspicion.

"It's definitely bleeding out. I'm kinda shocked he made it this long," Rhodes muttered under his breathe, handing off the ultrasound wand to a nurse.

"Which OR is open?" A nurse ran to phone the floor, giving Will, Natalie, and Rhodes time to converse the game plan.

"Can you save it?"

"Possibly. He's lost a lot of blood and can't afford a lot more." Will looked over at Jay. He was intubated now and hooked to a machine, for surgery reasons. It was crazy to think how not too long ago, he was awake, mobile, alive. Now, he looked to be inches away from death. The omen is so true, life does move pretty fast.

"Do what you need to do." Will finally spoke. It was at this point he realized the night that was in store for him, for Jay and Hailey, for everyone involved in the circle. Rhodes seemed to pick up on the vibe, giving Will a quick nod before the nurse returned.

"They're ready." It was like the start gun at a track meet because in no time, everyone was heading for the elevator. Will got a final look, leaving it all to the professionals to handle, before stepping away and watching the numbers rise. It dawned on Will he now had free time, hours to torment himself. So he picked a direction and walked, destination anywhere but there.

…

Thank goodness it was the middle of May. First, daylight stretched much longer than usual. Second, it was far warmer than it was a few months ago. The traditional waiting room was the last thing Will needed. The thought of having to sit in a still, grey, sterile room for hours terrified him, almost more so then the surgeries Hailey and Jay were currently undergoing. Just the idea of absorbing what all was happening was enough to kick him outside. He thought about waiting things out on level ground, perhaps a bench outside the ED. But then the idea of traffic and people crossed that off the list. People were going to inquire. People were going to offer sympathy and assistance. People were going to give that look you see when death is eminent. He couldn't do that right now. Will couldn't exist in an idea of loss. So he sought his safe haven and was relieved to finally be alone. Just him and the city to get through things.

People are emotional, buildings, streets, lights were not. Up here, watching the world do its' thing, life almost slowed down. In this spot of the world, it was about the simple things: getting home, meeting friends, thwarting the incoming darkness. Will watched as those lights on the tiptop of sky scrapers blinked in perfect succession. They were red or white and they didn't miss a beat. In his mental state, Will could've sworn they were speaking to him.

"It will be fine."

"Do not give up."

"They'll make it." Now of course, he couldn't hear these phrases, but seemed to understand what the world was transmitting. Will decided this was the moment to slink down and sob, because what else could he do up here all alone. So he did just that. He didn't really feel the brick wall scrape his scrubs over the deep heaving of his sobs. His bottom met the ground, almost forcing the rest of him to curl into a ball. Fingers met the forehead while elbows greeted the knee caps. Will isn't sure how long he stayed this way, but it was enough time to become stiff and stuck, Natalie's disruptive unlatching of the door breaking him free.

"I thought I'd find you up here," she calmly, somewhat happily remarked. Will just nodded, refusing to leave his place. Natalie stood at the edge of the roof, closing her eyes as she breathed, fully appreciating the fresh, hospital free air.

"This is a stunning view. I swear it hasn't changed in twenty years and it probably won't in another twenty. Its' beauty is timeless." Will just nodded, too depleted to conjure up words. She looked down at his miserable, pitiful pile of a human and sighed. Before long, she was eye level with him.

"Voight is here and the rest of the team is on their way. They're looking for you."

"No, they're not," Will finally mumbled, his gaze not leaving the door across the roof.

"Will," Natalie replied, her voice now brimming with sorrow and helplessness. She wrapped an arm over Will's shoulder, waiting for him to continue.

"If he was looking he would've found me. Called at least. Given me the heads up for what was about to crash in." Will was upset, that much was obvious. Natalie tried to smooth things over, talk Will out of creating another dramatic scene that evening.

"I don't think he knew about Jay. Honestly, I don't even think Jay totally knew. You know how your brother is. Once something happens to someone, he goes out the window. Shuts everyone out, including himself. This isn't Voight's fault."

"In what world is it not his fault."

"Because he didn't fire on the van. Jay and Hailey were doing surveillance away from the sight when they got shot at. No one saw it coming. Voight thinks some higher up tipped the shooter off." Will's head snapped at that last part, finally looking Natalie's way.

"Oh yeah, someone in the department told them about the bust." Will rolled his head deeper into his chest, truly fighting the urge to attack someone, or something, whatever stood in his way. Instead, he sat in utter silence for a bit, listening to his breathing and heartbeat. The episode resided when the word 'update' popped into his head.

"Anything from downstairs?" Natalie pulled Will in closer, noticing his refusal to say 'surgery' or 'OR.'

"Both are still being worked on. Haven't heard any details. Which is a good sign, means they're still fighting." Will nodded, almost swallowing the unknown.

"I want to stay up here." They both sat silent, letting the car horns, sirens, and road sounds be the only liveliness in their little world. Natalie didn't loosen her grip and Will didn't dream of budging. Even after the sun set on them, they clung to each other, relying on the other to get them to the other side of the darkness.

…

Her pager pinging made them both jump. Natalie let out a little squeak, forcing Will to smile for the first time in forever. He watched as she grabbed for the device and stared for a couple of seconds.

"Hailey's out of surgery and Jay's just about done. Connor is wanting us downstairs." She rose to her feet and turned, sighing as Will remained planted on the ground.

"C'mon," she spoke, offering a hand to help him up.

"It's time to stop fretting, Will. They both need us." Something great happened: Will stood up. He was dizzy and wobbling with every step, but he was on the move, headed back into the battle.

Natalie guided him to the elevator and then down the hall to the waiting room where the rest of the gang was holed up in. They rose as the door opened, expecting a surgeon, not a distraught family member. They were both startled and relived. There was this air of unrest, like a fight was about to break out. No one was sure what to say or if they should move. Like in a movie, people stepped aside, allowing Voight and Will to stare each other down. Will was holding back spiteful words and Voight picked up on that, seeming to be on the verge of apologizing.

"Let's just get through the next few hours," Will spoke. Voight nodded his head, sitting back down before the others followed the lead. Natalie practically shoved Will in a chair far away from the group, still worried over the potential blow up.

That creepy, sickening silence fell over the room, the one Will literally ran away from. He'd look over at faces, seeing them as death warmed over. Some were bleary eyed, others were white with disbelief. Will couldn't take it. The absolute last thing he needed was everyone's presence shouting what he feared: they were dead. Will fought past Natalie's hand holding, abruptly standing and pacing a couple of steps. He was mumbling something no one could understand. It was a combo of breathing exercises and partial words. Voight looked over at Natalie who shrugged, not sure what was happening but assumed it was helping. A knock on the waiting room door picked up heart rates. Rhodes seemed to inhale for entering, like a diver preparing to go underwater. The room was that thick with tension and angst.

"Hey guys," he responded, receiving nothing, which he expected. Will found his seat and sat, vision not leaving Rhodes and the tablet in his hand. It was moments before someone yelled, 'spit it out,' that Conner began his breakdown.

"Ok, we'll start with Hailey. The bullet entered her back and nicked her left kidney and the upper part of her liver before exiting out her torso. As you can imagine, she suffered a large amount of blood loss. The surgeon was able to save the liver, but her kidney was damaged beyond repair so they had to remove it." Connor waited for everyone to take the news in. People didn't get up and scream, but it was pretty close to that. Kim lost it, balling her eyes out in Adam's shoulder. Trudy was being comforted by Voight, who was looking at something in a corner, appearing to be off in some other headspace. Will just kept staring, waiting for the second shoe to drop.

"Unfortunately, that's not all. The right kidney is not functioning properly. It could just be from all the trauma but right now Hailey's looking at a possible transplant."

"When will they know," Atwater asked?

"Probably in the next couple of days. She's getting set up for dialysis right now and they're hoping that'll reverse things, but the doctors aren't completely confident." Another pause arrived, Rhodes waiting for someone to give him the green light. Naturally, it came in the form of Will.

"Jay," he mumbled, a little perturb he had to wait this long. Conner glanced down at the tablet before starting.

"As you know, he was hit on his left side and his spleen was bleeding out. He too lost a lot of blood and had a large amount of internal bleeding. We had him stabilized till the spleen started effecting his other organs. At that point, we had no choice but to remove it. He can live a totally normal life without it and recovery won't be that hard. He's getting a few transfusions right now and is on some strong antibiotics, but I'm hopeful he can get through this."

"Hopeful?"

"Yes. Sorry Will, but that's all I can say right now." Connor looked out at his gut wretched audience, wishing there was someway this was all a massive dream. But alas, crisis don't work that way. They happen and it's up to people to find that peace and perseverance to make it out the other side. He stood and walked to the door, hesitating in an effort to corral the group.

"Let's go see them." In a single file, they trudged behind him, each solemnly getting on the elevator and riding in silence. People were giving each other looks, reassuring in nature. Will felt their gazes turn towards him, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to be apart of the dismal club. Jay and Hailey were attacked, they got helped, and they were going to get better. That was it, or so Will perpetually told himself. Eventually, they stepped out of the elevator and onto the ICU floor. They'd glanced into rooms like they were on a depressing scavenger hunt. People were asleep or gone, allowing lifeless auras to fill the place. They'd look in, hesitate, and then exhale as their quest continued.

They were in the far right wing of the department. Will was grateful someone chose to keep Hailey and Jay close, next door neighbors if you will. Hailey's room was in the corner with Jay's glass wall adjacent to her. Will stood outside Hailey's room, mutely watching as Intelligence and members of the 21st crammed in, trying to get that first snapshot of Hailey on the other side. In between things, Will saw that she was still intubated and had the scary lines for the dialysis in place. Her body was a vessel right now, just a figure connected to machines. She wasn't a person, but a thing, or being. Will couldn't muster up the energy to walk in there, stare at Jay's girl dying. He stood there long enough to watching Kim hug Hailey and sob, like they just called time of death or something. Adam was holding her hand, calling her 'Hail' and telling her to hang in. Those not over the body were gathered at the foot and sides of the bed, almost daydreaming. In his angry state, Will was ticked, near furious. He couldn't understand why they were mourning her. She wasn't dead so it ticked Will off that they were already in that mindset. So instead of yelling, he stepped away, deciding to have a little reunion with Jay.

Surprisingly, Jay looked normal. I mean, he too was surviving off life intervening things, but wasn't as dire looking as Hailey. Yes, he too was unconscious and had the big scary central line in his neck, but he wasn't intubated and had fewer IV stands and monitors around his bed. The only thing he and Hailey had in common was that they were both scary white and both were unconscious, everything else was a contrast. Jay was splayed on his bed, legs resting on their sides while arms were between his stomach and side. To the unsuspecting eye, he looked to be recovering from an appendectomy not a splenectomy. It was the Mickey Mouse band aid on the shoulder, hiding where the life saving antibiotics were injected, that sealed the deal. What was reported really did go down. Will scooted a swivel stool closer to the bed and sat, holding a hand while listening to the noise happening in the other room. He wasn't sure if they intentionally chose to not visit Jay, but was overly thankful for the alone time. It was greatly needed, that moment of silent acceptance. The next few days and weeks were going to be chaotic. This calming closure to the first chapter was exactly what was need in order to move forward.

Time was lost on Will. He wasn't sure how long he sat there and he really didn't care. But it was sometime later that a quiet knock rapped on the other side of the glass. Will glanced over to a very glum, somewhat scared Hank Voight.

"Can I.."

"-Yeah, of course," Will interrupted, pointing to the chair on the other side of the bed. Will returned to his watching over Jay, not inclined to talk with Voight. The two men became statue like, not moving or speaking or reacting, just remained still as they watched Jay breathe.

"I'm sorry, Will. We should've been more careful, really made sure things were kept in house. Kelton…he has a lot of tentacles in the department, just never thought he'd go this far."

"Yeah," Will replied, truly biting back the venom resting on the tip of his tongue. Hank picked up on that and headed out, stopping at the foot of Jay's bed. He did a final scan of the detective's current state, preparing to deliver his final speech.

"I'm going to see Kelton, do what needs to be done. This unit is going to be yours one day. Do it the right way." And on that note, Voight stormed off into the night. Will wasn't sure what had just been foretold. Perhaps it was grief or revenge or some other adjective he couldn't think of. But he couldn't ignore that that was Hank's farewell. Almost as if he knew his time had come to an end, the words his passing of the baton to the chosen one. In the coming days, it would begin to make sense. But that night, Will shrugged it off, missing the hints of Kelton's demise. Will could care less about the mysterious coded message from Hank Voight. He half hoped to never see the man again.

…

_Twenty-four hours later_

_"__In a shocking turn to the mayoral election, Mayor elect Brian Kelton has been found dead in his home. Early reports indicate he was shot multiple times and police say they haven't located the shooter at this time…" _Surely he was dreaming, because there was no way things worked out for the better. How could things have gone from a loss to stunning victory. Jay's eyes were so heavy, but everything else was kicking in. Legs were twitching and arms were working their way to his face, trying to get some band-like thing off. The body was a mixture of pain, soreness, and floating just off the sheets. He wasn't totally aware of why he was in this phenomena so naturally, he began freaking out. Deep, sharp breathing was what interrupted Will from his conversation with Rhodes, both of them turning to face an awakening Jay Halstead.

"Jay, you're alright just calm down." Will was terrified to touch him. In truth, this wasn't the first time Jay woke up, nor was it the second. Through the night, Jay would wake up crying, screaming, asking where Hailey was. The first time, Will made the mistake of telling him everything, which only drove the guilt to new heights. The second time he kept it brief, providing a generalization of things. Regardless of the answer, Jay worked himself into an episode, only sedatives could make him stop. Will slightly hoped Jay remembered it all in an effort to stop the sedative injection incidents. There was just so much they both could endure.

"Where's Hailey," the sleepy voice inquired? Both Rhodes and Will rolled their eyes, the next round of Haldol on the table just in case. Jay was finally able to open his eyes, revealing bloodshot, clouded blue orbs. He may have been on the mend, but he looked the opposite of well.

"She's next door," Will replied. Surprisingly, Jay didn't go off into another rage. He just nodded, wincing as he adjusted in the bed. He looked over the TV and watched the B-roll of police activity. Several police cars were encompassing Kelton's residence and the yellow tape was whipping in the wind. People were coming and going, the coroner escorting a body bag was the thing that got Jay truly awake.

"He's really dead?" Both visitors nodded their heads, Rhodes getting up to turn the TV off. Jay stared at it fade to black, listening to those faint crackles old school televisions made. When he got bored of that, he looked to his left, seeing the glass window and the end of a bed on the other side.

"You want to sit up and see her?" Will was about to reach his hand behind Jay and assist but a literal shove stopped him.

"No."

"Ok."

"Where is everybody?" Will looked to Rhodes who shrugged, leaving the decision entirely up to Will. Jay just glared, a little ticked these two were tip toeing around him.

"Kim and Kevin are next door with Hailey. Antonio is gone."

"Gone?"

"He took off last night and we haven't heard from him. Anyway, Voight was here for a little bit last night, said he was going to do something but hasn't come back. No one can reach or even find him. He's in the wind. And…Adam was arrested last night." Jay's eyes went wide, his mouth slightly ajar. Perhaps this was the dream.

"Yeah, right outside the door. Something about IA. I don't know." Jay nodded, not relaxing his shocked face. Will asked Jay if things were fine, who found that a completely stupid question. The last time he was conscious, he was under the impression they were down, but not finished. In the blink of an eye, the unit was dissolved with only a handful of them remaining, two of them going through a bit of a battle. In a way, he found the unfolding of events to be his fault. Had he been more attentive and on his game, Hailey wouldn't be his hospital next door neighbor. Kelton would probably be alive but also the elected mayor. The unit would still be a cohesive being and Voight would still be the leader. Because of his lack of action, the series of unfortunate events unraveled. So in short, he wasn't alright. He was just plain miserable and guilty. Instead of spewing his deepest thoughts on Will and Connor, Jay rolled on his side a bit and dozed off, letting the group know he needed some alone time. Will and Rhodes got up and left, standing on the other side of the glass door, keeping it cracked a small bit. They were speaking in hushed tones, but Jay was able to pick up snippets of the conversation.

"She's…testing…donor." A single eye cracked open, roving till it found the doctors on the other side of the door.

"What?" Will moaned as he opened the door, standing right in the doorway with hands on his hips.

"It's fine, just get some rest." Jay responded by re-opening both eyes and sitting up, ignoring the pain and pulling that caused.

"What's wrong with Hailey?" Quizzical looks came his way, but Rhodes was the one to finally speak.

"She's looking at a kidney transplant in the near future. Sooner rather than later. Other people are being tested but so far, we haven't found a match." And then a very Jay response came next.

"I'll do it." Will crossed his arms and pointed his head to the Heavens, praying for the words to talk Jay out of it.

"Sorry, you just had a major operation twenty-four hours ago. It's too much in a short amount of time," Rhodes replied.

"So what, I can handle it." Will now moaned, fighting the urge to yell.

"You're already down one organ, it's not recommended you lose another."

"But it's my choice. It's my fault she's even here and I have to fix this. Run the tests, but I'm not budging."

"You realize the risk you're putting yourself under?"

"Yes," Jay strongly replied.

"I don't care what happens to me. She needs to get out of here, live a life." Rhodes looked to Will who, against every fiber of his being, gave the go ahead. Connor all but bolted out of the room, phone at his ear and ordering tests and blood draws. Meanwhile, Will finally took a step into Jay's room and closed the door, pulling up a chair and glaring.

"How bad is she," Jay asked?

"Bad. They had her on dialysis and nothing changed. She now dealing with the early stages of organ failure." Through the report, Jay zoned out, staring into the imaginary figure in the corner. His face was ghostly, somehow looking worse than he did yesterday. Will drifted off when the sniffs and tears formed in the corners, lightly placing a hand on Jay's shoulder.

"I know you won't believe me, but this wasn't your fault." Jay didn't break his focus, only raising a hand to his eye.

"It was evil minded people crashing into the plan. You couldn't have seen it coming. It was nobody's fault."

"You're right, I won't believe you." Will smirked, slightly moaning as he patted Jay's back.

"Can you do one thing for me?" The person in the bed didn't budge.

"Don't slip away." Will meant every meaning.

"I'll be fine. I have to fix this." The nurse knocked on the door at this point, holding up the vials and catheter for testing. Will didn't speak to Jay, letting his words float into the air. He stood outside as the draws, scans, and tests were conducted. In the far corner of his mind, Will couldn't help but feel his brother was knowingly embarking on a deadly mission.

…

In soap opera, cheesy television fashion, Jay was a perfect match for Hailey. Things began to move quickly. Jay was sleeping when Hailey was taken upstairs, so he missed seeing her come by his room. The sleeping beauty was awoken late in the afternoon, a clipboard bursting with papers for him to sign was handed over before getting whisked away. He didn't bat an eye, just signed and asked to get the show on the road. On the ride up, gone was the emotionless side of Jay. Will noticed the perpetual tapping of his hand on the sheets, his head would pivot from door to medical team to his hands. He wasn't on heart monitors, but Will would've bet money they'd be displaying a flying rate. The elevator door rolled open, allowing Jay and the gang to see the OR suite doors swing on their hinges, letting people know they missed Hailey by just that much.

Pre-op was simple, just removing drainage tubes from the splenectomy and prepping the side for its' incoming poking and prodding. The twitching and world gazing transitioned into deep breaths and arm flinging. It looked like Jay had just bent his finger wrong, shaking off the nagging pain. The nurses left after everything was in place and connected, checking to see if the runway for the transplant was clear. Will waited till the door was closed to finally talk to Jay.

"Well the good news is that if you're ever shot on the left side, there won't be anything major in the way." Jay cocked his head, almost in disgust and annoyance.

"What?!" Will laughed.

"You're already down a spleen and now your kidney is going, there isn't a whole lot left." Jay chuckled, resuming his pre-game routine.

"Nervous?"

"No."

"Right. Your body says otherwise."

"This just needs to work," Jay replied, his voice sounding on the verge of tears. Will sat on the edge of the bed, trying his best to remain in doctor mode.

"Hey, it's going to. You both are going to be ok." For the first time in this whole episode, Jay agreed. Wiping away a tear as he nodded. The OR nurse entered the room, letting them know it was time. Will offered to walk with Jay to the doors, receiving a head shake. Jay said he wanted to do it on his own. The two brothers hugged for a moment before Jay was pulled away. Will watched from the doorway, witnessing Jay get pushed down the hall and around the corner. It's so strange, standing on the sidelines. You wish there was a way to tag in, take up the fight for the greater good. But alas, Will couldn't do more than sit in his seat, blindly hope and wait for a victory.

…

Whatever relaxing drug they gave him was anything but mild. He knew the second it was inserted. He went from aware of his surroundings to just floating, drifting in and out of remembering where he was and what was happening. He could hear talking and laughing, but it was like they were in another room. Jay was terrified he'd do or say something out of character. He liked being in control so this out-of-body experience was more horrific than the surgery. It was when they transferred him from gurney to bed that he saw her. She was intubated and lacking in life. He could only see the top half of her, but it was enough to scare him. He'd seen people in need of medical attention, but never someone he deeply loved and cared for. You'd think it would all be the same, but it really isn't. He wanted to call her name, but realized an answer wouldn't be coming.

His last memory of her was full of life, happiness, perfection. He didn't recall the scene in the van or the ED and he made it a point to not see her in here, this weigh station between life and death. Now getting that quick snapshot of her, Jay's decision was solidified. Screw it if he made it or not, she had to. It wasn't an option. He was second to her well being. He was the key to keeping her safe and walking out the hospital doors. Whatever pain or difficulty he was about to endure was worth it, it was her living or bust. A nurse got close to Jay's ear now, calmly telling him it was time. Jay forced himself away from Hailey, almost happy to have the clear mask placed over his face.

"Count down from ten," she told Jay. He didn't hesitate.

"10…9…8…"

…

People never talk about what happens during surgery. Now of course, we've seen things from the surgeon or family's perspective, but never from the patient. Let's do a little exercise. Close your eyes, count to five, and then open. That's literally what it's like to undergo surgery. There is no dreaming or hearing things or living in an alternate life. You don't remember falling asleep and you really don't recall the hours your under general anesthesia. To the patient, it's like taking a long blink. Jay's instance wasn't any different from the norm. He somewhat remembers passing out, but has nothing for the three hours he was under. The same voice who told him to count backwards was the one who told him it was done. The drugs made his eyelids feel like cement, but he would never forget the pain, nausea, and soreness radiating off his body. His throat was sore from the breathing tube and his left side was highly sensitive, like someone gently brushed a blanket on him and he flinched. An ever so soft moan working its' way out of his closed mouth. The world moved around and under him. Every turn and holdup was felt. And an eternity later, he was parked somewhere. People were quiet and he appreciated it. Someone whispered some fact or update but he was too exhausted to comprehend. Things were still, seeming to push him back to sleep, which he easily obliged.

A hand fell on his right one at some point further in time. The idea of moving was too much of a chore, but Jay found the energy to twitch a finger. On the off chance it was Hailey, but it was most likely Will, Jay didn't want to waste the opportunity to tell the person he was fine. He was awarded a small squeeze, praising Jay for not giving up. Unconsciousness tapped on the door and Jay quickly allowed it in.

…

Coughing and gagging greeted him some time later. His eyelids still wouldn't open, but everything else was more alert. People were praising, but he wasn't sure why he deserved the attention. He fell asleep for several hours, something that everyone does. But it was new voices that connected the dots. A female voice was sniffing, blowing their nose before apologizing. The deep, quiet voice was a dead give away for Atwater. Then the female voice let out a greeting, realizing they weren't close enough to be talking to him. It was time to wake up.

His first sight was her. She was opening her mouth and smiling. It was weak, but it was undeniably Hailey. Now looking around, Jay saw they were back in a hospital room, but this one was bigger than the first one. There was a window on the far left side. Its' curtains were pushed back, letting the room's occupants know daylight was right around the corner. Jay's scattered mind recalled it growing dark when he went upstairs. Making it that he, or they, made it through another night. Jay's eyes lazily looked over to the noise on his right. It was Atwater's voice he heard and the female was actually Kim. They were hovering over a bed, faces beaming. It didn't take Jay long to realize what was going on.

"Hey," he called out, his voice still rough from the tube and not talking for awhile. Kim looked up from her spot and found him, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Hey, you're awake. Look who's also up!" They both stepped away, allowing Jay to get a good look at her. She was tired, that was expected. But it was her. There was this glow, light about her. She was down for the count, but she was far from out. The two of them locked eyes for a moment, Hailey smirking a goofy smile as she watched Jay try to sit up.

"Don't get up," she begged him, but Jay didn't listen. The pain was far worse than the first surgery and he was donning more wiring and drainage tubes, but it all was second to getting up and seeing her. Kevin hurriedly walked to Jay's bed, offering a hand in getting him upright and hanging his feet over the bed.

"Jay, do not get up," Hailey commanded.

"I'm not," Jay replied, the rest of the room not believing him. Jay made a face at Kevin who made a face at Kim who jumped when the messaged went through.

"We need to.."

"-We're going to let you guys get some rest." The two of them tripped over each other as they left, handing out well wishes and promises to return as they slid the door closed. Jay gave them an odd look as they waved on the other side of the door. Eventually, they left Hailey and Jay alone.

"Did you hear?"

"What you did?"

"What? No. Kelton" Hailey shook her head.

"He's dead. Killed in his home a couple of nights ago, last night, I don't know. No one can contact or find Voight and Antonio has checked out. Oh, and Adam.."

"-Yeah, I know that part." Jay nodded, hanging is head as the room filled with silence.

"Voight was here that night and…before he left, he said something about me running the unit and…I don't know…" Hailey worked herself into a sitting position. She winced while grabbing for her side, but soon she and Jay had their feet hanging over their beds.

"So it's just us. The four of us."

"Yeah." She looked over to Will, who was standing outside the door, coffee and food in hand.

"What happens now?"

"I have no idea." Hailey shrieked watching Will's coffee cup splat against the door, his face extra bright red as the brown liquid ran down the glass. He opened the door to a chorus of laughter and groans, taking a bow for his clownish routine.

"What are you two doing? It's not like you just got through major surgery or anything." With Will's assistance, they both were returned to plush pillows and sheets were tucked in.

"I'm going grab another coffee. I'll be back in a second." Jay was dozing off when Will disappeared down the hall. Hailey on the other hand was wide awake.

"Hey."

"What," Jay grunted through his sleep.

"Thank you. You know none of this was your fault, right?" Silence from the other bed.

"Jay."

"Huh," he grunted.

"Did you hear what I said."

"Yeah. But the good news is that I'm now going where you go."

"What?" If she could, she'd reach over and smack him for that odd, super cheesy comment.

"Jay." Snores and deep breathing were all she got and honestly, that was enough.

**Was this stretching the power and miracle of medicine? Should this have been separated into two chapters? Was it cheesy and the longest thing I've ever written? A resounding yes to all of the above. To those that made it to the end, congrats! I feel the need to explain why things turned out the way they did. I couldn't picture Jay walking away from Hailey and shutting her out. There is a serious, potential love thing happening with them, I can't imagine a scenario where he walks away and doesn't find a way to help. I can totally see him blaming himself for anything that happened to her and then deciding it was up to him to correct the wrong. Did Hailey save him in this story? Not really. In a way, she gave him the opportunity to examine himself, dig deep into his feelings. Through this ordeal, he finally realized he cannot live without her. Had this never happened, who knows when things would've kicked into gear. I hope this satisfies what you guys were looking for. Onto the next one! Thank you for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10- Jumped

**A big/little announcement: the Pages document where I write all of these stories has reached 100 pages. A 100 pages! Look what you guys have accomplished! I have never written anything this long, but I'm still loving every second of it and cannot wait to go another 100. Now, this chapter's prompt comes from a kind and awesome reader named Floopdeedoopdee. **

**_Floopdeedoopdee: "A couple of suspects get the jump on Jay and beat the crap out of him. He's alone for a bit and in a serious amount of pain trying to get to the team as they look for him. He's conscious most of the time so we get to experience how much pain he is in." _**

**While reading this, I was immediately reminded of a Ryan Reynolds movie called ****_Buried_****. It's a perfect title because the whole movie is about watching Ryan Reynold's character stuck in a box, buried underground. You're seeing things in a first person view and it's truly terrifying. All feelings and events are captured as if you were him. So for this chapter, we will be seeing things in a first person perspective. This is something I have never done so please forgive me if this doesn't turn out. Are you guys ready? Let's do this.**

I felt like I was standing on the shores of Briny Beach, waiting for Mr. Poe to deliver a terrible report of an extremely unfortunate event. Please don't ask how I know about Briny Beach or Mr. Poe or _A Series of Unfortunate Events_. It was a desperate, middle of the night movie selection during a rough bout of insomnia. But I find that opening scene to be the perfect description for my current predicament.

First, it is the dead of January. Nothing is open along the North Avenue Beach. Beach chairs are tucked deep in their storage sheds while restaurants, life guard stations, and other odd structures are boarded up for the season. Against the wind, their shutters creak and groan, as if to be on their final leg of existence. Another swift, stout blow will be the one to take them down. The other weird thing is that everything is covered in snow or ice. Imagine your favorite beach covered in snow. Now imagine waking on that beach, sand mixed with snow and ice is crunching under your feet. It's an odd sensation and you just have to experience it to get it. I'm standing near the shoreline, looking out into the infinite blue horizon. There are pockets of ice floating on the top layer of the lake but further out, calm waves are coming towards the coastline.

Second, I feel as if I'm in the final moments. Just like those aged, moaning buildings I feel as if I'm a touch away from going under, completely disconnecting with the world. Literally, every inch of me is in pain. A good headache started not long after the unfortunate event and my insides feel to be inflamed or burst. It was a chore getting to this spot, but my determination and adrenaline saw me through. I feel this is a great place to let go. You're standing on the edge of the city, the state, perhaps the whole world. In this secluded, deserted location, the end seems to have come and gone, leaving you to deal with the aftermath. Before I know it, my emotions decide to come out. Tears are silently streaming down my face. I don't lose my focus of the water, but it becomes blurred against the waterworks I'm producing. It's beautiful and scary and poetic. I'm at an edge, deciding if it's time to jump in to the other realm or stay put. But, you're probably wondering why I'm here and what drove me to this life and death dilemma. I think it's best if we start from the top.

…

_Two Hours Ago_

Everything was going normal that morning. I pulled into my usual parking spot and did the same jog up the Intelligence steps. Hailey was running late that morning but everyone else had gotten in before me. I maybe got two sips of coffee in when Voight strolled out of his office, informing us of the day's activities.

"Just got word of an active shooting in the Lincoln Park Zoo. They're requesting us for back up and investigating when things subside. Gear up and get out there ASAP."

We all spring to our feet, realizing the time we spend asking questions is time away from the scene. We pretty much grab our weapons and amo and protective gear while sprinting to the vehicles. There wasn't time for the usual pre-game routine, just enough time for a grab and go. It was a bit of a throwback to the Rangers. Often times, you'd be chilling in your room only to have your door pounded on seconds later, letting you know battle was calling in five minutes. As I climbed into the truck, I had to remind myself that while I was headed into a fire fight, this was not Afghanistan and things wouldn't end as they did over there.

There was an odd number of us, so I became the only person driving alone to the scene. It's heavily preached that officers and detectives shouldn't go at things alone and for good reason. For starters, the last thing you want to be is outnumbered. There is no better way to be over taken than letting your enemy know you're all that's coming. Also, should anything happen to you, it's vital that you have someone there to get you to safety. It felt weird rolling up to a scene by myself. I looked over at the passenger seat to find crap, not Hailey. But it was very temporary because Voight had told Hailey to head over to the park.

"Does anyone else find this odd? A shooting at a zoo in the middle of winter? Who's even there," Adam questioned over the radios. I find myself coming to these same ideas.

"I don't know. It's odd, but it can happen," I reply back.

"50-21 George, any update from the Lincoln Park shooting?"

"No reports of casualties, multiple shooters," dispatch crackles back. It raises a lot of suspicion. It is expected for there to be a sparse amount of people at the park, but zero casualties is rare. Even if it was a gang shooting, multiple shooters would mean multiple victims. The warning flags are waving high as we all pull up to the zoo's main gates. Everyone quickly comes to a halt and is out and running not long after. I glance around to find Hailey still not there, but I move into the facility. Waiting around seemed cowardly at this point. Better to go alone then wait and watch people's lives be at risk. Atwater and Kim headed towards the larger animals while Adam and Antonio went straight towards the indoor portion of the park. I grabbed heading right, in the direction of the nature preserves and barn.

Worst case scenarios are flying through my head. Every weave or intersection I met, I couldn't help but feel this is the point where something will happen. Running comes to an immediate stop. Crouching works best because it provides you the tactical advantage to progressing without being caught. About ten feet before a turn, I get low and tip toe to the edge. When you meet corner, it's best to do a quick peak, point a gun or extend an arm, ready for something to jump at you. When nothing happens, you rise and continue running. This was the routine utilized for most of the trip to the barn. It wasn't the faster way to go, but the most effective. Along the way, Intelligence was whispering on the radio, letting everyone know things were clear and appearing to be untouched. That eerie, scary movie music was blaring in my ears now. Nothing about this call made sense and the more we ventured in, the more things felt like a trap. I was near the red barn when I noticed the first sign of problems, a padlock had been blown off, most likely from a shot gun. Furthermore, one of the gates was halfway off its' hinges, more indications that things were awry. Running became cautious walking, each step getting that much closer to the problem.

I can't be the only one that find it weird there's a barn full of normal animals in the middle of Chicago. It really shows our city side. I'm sure tourists come here and laugh at our 'farm.' All the animals here can easily be found not too far outside the city limits. Zoos aren't designed to display horses, cows, and pigs, but that's all that's residing in this barn. Furthermore, it's bright red with white tresses, how stereotypical of us. My hands were on the door when I got that vibe that I wasn't alone anymore. Half of me reasoned it was because of the animals inside, but the rest of me warned that the mystery shooters were hole up inside.

With cautious' hands, I rolled the door enough for me to venture in. Heads popped out from their stalls as I stood at the doorway. Horses snorted while cows gave me hungry eyes, thinking it was another feeding session. Hay was scattered along the main walk way, the stench of animals and bodily fluids permeated the place. Looking left to right, I made my way down the aisle, crouching at each stall door and looking through the thin slips of space between the doors and frame. For the most part, things were fine. But it was at the seventh gate that a thud twisted me around. Now fully standing, I announced my title and told whoever to come out. When nothing happened, I walked closer to the stall, repeating the phrase. A smirk and redness came on my face when I realized it was just a horse kicking his foot against the floor, proving just how on edge I was. But perhaps that's what the attacker was waiting for: me to lose my guard. Because as I was in the process of turning back and resuming the search, something blunt and fist-like shoved into my forehead, causing me to hit the ground, hard.

Thanks to the rattling of my brain, vision was completely gone. I went from being perfectly healthy to experiencing the worst migraine of my life. This wasn't my first concussion, but I instantly knew this one was going to rank up there. I maybe got a blink in when another blow came down, meeting my right side that time. Now breathing was becoming a harder task. Something kicked in now, training or adrenaline or both, but I was on my feet before I even realized, swinging blind punches at whatever was out there. My fist made contact with something, only angering the thing on the other side. My punch was answered with a kick to the leg. I could've sworn I heard a small crack as I tumbled back down to the ground. A series of leg kicks began as I rolled on the floor. I covered my face in an effort to shield my head from sustaining anymore damage, but the rest of me was taking a serious punch. Things came to a head when I felt my gun slip out from the holster. Protective instincts and adrenaline kicked in. Now this wasn't about enduring something terrible, but making sure I got out of here alive. Everything was screaming in pain, but I lunged at my opponent, smiling as he screamed in shock. Now with a better view, it was a tall, skinny, kid. He couldn't have been more than twenty years old. He was terrified, But I didn't care. He had my gun and had a major advantage now. In a battle of living versus dying, I had no doubt I would come away victorious.

We struggled for a moment, me grabbing his wrist and squeezing the life out of it. He shouted in pain and flung his elbow at me, but the gun soon dropped onto the concrete floor. Since I was on top of the human pile, I sprung first, securing the gun and pointing it right at the kid's center point.

"Don't get up. I don't want to do it," I yell at him in a pant. He hesitates a bit, but then this evil grin comes on him as he steps forward. I had no other choice. The animals were startled from the blast, all of them shuffling and crying in their stalls. It must've rang through the park because my radio was blowing up with questions.

"Jay, you alright?"

"Jay, talk to us."

"Where are you?" The events of the last minute are catching up with reality. I was doubled over when the calls rolled in, but was in a heap on the floor when the strength to answer arrived.

"The…barn…" was all that came out, which I was somewhat proud of. Adam and Atwater radioed that they're on their way when I look up to see another figure, standing at the end of the walk way. He hesitates over the body before the two of us make eye contact. He mirrors his friend in height and build, but looks to be even younger. I get as far as raising my gun when he bolts out of the barn.

"UGH!" The absolute last thing I want to do is move, but my body had other ideas. In my hurried, altered state, I drop the radio and charge, ignoring the questions and concerns echoing on the other end. The pursuit continues.

…

The kid was crazy, stupid fast. Partly because he was taller and longer legged than I, but mostly because I wasn't in peak running shape. Surprisingly, I was keeping up with him for about the first hundred yards. Granted, I was constantly a step or two behind, but it was in shouting and tackling distance; just waiting for that perfect moment to grab him. However, as we left the zoo and entered the actual park portion of the park, I just stopped. The adrenaline was drained out, leaving me a depleted, dying person. In a couple of steps, I went from sprinting to walking to throwing all my body weight against a tree, not losing sight of the kid still frolicking ahead. My scrambled mind told me shedding layers was a great idea. Lighter meant more energy, my mind reasoned. The kevlar vest went first, the jacket right behind it. Now in jeans, and a thermal long sleeve shirt, and thigh holster on my leg, I jogged on, feeling like such a smart person running in below freezing temps in very little clothing. The path transitioned from ice coated sidewalks to the small hills and dips of the park's green space. We wove between trees and hills, me pausing every now and then to retain whatever amount of energy was left. We are on a crash course for the lake and in the moment, I'm sure we both won't make it to the shoreline; one of us wasn't going to cross that finish line and it was a toss up.

I finally caught up when the baseball fields came over the horizon. Right before, the kid had miscalculated the upcoming hil, running full tilt before rolling down. I stopped at the top, watching him scream and pause at the bottom, allowing me time to jog down a less steep portion of the hill. As I came closer, his body jolted, alerting me he'd passed out from the impact. I managed to get my hands on him before his writhing body kicked me in the gut. I reacted, he bolted. We both found the strength to cross onto one of the fields before coming to a stop. With the snow in place, you couldn't tell where the inflield met the outfield and base lines were undetectable. The way you even knew it was a sports field were the back stop fences and dugouts a few feet further down. The kid stopped himself on the back stop fence, allowing the springiness to offset his momentum, the bounce sending his tired body to the ground, clutching his sides and breathing heavily. He was reaching for something in his back pocket as I got closer, stopping somewhere where the pitcher's mound would be.

"Put…your…hands up." He didn't move a muscle.

"I'm not going to ask again. Drop whatever you have and let me see you're hands." He finally obeyed, but after flashing a small handgun. We were now in a bit of a standoff.

"Drop it now. I will shoot." The kid's hand was shaking as tears were running down his cheeks. It was slowly connecting. This whole thing was probably some sideways gang initiation. He was about that recruiting age and the growing amount of tattoos told me he was going in the membership process. He was scared, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this alive. I wanted him to walk away from this, work on his mistakes and try to live a normal life. But as I watched his finger squeeze the trigger, the sad realization came over: he wasn't going to get that opportunity. I ducked and fired, watching his body go limp and crumble to the ground.

"Dammit!" The snow was piercing my body as I laid against it in a snow angel way. It hurt, but it was somewhat relaxing as well. The sore, stiff, throbbing muscles and cuts on my body were thankful for the numbing substance under me. I laid for who knows how long, breathing through closed eyes and forcing breaths out of my exhausted lungs. You could've told me a meteorite was about to crash into the world and I wouldn't have cared. Probably joked about looking forward to the fiery show. I couldn't move, twitch, or even blink. I was there, barely existing. Head to toe, I knew I was a mess and in serious trouble, but I didn't care.

After some time, a mental snapshot of my phone flashed in front of me, my arm letting the rest of me know it had it. I tapped my chest twice before the mental tape rolled back, revealing both the phone and radio were back at the beginning of the running course. I loudly sighed, forcing myself to sit up. I had no clue where I was, the team wasn't even aware I had taken off, and I'm in jeans, a long sleeved shirt, shoes, and a thigh holster. The universe cued a stiff blast of wind at that nanosecond, conforming the stupidity of shedding those extra layers. So on top of the current physical issues, I was now racing against the hypothermia clock. Way to go, Jay.

…

The water called me. There was this invisible magnetic luring me in, offering peace and healing. In this type of situation, going further away from buildings and people was the worst idea. But the temptation was tantalizing so onward I went. I took a quick inventory of myself. Starting on the top, a nice egg had formed on my forehead, super sensitive to the touch. As I pulled my hand away, a thick layer of dark blood came with it. I didn't feel bone, but didn't need a mirror to know the thing on my forehead was bad. Let's not forget the pounding migraine that hasn't let up since the whole incident began. Arms were examined, finding multiple bruises and cuts from the punching and kicking in the barn. The chest a mixture of red, blue, and swelling around the stomach region, indicating something internal was going south. The leg that was kicked could still be moved and support some weight, but its' swollen appearance told me things weren't completely all right. Overall, I was a walking miracle, a little shocked I wasn't unconscious. I took a final snapshot of the world around me, hoping this wasn't the final moment of life. Everything was either black or white and everything was silent. You could see the zoo and trail I just ran through, but that was it. From this spot, you'd never guess a swarm of police were over there, picking up the pieces of a shooting, hopefully now looking for me. Trees occasionally rustled and birds danced from limbs, but for the most part, it was like living in a piece of art.

The trip to the shoreline was, expectedly, slow. Coming down from adrenaline, pain was all that I experienced. It's so hard to describe. Perhaps the best adjective would be bruised. Imagine your whole body hits something hard and you're at that day two part of healing, where the area is grotesquely black and blue and every movement is met with a stinging, deep soreness. Now imagine pushing yourself to walk half a mile to a frozen beach front. Sounds insane, because it is. The bridge over Lake Shore Drive was the worst part of it all. I walked four steps, stopped to brace myself on the ledge, and then repeated the process. To those approaching the bridge, I'm sure it looked like something dark and terrible was about to happen, but I didn't care. I had to make it, there wasn't another option. I cursed, loud, when I arrived at the stairs down to the beach. Walking was bad enough, forcing one's entire weight on one side of them was near torturous.

"This is so stupid. You're such an idiot," I repeated with each step. It took baby footfalls, but I made it down, still conscious and moving. I'm really not sure what's propelling me at this point. I made it to the Lakefront Trail and collapsed, smiling as I took in the tranquil blue water in front of me. I finally get why people enjoy beaches. Growing up, we only went to the beach at peak seasons, when you're literally fighting people over the smallest amount of sandy real estate. Swimming is a no-go because there are too many humans roadblocks in your way. And forget building a sand castle because it'll be trampled halfway through. I hated going, it was too loud and hectic and the farthest thing from relaxing. But now, realizing it was just me and the water, I finally got it. Water forces you to relax, makes you follow the pattern of waves coming and going; almost like the water is inhaling and exhaling. This tranquility puts things into perspective. A whole other world is on the opposite end of the pond, with people doing exactly what you're doing. Well, in this instance, I hope there isn't some poor soul resting at the water's edge, accepting they're in their final moments. I work myself into turning around and looking at the cityscape. Everything towers: the buildings, lights, cars, trees of the parks. I can't help but feel like an ant staring at Heaven. I'm so small and minute compared to the structures. People will not notice if I'm gone, the smallest of objets in this towering world. And while that may scare some, in this finale mindset, I'm at peace with it. I've paid my dues; I've done my time; and now my quiet exit has arrived. The final ounces of strength push me upright, guiding me to the water's edge. If there's a place to call it quits, no better place than the quiet, serene, freezing shore of Lake Michigan.

The lack of people became a two-pronged dilemma. On the one hand, I wanted people to find me. With no way to communicate with the world, I would need the help of people to get me out of this. But on the other hand, I was fine with being alone; refusing to have people see me like this. So now we're here, back at the Briny Beach situation, standing at the edge of solid ground and contemplating the two option question.

"Are you ready," the world asks? Tears are all I can give. Screw the acceptance speech from five minutes ago, this is my life. I haven't lived it to its' fullest yet. I haven't traveled the whole globe; haven't fallen in love and married her; haven't worked my way to the top of the leader chain. I've gone down this path with relatives before, but I'm not ready to say goodbye. Perhaps not everyone on Earth will notice, but a strong group will forever be changed and I didn't get to say farewell. I need to see Will a final time, poke fun at his stupid freak outs. I need one more case, a final hurrah with Intelligence; my swan song.

"No,' I whisper back, convinced the world is about to tell me otherwise. The loneliness now scares me, realizing the fact I _am_ alone, help isn't coming. I take a final inhale, falling flat onto my back as I exhale. Vision is fading out, like I'm on the verge of falling asleep. Heart rate is slowing, breathing is crackled now. My mouth is open, about to verbalize my farewell, when shouts fill the stillness. Another breath, another blink, and I'm fully under the darkness.

…

Life became a series of ten to fifteen second audio clips. Eyelids weren't ready to reveal the world, but everything else was a bit of a light sleeper. There was the ambulance ride to the hospital. Hailey was finally there, telling me to hang on. There was beeping going off all around and something in my throat made speaking not possible. But a hand was attached to my right forearm, squeezing life into it. If I had the capability, I would've moved, blinked, done something to let her know I got the message. I couldn't stop shivering, the whole body in a constant shake, feeling more and more like a popsicle with each breath. Someone told her to back away, that things were getting bad. That was the mind's cue, telling me to hang on as it sent me back to sleep.

The shivering improved the next time things surfaced, but everything else felt worse, my headache being the worst of all. Things were calmer this scene. People were talking in hushed tones, being considerate of my dozing self.

"He's fighting it," I vaguely heard.

"Body temp is a little higher but the other…"

"Put him back under. He's too unstable to get off of it." I was paralyzed. I tried so hard to move, alert people this thing in my throat really hurt now. But couldn't move to save my life. Whimpers weren't even able to get out. It was like I was a mirror, looking at someone that resembled me, but couldn't match the mental commands to the muscle reactions. This moment truly was an out of body experience. The last thing I felt was this prick in my neck, instantly making the painful protesting of my throat cease. Then after that, things went black and I was floating in space again.

The smallest memory of all was, I'm guessing, when I was first reunited with everyone. Hands touching various sections of my upper body were what stirred me from slumber. Words were undetectable, but the tone is what scared me. I'd feel their touch, heard the sorrow and fear, and then they'd let go. How eerily poetic and contradicting is that. They were telling me to hold on while simultaneously letting go, allowing me that opportunity to slip away. Again, I couldn't return the gesture, let them know I was still on this Earth, for the most part. But instead, this altered place I was in only allowed me to hear, perhaps stacking up these audible reasons for me to keep fighting. I cherished it, despite being petrified I'd forever be in this paralytic predicament. My chest heaved deep in tune with the whooshing sound to my left and I hoped they got that that was me, saying hello from down here. But their unchanged tone and vibe said otherwise. Unconsciousness took me under, for a lengthy visit this time.

…

"There you go, Jay."

"What," I mentally asked? Time has completely left me, but I just have a feeling it's been awhile since the last check-in. I was still sore and in pain, but things feel to have improved. The thing blocking my throat is now gone, leaving a trail of spit and gravel behind. Something sucked out the first part, leaving the second thing to go away on its' own. I tried moving my hand, and felt fingers twitch against a cotton material. My head felt to be made of soup, but it wasn't throbbing as much. Will or whoever was in the room must've seen the hand movement, because the other hand was filled with something warm moments after.

"Hey, can you hear me?" There was my cue, the opportune moment to speak something, but all that popped out was half a groan. Someone be proud of me, it's the first time in Lord knows how long.

"What was that?" Nothing answered back. I tried again, full gusto this time. Alas, the smallest of whines was all I could produce. The warm thing tugged on my hand harder.

"Please don't tell me this is permanent. He should've been further along now, right?"

"It's early. Brain injuries are different, there isn't a set timeline." Permanent, brain injury, what the heck did these people do to me? I wanted so desperately to open my eyes, peel myself out of this world and jump back into the normal one. The voices on either side of me go back in forth, asking about pain management and reflex tests, but I'm just panicking, trying to get their attention. But the energy isn't there, the ability to do the most normal of functions hasn't returned to me. Despite my fear and unanswered questions, I fall back into bed with the unconscious one, hoping in the next round of resurfacing I'm able to finally break through.

…

I was never so happy to see a drop tile ceiling in my life. My eyes were open before I can even acknowledge I'm awake. I was terrified to blink, figuring this was a slip up of the darkness. My movement would alert them of my escape, sending me deep down into that dark world. But I blinked and I stayed, a victory indeed. I grew tired of the ceiling, asking to rove around and it was granted. I saw machines, stands, and things sticking out of my arms. The place smell of hand sanitizer and sterile things, evidence I was in a hospital. The beeping from several resurfaces ago was there, but it didn't sound as bad as that time. Something felt to be stuck on my head, almost on the back of it. My hand felt around, landing on a smooth section of my head, this large, tube-like thing connected to that area.

"Will," I asked, completely freaked out now. What did they do to me while I was away. Two heads sprung up in unison, one male and the other female: Will and Hailey.

"You're up," Hailey squeaked through a smile. She sat on the right side of my bed, eagerly awaiting for a response to her greeting. A full sentence was in my mind, but all that came out was a slurred version of it all.

"Wht…hap'nd?" Her face flipped, what was once ecstatic was hopeless. She turned away to face Will, her voice brimming with tears.

"What is wrong with him?" Will grabbed my hand and pulled it back to my side, his face full of observation and contemplating.

"Jay, blink if you can hear me." I easily obliged.

"Hearing is in tact," he concluded, I shrugged my shoulder and nodded. He then shone a bright light in my eyes, which I blinked from before turning away, refusing to close my eyes for too long.

"Sorry, but I've gotta check stuff." I nodded and faced him, focusing on breathing as he went about the poking and following things. Eventually, he concluded things were good for the recovery, still totally clueless as to what he was talking about.

"Do you want to sit up?" I wasn't even aware I was flat, but it was a considerate thing for him to ask. I nodded. He pressed a button on the bed, adjusting the thing coming out of my head as I rose.

"Wht…is…this," I asked again, really trying to communicate this time. Hailey didn't let go of my hand, looking over at Will to do the speaking. He sighed, pulling up a chair before replying.

"You were attacked a week ago. I were at the Lincoln Park Zoo and you got into an altercation with two people and they seriously hurt you. You made it to the lake before collapsing. By the time Hailey and the rest of the guys found you, you had developed a bad case of hypothermia and were unconscious, suffering from a decent brain bleed which became an epidural hematoma. They brought you here and you underwent an emergency surgery to relieve the pressure. The thing in your head is a drain and it'll come out in a couple of days. Also, you broke a couple of ribs and had a collapsed lung, most likely from the struggle with one of the attackers. You had a good amount of internal bleeding but it was fixed in surgery. You've got a lot of cuts and bruises, but things should heal on their own. You've been through a lot and you really scared us there for a bit." Hailey gave me the bravest of smiles as I glanced over at her, now understanding the tears and fear from the prior resurfaces. I really shouldn't be here, but somehow made it. Call it luck. Call it determination. But I'm here, thanks to whatever force intervened on my behalf. Despite the pain and short-term memory lapse, I was alive and it was all I could ask for. While some may feel scared of the circumstances, I was grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to heal and just be.

"What's…the…thing." I point to the back of my head, the proper words not coming in at this moment.

"They had to shave a strip of hair on the back of your head for the surgery. You won't be able to see it with a hat on and it'll go back in a few months." I pulled my hand away from the sight, not caring if I had to look different for a few months. It was better than the alternative.

"I'm sorry," I said, fighting tears as I looked at them. Hailey nodded as she inched closer, enveloping me in a cautious, but comforting hug. Will joined in as well, make a three human high pile. My chest was stiff, but it felt good to heave deeply, to feel alive and able again.

"I'm good," I alerted the two after a minute, both of them pulling away and smirking.

"You haven't eaten in over a week, hungry," Will asked? I vigorously nodded.

"Ok, we'll start you on something soft. Jello?"

"Sure." There was a pep to his step as he left, seeming to be rather happy to fulfill the Jello delivery role. Hailey watched him leave, inching closer to me as the coast was clear.

"If there's anyone who should be apologizing, it's me. I was late, I wasn't there to help you. I'm the whole reason you're in here."

"No, I didn't wait and I didn't keep people updated. This is all on me," I rebutted. She sighed, cocking her head as she spoke.

"We're going to have to agree to disagree." I reluctantly nodded.

"Let's make a deal, we don't go about things on our own. No more trying to do things solo." I held a pinkie out, which earned a dorky smile.

"Promise?" We locked fingers.

"Deal."

"Great! Let's eat," Will interjected, holding up three cups of Jello and spoons, an oath to the newly inked deal.

**This was so hard to write. I really stepped out of my writing comfort zone on this one. My style is from a third person perspective. I like to imagine I'm a nosy girl sitting in the corner, notepad and pen in hand documenting everything I'm seeing, hearing, picking up from the characters. I have never written things as if I was the character. But you know what, it was a lot of fun. It's fun to push yourself, to keep trying new things. I encourage everyone to step out of their zone once in awhile. It's scary, but can also be rewarding and adventuresome. I hope you guys liked this. I'm very excited to see where we're going next! **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11- Ice Cream Wisdom

**You guys rock some serious socks. Your very sweet and encouraging comments make my day. You just have no idea how much you guys mean to me. I'm so glad you're enjoying these prompts and their interpretations. Let's keep this thing going. This chapter's prompt comes from Feyfey123! She has been so patient and I'm very ready to bring this one to life.**

**_Feyfey123: "I would like maybe Jay gets his wisdom teeth out and Will has to help him afterwards?"_**

**Show of hands, who else has had their wisdom teeth removed?! I did way back in the day and I loved it. Five days of laying in bed, eating pudding and ice cream and watching TV? Sign me up. After all the heaviness of the last couple of chapters, I feel it's time to laugh. Let's get it started.**

"How is it you've never had your wisdom teeth removed?"

"I don't know. It hasn't really bothered me till this week." They were sitting in the waiting room at the oral surgeon. Earlier in the week, Jay found himself waking up in the middle of the night with pain in his mouth. He figured it was TMJ or another cavity and shook it off, concluding things would resolve on their own. But over the next days, eating became next to impossible. He found himself on a soft food or liquid diet, downing copious amounts of Advil every four hours. He called Will out of desperation two night's ago and he practically shoved him into the dentist office the following day. The news was grim for the dentist fearing one, his wisdom teeth had broken through the gums' surface and needed to come out, pronto. Today was the first opening and Jay nervously claimed the timeslot.

They were a rather amusing sight. Amongst the sea of teenagers and young kids, there sat two grown men, polar opposite of each other. Will wasn't the pacing, nervous one but rather, took on the role of zen master. Jay couldn't stop squirming in his chair, would mutter things under his breath, or just get up and pace around. Will laughed at him, poked fun at his brother's hatred for the most mundane of doctors. People visit the dentist everyday and usually walk away unscathed. The good news was that Jay wouldn't remember a good chunk of the visit.

"Can you please sit? You're the oldest person here by a lot and everyone else is acting more mature than you." Jay rolled his eyes as he collapsed in his seat.

"I'd like to see you face your biggest fear in a calm, normal demeanor." Will exaggerated a groan while throwing his head back.

"It's a dentist, not a snake charmer. How can you be so afraid of this?"

"It's the whole needles around the face that bother me."

"We'll you'll be out before any of that happens."

"One can hope." Jay found distraction in his phone while Will picked up a very outdated magazine. The two sat in silence for a moment, an odd idea popping into Will's mind awhile later.

"How did you get away with not having them out while in the military?" Jay just stared at him, a look of disbelief and shock.

"What?"

"I thought they wanted people to not have their appendix or tonsils or wisdom teeth in. You know, common things that can sideline you." Jay cupped his head in his hands, very much perplexed over Will's moment of stupidity.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"So it's not a thing."

"It's the military, not some back alley chop shop. They could care less." A nurse stuck her head out the door now, everyone's heads rising, waiting to hear their name called.

"Jay Halstead, we're ready for you." He sprung to his feet, ready to get the torture session done and over with. He didn't hug Will or say farewell, trying his best to act like everything was cool and normal.

"Good luck sweetie," Will teased. Jay rolled his eyes, flailing an arm as if to tell Will to leave. Will watched Jay disappear behind the glass door and turn at the end of the hall, chuckling over the level of freak out that was taking place in that room. He sighed as he returned to his magazine, almost feeling sorry for the surgeon who had to deal with all of that.

…

It was so odd, walking into an operating room. For most of these entrances, people are either unconscious or on a gurney, too unstable to walk. So to just walk in was different and it made Jay on edge, just a little. He felt like he was willingly agreeing to being experimented on or something; or maybe he did.

Things were set up very similar to an operating room. The same table and trays of instruments were there along with the same sterilized people setting things up for a procedure. All that was missing was the surgeon. But even then he probably planned on coming in right before Jay was knocked out, totally keeping with the surgery norm. The anesthesiologist ushered Jay towards the bed, patting a spot for him to sit.

"Do I need to change," Jay asked as he got situated?

"Nope. I'm just going to stick a couple of monitoring leads under your shirt, but everything else will be around the face." She laid him down, motioning for his head to land on the weird, circle pillow at her end of the table. The super bright light was pointed in his direction as the monitoring leads were attached, raised beeps soon sounding somewhere behind Jay.

"Nervous," she asked? The nose mask for the laughing gas was already in place, fully blasting the calming drug into his system. His ears felt to be plugging and unplugging at a rather fast rate, delaying his ability to hear and concoct words. She laughed at his eventual head nod.

"Don't worry, it'll be over before you know it." Jay closed his eyes against the stinging of the IV needle insertion, praying she accidentally injected the miracle sedative right then and there. Alas, he was still awake. He was in full floating mode when the oral surgeon finally made his presence known. Jay recalls someone asking about the weather and he responded with a light hearted laugh. After that, it was unconscious bliss.

…

"Hey, it's all done." There was no way it took that quickly. The amount of time that passed felt to be an eye blink. Jay was still in that drifting, numbness mode, but the tightness of his mouth confirmed the voice's announcement. He couldn't open his eyes, but felt to be in a different place. People were coming and going while things were opening and closing, almost like they were taking down a command center. If he could, he would've yelled for them to be quiet, asked them to be considerate of his sleeping self. Jay rolled his tongue ever so carefully, feeling mountains of cotton balls and tasting the metallic flavor of blood.

"Ok," was all that could come out, but it was seriously muffled from the stitches and cotton balls. Will silently chuckled over Jay's stuffed sounding voice.

"It's ok, take your time," Will replied. A female voice stepped in now and began speaking numbers. She and Will conversed something about volume or centimeters and extraction measurements. In his altered state, Jay swore he heard them say they had to go back in, which finally made his eyes burst open, hands shaking in protest.

"No, I don't want to go back." Will looked towards him and smirked, really trying to hide his humor. The nurse failed epically, actually laughing at Jay as she left the curtained off area.

"They're all done and got everything." Jay wasn't buying it.

"But she said.."

"-No, it's the drugs messing with you. You're down four teeth, I promise. Do you want to sit up?" He got a half there nod. Jay quickly regretted moving to a different position, staring into nothing as the world swung around him. He closed his eyes and gently shook his head, somehow thinking that would solve the situation.

"Where are my shoes?"

"On your feet."

"Oh my word, I'm so out of it," Jay replied, allowing Will to laugh at his high demeanor.

"Do not record any of this or I will kill you." Jay had managed to swing his feet over the bed when the OR nurse returned, handing off post-op care instructions and discharge papers for Will to sign. A wheelchair was offered but Jay shook it off, wobbly standing and walking towards the exit, Will right behind in case of a collapse. He guided Jay to the car parked just on the other side of the door.

"Do you want the seat back?" Jay shook his head, just wanting to complete the impossible task of maneuvering from point A to point B while still coming off general anesthesia. He was out, resting his head against the seatbelt and window as they pulled out of the parking lot. The next few days were going to be a gas.

…

A television was in the background. There was yelling and a buzzer buzzing, and older, wiser, informed people talking over everything else. The world under him was comfy and slippery, a bit of a leather smell to it all. Upon opening his eyes, the world outside the window was pitch black, letting him know a large amount of time passed since he was last awake. He glanced to see Will sitting in the chair to the right of the couch, the stench of slightly burnt popcorn wafting from his direction. And then it dawned on Jay: how did he get from the car to the couch without him remembering.

"I'm up," Jay announced to the apartment, earning a quick glance over from Will.

"It's about time. It's nearing 11pm." Jay sat up, feeling the stiffness and swelling all over his head. The drug stupor was gone, leaving a good lull of pain in its' path. His vision guided him to the kitchen, the fridge calling his name.

"How did I make it up here," he asked, making his way to the kitchen. His head was fully enveloped in the fridge's light when Will noticed him missing.

"Well that explains a lot."

"Huh?!"

"When we got here, you were so out it of. I got you awake long enough to make it to the elevator and then you decided to fall asleep, and I mean pass out, on my shoulder. I all but dragged you in here and dropped you on the couch. It was like dealing with George Banks on _Father of the Bride 2. _You seriously have no memory of that?"

"Nope." Will finally broke his concentration of the game, turning to see Jay grab a beer and ingredients for a sandwich. He sprung out of his chair, nearly dropping the popcorn bowl.

"Are you nuts? You can't have any of that." Ripping everything out of Jay's arms, he returned the banned products to their rightful places and came back with water and ice cream.

"It's just this stuff till the stitches come out." He received an epic eye roll, but Jay willingly took the items, slowing slinking back towards his spot on the couch. The two of them sat in silence, spooning food into their mouths while keeping eyes glued to the screen. It was the NBA playoffs, Raports vs. Warriors in Game 5. If you missed something, you missed the whole thing. Jay was using the game purely for distraction purposes. The tightness of the suturing in his mouth was bothersome, almost irritating. Everything spoonful and swallow, the little knots and excess strings rubbed against his cheek, reminding him of the terrifying ordeal that went down that day. He wished he could keep the cotton swabs in his mouth the entire time, making a barrier for his psyche. While he was glad to not be in that kind of pain anymore, he hated having that little reminder. He laid his head back against the top of the couch, closing his eyes as he breathed through the wave of pain eating had just caused. Will noticed his uncomfortable state, rising to collect ice and pain relievers.

"Here, this will help the swelling and pain." He tossed two Advil and Tylenol in Jay's hand, waiting till he finished to hand off the ice packs. Jay willingly took them, exhaling as the coldness numbed the sensitive area. He waited till the next commercial break to speak.

"When do the stitches come out?"

"In a week."

"And how long are you staying?"

"I took the weekend off so, through Sunday. You should be feeling a lot better by then." Jay looked down the hall towards his room, but the couch was calling his name. The idea of getting up and walking to his own bed felt to be too much of a chore.

"You can stay in my bed tonight. I don't feel like getting up."

"Um, no. I'm not the one that just had oral surgery. Do you want me to help?" Coverage was coming back on, so Will sped walked Jay to the room, throwing the sheets back and forcefully, but lovingly, tucked him in. He said something about hollering if he needed anything, but Jay was already dozing off. While some may see this situation as unbearable, Jay viewed it as vacation. Guaranteed time off was overwhelmingly rare and he planned on taking full advantage of it.

…

Over the weekend, Jay did exactly what he wanted: sleep. Will imagined that is what it was like to care for a newborn. Jay slept in four hour intervals, the exact amount of time the pain relievers lasted. Like clockwork, Jay would do his best to yell for Will at night, and slowly shuffled out to the living room at the crack of dawn, planting himself on either the couch or chair, whichever Will didn't sleep on. While Jay relished his time off, Will was counting down the seconds till he was back in the ED, living a normal day/night rhythm. It's not that he didn't enjoy hanging out with Jay and helping him, there wasn't much rest and relaxation for the care taker.

The morning Will left for work, Jay transitioned from pudding and ice cream to scrambled eggs, a very welcomed delicacy. The night prior, Jay half joked that if he consumed another spoonful of ice cream, he'd be producing milk. It's all that people brought. Friday was the surgery, Saturday and Sunday were visitation days. Everyone from Hailey to Platt and even Voight knocked on Jay's door, a smile on their face and gallons of ice cream in hand. By the end of day three, Jay's freezer door had to be jammed closed, full shoulder power required.

They all did the exact same routine. Will would usher them in, they'd march to the freezer, and then fully examine Jay's progress. Those to stopped by on Sunday got to see the full impact of the swelling around the jaw and, of course, offering loving jokes. In the beginning, Jay was touched by their gifts and presence. But by the fourth person, he was convinced something was up. Everything was happening too perfectly and found that hard to not be a coincidence.

"Is this some elaborate scheme to fatten us up," Jay inquired, going cross eyed while staring at the twelfth bowl of vanilla misery.

"Probably," Will replied. He joined in on the ice cream party. He didn't really have a choice. Freezer real estate was all but gone.

"I don't I'll be able to eat ice cream ever again."

"No shit." Jay seriously laughed at the blunt response. It was so not Will but perfect for the mood. Before parting ways for the night, the brothers exchanged the Tums bottle, moaning from the bloating as they swallowed the drugs.

The following morning, Jay woke to the sound of speed cooking, entering the kitchen overfilled with amazement. Will had pans sizzling and coffee brewing, singing the sounds of a normal meal. A plate of eggs were thrown Jay's way and he happily took them, not waiting for Will to join at the countertop.

"Bacon?"

"Nice try. It's for me. You're not ready for that level of chewing yet." Jay was a tad agitated, but elated to be tasting something salty. He inhaled the food, getting up to clean up as Will cleared his place and headed for the door. The Monday morning blues were ripe that day. He hated their brother bonding time had come to an end.

"See ya," Will called, standing in the doorway with the door halfway closed.

"Yeah," Jay replied, trying his best to communicate over the soreness and lingering swelling.

"Call me if you need anything. Seriously." Will listened as the kitchen sink was shut off, Jay rounding the corner not too long after.

"Ok." Will couldn't help but see his brother as a vision of misery. Perhaps it was the oversized nightwear, bed head, and gauze and bandaid on his wrist driving this conclusion. The swelling had caused his skin to redden, his eyes glazed over with tiredness and pain. He hated that he was leaving him on his own, but reminded himself Jay was an adult who had handled worse, this was a walk in the park.

"Do you want me to come back tonight?"

"I'm fine, but I'll let you know if that changes." Will nodded, getting that final snapshot before closing the door shut.

"Thanks, Will," Jay half yelled, not waiting to hear a response from the other side.

"No problem!" Will hustled down the hall, pushing himself back into the swing of things; even if he really didn't want to.

…

Same day of the week, but a very different result. This time last week, he was sleeping off the anesthetic. Today, his mouth was regaining its' freedom: stitches were being removed. After the week of soft, liquid-like foods, he'd made it to the end, already had his 'first meal' in his head. He was in that super awkward chair that moves into the oddest of positions. The round, rather bright, white light was hovering right over him. Jay was convinced it could give you a sunburn if you stood under it long enough. The nurse had just left the room to find the doctor, allowing Jay some alone time. He did a quick inventory, stopping on the tray housing scissors, a syringe, a vial of medication, and mouth expander. Out of all the things, that one scared him the most. He hadn't opened his mouth that wide since the surgery, so visualizing opening your mouth that wide for the first time is scary. The only thing that comes to mind is tearing and popping, two adjectives you never want describing your mouth. The door opened as Jay's eyes went wide, immediately pointing to the contraption to his left.

"You're not using that, right?" The surgeon chuckled.

"Only if you're up for it." Jay vigorously shook his head.

"It's fine, we can get it done without it." The doctor lowered the chair so that Jay's face was level with his chest, securing gloves before loading the medication into the syringe.

"I know you have a phobia…"

"Sorry."

"None taken. This is so you don't feel any of it. You'll feel the pinch of the needle, but that's it." True to the report, Jay felt nothing. He watched the scissors go into his mouth and come out with blue suturing. He heard the suction clear out the area, but didn't feel any of it. He was asked to bite down and he had to keep asking if he actually did. Nothing was felt and he wondered if this babying could be done at every visit. In no time at all, he was up and tightness free. At last, the dreaded wisdom teeth removal had come to a close. Farewells and a thank you were exchanged before Jay ventured out to the waiting room, holding a cupped hand under his mouth as he opened the door. Will found him and oddly stared.

"Am I drooling?"

"What?! No." The two of them exited the building, strolling to Will's car and strapping in.

"I was thinking of hitting up a froyo place…" Jay just glared.

"Don't even utter those words."

"I'm joking," Will laughed.

"What do you want?"

"Anything but that." They excitedly rolled out of the parking lot, destination the chewiest, meatiest restaurant in the city.

**This wasn't meant to be a super long story. It's a light hearted prompt and I aimed for it to be just that. It was an amuse-bouche, a bit of a humorous cleaner to balance the heavy last few chapters. Don't worry, we'll shall be returning to that in no time. Thank you so much for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12- Seconds From The End Of The Line

**Hello everybody! How are you doing?! We're getting right into it with this one. This chapter's inspiration comes from a fabulous reader named Lila17! This one has been sitting in my queue for far too long and I feel so bad about that. It's time for it to shine. **

**_Lila17: "How about a bad car crash? Since we barely get scene with Jay and Kim how about them getting in that crash? Firehouse 51 respond and try to rescue them. Kim was stuck but had the belt buckle, while Jay flew through the windshield and it goes on with them in Med and their near death experience, or not I don't know :). And of course Halstead brother and the Chicago Family included."_**

**Strap in guys, we're going in!**

As the infamous movie quote goes, they were seconds from a clean get away. Bags were packed and the next shift was just beginning to trickle in. Everyone said their farewells and hands were hovering over doorknobs when the haunting, nagging siren went off.

"Squad 3, ambulance 61, truck 81, car accident…" They didn't listen to the location, their groans and complaints drowned out the address. Boden stuck his head into the common area, shrugging his shoulders and pointing a single finger towards the rigs. Glares were exchanged as they raced into the vehicles, trying to find the crack in the house; hoping to figure out who asked the no-hitter question. It's not that they didn't want to help, but the fact the call came that close to the end of their shift was really agitating. The shift had been the most uneventful one in the history of shifts. The city was at peace for twenty-four hours, not even requiring ambulance assistance. Everyone knew the unspoken rule: lips are sealed when rare things like this come along. And now, as Severide looked over to truck 81 and shook his head, Casey shrugged his shoulders; giving the home run motion for people to roll out. Seconds from a forty-eight hour break.

"Make this quick guys," Severide yelled over the engine. They all responded with nodded grunts, concurring with his sentiment. As they wove through the streets of Chicago, they couldn't help but notice the route, one they all took from time to time. A turn would be made, people's interest and concern would pick up. There was no way. A car accident at that place, requiring this much help is next to impossible. However, their suspicions were confirmed three blocks away from the district. Any notion of speedily doing their job dissipated.

There were two cars with front ends completely gone. Two people were moving in one car, the other car broke out goosebumps. There was one person on the driver's side of the vehicle, slumped over and not moving. But what made everyone pause in horror was the jagged hole of missing windshield, a tangled lump of body lying twenty, thirty feet further down the street looking anything but alive. It didn't take long to identify the driver as Kim and the person on the ground as Jay. In a way, it was divine intervention that they were held up at the station, because no one was more qualified and ready to buckle down and fight then the residents of Firehouse 51. They paused, reacted, bottled things up, and went to work.

…

"Grab a blanket. He doesn't need to be exposed," Foster numbly conversed, Brett sprinting away without losing her focus of Jay. He was on his stomach, his head turned to the right, away from the accident. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was unconscious and facing a TBI: traumatic brain injury. Foster had strapped on a c-collar and rolled Jay onto his back, listening for sounds of life as Brett returned. She placed the blanket over him, now realizing that wasn't enough. Everyone else was helping someone. Squad was working on Kim while truck was handling the people in the other vehicle. It was pandemonium. Shouts, ripping metal, sparks, feet pounding pavement were a culmination of chaos. Tears and panic were swelling, but she tried her best to keep the composure. Returning her gaze to Jay helped tremendously. The task dwindled down to one thing: getting him in the rig, preferably alive.

"CHIEF!" His head whipped around at the uncharacteristically loud noise coming out of her.

"Grab another blanket and block us from everything." He overlooked her lack of 'please' or questioning, fulfilling that needed role without hesitation. Foster had successfully placed a breathing tube and was establishing IVs and monitor lines, trying to ignore the raw, limp, lifeless figure at her feet, keep her mindset fixed on the prize.

"How long do you think he was down," Brett asked while wrapping bloody spots on Jay's body.

"I don't know," Foster muttered, watching the heart monitor go in and out of normal rhythm. She conducted the first Glascow coma test, getting zero reactions.

"We've gotta go. He should've been in an OR already." Boden continued shielding as they loaded Jay onto a gurney and raced with them to the ambulance. Foster climbed in the back while Brett slammed the driver's door, putting the vehicle in drive before the back doors were completely closed. As the ambulance flew away, Boden heard a scream from behind him. He didn't need to see anything to know who it was. Kim most likely awoke to a blanket covered body being whisked away to an unknown location. Through process of elimination, she knew that mystery cloaked person was Jay. And at that precise moment, who truly knew if they were taking away a body or a person.

…

She remembered the sound of crunching. Her body was pinned, shoved deep into the seat thanks to the whole front of the car reversing into itself. Kim didn't recall those final moments before the collision, but would never forget the jaws of life peeling away layers of metal. She felt to be an onion, buried deep in the core. Several layers stood between her and the outside world. As she continued rejoining the conscious world, things began shifting. Pain registered first, from the top of her head to her torso, and then nothing. From there on down, everything was numb. She told her legs to move, but couldn't decide if they actually obeyed. Glass was scattered across her upper half, some pieces could be brushed off while others were stuck, looking at them made her shutter. She went to touch her forehead, but a soft and stern voice put a halt to that.

"Don't do that sweetie. Just breathe, they're working on getting you out." She didn't recognize the voice and she hadn't been called 'sweetie' in a good decade. But it was a voice of help so she didn't reply with a snarky comment, nodding her head as she looked around. They were on a street. There was the other car they were chasing. And now they were getting help. They. He. _Wait…_

Kim looked to her right, noticing the lack of a partner. She swore she wasn't alone, but the empty seat said otherwise. She did a double take before noticing the hole in the windshield. Her eyes wandered to the scene a few feet in front of the truck. The sheet Boden held, covering the event, caught her breath.

"Jay?" People now looked at her with that face. The look of apology, like _that _had happened and they couldn't muster the words. Kim yelled, her voice full of agony and regret. It was deep, guttural, and echoed into the history books. Whatever the outcome, no one, including Kim, would forget that moment in the story. She was mourning.

"He's dead. Oh my word. He's dead," was all that fell out Kim's mouth. For a good minute or so, she repeated that phrase. Squad had stopped working, placing a hand on her, trying to comfort and calm her in an effort to keep her awake and alert. The medic jumped onto the remnants of the hood, setting up an IV and placing a monitoring cuff on Kim's left arm.

"I need to put her under. She'll code if she keeps this up," the medic announced, holding her hand out for the syringe of sedative.

"No," Cruz yelled.

"Don't do this to her. She'll be ok." The medic shook her head. Cruz stuck his head into the truck, his face inches away from Kim's.

"Kim, breathe. You have to calm down. In order to get you out, we need you stable and alive. OK? Jay is being taken care of. We're here to help you." He entered a blink contest with Kim, refusing to move till she did. His efforts awarded him the smallest of head nods, the monitors slowing their tune not too long after.

"Let's go," Severide said, firing up the jaws and digging back in. Twenty minutes later, Kim was freed, but she was far from fine. The damage to her legs wasn't pretty. Both legs were crushed, their appearance veering on floppy. They were red, blue, and black and layered with deep cuts. Kim passed out as they were transporting her to the ambulance. Given the situation, it was a small, merciful miracle. House 51 watched as the second ambulance raced away from the scene, convinced Intelligence had just lost two of their people in the blink of an eye.

"Someone needs to call.." The comment was cut off by Jay's phone ringing on the ground, Voight's ID lighting the screen. The phone was shattered and scraped but surprisingly, survived the ejection. Boden reached down and scooped it up. There are few things he hated more than this: altering someone's life in four simple words.

"There's been an accident…"

…

It was his day off, so the commute was, as you'd expect, intense. The call was vague; a simple, nondescript message in his voicemail box. Thank you HIPPA laws. Jay was in an accident and Will was told to get to the hospital for further information. He half joked if the phone would self destruct in five seconds. However, the ride over transitioned to mild concern to grave endgames. The accident had reached radio announcements. Exact details were still being investigated, but the radio voice told his listeners that two police officers were apart of the accident, both in critical condition. Critical somehow translated to life threatening in Will's mind. Any notions of a one night hospital stint with Jay went out the window. With nothing but a radio report to go on, something, some gut reaction told him to strap in because he just learned of the tip of the iceberg. Will's hands were shaking as he pulled into his designated parking, feeling his foot pulse against the brake pedal. The only thing that made sense right now was resting his head on the steering wheel and screaming. It felt weird and probably looked odd to people going by, but Will couldn't have cared less. His world was in the process of being flipped upside down and he had to knowingly walk in to the middle of it all. The sound of a familiar tune drew his head up. He noted the ambulance number, unfortunately knowing it all to well. He gathered himself, his few belongings, and headed in, not sure if or when he'd return to the outside world.

The two brothers met at the intersection of the ED department and waiting room doors. On the jog over, Will saw the hustle and urgency surrounding Jay, confirming that things were indeed grave. As he got closer, the lack of movement or protest stood out fairly quick. Jay's body reacted to the bumps in the floor, but it resembled a rag doll, like the jostling was involuntary. Will ignored Maggie's call for him to hang back, marching straight into trauma four and glueing his feet to the floor. Jay was yanked from gurney to bed before things began changing. The evidence was clear, Jay spent some time connecting with asphalt. His eyelids were snapped shut, his arms and torso peppered in cuts and wires and tubes and rawness. But the head is what made Will hold his breath. It was bleeding, but deep into his skull. One side was covered in cuts while the other had the early stages of bruising and swelling, making it clear his head hit the ground first. But it was the entrance of Dr. Abrams, the hospital's renowned neurosurgeon, that sent Will's jaw to the floor and his stomach into his mouth.

"What was the Glascow score?"

"Four," Ethan replied.

"What!" Will blurted that out before even registering. He placed a hand over his mouth as eyes shone their laser beam at him.

"Get out," Abrams yelled, but Will remained firm. He found a corner of the room and slunk, hoping his lower level would ward off people's attention. It worked like a charm. Alarms were going off now, people yelling that Jay needed go up. Trays and testing devices were zooming in and out. Abrams mentioned the words 'hair' and 'removal' while shining a penlight in Jay's eyes, shaking his head as he announced Jay's eyes were fixed. He proceeded to rub the sternum which elicited a valiant, Jay Halstead type response.

Jay batted Abrams' hand off his chest, eyes wide open as he attempted to sit up. The unexpected reaction made everyone jolt, the whole room stopping to take in the amazing sight. The breathing tube and collar around his neck made getting upright impossible, but Jay was awake, breathing, and moving. This had to be a dream. Will didn't move from his spot, mouth gaping open under his hands. This wasn't supposed to happen. Jay's reaction isn't in any medical book or journal. It was when Jay found Will that the waterworks kicked on. Jay's eyes had been dancing around the room, seeming to be awake for one purpose, relaxing as he found Will in the corner. They locked eyes for exactly one second before Jay gave up. He blinked, seeming to tell Will farewell, and then crumbled onto the bed, fully under the power of a seizure. The horror of watching one's family member going through that is enough to make you sprout grey hairs. The crying out was there, but Will sat in his place, entirely dumbfounded.

"We're moving, now," Abrams yelled, the mad scramble to unplug and run ensuing. Will watched the stampede roll out and to the left. He couldn't help but feel that was the end, the final exhale of Jay's time on earth. It wasn't uncommon for dying people to find that final burst of strength. Some used it to squeak out another day, others utilized it to wait for people to arrive. Jay was holding back the death wave, seeming to hang on for that moment with Will. In a way, Will hated that Jay woke up. Whatever ounce of drive and strength was burned for his sake. More then ever, Will wondered if he hadn't arrived or walked into the room if Jay would've hung on till things blew over. With the final scene played out, there was nothing left but to fade to black and watch the end credits roll.

…

Will sat in his spot in trauma room four the entire time. He couldn't leave the place of Jay's final moments. Maggie walked in a few minutes after Jay was taken up, trying her best to gently escort Will to another area of the hospital. She spoke in hushed tones while cleaning up the room, showing Will that life was moving on. She didn't mean it in a rude or insensitive way, just doing her best to show Will life can and will go on. She got as far as pulling the sheet away before Will barked at her, saying it was Jay's and she couldn't touch his stuff. Clearly, Will was out of it. Whatever the stage beyond shock was, that's where Will was at. She sat herself on the floor, directly in front of Will, and placed hands on him. That's all Will needed to break down. He balled, shook, yelled randomness as Maggie took him in for a hug. Natalie overheard the commotion across the department, nervously walking over to see the two of them arm locked on the floor. She didn't enter the room, but guarded the doorway, making sure no one broke the airspace of trauma four. Will was the first to break away, letting out deep coughs and sighs as he caught his breath. Natalie wasn't fully aware of what went down with Jay, but based on Will's demeanor, it was far from ok. Out of all the things they encounter on a daily basis, she'd never seen him this detached from things. He was ghost-like, operating under the control of a computer, not a soul. Maggie spoke something lengthy and received a simple nod. She patted Will on the shoulder, slowly rising and tip toeing out of the room.

"He doesn't need to be alone," Maggie whispered as she broke through the doorway.

"I'll stay with him," Natalie quickly replied. Maggie bit the side of her lip, almost like she was fighting off tears. The women turned to gaze at the person on the floor, silently wishing they could trade places with him. Natalie took a step, and then another, and then worked her way into a sitting position, about a foot away from Will. The curtains closed behind them, creating a quiet, calm, slightly dark ambience to the place. Words were on the tip of Natalie's tongue but Will was giving that 'no speaking' vibe. So instead she sat, figuring her presence would have to be enough for now.

Another trauma whizzed by the room, but the occupants of trauma four didn't flinch. Medics were yelling numbers and readings and nurses were readying people to move the patient. Monitors were consistently beeping and doctors were yelling for tests and available operating rooms. Natalie soon realized this was probably the last thing Will needed to overhear. She inched closer as Will transitioned from a curled up position to throwing hands over his ears, repeating the word 'no' over and over again.

"It's not Jay," she quietly spoke to him, getting nothing in return. The event happening on the other side faded into ramblings. Natalie wished she could yell for them to keep things down or move to another location, but common sense prevailed. Someone else was having a terrible day and it was inappropriate and selfish of her to think their problems weren't as scary and uncertain as Will's. After a time, the room next door settled down, things resumed to a relatively normal pace. But still, Will couldn't find it in himself to get up and leave.

The remaining members of Intelligence trickled in about an hour and a half after Jay went up. Maggie must've told them about Jay and Will and the unofficial rules, because they entered silent and somber, only nodding or waving a hand at Natalie before finding a place to rest. Will heard them come in, but didn't acknowledge. He was gone, had drifted into some fantasy, euphoria world. If Jay wasn't on this earth anymore, then Will had no desire to reside in it either. Looks were exchanged between the comforters, each trying to figure out what happened. Trying to piece together the series of events that lead them to whatever this thing was. For the moment, the only people who knew the specifics of the accident were lying on a table in an operating room. The people in the other car were being treated at a different area hospital, under the control and oversight of police officers. No one had it in them to tear away from Med.

Three and a half hours after Will's bottom met the floor, Maggie stuck her head in the room, pointing a finger at Voight and ushering for him to follow her. He eagerly and quietly obeyed.

"Kim just got out of surgery. She broke two vertebra and her left femur was shattered, but she has small movements and reflexes in her lower half. She also had several broken bones in her right leg but they only required setting and splinting."

"She's going to make it?"

"Yeah, doc says she's doing well considering. He has her sedated for the night just to deal with the pain and trauma, but she should be awake and alert tomorrow. When she does wake up, she'll be on strong pain meds and really out of it for awhile. Sorry, questioning is going to have to wait a bit." Patience wasn't an attribute of Voight, but he really didn't have a choice in this situation. Better to have to wait then never get the answers.

"Jay?!" Maggie looked down at her feet, shifting her weight as she ever so softly spoke.

"He's undergoing a craniectomy. He's got a lot of swelling and bleeds. It's not looking good right now." Voight sharply inhaled, finding the ability to exhale suddenly hard.

"He's got the best people working on him and he's young and stubborn. Just wait to see what Abrams says." She patted Voight's shoulder, turning to walk away from him. They were a step apart before she spoke.

"Don't tell you know who." Voight nodded.

"I'll send Adam up to Kim."

"I'll let the team know he's coming up." Adam received the same finger point from Voight, getting up and leaving the same way his boss did. Voight explained the post-op report from Maggie before sending Adam up to Kim. The curtain was opened but a crack when Will looked up to see the visitor, depressed when it was just Hank returning. Two choices were presented: lie or betray. Voight chose option number three, inexact.

"Still in surgery." Will threw his head back down. He had a good idea of which operation Jay was undergoing and shockingly, was relieved that Jay wasn't out yet. As long as the surgery was ongoing, so was Jay.

…

The room was dark and still, but without turning on the lights, Adam knew it was her. It was well into the following day, so visitors were not allowed. Glares and scans were administered as he ventured down the halls, but he didn't care in the least. His person, his girl was somewhere on the floor and he wasn't going to stop till her hand was in his. Now standing at the doorway, doing a thorough once over of her, the anxiety was gone. Granted, she wasn't breathing on her own and was speckled in bandages, cuts, and bruises, but Adam had never loved her more. He took a step, hesitated, and then marched all the way in. For some reason, he thought noise and movement would awaken her. But those notions were chased away as the state of Kim told him otherwise. The chair was passed over for the swivel stool, Adam humorously spinning on it as he ventured towards her.

"Hey babe. I'm here. Just get better, ok?" Adam spent the next several minutes stroking her hair while holding her hand. It was the therapeutic moment of the event. Every breathe and beep was calming the worrisome thoughts, proving that Kim was on the other side and projecting upward. For a small season, she wasn't going to be the snapshot everyone knew and loved. But she would get there and that was plenty for now. After some time, Adam felt the existence of a third person in the room, rotating to see Kevin at the door, looking very zombie-like.

"What," Adam whispered as Kevin slid the door open. A blank stare with a gaping open mouth were all that came back.

"Kev." That one did the trick.

"Saw Jay on the way here. He…um…he was getting on the elevator as I walked by the OR department…" Kevin trailed off into silence, sniffling and brushing under his eyes a couple of times. For as long as Adam knew Kevin, the man had never cried. Ever. Not when Al died, not when Kim was injured, not when his siblings had to escape the city. We're talking never. So for him to react like that shot the nerves and anxiety through the roof again. Whatever form of Jay Halstead was residing in this hospital wasn't good.

…

The moment had arrived: D-day. The time in which the last hours' secrets were to be revealed. They came in the form of Dr. Abrams throwing the curtain back in dramatic fashion. The occupants of trauma room four squinted and shuttered at the sudden light change, like vampires seeing sunlight for the first time. If Will was in a better mood, he'd would've yelled at him for his insensitive entrance. But for tonight, it had to do. Best to not anger the keeper of his brother's secrets. There was a moment of silence follow by sense of urgency and anger. Abrams took everything in, noting the mausoleum mood of the place, before resting against an unclaimed wall. He folded his arms and began.

"What do you want to know first?" Will kinda shrugged, figuring this wasn't a good news, bad news kinda thing. Anything was better than nothing at this point.

"The surgery," Hailey replied in a mouse-like manner. Abrams looked to Will who was spacing out again.

"Ok. Based on the location of the swelling and bleeding, it's pretty obvious Jay's head took the brunt of the landing. He's got a large crack in his skull from the center point of his head down towards his face, stopping just above the right eyebrow. Most of the damage is on the right side of his head from the center veering on that side. We had to perform a crainectomy, which is where we remove a piece of the skull to alleviate the swelling and freeze that piece till things have calmed down. From there, we had to tackle the many brain bleeds. I believe the final number was nine, but I could be wrong. The seizure he had in here subsided by the time he reached the OR floor. He has responded to a couple of test post-op but, it's pretty minimal. He's in a deep coma right now." They all looked to be on the verge of vomiting, the worst being Will. Hailey almost hated herself for asking that. Being naive was far better than being informed.

"What about the other injuries?"

"Well, a lot of them were superficial. He needed a lot of suturing and irrigating, but for the most part, those injuries will heal on their own. Obviously, the most important thing is the brain. Without it…" Some minuscule amount of common sense knocked on his mind, concluding that that ending was the last thing they all needed to hear.

"What's the likelihood," Voight broke in.

"It's not good, but it's not definite either. This is the awful part of this whole thing, waiting. From a medical standpoint, we've done everything we can do. He's on all the medication available and every necessary machine is being used. There isn't another surgery or procedure to perform. It's now time to stand back and watch, hoping for the best." People were now looking to Will, trying to get something out of him. A tear, a blink, a word, something to prove he wasn't seconds away from passing out. Natalie gently rubbed his back, turning to whisper in his ear. Her efforts went unacknowledged. Abrams extended a hand, hovering it inches above Will's head.

"Let's go. You can't sit here the rest of time. Jay's not here anymore so neither should you." It was so blunt, leaning towards rude. But it was the kick in the butt Will needed. He stood, buckling a little, but was upright thanks to Natalie's assistance. Abrams walked out first, followed by the family member and then colleagues. It had the feeling of a funeral procession. Like they were leaving the church, headed for the cemetery. No one spoke it, but felt to be a foreshadowing. Maybe it would be a few days or a week from now. But the march felt like a trial run. All that was missing was the music and gun salute.

The elevator was pin drop quiet. People held back coughs and sneezes, worried that would be the spark to set people off. They passed Kim's floor, arriving two stories above the normal floors. The doors revealed a dark world. It was ironic the walls and floors were colored white, because the whole place had the ambience of black, dark, heaviness. White symbolized clean, fresh, and calm. Nothing about this floor resembled those traits. People on this floor were dying, had died, or were altered for the rest of time. This place was marked for the miracle stories. The number of patients who left this floor alive was fewer than those who slipped away. As they walked down the rows, it was heartbreaking to see most of the rooms full. It drove home that Jay wasn't the only one messed up this evening. Each room had a person in a bed and at least another, poor soul hovering over them. Some were talking while others were praying. A handful were sleeping on the most makeshift of beds. The odds were shrinking with every passing doorway. The process of elimination was cruel. As they furthered their journey into the grim world, the more they realized they were that close to seeing him, at last.

Then they were brought to a halt. Abrams held a hand up, almost having rear end collisions ricochet off his palm. He slipped into the room, continuing to point a finger as he chatted with a nurse. The two people were masking Jay from the incoming guests. Hailey and the others bobbed their heads in different directions, trying to get that confirmation it was Jay in there. A collective inhale was drawn as Abrams returned, waving his hand for them to come in.

"Be quiet when you come in. People are sleeping and we don't want to stress him," he whispered, pulling the glass door wide for them. Will was the last to enter. He got one glimpse, one passing scan before pivoting around and storming out. Natalie followed him down the hall, finally catching up when Will threw himself against the wall. His head was pressed into the white surface, eyes closed and dry heaves coming out. It was a classic panic attack.

"Will, breathe. Please just breathe." She rubbed in a circular motion on his back, trying her absolute best to bring him back. Several gags and dry heaves came up for the episode died down.

"I can't," squeaked out.

"You can."

"No, I can't act like this in there. He doesn't need to hear me freaking out." Natalie bit her lower lip, allowing the tears to slowly drip down. They both knew Jay wasn't alert enough to hear, but she admired Will's hope in the midst of this. While she didn't believe Will's assumption, she knew she had to go along with it.

"Ok. That's fine. Just take you're time. We'll go in when you're ready." They listened to Intelligence mumble things, the words breaking up through the emotions. It wasn't something they ever envisioned to witness, especially when it was one of their own. Even if they didn't want to believe it or not, all that was reported was true. One by one, they left for the night. Will was more coherent by now, waving and bravely smiling as they looked towards him. This felt like the right time to inject some promise into the night. He waited till there was a break in the traffic to head back in. This was it, the moment it all became real. It was another milestone on the journey. The point of no return. They were all here. Now they had to find a way out.

It wasn't real. There was no way that was Jay. There were so many things separating Jay from the actual, alive world. The focal point was the head. Gone was the hair. Gone was the personality. Gone was the essence. It was just a corpse, some Frankenstein looking experiment connected to machines and wires. You would've never guessed the person in the bed was alive, moving, existence less than twelve hours ago. Will just stood at the end of the bed, absorbing but still not believing. He was waiting, counting down the seconds till the director yelled for the camera to cut. He'd roll his eyes at the big joke Jay and everyone else was playing on him, laugh as Jay ripped off the bald cap and removed the fake tube from his mouth. His face would be crimson as he help untangle Jay, smack his head over the world's worst prank. But there wasn't a camera in sight and the film crew was nowhere to be found. Like it or not, this was reality.

Hailey was the last remaining member of Intelligence. She was sitting on the right side of Jay's bed, clinging to his hand as the nurse was wrapping up the life support procedure. It struck her how many devices were required to keep a single person alive. The room was crammed with monitors and machines on wheels, making the square footage for Will to sleep on very tiny. There had to be hundreds of feet of wiring and tubing, all leading to the rigid, immobile thing on the bed. She concluded the human body was amazing. Firing on all cylinders, it was able to do the work of dozens of machines assistance free. The other thing that shocked her was Jay's lack of response. Whatever the nurse was sticking in his wrist was deep and large, making her squirm from the pain. But he didn't flinch, there was no uptick in the heart monitor. Things just moved on, like nothing miserable and painful was going on.

"I'll leave you guys for a bit," the nurse whispered, tapping Will on the shoulder on her way out. The chair was free and Will took it, much to Natalie's urging and approval.

"What did they just insert," Hailey asked, not breaking her concentration of Jay.

"Arterial line. It's to help provide better blood pressure readings and track oxygen. Same thing with the central line in the neck," Will numbly whispered. Hailey pointed to the tubes coming from Jay's sides.

"Chest tubes. To help drain fluid and air. He's inhaling a lot of air right now so removing the excess air will allow his lungs to expand more. Pretty much everything on him right now is for monitoring and precaution. With him unable to tell us anything, we have to rely on non-verbal things for signs of progress or declining." Hailey nodded, moving her eyes to the top of Jay's head.

"What's the thing sticking out," she asked, pointing to the tube sitting near the top of the head.

"ICP monitor. It's tracking brain pressure. If it gets above a certain level, it'll sound an alarm and he'll have to go back into surgery to relieve the pressure."

"What if he gets hungry?" Will smirked, amused at her random question. He had to realize she was experiencing the same emotions as him.

"They'll probably give him a GI tube tomorrow. It goes in his nose down to his stomach." They both sat in silence, holding a hand while staring into nothing. Correction, Hailey was focusing on Jay's chest. Will was day dreaming over towards Natalie, who waved farewell after a bit. Now just the three of them, Will rose, carefully prying an eyelid open.

"Do you see any eyedrops? His eyes are really dry." Hailey jerked her neck around, pointing to a tray on Will's side of the room. He placed two drops in each eye, carefully rubbing them in an effort to keep as much of the liquid in as possible. Hailey stared at the scene rather puzzled.

"Naturally, we keep our eyes wet with blinks. When you can't blink on your own, then there's a very good chance they'll get dry and irritated. So you've gotta have drops put in every few hours. They might have to tape his eyes closed if this doesn't work." Will then did something that would Jay way freak out. He leaned over, inspected the incisions and bruising on Jay's face before placing a kiss on his forehead. Hailey looked away, giving the brother's a brief moment alone.

"You're not allowed to quit," Will whispered. He was situated in his chair before Hailey resumed the hand holding session.

"I'm waiting for my alarm clock to go off," she chuckled.

"Yeah." The chiming never came, allowing the nightmare to motor on.

…

_"__You want to drive?" _

_"__Really?!" _

_"__Yeah. I feel the early stages of a headache coming on." _

_"__Do you need any Advil? I have some back in the locker.." _

_"__No, I'm good. Thanks though."_

_…_

_"__50-21 George, in pursuit of the suspected vehicle from this morning's drive by. Hit it, Kim." _

_"__On it." _

_"__Push harder. It's got more power than you're giving it credit for." _

_…_

_"__Jay.." _

_"__-It's fine. I've gotta take the tires out and it's in my way." _

_"__Why are they taking us to the district?" _

_"__Who knows. Let's just stop them before they do anything stupid."_

_…_

_"__Intersection." _

_"__I got it!" _

_Crunch._

"NO!" She sprung up from bed, her body drenched in a cold sweat. Alarms were going off, pain now consuming her mind.

"Kim, it's ok. It was just a dream, you're fine." She felt the weight of someone enveloping her, accepting it without opening her eyes. The voice was engrained in her mind, but the eyes couldn't escape that scene.

"Darling, can you open your eyes." Adam scooted away from the hug, holding both hands as their foreheads touched. His eyes were watery and beaded, egging her on to deliver the request. The eyelids danced, tantalizing Adam before they slowly pried open, revealing tired and hazy eyes. But they were hers and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"Hey," Adam whispered through the streaming tears, Kim looked at him puzzled.

"Where.."

"-A hospital. Do you remembered what happened?" Kim pondered that one, slowly sitting back as photos, screen shots of her life flashed in front of her. Her childhood home, a random plane, the police academy, Jay's face. She face went white and frozen.

"Jay." Adam hung his head, gripping her hands a little harder.

"He's here. He's alive." The exact details were intentionally left out. This was Kim's first true resurface and the last thing she needed was news of that caliber.

"I drove," she quietly spoke. Adam pressed his head closer to hers, asking her what she had just said.

"I drove," came out a little stronger that time. Adam went in for another hug, trying his best to comfort her.

"It was an accident." Atwater cleared his throat, stepping closer to the bed as Adam pulled away, a smile over his face.

"Sorry. Atwater's here. Everyone's been here. Voight and Antonio are back at the district. Hailey's here with Jay and Will."

"Do you remember what happened," Atwater asked? By now, Kim had both them on her bed, each one sitting on the edge of one side. She bounced her head between the two of them, forever grateful for them and their willingness to be there for her. The thought of being alone scared her right now, so it was heart warming to have a small crowd with her.

"We were chasing a suspect for something. Jay was in the passenger seat so he could take the car out. We lost them for a minute, tops. But then the light for the seat belt came on and then something hit us." Tears were glistening in the corners of her eyes. Adam thought she looked stunning. Kim wiped her face and pulled the sheets away. Both men sprung from their spots, doing their best to block any crazy ideas.

"Whoa, that's not happening." With everything on display, Kim saw exactly what they meant. Both legs were wrapped and rather numb. Her back was screaming now, thwarting any movement.

"Your legs are messed up right now and your back isn't ready for you to move." They gently tucked her in, trying their best to hide things.

"But I need to see Jay."

"Soon. He's not up for visitors right now."

"Why?" Atwater shot a look at Adam, almost telling him to back off.

"Because…because he's sleeping. The last couple of days have been long and tiring." It was a crappy excuse, but her narcotic infused mind bought it. As she drifted back to sleep, she swore she saw something. A look, a sadness, something behind the two of them. They were hiding something and she had a terrible feeling it wasn't about her.

…

"The ICP hasn't gone off in over twelve hours. That's a good sign." Abrams didn't leave the monitors, shrugging as Will filled the room with unbiased hope. Jay kept slinking into deeper levels of the coma. The small movements that were there after the surgery were nonexistent now. Heart rate was slower and breathing was becoming more mechanical. There wasn't much willpower and life emitting from the body in the bed. As the hours ticked by, more and more he was resembling a cadaver. It hadn't been good, but his continuation was already miraculous. In his vast, expansive experience, Abrams could count on one hand the number of patients that were as bad as Jay and survived the night. Now thirty-six hours post-op, Jay was still hanging in, but barely.

"Up the doses of the steroid and anti-seizure meds. Start him on mannitol." The nurse left the room, sticky note of medication instructions in hand.

"Why just now start him on mannitol?"

"Don't be daft, Will. You know why." With these kinds of TBIs, the first step was steroids and anti-seizure meds. Steroids are designed to reducing inflammation. When that doesn't happen, then the big diuretics are introduced.

"So when he wakes up.."

"-If," Abrams interrupted.

"When." The neurosurgeon cocked his head, trying to figure out how Will could be so bent on the positive. Jay was still hours away from dying. His whole reason for still being on earth were the numerous machines and drugs. Unplug one thing, Jay was no more. So it baffled him that Will saw Jay walking out of this room and hospital alive and fine. That was a lightyear away from today.

"Sure."

"What is he looking at?"

"Deficits, recovery?"

"Both."

"Well, it could be everything, nothing, or some things. Almost the entire brain is swelling and suffered bleeds. Speech problems, mobility, memory, sight, personality, sensory, you could be looking at a totally different person. And then in terms of recovery, eight months to a year before he's cleared to work. He'd have to relearn everything. And I mean, everything." Will nodded as he dazed off, his hand hadn't left Jay's since Abrams entered the room. While the appearance had yet to improve, things felt to have shifted. Whether it was bad or good was to be determined, but the room's air had definitely changed.

"At least he'll look normal when that happens."

"Yeah, he's going to hate me for making him look they way he does." Will smirked, living for the glimmer of humor.

"It's better then…" Abrams slowly walked out, not in the mood to guide Will through another emotional session. Once was his quota. Will watched the surgeon slide the door closed, turning to look at the state of things. This wasn't the first time he ran through the check list, nor was it his hundredth. Things were steady, injuries were healing, and Jay was still breathing. It was all the body could provide and Will accepted its' efforts. He ran a finger over the ICP monitor, checking the alignment and steadiness of the bolt. It was still odd feeling smoothness on that part of Jay's head.

"Anything new," Hailey asked? Her sudden return to the room made Will flinch, his hand flying away from its' spot on the head. His face was red as he faced her.

"No. But it'll get there." Will knew he was preaching unconfirmed information, but he had to. Some point between that night and now, Will assumed the role of dreamer. He was flat out tired of the death wish floating in the space. It was almost like people knew Jay was dying, the date a total surprise. But as Jay made it through the night, the mindset changed. Jay wasn't here for the moment. But in time, he'd get out of place and just be. And over the coming days, through the hills and valleys, Will clung to this idea, keeping his eyes fixed on the prize.

…

_Ten Days Later_

Comparing that night, zero day, to this evening is a night and day difference. Of course, the valleys were deep and wide, but those little hills and peaks were what got them all through this period of time. It's important to note that people who are in a coma are completely still and just not there. You could smack then on the face and get nothing in return. I'm aware that is a horrible example, but you get the idea. No amount of pain, talking, or startling will make them wake up. It's entirely up to the brain. Only it knows if and when it gives the green light to wake the rest of itself up.

In those early days, non-verbal cues were the lifeline in knowing whether Jay was still kicking in that body. Whether it was changing heart rates, a deeper inhale, or even an uptick in urine output, those little things were what let the outside world know some part of him was functioning normally, relatively speaking. Life shrunk down to the smallest of victories. Neruo test were conducted at a consistent rate, the goal of them catching progress or a turn for the worse. The first week, responses ranged from finger twitches to eyes dilating. Those were the high points of the days and they were greatly celebrated. The shock of things dissipated by the end of day two. It wasn't about not believing things anymore, the evidence was standing in front of them. This was the new normal for the foreseeable future so they had to get comfortable with things, fast. So when Jay gave them those things to cheer for, they popped the proverbial champaign and danced. In the sea of misery, they found happiness and hope.

Things bottomed out around day five. Leading up to the cross roads, doctors and nurses would give off that air that they were both shocked and waiting. Like they had some end date in mind and every passing day was a red X closer to their configured endpoint. And on that fifth morning, it certainly felt like that day was _the_ day. Jay wasn't responding to anything and the ICP monitor was sounding every other hour. Abrams as went as far as pulling Will out of the room and talking quality of life. He argued that Jay was in a lot of pain and the odds of him waking up were small. At that point, a vegetative state was more likely consciousness. And Will seriously contemplated it. He knew the odds and all that was going on in that bed, but he couldn't do it. He'd just done it with a parent and he couldn't bring himself to watch his brother leave like that. So instead, he sat with Jay and talked about the most random of things: what he ate for lunch, how Jay looked stupid and orb-like right now, and cracked jokes about things from their childhood. He knew there was a great chance Jay couldn't hear any of it, but hoped it would be enough to keep things chugging along. People talk about frames of mind, inner peace they get right before family members pass away. Unfortunately, Will had experienced this before. But in this instance, Will hadn't found that mindset yet, so onward they all went, not changing a thing.

From that fifth day on, things progressed. It was like climbing up a mountain on fingernails, but they were steps in the right direction. Eyes movements kicked back in on day seven. Whole finger flexes were at the end of day eight. His feet slipped the circulation boots off on day nine. Will took these things to mean Jay had listened, gotten the message that there was life on the other side of the darkness. He started talking to him daily, for hours at some point. He made sure to allow quiet time, encouraging Jay to rest, but Will wanted to get that awake/asleep clock going again. Hailey rarely left during this stretch of the recovery. Aside from going home to change clothes or shower, the room was almost always three deep. Will slept on the chair while encouraging Hailey to take the cot. All meals were eaten in the room, some were quiet and some were talking between bites. They cried together and laughed and smiled in unison. It was a wacked bonding exercise and they honestly wouldn't have changed a thing; well, maybe one part. But they weren't the only visitors.

House 51 trickled in after day five. They were being updated via Voight, but after hearing how bad things had gotten, they made an effort to stop by, letting Jay know they were there and rooting him on. Intelligence visited when they were allowed and texted when they couldn't. Kim had Adam and Atwater to herself until her discharge, which was a week after the accident. On Kim's discharge day, she saw Jay for the first time. As one could imagine, that was heartbreaking. Will chalked it up to being the worst visit of them all. She was in a wheelchair with both legs in a cast. She'd been styled and made up by Adam—which should be enough to paint the picture—and exhausted, evidence her stay wasn't restful. But when she entered the room, the sobbing and deep, regret filled wails cried out. Adam moved her close enough to touch and hold Jay's arm, which kinda made things worse. She cried his name, but nothing came back. Everyone backed out of the room when she rested her forehead on the base of the bed. Kim didn't care, ignoring the pain her back was screaming. She hadn't let go of Jay yet. It was a bad flashback to the previous week and no one wanted to revisit that.

"Did you not tell her," Will whispered? They were all standing on the other side of the door watching.

"I mean, I told her he was here and a couple of floors up."

"Oh my word, you just ambushed her," Hailey budded in. Adam had his mouth open, ready for a protest when Will dove back in.

"His heart rate is spiking." As best he could, without bringing more tension and drama to the room, Will walked to the free side of Jay and massaged the carotid, hoping that would be enough. Alas, the alarms began chiming. Adam now stepped in, pulling Kim away and hugging her, speaking apologies and comforts in her ear. Will gave Adam the look to get out and he didn't hesitate. Jay was in the 150s and 160s now, not that far away from cardiac problems.

"Sssssshhhhhhhhh. Ssssshhhhhhhhh. Calm down, Jay. It's fine. You're fine, just relax." Will repeated this while placing a hand on Jay's chest, feeling the mechanical breaths and elevated heart rate against his palm. It was frightening, but he didn't budge. Nurses and doctors stood around the bed, on the verge of shoving Will out of the way. But the weird, baby comforting trick worked. After a few minutes, Jay resumed his normal state. Will had never been more proud of his older bro.

"He can hear us. He's in there."

…

So everything above was just told and described to bring us to _the_ moment. But first, there's one more thing you must know: endotracheal suctioning. It's a procedure done to coma patients who are unconscious for a lengthy period of time. The amount of fluid, spit, mucus, and others things running through a comatose patient can build up in the lungs, which increases the chance of infection and other harmful things. Even with the chest tubes, this procedure still needs to be done to really keep things clear and dry. In short, doctors and nurses take a suction catheter, insert it down the breathing tube, and suction the nasty stuff out. It's not exactly gentle or pleasant, so its' easy to see why Jay absolutely hated it. Even in his worst stage of the coma, the procedure would always elicit some kind of response. Will hated watching him go through it, making sure his butt was somewhere on that bed when it went down. It began with hyper-oxygenation, or increasing the amount of oxygen, before unplugging the hose and inserting the catheter. Early on, Jay's heart rate or ICP pressure would tick up just a bit. But as they got closer to today, he'd range from moving a finger to a whimper. That one Will actually teared up over. It was Jay's very first verbal response.

Anyway, the suctioning part took a minute, tops, and then they quickly slip things out and returned the hose to the tube. Again, the non-verbal transitioned to verbal or movement responses during that time. As much as Will hated to admit it, he grew to get excited when that time arrived. It was like being granted visitation to Jay's dark world. But tonight, Will was slouched in the chair, texting people the latest neuro test result when the nurse knocked on the door.

"It's that time," she whispered. Will rolled his eyes, transitioning from chair to bed as the nurse got things set up.

"Sorry, Jay." Will grabbed a hand, ready to get that glimpse into the abyss.

"Where's Hailey?"

"Downstairs taking a shower." The suction was tested a couple of times, making sure everything was ready to roll.

"Here's the hyper-oxygenation," the nurse alerted, clicking the ventilator's flow button a couple of times. She was too concerned with the machine and Will had looked away, feeling Jay's pain. But it was a shame they weren't paying attention because at that precise moment, Jay's eyelids fluttered.

"And now the suctioning." Will squeezed harder. He waited till the line was all the way down before looking up. But then it happened. Without even realizing it, he'd grabbed the nurses hand, encouraging her to stop.

"Whoa, he's awake." They were the most beautiful shade of blue Will had ever seen. The eyes were so clueless and lost, wandering to grasp the world hey was in. So many questions, tons of information was missing. But it was Jay, emerging from the fog.

"Hey bud, welcome back." The eyes picked that people were in the room, the ears following the voice. It took a moment or two, but for the first time in over ten days, the brothers were making eye contact.

"Holy cow," was all that came out. Jay just blinked. He didn't fight the vent or any painful thing coming out of him. All that was breaking through was his vision and hearing, and that was more than enough for now. The nurse looked to Will, still holding the suction line that was deep in Jay's chest.

"She's gotta keep going." The most amazing thing happened next: Jay nodded. Will wanted to shake his brother he was so proud. But instead, he talked him through the whole thing, apologizing for the discomfort and counting down till things were put back in place.

"I'll leave you two," she spoke, collecting the instruments and devices before darting out. Jay followed her till she left.

"You're doing so well right now." Jay just stared at him clueless.

"I'll tell you when you're more awake. Just get some rest, alright?" You didn't have to tell Jay twice. In no time, the room resumed its' norm: silence and snoozing. While Jay was days away from his skull becoming whole, weeks from getting out of here, and months from resuming a normal life. Will felt this was the end. They'd all just cleared the woods and were now looking behind them, marveling at how scary and confusing and dark it all was. But now, Jay could turn and face the sunlight and meadow, the calmer and refreshing stage of the journey. Sure, there were plenty of hills and treks yet to come. But the worst was behind them. As another infamous movie quite goes, Will was with Jay till the end of the line. Miraculously, that line looked to be quite aways off.

**In another life, if I weren't an accountant or a writer, I would've loved to have been a doctor, specializing in either cardiology or neurology. The power and capability of medicine is a very amazing and fascinating read. Alas, I struggle with the nitty gritty science part of it all. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this very lengthy story. I hope it delivered, Lila17! Perhaps we shall revisit it another time, or it'll be the start to a whole separate story, but I wanted to end it at a point where you could imagine the rest or part two could be picked up. Thank you guys so, so much for taking the time to read this. I can't wait to see where we're going next!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13- It's No Secret That The Both Of Us…

**I'm not one to write a story based on a song, but as I was digging into this chapter's prompt a song spoke to me. More specifically, 'Hello' by Adele. I don't know if it was the mood, music video, or the underlying message, but it seemed to fit so perfectly with the direction I want to take this prompt. If you want to listen to that as you read, go right ahead. If not, I totally get it. Spoiler alert: this is another Upstead story. The prompt comes from three people this time. **

**_Nic, Guest, and Chicagogirl13: "-Hailey-side, what if Jay confesses he has feelings for her but she refuses to listen since they're partners and she's scared. Then he goes off angry and distracted while they're canvassing a suspect and gets seriously injured since he didn't wait for her as his backup."_**

**And here…we…go.**

"Are you at the gate yet?"

"No, we're sitting on the runway waiting for one to become available."

"Well, have fun. I won't tell you how cold it is and the latest snowfall estimates."

"Yeah, whatever. At least you're not going to be stuck in conferences and group sessions all week. I don't know why Goodwin forced this thing on me."

"Only you would complain about a week long, all expenses paid vacation to LA." Jay could only envision the throwing back of the head and the long, Ross Geller moan coming from the back of the plane.

"You just don't get it." Jay truly laughed out loud.

"I'm pulling up to the district, I'll see you Saturday." They said their farewells as Jay shut the ignition off and ran in, trying to minimize the time spent outside. It was nearing single digits out and the snow was just beginning to fall. Forecaster's were calling for near record snowfall for March and at this point, everyone was over it.

"That's the first day of spring for you," Trudy barked, watching as Jay slammed the snow off his shoes and strut up the steps. Warm weather couldn't come fast enough. Jay was intentionally the first person in the office. He was usually a mid pack arriver but today, he wanted to be the first guy in. There was something that needed to be said, a step that needed to be made and he had every intention of doing it away from an audience. He'd talked to Will about it, bouncing ideas off and making sure he head was in the right space. For months he wrestled with saying something, but a roadblock in the form of Adam Ruzek was in his way, their way. But after learning they'd parted ways, Jay was waiting for the perfect moment. The day after was far too soon and two weeks later felt sleazy. But now, a whole month after the demise of Upzek, the opportunity was ripe for the taking.

Jay felt like he was back in high school, timing his walk down the hallways in an effort to visualize his latest crush. It's hard to imagine Jay Halstead was a shy, veering on dorky kid, but puberty and time does wonders on people. He was sitting at his desk, lazily organizing its' drawers and rearranging the trinkets. He was nervous and he wasn't sure why. It was Hailey, not the Queen of England. Voight climbed up the stairs second, looking to be several cups of coffee away from talking to people. He stared at Jay for half a second, grunting as he stormed into his office and slammed the door. After working with the sargeant for awhile, you grew to getting used to that recognition. But then the gate chimed again, Jay stopping everything to peer over the edge, hoping to see blonde hair bobbing up. His wish was granted.

"Hey, Jay," Hailey greeted, pulling her coat off and tucking it on the end of her chair.

"Hey." He tried his best to sound normal and totally cool.

"It's really coming down out there. Think they'll let us leave early?"

"Probably not." Jay rose form his chair, taking a couple of steps towards the kitchen.

"I'm going to get some coffee, do you want anything?"

"Um, sure." Jay slowed his walking, hoping she'd get the idea. Alas, it didn't work. So Jay got his order before starting hers, now trying to play the 'unable to hear' game.

"What do you want in it?"

"Just sugar is fine."

"What? I can't hear you."

"Sugar!"

"What?! This heater is so loud in here." She sighed, looking a little perturb, but Jay got what he wanted. Her face was inquisitive and her gait was suspicious, but at last, they were alone in the same room.

"I can get it." Jay became mesmerized by her hands, watching them pour three packets of sugar in before they grabbed a spoon, stirring till she was satisfied with the consistency of things. The hands placed the spoon in the sink, grabbing the cup and putting it to her lips.

"This is weird," she commented through sips.

"What? Sorry. Didn't mean for it to."

"Or you could just spit it out already. You want to ask me out?" Jay's face was fiery red now, shocked that his flirting, coercing skills were so off when it came to her.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes, placing the cup on the counter and putting a hand on her hip. The tension was sky high now.

"I don't see you as just my partner, Hailey. We're more than that. At least, I see it as more then that. We get each other, we're there no matter what and…I think you're amazing and incredible and I want to spend more time with you." Jay was completely aware he used the same description twice, but that's what early, crazy love does: makes you say and do things you'll laugh about a year later. His face froze in a surprised, happy smirk, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He spilled his guts, now it was her turn.

"Jay," she started, scratching her forehead before continuing. Whatever positive emotion he was sending out vanished. Her movements and stance told him everything. She shifted her weight to one leg while exhaling. Her head dropped to the floor, almost like she was hiding a laugh. There was a hesitation about her, trying to figure out how to let him down easily. The feelings were one sided.

"We both work together. I just got out of a work based relationship and I just don't think it's a good idea. I appreciate your effort and I'm flattered you see me that way, but I can't do this, again." But before he could reply, she grabbed her cup and darted, feeling the glare and disappointment emitting from him. Jay stood in his place heartbroken. He was so sure it was a two way thing, that they both had feelings for each other. That he would ask and she'd happily, eagerly concur. But instead, he was left holding his heart in his hands, feeling like a total loser for acting on impulse and feelings. If it was even possible, he wished he could erase this little event from his memory because it was the most embarrassing and gut wrenching moment of his young life.

…

He didn't see Adam come in nor did he hear when Adam asked him to step away from the coffee pot. He was too consumed with the hurt of rejection, wishing there was a way for him to sneak out the back and never return. It was embarrassing and devastating and made him a little angry. Angry for letting himself fall that much for her. Mad that she didn't feel the same way. Adam showing up after her was the worst of all. How cruel life was when it orchestrated things that. Had Jay gone after Hailey sooner, perhaps she wouldn't have been so reluctant.

"Hey, Jay. Are you alright?" Jay's head snapped, almost as if it reconnected it's plug to the real world.

"Yeah. What've we got?" Adam did a quick scan, totally not buying Jay's brush off. He screamed hostile and his free hand was clenched in a fist.

"Um, a homocide up in the Gold Coast area. Voight's giving out the details now." Jay nodded through a gulp, storming out without a response. Adam noticed Jay's lack of eye contact or thank you. It wasn't like Jay to swing the emotional pendulum so much. So whatever was going on with him was the farthest thing from fine.

Information and commands were being dealt, but Jay couldn't care in the least. He sat at his desk gazing at the words and pictures on the whiteboard, trying his darnedest to forget that last few minutes, focus on what he was actually being paid to do. But nothing worked, her refusal continually repeated in his mind, each passthrough louder than the last. He hated himself and the set of circumstances he walked himself into. Regret for not making a move earlier on. Voight practically yelled his name, causing his body to jolt back to Earth.

"Nice to have you back," the leader roughly and rudely remarked. Jay just nodded, clearly not having the wherewithal to retort.

"You and Hailey partner up and look for this guy." Of course they were assigned together. It was another one of those cruel jokes life plays on you. He would've rather been paired with Adam, Platt, even an angry Voight. An epic eye roll was going on inside, but externally, he rose and headed for the car. Praying for some natural or human disaster to take his mind off of things. Gosh, love and its' ebbs and flows suck.

…

It was the most uncomfortable car ride in the history of the world. Jay didn't turn the radio on. He didn't even acknowledge her when she climbed in and that was after she paced in the gear room for an extra ten minutes, doing her best to come down with an excellent excuse to leave. But a honk from the freezing, snowy outdoors reminded her she was a cop first, in the middle of a love dilemma second. She did her darnedest to play the cool game, act like nothing had happened that morning, but his gloomy, nearly depressed mood forced things. The twenty minute car ride to the Gold Coast was so silent, you could've heard them blinking. The smallest saving grace was the snow. It was a perfect, peaceful distraction for the problems in the car. The ride was dead quiet, but the view out the window was not. So that's how they traveled: Jay keeping his eyes glued to the road while Hailey didn't break her concentration out the passenger side window.

Snow was crunching under the tires when they pulled up, the roads and sidewalks one continuous stretch of white. Hailey reached for the handle the moment the truck was put in park, scanning the world as Jay slowly clambered out. She heard muttering and sharp breaths, but dared to not inquire. It was bad enough they had to walk the streets together for a few hours.

"Where do you want to start?" Jay pointed a direction, taking the lead while shoving his hands in his pocket. She got it, he wasn't in the mood to keep things professional. They strolled past two or three houses several inches apart, acting like each had the plague. Hailey pointed out the suspected house, stopping at the house two doors up.

"Jay, wait. We need to see if they're home." He ignored her precautious plan, hand on his gun holster as he continued towards the final destination. She sighed, realizing his stubbornness was going to win all day long. Keeping with her original plan, she marched up the steps on the house in front of her, noting the millions of cat structures, food bags, and litter boxes by the front door. She was already painting the picture of life on the other side of the door. She rang the bell, took two steps back, and smiled wide as an elderly lady holding two cats opened the door just a crack. She should really take up profiling as a side gig.

"Hi ma'am, I'm with the Chicago police department and I wanted to ask you about your neighbor two houses down." The women waited till Hailey flashed a badge to open the door wide, revealing at least a dozen cats hovering in a corner down the hall. Hailey could feel the allergies already kicking in.

"Yes, he was.." But a sound, a wave actually, made both women jump out of their skin. Against the silent, beautiful, serene atmosphere, the booming noise sent both women scream and fall in unison. In an instant, things went from under control to pure fear. Instinctively, as Hailey was dropping to the ground, she reached for both her gun and radio, ready for whatever.

"Get inside, quick," she yelled to the elderly women, hearing the door slam before she finished the sentence. Hailey counted to five, a tidbit told to her in the academy, before moving. Those precious seconds gave her time to prepare for battle while simultaneously, creating a false sense of security for the attacker; convincing them they'd gotten away with whatever. She took a step, hesitated, and then repeated. The idea to call for Jay was there, but his lack of a voice over the radio told her he was involved in someway. However, when she was hundred feet off, she saw it: the disaster Jay had been begging for. Through the hard falling snow and drifts packed into the front steps, there was Jay under a sea of red, crumbled into a ball and not moving. Now was the time to call his name, getting nothing in return. Oddly, the only thing running through her mind at that point was a small, three letter word: yes.

…

She took the steps two at a time, keeping her vision on the horizon. She didn't break her gaze of the front door, keeping her gun drawn as she knelt to feel for a pulse. Without looking at him, she got the sense that Jay was unconscious or close to it. He didn't flinch when she touched his neck, the quietest, barely there breaths were the only thing coming out of him. It wasn't comforting, but it did give the slimmest amount of promise. Jay was alive, somewhat, for the time being. Hailey found herself at a bit of a dilemma: continue on and find the guy who shot her partner or let the guy go and get Jay on the way to help. Hailey paused, did a quick glance down at Jay, and found her answer.

"50-21 Henry, I have a 10-1 officer down. I repeat, 10-1 officer down. I'm at the address Intelligence was contacting. Suspect has fled on foot, no physical description. I need an ambulance here now." She was rolling Jay onto his back as the perp jumped out the back door. His yells and laughter made Hailey shiver that much more. This guy got a kick out of seriously injuring her partner. If possible she'd have chased till the guy was in a bag. But now looking over Jay brought things back down, putting life into one, seemingly simple decision.

"Stay with me, help is coming. Just stay awake," Hailey spoke repeatedly, pressing hard on the source. It was streaming now, thick and red and right in the middle of Jay's chest. Thousands of scenarios and ideas and consequences were flying in her head, all of them ending with Intelligence standing over a six foot hole.

"Shut up," she whispered to herself, Jay not reacting to her speaking of her thoughts. His eyes ranged from closed shut to thin lines. Breaths were gurgled and inconsistent now, letting the world know things were in a steady decline. He was seriously fighting consciousness, doing his absolute best to stay with her, with existing, but it was a losing fight. He'd close his eyes, she'd press harder, he'd open his eyes and cough. Blood was coming up as the ambulance arrived. Things had reached the point of spilling out, his body couldn't hold its' lifeline in anymore.

"Do not die on this porch, Jay. We have to go on a date, remember?" Hailey swore she saw something, a little smirk or lift of his face. The likelihood of him remembering that was slim to none, but he needed something positive to cling to. A memory or short phrase to grasp to as he went under, soon to be arriving at the terrible life vs. death game. His eye lids fluttered, eyes losing its' sparkle as everything went limp. After that, regardless of the amount of pressure and pain Hailey induced, he didn't come back. Jay Halstead was no longer in her world, or even on Earth.

It took the medics two minutes, perhaps less than that, to grab Jay, hook him up to the most necessary of things, and throw him in the back of their rig. Hailey stood in the middle of the street, watching as the flashing, siren wailing vehicle tore down the street and around the corner. Tell her that was the end of her partner, she'd have totally believed you. Care were honking and people shouting for her to move. But she ignored it all. Guilt is a real trip. One minute, you and everything in your world appears to be fine. The next, your hands and torso are covered in blood and every inch of you is screaming exactly how guilty you are. If only she hadn't listened to her fear.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, providing a way out of her mind. The drying blood made her hands extra sticky, but she was able to secure the phone and answer the call.

"Upton."

"Hailey, where were you?"

"It was him."

"What?!" Voight was a plethora of emotions: angry, concerned, clueless, demanding.

"Jay. He's on his way to Med." She broke down right then, doubling over into a crouched position. She heard raised voices and things moving on the other end, a different voice coming through a couple seconds later.

"We're on our way. Stay there." She could only work up the energy to press the red button.

…

They carpooled in Voight's vehicle, arriving to a flurry of activity on that quiet street in Chicago. What was once a street etched out in trees, black asphalt, and uniquely stunning homes was now the epicenter of the latest police officer involved shooting. Yellow tape came in waves, beginning at the top of the road and roping things off every hundred feet or so. Police lights danced against the windows and icy sidewalks while foot outlines infringed on the pristine snowy front lawns. As they got closer to the house in question, people were crowding around their windows and in pockets along the sidewalk. Historically, this was a crime free street so curiosity was greatly expected. Hailey was locked inside the truck, sitting in the driver's seat when Intelligence came to a halt. Voight got out first and headed towards her, the other venturing to the front steps and interior of the house. She failed to acknowledge those who passed by the truck, staring at her lap as they all slouched past. Voight rapped on the window, causing a little scream on the other side.

"Can I come in?" She did a once over of the cockpit, nodding as she pressed the unlock button. The scent of blood hit him first, but onward he went, shutting the door before speaking.

"How are you?" She did her best to convene things were fine, softly shrugging her shoulders and twiddling thumbs together. They made eye contact for five, ten seconds before she broke away, now finding the crime scene fascinating. It's crazy, how much hoopla and people and steps were being taken for one person. Her mind wandered to Med, trying to figure out what step of the trauma process Jay was at right now. Either they'd pronounced by now or he was being prepped in the OR. Her past experiences aided her running of the time table. She shooed away the first option, landing on the coffee cup in the cupholder.

"This seat smells like him. The whole car does actually. I never noticed till I got back in here." Silence erupted from the passenger seat.

"That's really weird to admit though, right?" She turned to face Voight, looking for some form of an agreement. He eventually, though not totally concurring, nodded.

"What made you stay here?"

"I needed to make sure the scene was secure and plus, Will's there." Voight shook his head, Hailey's stomach dropped to the floor.

"Jay left early last night because he had to get up this morning and drop Will off at the airport." He wasn't aware that Hailey was out of the loop. As he watched the countenance of his detective slump to an all time low, he regretted spitting the situation out like that. Mouth was open, about to apologize, when Hailey cut in.

"I'll call Will."

"No, I'm the one that's supposed to be doing that." Hailey turned the key in the ignition, looking to Voight to get out.

"Sure you can get there? I don't mind going with you."

"No, I'm good. He doesn't need to be alone when he gets out." The door was open and closed, leaving the vehicle occupied by one. She put the car in drive when Voight knocked on the window again, motioning for her to roll the window.

"Get cleaned off when you get there."

"I will." He stepped away, allowing her to roll down the jam packed street. The guilt was there and the worry and dread were right behind it. But she refused to let it win. Jay was going to get out of this and she was going to correct her mistake if it's the last thing she does.

…

"The next session will begin in two minutes. Please make your way to your seats at this time." Will was sitting at the bar, slumped over while resting his forehead on his fist. Eyelids were playing a funny game on him, making him guess just how heavy they could get before he collapsed. He totally expected to faceplate on the mahogany slab of wood, his shoulder being tapped in an effort for someone to wipe the spit away. The seventh ring of Dante's Inferno was reserved for seminars dedicated to paperwork and medical practice protocols. He barely got any sleep the night before or on the plane, so whatever these paper experts were discussing was going in one ear and out the other. Milliseconds were being counted till he was free to race to the hotel and crash. He managed to get upright and put weight on his feet when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Before selecting the green button, he was a little shocked the number of phone calls he missed, driving home just how tired and out of his mind he was. The latest caller ID was Voight, the contact that was put in his phone for just in case. It was one he put in, but never wanted to see show up. His level of tiredness vanished as he put the phone to his ear, listening to the other end ring twice before connecting.

"Will."

"Yeah," he replied through a yawn.

"Something happen? I was in a meeting and had my phone on silent."

"Yes." The tone was stern and serious with a hint of trouble.

"How bad."

"He's at Med, I don't have an update, but it's not good." Will was now flying, finding the nearest trash can and shoving his credentials deep into its' cylindrical container.

"I'm on the next flight out."

"Alright, I'll keep you updated as best I can. But Med will probably be contacting you if they haven't already. Hopefully the snow won't keep you grounded."

"They're going to have to try like hell to keep me here." The oddest of sounds came from the other end, a chuckle.

"Don't make the news," coming from the guy that had the knack and capability to do that very thing. Will didn't reply, just hung up and continued sprinting. It wasn't a perfectly good day, or even a good situation, but Will couldn't help but feel like Ferris skipping class on that June day. And even worse, Will had to admit he was relieved. He'd found his escape route from the worst conference in the history of conferences.

…

The hospital appeared to be functioning as normal. There wasn't a large commotion at the entrance and it was the normal amount of worried, sick people in the waiting room. There were a couple of police officers there, but they were tending to other priorities. If you were told a detective from a high ranking police division was rolled in here, you probably wouldn't believe it. As Hailey stood in that waiting room, this appearance of normalcy drove things home. Even in the midst of a crisis, life does move on. The second thing that ran through her mind was how out of place her appearance was. Her once red covered self had turned into a vision of brown. She was getting scared, rather odd looks and rightfully so. The admin nurse followed her in, holding up a single finger and pointing towards the ED doors.

"Police officer involved shooting?" Hailey nodded.

"Maggie is expecting you. She has a shower and change of clothes waiting for you." Tears of appreciation were streaming as Hailey crossed the ED threshold. In the middle of everything else, discerning and attentive Maggie had gone the extra mile, looking out for the Intelligence circle's well being and needs. People like that don't come around often and Hailey was overly thankful this incredible women was in her life. Hailey made it to the counter and rested her elbows on the glass surface, cradling her head in her hands and just breathing.

"He's upstairs," Maggie spoke upon finding Hailey. She gently rubbed her back, letting Hailey know she was there for the venting.

"How bad?"

"Bad. Rhodes is with him. Jay was shot twice, once in his right lung and the other was somewhere near the heart. He's undergoing an open procedure right now so it'll be awhile before we get anything substantial."

"Oh my word," Hailey muttered. She didn't speak after that, breathing while choking out a couple of tears. Maggie guided her to the bathroom, standing outside the door as Hailey got cleaned up and changed into fresh clothing. It was hospital scrubs, but Hailey didn't mind. The two women boarded the elevator and rose in silence. Maggie was texting at a furious pace, handing over her numerous duties to people downstairs. She knew the situation with Will and that the last thing Hailey needed to be was alone. She had to become to the go-between, the person to come to for the latest. And as the two of them got comfortable in the dreadful OR waiting room, Maggie willingly and assuredly took on that role.

…

Hailey wasn't aware she'd even fallen asleep, but the continuous nudging and whispering told her otherwise. She awoke to shouting extremities cursing her for relaxing in such an odd way. Trying her best, she stretched things out, eventually working into a normal position. Upon opening her eyes, about a dozen or more faces were greeting her, giggling a little over her level of relaxation. Again, it must've been the drama and anxiety that knocked her out. But the mood of everyone told her things were looking up and she eagerly held onto that.

"Any update?" Maggie nodded.

"Jay's out of surgery. Will's getting filled in right now and then Conner is coming to tell us." Hailey felt so privileged and blessed to have the living circuit board at her side. Everything ran through and by Maggie, making her the perfect person to have in a situation like this. With a million moving parts, you needed someone who had their finger on everything. Rhodes was still on the phone when he burst into the room, trying to balance hanging up without being rude.

"Yeah, I'll keep you updated if anything changes. Sorry they're cancelling flights, but don't do anything stupid. Jay's in good hands. Just get here safely and as soon as you legally can. Ok…yes, I will…ok…I have people….YES…ok bye." Rhodes hit the red button with vigor, smiling as he moaned, doing his very best to hide his annoyance of Will. No one in that room bought it. His anger stirred up laughter and honestly it was the prefect medicine for a time such as this.

"So as you probably guessed, Jay is out and on his way to the ICU right now. The bullet in his lung did cause it to collapse and fill with fluid but we drained it and inserted a chest tube and that'll heal on its' own in a week or so. The bigger issue was the bullet that hit near his heart. Unfortunately, it did land in his right atrium, a chamber of his heart, and we removed the bullet and patched the chamber. There were a couple other valves and arteries that were effected, but so far those patches and sutures appear to be holding. He's getting a blood transfusion right now and he'll keep receiving those over the next couple of days. His not out of the woods, but we've got him in the right direction."

"What's the likelihood of a complication or the repairs failing," Hailey inquired?

"It's a guessing game at this point. As the injuries start to heal and we get his blood volume back up, that's when we'll really know. But the greatest chance of seeing a complication will be in the next couple of days." Though it wasn't the answer they were wanting to hear, the partial conclusion to the evening was better than anything of them could ask for. A few hours ago, they were putting themselves in a farewell mindset. That that street Jay walked down and the door he knocked on was the last time. But now, things were showing promise. Promise for tomorrow, potential to correct the day's mistakes, and that was a massive victory.

"Let's get you guys up there. It's well after visitation hours but they'll overlook things for a few minutes." They all sprung to their feet. Rhodes break down was speedy and to the point, but everyone in that waiting room loved it. They appreciated his quickness because they were really ready to just see the man of the evening.

Strangely, it was a giddy ride to the floor. Somehow in those hours of waiting, people got over the fear and uneasiness of one of their own being under the knife. Like it was totally normal that Jay just went through open heart surgery and was laying in a bed unconscious and connected to machines. They were happy he pulled through and joking about the how annoyed Jay would be when he woke up. Rhodes wanted to know what drug they passed around during the wait, but shrugged it off. Whatever it took to get through this, he concluded. He only hoped Jay wouldn't be perturbed by their unusual mood.

However, as they approached the room, things changed. Thanks to the glass door's see-through aspect, Jay was on display for the whole floor to see. He wasn't awake, and they expected that, but the level of weakness and his tiny appearance brought the euphoria and jubilation down. The macho man wasn't there anymore. He wasn't living, but merely existing. So many things were in, on, and around him, it drove home how drastic the steps were to keeping him alive. It's crazy to think six hours and one surgery could disfigure someone but looking at Jay now, you never would've guessed he could run for miles and leap off rooftops and tackle someone. Frail was all that broke through and it scared them to their very core. He wasn't the same anymore. Whatever happened from there on out, they'd never forget this moment and he'd really never get back to his way of life before this. Sure, he would one day walk back up those 21st steps. But he'd be the guy that survived a vicious attack, not just a normal person doing his job. Hailey entered first, the others trickling in one at a time. She found a seat and grabbed it, pulling to within a couple of inches from the bed. Jay was covered in sheets and warming blankets and a millions medical things, but a part of his forearm was free for holding. She was startled by the coolness of his temperature but kept a firm grip. It couldn't be him, there was some mistake on the paperwork. But the freckled skin and wavy hair solidified that the freaky science experiment in the bed was the one and only, Jay Halstead.

"We're going to go," Voight whispered after a bit, each person reluctantly strolling out of the room. Hailey didn't budge, refusing to let Jay slip away again. Maggie scooted a chair from another room into Jay's, claiming the non-Hailey side and making herself comfortable.

"I'll stay with you guys. If nothing else, Will's going to bug us all night."

"Yeah," Hailey chuckled. This was life for the unforeseeable future. Ready or not, they all had to live in it.

…

His departure from the hotel was memorable to say the least. Will bolted in, grabbed bags, and ran right back out. The final time of his journey was five minutes and twenty-seven seconds. His fire drill esque routine had security holding him up at the front door. But a hastily explanation of things had him on his way moments later. Upon arriving at the airport, he learned the sad tale of every flight to the Midwest was cancelled. The once dusty storm had turned into a full on Spring storm, dumping a foot of snow in Chicago alone. Will spent the night on the airport floor, planting himself feet away from the Southwest check-in counter. His appearance the following morning was that of a zombie. The worry, hard surface, and adrenaline kept him awake most of the night. At best, Will was operating on two hours of sleep. Fortunately, he was accustomed to doing a lot on very little. The person at the ticketing counter took pity on Will and the situation, putting him on the next flight to Denver. It wasn't Chicago, but a step in the right direction. She assured him he'd have better luck once he arrived in the new city. An hour and a half later he was boarding the flight. One step at a time, he reminded himself. And now, as he sat in his seat in first class, it was time for another update. Three hours is a long enough wait time.

"Hey," Maggie whispered on the other end.

"I'm getting ready to take off."

"To Chicago?"

"Denver."

"Oh…" There was beeping and soft talking in the background, evidence another round of tests and check ins were underway.

"It's a start. How's he doing?"

"Not bad. He made it through the night, but hasn't really improved. The pacing wires were going off every hour or so and now it's about every two. Heart rate is a little slow for Conner's liking. He's hear now checking on stuff." Will rubbed his temple and exhaled, shoving the dark thoughts down his throat.

"Has he tried moving or waking up?"

"He moved his hand a few times and kicked the leg wraps off once. But there hasn't been any facial or eye movements."

"Shoot." Will smacked himself for that poorly timed word.

"Hey, it's early. Don't read too much into it. Just focus on getting here. Jay's in good hands."

"Yeah. We're moving so I've gotta hang up. Keep me updated." Maggie promised for the umpteenth time before he hung up. The world outside his window was stunning. The sun was just cracking over the horizon, the orange hue of the sun was a color contrast to the black runway and nearby buildings. To the millions of people residing in this city, it was the promise of another ordinary day. But to Will, it was the ugliest thing he ever saw. Because he was seeing it, Jay wasn't near him. He wasn't at a hospital where the remaining member of his family was dying. Will was several miles and hours away from that scene, feeling more worthless than he'd ever felt in his life. No matter what the rest of story was, Will would never be able to return to LA and view this place as everyone else. The rising of the sun in this city would be an ever present reminder of the day he was out of reach when his brother needed him the most. Will silently cried himself to sleep as the plane ascended into the clouds.

…

Rhodes returned the stethoscope to his pocket with a grimace, doing a poor job of hiding bad news. It was a long night for everyone. Aside from the person in the bed, none of them got quality sleep. The check ins happened every three hours, blood draws every two. Maggie and Hailey were awake for every visit, egging Jay on to just make it to the next hurdle, overly praising him when he made it to the other side. Hailey kept her chair uber close to Jay's bed, so the hand movements made her jump. The first time it happened was comical. She screamed, laughed, and then kept smiling as she waited for the blue eyes to be revealed. But as the case normally goes, all she got back was an expressionless inhale and exhale, the tube doing a number on making Jay look not real. From that point on, the reactions lessened. It was a depressing, hourly reminder that it was too soon to believe things were getting better. They were standing at a crossroads, trying their best to point Jay in one direction as he was daydreaming. Regardless of their urging and arm flailing, it was all up to him. And now, as Rhodes whispered to a nurse about blood volume and scheduling for the day, it appeared Jay was taking the wrong route.

"What's going on," Hailey whispered. Rhodes looked to Maggie who seemed to get what all was about to happen next.

"I'll get it set up." Maggie rose and left, her pace just under running.

"He's not progressing as I'd hoped. We're going to replace the vales that were patched, possibly a third depending on how things go." Hailey lowered her head and nodded, the guilt written all over her face.

"If only I'd said yes," she spoke through the oncoming tears. Rhodes looked up from what he was doing, a little clueless.

"He asked me out and I said no. At the time, it felt like the right decision. I just got out of another relationship and I didn't want to go down that road again. But I do like him, really. I just wish I could back things up, tell him what I truly wanted to say." She wiped under her eyes and smiled. Rhodes' face didn't move a muscle.

"I'm sorry. I'm dumping my problems onto you and you probably don't want to hear any of this."

"Well hopefully after today, you'll get your wish granted." Maggie tapped on the glass, holding two thumbs up before sliding the door wide open.

"They're ready for you guys." Rhodes took a side of the bed, Maggie the other, while Hailey took the rear of the pack. It was an interesting sight. The machines went with Jay, creating a small parade of people, tubes, wiring, and one comatose person at the front. One day, they'd all laugh about it, Jay wishing he was awake for the march of craziness. The group walked to the end of the hallway before stopping at the elevators. Rhodes pushed the buttons, tapping his foot as the floors rose slower than his liking.

"I'm going to update everyone. Will you bring him back here when you're done?" Conner nodded. Hailey ventured through the crowd, not stopping till she was holding Jay's hand. He was a mess, to say the least, but through it all, he was still the person she was falling in love with. Hailey leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead and cheek. She nodded, giving the green light for them to move. No one said anything or reacted to her public display of affection. Hailey watched the floors rise, not moving till it stopped at its' final destination. She closed her eyes and prayed, realizing what was about to go down. Jay's chest was about to be sliced open, again, and his heart stopped for several hours before being brought back to life. It was both a beautiful and frightening event he was about to undergo and Hailey hoped things happened in that exact procession.

…

"I have been awake for two days. I laid on the airport floor last night. I've been from Los Angeles to here and you're telling me nothing is available?" Will was in full Mrs. McAllister mode by now. The poor girl behind the counter was terrified, pushing her glasses further up her nose as she batted her eyelashes at Will's overly loud question.

"Did…did you try another airline?" Her face was white now, her pits just beginning to perspire.

"I have been to Delta to American Air to United to Southwest to…where the heck am I?!"

"Spirit," she quietly replied.

"I'm trying to get home to family crisis!" Will was fully aware he was causing a scene, and probably moments away from being arrested, but the patience ran out back in LA. It became the squeaky wheel theory, the loudest one got fixed first.

"I'm sorry, sir. But everything is cancelled. The storm has taken out everything from Kansas City to New Orleans."

"What about a private plane."

"We don't have that here." Will took a step away from the counter, closing his eyes as his deprived mind thought.

"What about car rentals."

"That's a fifteen hour drive."

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE!" No joke, the whole concourse paused at that one, a billion set of eyes glued to the back of Will. The now terrified girl cautiously shook her head, pointing her finger in the direction of the rentals. Will gathered his bags and ran. This was the worst trip in the history of travel.

…

Maggie found her sitting against the wall, arms above her head with her knees at her chin. She was sitting where Jay's bed would've been, looking out at something or nothing; Maggie wasn't totally sure. She called her name, receiving a grunt in return.

"Did you contact Voight, the others?" Hailey nodded.

"They haven't found the shooter yet. The house was clean and wasn't owned by the suspect. Was renting it or something. They're working on finding the owner." Maggie ventured into the room, taking a seat in her stolen chair.

"They'll find him. They always do." Hailey kept staring, letting the words float in the air.

"And Jay will pull through. He's made it this far."

"Two surgeries in twenty-four hours?"

"He can handle it." A smile broke out on Hailey's face. She spoke, but it was in the direction of the thing she was fixated with.

"When I first met him, I was a jerk. He'd ask about things, I'd shut him down. But, I don't know. He found a way to break through. Get me to open up. We quickly became partners and soon after, the person each other relied on. He went through a rough patch, I was more than willing to help. Same thing with me. I had my issues and he helped." Maggie dared not speak, only taking on the role of silent supporter. It wasn't her place to guide Hailey through things, but just let her know she was there; a steady being ready for whatever. The two women remained in their places for the entire surgery. They didn't speak or move. Just kept things paused until the key to everything returned.

Five hours after parting ways, Rhodes was standing on the other side of the door with the parade of people and things in tow. Maggie helped a depleted Hailey get on her feet, giving the necessary space for Jay to get situated. It was a few minutes, but soon the play button was selected. It was the same person, but things were different. His chest housed a new set of staples, suturing, and bandages along with more drainage tubes and wires. But his skin was little healthier, his body looking fuller than before. It partly had to do with the swelling from the intended trauma done to him, but things looked to be improved. Rhodes informed them that things went splendidly and Jay was would likely regain consciousness the following day. He went through the early post-op care and the limitations Jay would have when he woke up, but Hailey was too excited to comprehend it all. Life doesn't hand out too many seconds chances so she had to prepare to make the most of it.

…

_Twelve Hours Later _

He opened his eyes an hour ago; was told what happened forty-five minutes ago; gagged on the tube ten minutes ago; and was now in the process of getting it removed. There were so many people in the room, grabbing, handing off, and inserting things, making the ability to see Jay very difficult. They made eye contact for a little bit when he first awoke, but the medical team soon occupied the room, forcing Maggie and Hailey to squish into a corner. But they didn't care, the moment they prayed and waited on was finally here.

"And…the tube is out." Rhodes announced the removal like it was a baby delivery, holding up the spit soaked, blood speckled tube for the room to see. Jay was a collection of coughing and gagging, the softest of voices coming out a few moments later. Then came the second part of the procedure.

"This is going to feel weird, just let it go down." Jay nodded through closed eyes, not fully aware of what was about to happen but wasn't in the mood to fight. His feet squirmed as the feeding tube went down his nose, a couple of grunts as the thin tube scraped the back of his throat. Tape ripping broke out as Rhodes commented that things were done. Soon everyone stepped back, revealing an independent breathing, immobile, starving Jay Halstead. Cue the singing angels.

"Feeding tube is for a couple of days. We're starting you on feeding packs and then working up from there. Since you were just extubated, try to not talk so much. It'll do more harm than good. I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on things. Good job, Jay." In a single slow file, the room dwindled down to the core three. Jay closed his eyes until they left, hoping to avoid anymore poking and prodding. He went to reach for something on the tray at the end of the bed, being unpleasantly surprised by the wiring and suturing of his chest. He let out a curse, sending Hailey flying out of her seat.

"Hey, I'll get it. You can't move, remember?! What do you want, ice?" Jay nodded, breathing through the wave of pain. Maggie volunteered to retrieve the requested product, leaving the two of them finally alone. Hailey made the first move.

"Jay, I'm sorry for this. This is my fault." Jay shook his head.

"No, I didn't wait for you." He let out a deep cough, another curse breaking out into the room.

"Well, there's something I need to tell you…" She let her voice trail off, a wry smile shone across her face. He figured it out.

"Don't tell me it's because we're here. I'm fine, really. I don't need the pity or guilt."

"It has nothing to do with everything that happened. I mean, it definitely was a catalyst, but the truth is, I wanted you to ask me out. Thus the reason I asked." Jay smiled, cocking his eyebrows up while doing so. He was a sight to behold. The weakness and frail state were really shining today and everything still on him wasn't helping. But his adorable, snarky nature was doing its' best to pop through. Hailey let him sleep for a bit, heading to the nearest food location. A nurse had come by when he was asleep, hooking up the first feeding treatment and adjusting things before departing. Maggie came back, ice in hand awhile after that. She laid the item on the tray before collapsing in her chair, snores sounding minutes after. Hailey eventually came back, food in hand, and laughed over the sleeping state of the room. It was first time in days things felt normal again. Ignoring everything in and around the room, things were falling back into their normal swing of things. The sound of an opening bag of chips made Jay crack an eye open.

"Oh that's so rude." Hailey quietly snorted, wary of Maggie's slumber.

"Sorry." Jay noticed the ice cup and pointed, Hailey soon standing at his side dropping chunks in one at a time.

"I don't think you're allowed to be having this," she commented after the tenth one. Jay did his best to shrug.

"Don't care. I need to chew something," he spoke between the crunching.

"And for the record, this counts as a first date." Jay shook his head.

"No it doesn't."

"You're eating, I'm eating and we're together. It counts."

"First of all, our first date will not include a feeding tube, chewing ice, and me unable to move. This is just two people coincidently eating in the same room." Hailey rolled her eyes epically.

"Whatever." A bag flew through the air, landing just shy of the foot of Jay's bed. Everyone jumped, Maggie actually fell out of her chair. A dark figured walked down the hall, hands in the air like he was about to finish a marathon. Will fell to his knees upon crossing the threshold, moaning as his strength finally gave out.

"Nice to see you to, Will," Maggie remarked. She laughed first followed by Hailey. Jay chuckled before grimacing over his stiff, sore, broken chest bone. Will rubbed his eyes, still not getting up from the floor.

"Will, O' Hare opened earlier this morning. Flights were landing an hour ago," Hailey announced. Will threw a middle finger up in the air, which induced more laughter and apologies.

"So how was the conference?!" The younger Halstead thrust himself upright, darting eyes locking in on his brother's spiteful remark.

"Oh don't even get me started."

**I made the fatal mistake of watching ****_Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret_**** last night in the dark. A word to those much wiser than I. First, do watch the film if you haven't. It stars a certain adorable, remarkable human we all know and love. But second, and most important, do not watch it at night. I was terrified to say the least. I don't know why I felt the need to put this information/tidbit here. But I did so whatever. I hope you guys enjoyed this one and it met the Upstead feels. I had to keep reminding myself to steer away from cheese. Let me know if I succeeded! I'm so excited to see where we're going next. Thanks guys!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14- I'll See You When I See You

**Hello, hello, hello everyone! What a trip we've been on. So many highs, lows, twists, and turns. It has been an honor bringing your ideas to life. I hope you guys are satisfied with how things have turned out. I'm getting ready to begin work on another story (my first AU) so updates may not be as quick as they have been in the past. But I will do my best to post at least once a week, maybe two if things work out. Now, this chapter's prompt comes from someone very thoughtful and kind and awesome and I loved her prompt. **

**_Fetijaedona: "What if Jay has a disease or in a chase [and] gets hurt and ends up in the hospital, but the doctors can't do anything for him. What does he do when he finds out that he doesn't have much time to live."_**

**Now this is going to be a doozy of a challenge. It's something I've always thought about writing but have just been too scared to give it a try. So please bear with me, we're all going through this together. A small spoiler, I dug a little deeper into this prompt and the ending will be a positive one. Without further delay, let's get this show on the road. **

Cause and effect, three simple words that mean everything. How would we know to not touch a hot pot or rob a bank had it not been for these minuscule, common, normal words. If you do x, then y will happen. Sometimes the cause may be great but the effect is simple, and the opposite of that can very much be true. Where things get tricky is when one of the elements is unknown. For instance, one can be suffering the consequence without knowing what caused it all. Furthermore, one can see a possible cause, but not know if they're living out the effect. Worst of all, not knowing either of these forces may result in something tragic.

Had they known all that would play out soon after, perhaps they'd have been more careful. Starting with not raiding the rundown, abandoned, cesspool establishment on the outskirts of town. And if they couldn't avoid that, then some extra protection would've been mandatory. But hindsight is a real pain in the butt sometimes. It's evil sense of humor really brings you on a ride. Usually, it doesn't show up till you're in the middle of the storm or the worst is staring you down. Which is the exact moment common sense, the mental tape, winds back to the single, short, mundane moment of the raid. Sure, they got what they were aiming for, but for Jay Halstead, something was taken from him. It began small, but bloated into one massive zero hour situation. The smallest amount of skin left his body, but in actuality, it took everything.

A piece of rebar was horribly, but perfectly placed in his landing zone. The sting of the forearm brushing with the sharp, blunt object failed to register against the hard pumping adrenaline. Not till Hailey pointed out the trickle of blood did Jay even realize what all had happened. He was told to get it checked out, especially properly treated. But the brain told him a bandaid would suffice. The day didn't include a visit to the hospital for a half inch scrape. It was early in the morning when this unremarkable event took place, but by nightfall he was an entirely different person. The symptoms were there, the clock's countdown was well underway, but the person running the show shook it all off. The cause was ignored and forgotten while the effects were running carefree. A combo that would far too soon become deadly.

…

He didn't show up for work the following morning and wasn't answering a single phone call or text message. Not even the threatening ones Voight sent out were met with a response. It was so unlike him to just blow things off that something had to be wrong. So by the end of the work day, the search and rescue party in the form of Kim and Hailey raided Jay's residence. His car was parked on the street when they arrived, the building manager claimed to have never seen Jay that morning, or the entire day for that matter. So apart from jumping out the fire escape, Jay was still in his apartment going through Lord only knew what. Hailey and Kim were obviously concerned, electing to dart up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator to arrive. Whatever seconds they could shave off they gladly took. His door was locked, the lack of light coming from the perimeter of it told them all the lights were off. Perhaps the curtains were drawn as well. An early sign their worried minds failed to observe. Hailey quietly knocked, calmly but loudly calling for Jay. The silence echoed deep on the other side of the door. Kim looked to Hailey, who felt around the frame before securing a spare key. Jay's name was called a final time, the lock unlocking as they waited for a response. But the result was the same as the first.

The place was a mess. Shoes were kicked into a pile against a wall. Dishes were scattered on the counters and in the sink. The couch was disheveled, pillows and cushions not in their proper place. Clothes were thrown all over, creating a trail from the kitchen, down the hall, to the bedroom. The underwear at the foot of the bed made them hold up. Whatever was going on was awful, even for Jay's standards. The bed showed evidence of someone's body being there: pillows and blankets creating an outline of a human. The phone was on one of the bedside tables, blinking the numerous text messages and missed phone calls.

"Go in the closet and find something for him to wear," Hailey whispered to Kim who quickly ventured into the room. The faintest stench of vomit was floating from the direction of the bathroom. Hailey took a breath before turning the knob. The sight the light revealed was, for lack of a better word, haunting.

Jay was on his side, curled in a ball with his hands over his eyes. And yes, he was very much lacking in clothes. The toilet seat was up, its' fowl contents not flushed yet. Jay was sweating everywhere while simultaneously shivering. He was the picture of miserable.

"Turn the lights off," Jay practically cried, Hailey not hesitating to obey the request. Again, another blatant sign pretty much ignored. Hailey tip toed into the room, making a point of flushing the toilet before addressing Jay. Kim now stood at the doorway, clothes and hand as she jumped at the scene.

"I'm not looking," Kim spit out. Hailey glanced over at her and smirked, now kneeling next to Jay and feeling his forehead.

"You're really burning up. How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. Sometime last night." The two women's mouths dropped, trying to use their limited medical knowledge to find an illness that matched Jay's situation.

"My head is pounding." Hailey offered a hand, trying to get Jay to sit up, and he eventually obliged. There was a fantastic tile pattern on the side of his face, shoulder, and torso, but he was up, relatively speaking. They offered him an over the counter pain reliever, but he shook it off. Apparently he'd tried last night but threw it up minutes later.

"You need a hospital," Kim urged, Jay soon after agreeing. That was a definite first, Jay wanting to visit a hospital. Things were that dire. Hailey and Kim helped him get redressed, constantly alerting him they weren't looking. Hailey grabbed a toothbrush and brushed his teeth while Kim fixed the hair. It was embarrassing for Jay, but he was too miserable and in pain to say anything. Plus, it was the sweet of them to take care of him and he felt extremely fortunate. Once his appearance met the most basic of standards, Hailey and Kim helped get Jay on his feet.

"Did you call Will," Hailey asked as the two of them stood against the bathroom doorway. Kim ran to the front door to collect shoes.

"No." Kim returned, flashing a signature grin as she held the shoes for Jay to see. It was a pair of Nike slides, easy for him to slip on and off. His balanced his weight on the two of them and they all shuffled towards the front door.

"Is it still light out," Jay quietly asked? Hailey strangely looked to Kim before nodding.

"I need sunglasses or something."

"It's that bad?" Jay did his best to nod. Kim was the one to stay with Jay this time, Hailey on the quest for sunglasses. She returned with black Ray Bans, Jay grasping them in his shaking hand before heading into the hallway. They didn't turn around to check out the apartment nor did they give Jay a moment to take everything in. The door was locked and they marched down towards the car. Had they realized what would soon follow, perhaps they'd have let Jay say farewell.

They got Jay in the car before divvying up tasks. Kim drove while Hailey sat in the back seat with Jay, bag in hand just in case of another vomiting session. Hailey called Will who told them to bring Jay around the back of the building to the doctor's entrance where he and Ethan would be waiting. It was a super silent, cautious trip to the hospital. Every bump was met with a whimper or random word from Jay, each interjection becoming weirder by the pothole. A couple of times he'd put a hand over his mouth, but nothing more then that. He was resting his head on Hailey's shoulder when they pulled up. He was drifting in and out, head would bob before he jolted awake, complaining about how painful his neck was. The obvious was right there, no one picking up on the diagnosis.

Will opened the car door all too quickly, which made Jay jump at the noise and change in light. The two doctors stood by the car and stared, capturing their first impressions on what was wrong. Hailey mouthed, 'I don't know,' and Will just nodded. It was a small feat getting Jay from the backseat to the ED, but he made it without too many hold ups. IVs were inserted and the lights were dimmed, Jay was an anemic, lackluster mess on the bed. He wouldn't have protested if they had to do a strip search. All the pain and misery and sick and fever were registered on his face. He really didn't care what happened next. A nurse was putting on a hospital bracelet when Ethan returned with an iPad, ready to figure out what was going on.

"Ok, biggest complaints," he whispered.

"My head is throbbing. Any amount light makes things worse." A thermometer was swiped across Jay's forehead, beeping the results seconds later.

"Temp is 102.8," the nurse announced. Ethan nodded, noting the stat in the chart before continuing.

"You are definitely sick." Jay agreed through closed eyes.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, it hurts to move anything. I feel like I just ran five marathons." Ethan stopped what he was doing, his eyes wide with shock and realization. Headache, fever, photophobia, vomiting, stiffness, it was so obvious he was a little surprised it took him this long.

"Can you bend your head down, trying to touch your chin to your chest?" Jay tried, not making it a couple of inches before complaining. Ethan approached the bed, helping Jay sit forward before explaining things.

"I need to check you for a rash. Do you have any anywhere that you know of?" Jay shook his head. Ethan started at the top of the head, working his way down, stopping every couple of seconds and thoroughly examining the skin's surface. It was at the base of his back, just above the hip bone. It was small, but a series of red skin and raised bumps. It almost look like a blood vessel had burst under the skin. Ethan pressed a finger to the spot in question, nothing changing as a result. He laid Jay back down on the bed before handing out instructions.

"Start him on broad spectrum antibiotics and paracetamol. Let's also get him on Zoloft for the nausea." The nurse scurried out of the room, destination the life changing drugs. Jay now had his eyes wide open, sensing things weren't normal and going to be fine.

"What's wrong?" Ethan waited to answer, lining up test and scans before replying.

"Just going to run a couple of tests. The medication will make things a lot better. Get some rest." Jay noticed the lack of a guess or diagnosis, but obeyed the command to fall asleep. Ethan quietly snuck out, now hating he had to address the worried crowd on the other side of the door.

"Well?" He hated doing this, especially an announcement of this caliber. They were all so hopeful and equally worried. He thought about hiding his idea, but realized that wasn't going to fly with this group.

"I'm sending him up to radiology for a CT scan and then he needs a lumbar puncture." That was all Will needed to hear.

"No."

"What," Hailey and Kim asked in unison.

"It looks like Jay has contracted meningitis." Everything came to a screeching halt.

…

Meningitis is the swelling of membranes, or meninges, surrounding the brain and spinal cord caused by a bacterial or viral infection. As the definition suggests, this swelling around the brain and cord is rather painful and can lead to long term effects if its' not treated. Out of the big three forms of meningitis—viral, bacterial, or fungal—bacterial is the most fatal with a seventy percent fatality rate if not treated properly. The first step is a CT scan to observe the swelling around the head and neck followed by a lumbar puncture, or spinal tap, to check for cloudy or yellow spinal fluid. From there the liquid is tested to determine which type of meningitis a patient may have. So on top of being in pain from the infection, the testing isn't pretty either. Upon Jay's request, he was sedated for the CT scan, claiming that the light and close quarters would worsen his condition. The scan took about an hour and the results were what Ethan feared, he did have swelling around both the brain and spinal cord. Now it was time to figure out what version of this terrible infection Jay had.

He was brought to a normal hospital room, waking up to Will and Ethan standing over his bed while everyone else was outside, practically pressing their noses to the room's glass. In the time he was out, Hailey and Kim must've called the calvary. He wasn't sure if he should wave or stare, feeling very much like an animal in the zoo.

"It's done," Jay quietly asked? The two doctors stopped their discussion to look down and acknowledge Jay.

"Yeah."

"And?!" Will looked to Ethan who quickly nodded, stepping out of the room to grab the spinal tap kit. The suspense only made things worse. Jay was waiting to be told he was ten minutes away from expiring or something.

"You have meningitis," Will began.

"We don't know what kind yet but it looks like the infection's progression is father along than we'd like. The scan was to check for swelling and its' not great. Thus the reason for the bad headache and stiffness." Jay was a blank stare, the drugs and fatigue doing a real number on him. Will's face was frozen, not sure if he should laugh or cry or say more.

"Isn't that deadly?"

"If it's not treated in time with the right antibiotic, yes."

"How bad." Will glanced down, lightly tapping a foot as he breathed.

"Will.."

"Very, seventy percent. And it moves quickly through the body. Usually one to three days after symptoms begin. When did the headache start?" Jay finally showed a hint of emotion: shock.

"Um, last night." His voice was shaking and his complexion was growing white.

"What time."

"I don't know, on my way home from work so like seven, eight maybe?!" Will resumed his nodding and daydreaming, trying to run the numbers without freaking Jay out. It was nine pm now. Twenty-four hours had already gone by; putting them that far behind this raging, fatal infection. Ethan knocked on the door, holding up the kit before placing them on a tray, rolling a stool closer shortly after.

"We need to do a spinal tap to figure what kind you have. You can either roll over or sit up and lean on something, it's up to you." Jay felt like he was suffocating. This morning he was under the impression he had the flu or some awful virus. But in the course of a minute he was told he had a deadly infection that was wrecking his insides and no one knew what kind it was. On top of that, they want to stick a needle in his back and drain fluid from him. It easy to see how anyone in this situation would want to scream, which Jay pretty much did. He placed his hands over his face and moaned, quickly and sharply breathing to fight off the tears. Will reached to grab a hand and Jay flung him away, not in the mood for comfort.

"I hate to do this, but we've got a clock running," Ethan commented, seeming to calm Jay down.

"I'll lay on my side," Jay eventually announced. Before he could process what was about to go down, Will helped get him on his side and curled into a perfect ball. Both Ethan and Will walked him through each step. The whole back was exposed, making the audience on the other side of the glass 'oo' and 'ah' and gasp before a curtain was closed, shielding them from the dreaded procedure. Will held out a hand as Ethan draped the sterile sheet over Jay's back.

"Try to break it." Jay smirked before closing his eyes, taking himself somewhere far from this nightmarish situation. Ethan commented the worst part of the whole thing would be the insertion of the anesthetic, which turned out to be spot on. The medication was dosed out in waves, each portion of the drug going deeper into the spinal column before reaching the perfect spot between the two vertebrae. Each squeeze of the syringe sent out a new wave of burning before the numbing kicked in. Will's hand was solid red by the time things were appropriately numbed up. Ethan told Jay to alert them if he still felt things, but took the advice and trashed it. There was no way things would get worse than what he just went through. Then the thick needle was pushed in. There wasn't pain, but an increasing amount of pressure with every force. Ethan would push the needle in, pull up just a tad, and then go further in. Jay would occasionally flinch a foot or the back muscles would react, but he did his best to not cause too much motion. Movement would very likely cause permanent damage. After all, it was a needle piercing his spine, was there anything more risky and crazy then that?

While it felt like several hours, two minutes later Ethan was praising Jay while placing a bandaid and cotton ball on his back. Will looked to the vial Ethan was placing on the tray, trying to get a visual on what was extracted. Ethan flung the vial up for a second, displaying cloudy, slightly yellow tinged liquid. The infection was going full throttle.

"Ok, you need to lay flat on your back for an hour." Jay nodded, not dreaming of doing anything but. He was drifting now, kind of listening to what the doctors were saying, but finding the pain killer and anti-nausea's side effects to be overly calming, borderline soothing. But then the crowd on the other side of the door broke up any thoughts of sleeping.

"Is this contagious," Jay asked?

"It can be, but it pretty rare. As long as you don't sneeze or cough you're clear to have visitors." Jay promised to warn people if he felt things coming on, his head staring straight at the ceiling as they clambered into the small room. It was never his goal to have these people see him like this, but life doesn't always work in your favor. They were wary of the headache and sound/light sensitivity so talking was kept to a minimum. But it was a nice break, a reprieve from the dangers and unknowns of the coming hours and days. Now it was about catching up and apologizing, for both Jay and everyone else.

"Get this to the lab ASAP for testing," Ethan kindly asked a nurse who took off in a sprint. He and Will gathered at the nurses station. Ethan was updating the chart while Will turned and faced Jay's room, losing his focus on the happenings in the room. They seemed happy, hopeful and Jay was doing his best to impress them, or something along the lines of that. Looking back, it was the calming before the waterfall. Their final moment before things went off the deep end. Ethan was calling Will's name, finally getting a reply when he smacked Will's shoulder.

"Yeah."

"I'm going to call the CDC." That one got Will's attention.

"What? Why."

"His case is really advanced. The infection is tracking at a faster than the normal rate. I just have a feeling we're in over our head. I know someone, a really good epidemiologist who can get out here quickly." The thing no one wanted to say was radiating off Ethan's body. He was hesitant, movements were small while every sentence was begun with a pause.

"He's dying, isn't he." It was a feeling deep in Will's gut, kicking in the second he saw Jay in the back of the car. Something was off, vastly different from any other run-in with trouble. Whether it was common sense or his conscious, something spoke to him; letting him know this was it.

"It's too early to say." Will now stood tall and firm, not blinking or moving till Ethan spit out his true feelings.

"I'm not a patient, Ethan. Is he dying?"

"Yeah and I don't think he's got a ton of time." Oddly, Will didn't collapse into a heap of sobbing or the depths of despair. He went back to the scene of Jay's room. They were so happy, so cohesive, totally unaware they were not too far away from an ambush.

…

They left upon realizing Jay had fallen asleep. It's not that they ignored him, but it took minutes for him to transition from awake and talking to deep sleep. They all joked it was the strong drugs but in actuality, it was the worsening of the virus. As the swelling continued around the brain and cord, his body was going into shut down mode, saving all its' energy to do the most basic and vital of things. Will stayed with the lab work, following the CT scan and CSF, or cerebral spinal fluid, until a verdict was in. When that moment of truth arrived, it was exactly what they didn't want to hear.

"It's bacterial," Ethan announced, scanning the report twice for verification.

"Shit," Will replied. The dread had been there this entire visit, now bubbling out once he realized the dread was now reality. Jay was dying and there wasn't a whole lot they could do to reverse it. At this point, they were closer to making him comfortable than saving him.

"My contact at the CDC is airborne. She's also bringing antibiotics so…"

"We're so behind the clock, what's the point?!" Will found a wall suitable for resting against, deeply heaving as he pinched the section of skin between his thumb and index finger, begging himself to wake up.

"There's still time. The lifespan of this thing is usually two, three days. We're down one, but we've got at least another day to go."

"How am I supposed to tell him?" Ethan sat on the floor across from Will, gazing off for a time, doing his best to come up with something substantial. Nothing.

"You just tell him the truth. He's probably already got a good idea of what's happening. No more hiding or avoiding things. This is it." They both were crying now, each laughing at the other before resuming their sob session. Jay was a staple in both their lives. The face that always walked into their paths determined, dedicated, and a constant source or strength. They both didn't want to believe one day, very soon, that wouldn't be the case. He would just be gone, becoming a memory or idea. For Will, it was so much more then that. Jay was someone he always looked up to. The last remaining member of their family. And it struck him that he would be the last. On top of being parentless, he'd truly be alone in the world. The last Halstead in Chicago, America, the world. No more late night phone calls discussing the day's events. No more trips to see their various sports teams. No more laughter, crying, stubbornness that drove each other crazy. It would cease to exist. It, he was already calling his brother an article. Starting that separation between humanizing and treating.

Ethan's phone buzzed on the hard ground, both of them holding their breath when the screen lit up. Will's eyes were bright red, the bags under his eyes properly swollen. He rubbed and pulled at his face, doing his best to beautify himself.

"His room in the ICU is ready." Ethan glanced up to face Will, offering a comforting, hopeful smirk as he empathized with the guy. He was going through the worst of worst case scenarios and there wasn't a whole he could do to help.

"Do you want me to tell the team? I think they left for a bit but I can call them back." Will nodded.

"Just tell them over the phone. I'm sure they'll want to come back and see him before…yeah." Ethen rose, offering a hand for Will who accepted. The two went their separate ways, not looking forward to the tasks at hand.

Jay was still passed out when Will returned, so the natural and only option was to sit and wait. There was this eerie feel to the place, like the grim reaper was on the other side of the door knocking, holding a sign that read, 'soon.' To the unsuspecting eye, Jay looked totally normal. You'd have never guessed he was days, hours away from the end. The drugs he was currently on greatly improved his appearance. The headache and fever were still there, but he wasn't a dire as when he was first admitted. Will grabbed for a hand, the thought striking him that those opportunities were running out. Jay jolted awake as the warm hand grabbed his. He looked over to Will, totally seeing past the brave face and happy demeanor. It was a look, mood he'd seen before at crime scenes and hospital waiting rooms. That steady, hopeful face in the midst of chaos. His sentencing had arrived.

"Spit it out," Jay spoke. Will let go of the hand, not moving from his position. He had his elbows on his knees, back slumped over just a bit. It was a casual look.

"I'm sorry, Jay. We're going to take you upstairs to the ICU for monitoring and further treatment. But…you're…" Will couldn't finish, refused to utter the words. Before seeing Jay, there was this whiff of denial, that this was all a bluff or game or something. But now seeing him, having to present the facts and next steps, it all flooded in. Will would be making final arrangements before the weekend was over. He cupped his mouth, the tears and snot pouring out. It was mourning and wailing to say the least. Oddly, Jay didn't mirror the reaction, just looked towards the end of the bed and closed his eyes. There weren't any tears or fear, just nothing. It wasn't what either expected when this situation finally occurred.

"It's fine." Will shook his head, now looking away from Jay.

"Will, it's fine. I've had a good run and it's my time." He held his arms out, offering Will a hug. One would think it would be Will doing it, not Jay. But's how this particular situation unfolded. Will didn't hesitate, enveloping his brother with everything he had. Jay's shoulder was getting soaked by the second, and the body embracing him shook like a leaf, but through it all, he was at peace. It's so hard to describe until you're there. This mindset, this farewell mentality kicks in. Various life moments and happenings flash in your mind, almost like a recap. Times with their mother and father, school activities, family vacations, and time in the military danced in his peripheral, all with a theme of 'the end.' And Jay embraced it, ready to enter this new way of life on the other side. And then the image of them flew by.

"Did you tell them?" Will pulled away, coughing as he caught his breath.

"Ethan is."

"When are we going upstairs?" Will looked down at his phone.

"Um, in a couple of minutes."

"Can I be alone for a minute?" Will was hesitant, but soon granted the wish. He walked to the door, turning back to get that final snapshot, that moment he'd return to down the road. Jay waved, smiling as he did so. He waited till Will was out of sight to pull the sheets away, gather the rolling IV stand, and headed for the bathroom. He stared himself down in the mirror, realizing this was probably the last time he'd see get this view. Last time, what a crazy phrase to comprehend. Never being able to walk, talk, breathe again. Television now seemed pointless, realizing he wouldn't be able to catch next week's episodes of his shows. His gym contract would go unused. And forget doing housework, none of it mattered anymore. It was like visiting a school. You heard and knew what everyone had to do, but none of it applied to you because you wouldn't be there for much longer. He laughed, smiled, and just stared, absorbing every drop of himself before the end. No one knows when or how they're going to go out, so its' a little unbelievable when our time clock expires. Perhaps that's why it didn't feel real.

…

"What happens if we don't go up there," Jay asked? Nurses and doctors and Will were back in his room, prepping him for the journey. He was awarded another hospital band and more rounds of drugs and new IV ports. Papers needed to be signed and passing off of personnel had to occur. Soon, the green light was given, the march to the finale had arrived.

"You don't really have a choice," Will replied. A hand was extended to Jay, offering a crutch as he transitioned from bed to gurney. He got on his feet his and rejected the help.

"I want to walk up there." Faces were throwing up protests, but they eventually let Jay do whatever. The gurney was pushed to the hallway as people grabbed for IV stands and other necessary items. Will was equally proud and emotional. Even in the face of death, Jay was still shining through, doing his own thing. The two of them held onto each other during the route to the elevator. Will noticed the deep heaves and small clutches for the chest as they boarded, watching the doors close on the last stop of normalcy.

"Is your breathing ok?"

"Isn't that kind of pointless now," Jay quietly asked. Will shook his head.

"Jay, as long as you're breathing and heart is beating we're going to take care of you. We're not giving up." The elevator doors opened, a vision of grey and stillness greeting them. The parade of people marched down the hall, Jay at the front of it all. They verbally gave out directions, arriving at room 623 before long. Jay stood at the entrance, feeling very much like a prisoner on death row.

"This is where it's all going down?" Will squeezed a shoulder, nodding while doing so.

"Alright then." Without hesitating, Jay broke the doorway seal, darting for the bed and getting comfortable. Fight or not, this is where the end of something would be waged. He was silent as things were moved into and around the bed, new doctors and nurses introducing themselves as they dosed him with new drugs. It all felt so odd and unnecessary but he let them do their thing. While he was at peace with whatever happened, there were people fighting for him and he needed to put on a brave face. If nothing else, he didn't want his last moments on earth to include them seeing him give up.

…

She was wearing an oversized UGA sweatshirt, running tights, and Nikes. Her brunette hair was in a messy bun, off setting the lack of makeup. She was tiny but fit, just above five foot six. She walked into the department with this air of confidence, like she had every reason to be there. She was exhausted from the late night trip, but was happy, determined, and the adrenaline was pumping. Apart from a few things, she was the female version of Jay Halstead. Her appearance was a little out of place, so when she's inquired about Jay, Maggie wasn't connecting the dots.

"Where can I find the ICU?" Maggie looked up from her many tasks, a little lost on who the person speaking was.

"Are you a family member, friend?" She firmly placed a medical taped igloo on the counter, the bright hazard sticker slapped on the side alarmed some people.

"I'm sorry, my name's Dr. Christine Mechling. I'm an epidemiologist from the CDC in Atlanta. Ethan Choi knows I'm coming." Maggie held her phone to her ear, still shocked and impressed with the woman at the counter. Choi answered and gave the go ahead for Dr. Mechling to head on up. She collected the igloo and her backpack before boarding the elevator. She waved to Maggie as the doors closed, a gesture of thanks. Had she known any better, Maggie would've sworn Christine wasn't more than eighteen, nineteen years old.

Jay was asleep and on a cannula when she arrived, his stats on bright display for the floor to see. She noted that Jay was sleeping and the red head next to him was worried, but that didn't stop her from entering. She was at Jay's side before Will could acknowledge her. Ethan arrived in a whirlwind, catching his breath while introducing the guest.

"Will this is the CDC contact, Dr. Christine Mechling. She's specialized in infectious diseases, particularly meningitis." Will offered a small wave as he smiled, turning his head to the sleeping one in the bed. Dr. Mechling listened to Jay's breath sounds and heart before turning to the chart, eyes an inch or two above the screen.

"What is he on right now?"

"Antibiotics, steroids, and fever reducer." She nodded.

"What was his last temp?"

"103.1."

"What about confusion, increased pain, seizures?"

"He's asked the same question a couple of times and how long before he'd be done. Pain seems to have increased but he hasn't said anything. No seizures at this time."

"When did the symptoms start?"

"Last evening," Will replied. That one made Christine stop her mental check list.

"Last night, as in over twenty-four hours ago? Why did it take you so long to start treating him? Why did you call me today?"

"He didn't come in till this evening and I called you as soon as I suspected meningitis." She nodded, returning to the physical evaluation. Jay was still sweating, his skin now flush from the fever. He was donning even more medical gear now and his complexion was that of suffering. Whatever wonder drugs he was on earlier seemed to no longer be working. The infection was running rampant.

"Ok, let's start him on some anti-seizure meds and I'm going to recommend putting him under."

"What," Will baffled.

"We need him to conserve every ounce of energy and the best way to do that is sedate him. Whatever happens, he won't feel any pain. He'll be comfortable."

"You do realize.."

"-That he won't be conscious at the end, yes. But do you honestly want him to go through that. From a human, family member standpoint, I get it. You want to see and speak to him as long as possible, but this is his best option." As much as Will hated to admit it, she had an excellent point. Sure, it was speeding their goodbye up, but nothing about this case was going according to the positive plan.

"When do you want to sedate him?"

"In the next hour. I'm also going to put him on a couple of new antibiotics. They're experimental but have had good results in the lab."

"Any human testing?" Christine shook her head.

"So he'd be the first."

"Yes, but he could walk away from this. Walk. Now there has been a complication of hydrocephalus, but we can fix that here." Will looked over at Jay, bouncing back from the monitors of grim news to his brother. It was a risk, but what wasn't in a situation like this. Hope was there and they had to take it.

"We need to tell him before we do anything."

"Of course." Christine and Ethan left the room, lining things up for the not too distant future. Their departure was loud because Jay's eyelids were slowly blinking as they left, following them down the hall as he spoke.

"What's going on?" Will pulled the chair closer, waiting till Jay looked over towards him.

"We've got to talk."

…

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief are as such: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It was both fascinating and heartbreaking to see which stage they all began at. Hailey was in a deep depression since they spoke to Ethan, Kim's offer to help clearly putting her in the bargaining stage. Adam laugh his denial while Atwater silently nodded in acceptance. Antonio stormed away angry before hearing the whole situation. Voight was a silent, emotionless person so he was a complete toss up. But now, as they all stood a few feet away from Jay's room, they all were back at the beginning, refusing to accept this was final time they'd get to talk to Jay. Will called them not that long ago, updating them on Jay's decision to be sedated till things were over. They hadn't acknowledged each other yet, but Jay looked tired yet totally normal. He was in hospital scrubs, something Will said he requested. He reasoning was that he didn't want to die in a hospital gown, his core still there through everything. They expected Jay to be on more IVs and monitors and oxygen assistance when they saw him, but that wasn't the case. What they didn't know was that Jay asked to be taken off stuff when they came in, wanting their final time together to be as normal as possible.

People were moving things all around the room. Things that would soon be keeping him alive for as long as necessary. Will was sitting next to Jay, pointing to a clipboard before Jay signed on the page. It was a large stack, designed to keep people distracted from looking at the things that were very soon to be done to them. There was an unfamiliar female on the other side of the bed, typing something on an iPad before she handed it off to a nurse. All too quickly things ended. The clipboard was handed off as the female doctor headed for the door. She was saying something about the time, her gait rather speedy as she past Intelligence. Will and Jay talked for a few seconds before Jay nodded, watching Will head towards the door. It was time.

"Come on guys," he whispered, ushering an arm as they approached. It was weird. That's the best way to describe things. No one knew what to say. This was a first for all of them. The people they dealt with had either already done this or were bystanders to the tragedy. Never had they spoken to someone who was knowingly nearing the end. They all crammed into the small room, shuffling and swaying in place as Will exited. It became apparent Jay had to be the one to break the ice.

"Promise me one thing: my replacement won't be some by-the-book detective. He's gotta have charisma, heart." They all laughed as Hailey and Kim let a couple of tears slip out. They apologized while Jay assured them things were fine.

"Jay, there's no way to replace you," Hank spoke as they settled down. Jay bit the side of his lip, truly touched by Voight's heartfelt, honest answer.

"You'll figure it out." He smiled before zoning out. This was so unbearable and gut wrenching.

"It's been an absolute pleasure working with you guys. I'm sorry it has to end this way, but I'm really proud of what we did. Keep doing what you guys do best." They all lost it, Jay included. Hailey and Kim reached him first, each hugging him as he cried, trying their best to comfort as they themselves were losing it. They didn't leave his side, but made room for the guys to get in a hug and farewell. If there was a better moment to freeze life, this snapshot of time was the ideal situation. They would do anything to avoid the next moments, still refusing to believe anything was real and happening. But the appearance of the person in the bed told them otherwise. This was the sendoff, the standing on the shoreline as Jay sailed into realms unknown.

Christine and Will returned to the door much sooner than they all wanted. She gave them the nod. Final hugs and verbal 'love you's' were exchanged before they reluctantly departed. Hailey held back, refusing to let him slip away. She went in for another hug, inhaling everything about him. His smell, the waviness of his hair, the freckled, strong skin rubbing against hers, she took it all in, prepared to remember this moment for the rest of her lifetime.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder.

"Don't remember things like this," he replied. She nodded while placing a kiss on his forehead, peeling away to let the medical staff do their thing. Will and Jay hugged for a minute, each silent and fighting off emotion. They both told each other they loved them as they let go. Will held his hand out and Jay accepted, relaxing at the head of the bed as Christine lowered it to the proper height.

"Try to not go towards the light," she joked, making Jay nervously laugh.

"This is just to calm you," she informed, not losing sight of the syringe in her hand. It took seconds before Jay completely relaxed, a lazy giggle coming out of him. They hyper-oxygenated him before arching his neck a little. And then the big guns were brought in.

"Count down from ten." It was in this moment an epiphany struck. Life was an awful lot like a roller coaster. There are twists and turns, parts you can see and parts that aren't revealed till the last second. There are parts you dread but overall love it. It's beautiful and mysterious and a heck of a ride. And when he least expected it, the controller of the coaster was dropping out the seat under him, letting him know he was at the end of the ride. It was scary and elegiac, a moment he never saw coming. But then again, when did life forewarn important dates. He accepted things, was thankful for the memories, and began the final countdown.

"10…9…8…" Jay went limp, his body giving way to the sedative's power. Things moved quickly, inserting and connecting and pulling things before stepping back and revealing the new version of Jay. He was complete 180 of himself from a few minutes ago. It took nine months to create him, three seconds for him to exit the world. Two minutes ago, Jay Halstead checked out of existence.

…

Over the coming hours Intelligence rotated shifts, making sure at least one of them was there in the room. Partly because they didn't want Will to be alone, but mostly because of Jay. They weren't sure if he could hear them, but it didn't matter. They found comfort in his body knowing they were there. Hailey went first followed by Kim, Kevin, Adam, Antonio, and Hank last of all.

Jay was brought into the hospital on Friday evening, was sedated late Friday night, and the experimental drugs were injected into his system very early Saturday morning. As expected, Jay continued to deteriorate. The fever didn't decrease and the shivering and pain was unrelenting. At one point, you could detect the faintest sound of a groan, the unconscious person letting the outside world know things were miserable in his universe. But the worst were the seizures. They made their presence known around Saturday afternoon. Try to picture it. A person asleep suddenly opening their eyes before uncontrollably jostling and thrashing on a bed. The first time everyone was excited, thinking things were tracking up. But by the third one within an hour time span, a sickening dread flowed through their veins whenever they saw Jay's eye color. It was the signal for the next episode. Dr. Mechling warned that things would get worse before attempting to get better, but as the light of Saturday was fading, they found her premonition to be a farce.

Sunday morning included zero seizure episodes and the pain noises ceased. His stats didn't get better but weren't growing worse. Fever was finally reaching a point while the shivering was only induced when they removed blankets, not adding them. Life went from calculating time of death to refusing to state the idea. There was no way, it almost felt illegal or morally wrong to think things were working in their favor. Speaking it made them think that would change Jay's status. Like some controlling party would realize their mistake and put things back into place. So none of them spoke 'it' but were all on the same page. Sunday night, things became clearer, that the mortality odds were finally lower than their survival counterparts. Christine and Will discussed when to lift the sedative, remove the tube because Jay would all too soon be breathing on his own. However, their schemes and dreams were preemptive. Monday morning was when it happened.

"Any idea when," Hailey asked? She was arising from her cot, her body a sea of stiffness and exhaustion. None of them were getting quality sleep since Friday.

"Maybe later. Christine is waiting for facial or eye movement before making the call." The two of them didn't get out of their sleeping quarters, but took a minute to glance at the thing in the middle of them. Nothing had changed, except the fact this dark cloud wasn't raining on him anymore. He was still artificial and neutral looking, but everything else was improved.

"She kind of rocks," Hailey confessed, Will laughed loudly before replying.

"Yeah, she's been amazing." They both looked at each other, finding it hard to not feel like they cheated death. Correction, watching Jay defeat death. Things were silent, the mood wasn't dire, for the first time in three days, life was…happy. In the timespan of an eye blink, that all changed.

"What's wrong," Hailey asked, noticing the uptick in the heart rate and Jay's increased breathing. Will sprung to his feet, feeling for a pulse before starting the top to bottom exam.

"Eyes are fixed," was all he could get out before the alarms wailed. Nurses and Dr. Mechling flew in, yelling for people to make room. Will took a seat on the edge of Jay's bed, silently mumbling for Jay to not mess around. He decided to play a terrible game of chicken with the afterlife, seeming to not be flinching. Christine made it as far as removing the hospital attire and calling for tests when the floor fell out from under them.

"Asystole," someone yelled. Will was now closing his eyes, quickly coming to the concept that his brother was done, gone, finito. Hailey couldn't hang around and watch her friend, love, and partner give up. Brushing tears away from her eyes, she ran out of the room, not stopping till she reached the elevators. There was no turning around for a final look, nor was there hesitation in the decision.

"Time 8:37," someone spoke loud enough for her to hear halfway down the hall. The curtain closing on the life of Jay Halstead had arrived.

…

There was giggling erupting from down the hall. It was almost a cardinal sin, laughter in the middle of tragic, gut wrenching death. Hailey had called them all, choking out bits and pieces of what she knew. They dropped everything and ran to the hospital, shell shocked with how quickly things changed. A few hours prior, the last time they all saw him, they were talking about waking him up and who would help him once he was discharged. But now, that mindset seemed cruel, an unforgivable act. They spoke too soon, put too much hope in an idea, failed to see they were living in a fantasy land. Regret turned to guilt. Hailey wished she'd pestered him more about being treated, Kim hated that it took them so long to find him. But the rest of them reassured things, saying it wasn't anyone fault. Bad things happen to good people and often, it's the most random and rare things that take someone like Jay out. The cause if often simple and mundane before its' effect blow into massive proportions. He was gone and they all had to work through that. So one can imagine how mad that waiting room was when the laughter rang out. Hailey was at the door, about ready to stick her head out and yell at whoever when the people in question were Dr. Mechling and Will. Laughter and death don't typically go together, so Hailey was convinced they'd either drugged Will or something was up. The two doctors burst into the room, ignoring the stare down Hailey was giving. The room reeked of depressing and emptiness.

"Hey guys," Dr. Mechling spoke, taking her happiness and excitement down a notch. She didn't get a response.

"So he's out of surgery and on his way back to the ICU. It was touch and go for a bit but…"

"He's gunna make it," Will excitedly reported! Still nothing from the other side which had the doctors worried, trying to figure out where they messed up or misinformed.

"Someone called time," Hailey meekly blurted out, the rest nodding before sitting forward. Dr. Mechling found a chair and sat, now realizing her insensitive demeanor. She wasn't aware they all thought Jay died. For that matter, Will didn't know either so you can understand the confusion and apologetic tone.

"Yes, we did call time because he coded. We call time to track how long the brain is without oxygen. He did flatline, but we got him back in two minutes." The proverbial sun was cracking through the gloominess of the room. Much as they all didn't want to admit it, the smallest amount of doubt was there, in the back of everything. As Christine continued speaking, that feeling grew to reassurance.

"Once we got him back, we quickly realized he'd developed hydrocephalus, or fluid on the brain. It's a potential side effect of both the drugs and meningitis. As the swelling around the spinal cord continued, the fluid flowing in that area has to go somewhere and it typically goes into the brain. The surgeon put a shunt in and things are looking good, great actually. He's no longer sedated or intubated and should wake up before the day's over. When he does wake up, he'll still have lingering symptoms of the infection, but not as bad as when he was last awake. Latest blood tests are showing the meningitis is dying."

"A shunt? Isn't that brain surgery," Adam asked? Christine and Will nodded simultaneously.

"Yes, but it's not as risky as other operations. It only took an hour and a half and he's doing well."

"Does the shunt have to be removed," Kim questioned?

"It doesn't have to be. That's really up to him. He can live a totally normal life with it and have zero serious limitations. But removing it would require another surgery so.."

"-Probably not," Antonio interrupted, which made everyone chuckle. Will sprung to his feet like a little kid, swinging his arms as he traipsed towards the door.

"You guys ready to see him?" You didn't have to ask twice. They jogged before sprinting, not caring if they looked silly. The most incredible, gracious act was just placed on their lives and they couldn't wait a second longer to see him. Feet slid as hands collided with the door, creating a bit of noise and crashes as they reconnected with Jay. He was sound asleep, but was lightyears different from a few hours ago. He no longer looked feeble or expiring, but a normal guy. Again, you never would've guessed he was all but pronounced dead two days ago. He looked like he was sleeping off a hangover or something.

Hailey made it to the bed first, taking her place next to Jay's right side and squeezing the life out of his hand as she kissed it, bypassing the clutter. His head had gauze and tape on it from the operation, but everything else looked normal. Well, better than over the weekend. He smelled like soap and rubbing alcohol. His skin was pinker, fuller than before. His breathing was completely with the norm, tiny 'pffs' coming out with each exhale. The wet hair is what puzzled her.

"Why is he wet," she asked?

"It's an antiseptic wash they used before and after the surgery. It was that or they removed all his hair so I figured he wouldn't mind someone else touching his head." Hailey smirked while the rest jokingly agreed. Will informed them a two inch wide, three inch long chunk of hair was all that was missing and could easily be hidden with a covering. None of them would make fun of him nor would they dream of treating him differently. They didn't care because Jay was alive and coming back, everything else was second.

None of them left the room, not even when blood draws and reflex tests were administered. Jay slipped away once and shame on them if they let that happen again. They just hoped the medical staff wouldn't force them out, which people seemed to pick up. It was early Monday morning when Jay flatlined, was early afternoon when he got out of surgery, and late Monday night when the journey was complete; the miracle came full circle. They were all dancing with sleep, each pestering the other before they themselves nodded off. The room was dimmed so visibility was limited. But a sound cemented in their brains crackled out. It was tired, groggy, borderline scared, but undeniably him.

"Don't tell me this is the other side."

**I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been on a brain trauma kick, someone stop me. I just like pushing characters to the absolute limit, making things different (either visually or internally) for them and seeing how they'll live through it. I promise the next chapter won't have any such thing. This was a bit longer than I anticipated it being, but I hope you guys are pleased with how things turned out. Thank you for reading! **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15- Pestering, But Make It Humorous

**I feel bad guys. That last chapter was rough. So to make up for it we're going to have a totally normal, not serious chapter with some humor on the side. It's not a super long, up and down ride of emotions. It's my way of trying to get back on your good graces. **

**Floopdeedoopdee: "Jeez, for you next chapter you just have someone kick the shit out of him and him being cranky cuz everyone is mother penning him to death." **

**Ready for the smooth break?! Let's dive in. **

He had to learn the hard way that running ahead of the crowd, or in this case the team, isn't the best of ideas. They were close to Midway, chasing one person for several blocks. The chase started in the back of a deserted, rundown house and had been going for six blocks now, a hint of the end nowhere in sight. Jay was the one to knock on the perp's front door and was the same guy screaming and sprinting after him. One group of Intelligence was nearby in a car while the remaining members were on foot, shouting for Jay to tell them side streets and intersections. In the beginning his voice was a constant flow on the radio, but that transitioned around the four minute mark. A word here and there became silence, Jay mentally telling everyone to figure it out. He was on the guy's heels, arm stretched out to grab the back collar when some thing that looked like a blip shoved him onto the ground and into a brick wall, hard.

The thought of this guy having backup never entered Jay's mental radar, but that appeared to be the case. The perp had now slowed to a jog, whooping and laughing after figuring out Jay was out numbered. It began with a kick that turned into a full on beating. The friend blew the first blow, the perp delivering the second jab. With Jay on the ground, the best he could do was kick back and cover, hoping an opportunity to get up came before things got worse. It became this weird dance: Jay would kick and cower as they found a place on him where they could avoid retaliation. The moment to spring to his feet arrived and Jay took it, now throwing punches on either side of him. In the moment he wasn't feeling the blows, just absorbing their power before returning. The attackers spoke tips to each other and Jay used that to his advantage. The elbow to his right eye was the one to break his will. Light and consciousness were all Jay could fight against now, telling himself the second he passed out, it was all over. Another blind punch, another leg kick, another charge towards the attackers, and then he was beyond his ability. No amount of training in the world could handle the force of two strong and nimble people. Jay returned to the ground, clutching his head in his final act. The sound of a car siren and honking was his final memory before things went dark.

…

"Jay," Antonio yelled to the crumbled thing on the ground. The lack of a response made him pick up his speed.

"You have eyes," Antonio asked Adam, who nodded as he ran past Jay and down the alley. Jay's breathing was normal but his person was a sea of blood. Starting at the top, Jay had a large bump forming on his forehead, a series of deep cuts cascading down his cheek and chin. Upon pulling the vest off and lifting the shirt, Antonio found the chest and torso covered in bruises and scrapes. He didn't need to look any further, just knowing Jay's entire body was probably one massive welt.

"10-1, officer down I need an ambulance at my location." Hailey, Kim, and Atwater were rounding the corner now, a collective gasp sounding out as they reunited with Jay. Hailey got to him first, falling on her knees next to Jay's head. Antonio yelled for Atwater to get in the car and back up Adam and he did so without hesitation. Kim stood a foot away from the group, double over as she was catching her breath.

"What happened," Hailey asked?

"He got jumped, perp had backup holed up somewhere in this alley." Hailey was about to brush a spot on Jay's cheek when his eyes snapped open. He wasn't totally awake and alert at that point, arms resuming their defensive position as Hailey calmed him down.

"Hey hey, you're safe just breathe." Jay pushed her hand away, working himself into a sitting position.

"Did you guys get him?"

"Adam and Kevin are after him now."

"Dammit," Jay flung his head back, hitting the brick wall behind him as he smacked the ground with a fist, feeling like an idiot for letting the guy get away. Hailey did a once over of Jay, shaking her head at the sight. He was a mess to say the least and seemed to not care about that.

"Just relax, ok? It's happens to everyone. The ambulance is on it's way." That one got his attention.

"What?! I don't need one. I'll be fine. Nothing some ice and Advil can't help." He managed to get himself on his feet, everyone else extending a hand out for him to hang on.

"I'm fine just let me walk it off." He made it about two steps before going limp, everyone racing to gather him before he collapsed again.

"Ok, you're not ready for that," Antonio remarked.

"I'm fine. You guys are overreacting." They weren't buying it or loosening their grip on him.

"Please sit down, you could have a concussion or internal bleeding or a cracked eye socket and you don't need to be walking around." Much to Jay's dislike, he found a place on the ground to plant himself, doing whatever he needed to do to keep them quiet. Hailey rubbed his back while Kim asked questions pertaining to the attack. Antonio bugged him every couple of seconds if things had changed, eye blinks and shifting of his weight were cues for them to begin the interrogating all over again. It was bad enough the attackers escaped but the team's pestering was making things that much worse. The embarrassment of getting jumped was bad, but their worry and mothering wasn't helping things in the least. He profusely and constantly told them he just needed a ride home, but his request/demand never went answered.

"Ambulance really wasn't necessary," Jay replied through closed eyes.

"Shut up," Hailey spoke, lightly slapping Jay's shoulder while doing so.

"Do you need me to cover those cuts? I have bandaids." Jay shook his head.

"It's not that bad."

"Have you seen yourself," Kim jokingly replied?

The sound of sirens broke through the atmosphere before long, Jay chuckling over their unnecessary hurriedness. He just had a couple of scrapes bruises, was far from requiring the assistance of medics and doctors. Brett got out of the rig first, Foster right behind her with the kit in hand. The team cleared a path for the medics, their looks of worry and concerned bright on their faces as the examine commenced.

"Hey Jay, you look nice." He smirked, just wanting the circus act to be over with. Brett waved a penlight over his eyes and Foster took his blood pressure and listened to his chest.

"What happened," Foster asked?

"Couple of guys got the jump on me."

"Did you pass out?"

"Yes," the crowd replied in unison, not comforting Jay in the least.

"Any dizziness or blurred vision or nausea?"

"Not really. Nothing too bad."

"Ok, I think we should take you to Med just to get checked out. You might have a concussion and a couple of broken ribs and I want to get things covered. You also need a couple of stitches for the cuts."

"It's a little overkill," Jay replied.

"Better to be safe and sorry," Kim spoke. The chair and gurney were offered and Jay responded with getting up, walking to the rig without any assistance. He reluctantly climbed the two steps into the back of the ambulance before resting on the seat. Brett joined him as Foster climbed into the driver's seat.

"I'll go with him," Hailey offered, earning her a signature eye roll from Jay.

"Do you want me to call Will," Brett asked as the group rolled down the street.

"Sure, just don't make it sound worse than it actually is." She promised to do so as she held the phone to her ear. Hailey just glared, making Jay suddenly uncomfortable.

"What?!"

"Can you take this more seriously?"

"I'm. Fine. There's nothing wrong." The rest of the ride was silent, sirens and radio chatter the only speaking taking place within the confines of the rig.

…

There are very few times one should be laughing over a family member pulling up to a hospital and most of them are gross reasons. But this moment seemed to justify that reaction. The lights and sirens were going as the rig screamed to a halt. The members of Intelligence were right behind, tires screeching with a plume of smoke creeping out of the wheel wells. Foster sprinted around the back of the rig to open the door as Brett was ready to give the rundown of Jay's condition. The doors revealed an irritated and pleading Jay, who looked more like a kid in trouble than a Chicago PD detective. Everyone was gathering around the back of the rig, creating a small crowd that Will had to weave through, who was doing his best to cover a couple of laughs.

"Help me," Jay mouthed and Will nodded his acknowledgement.

"Ok guys, I need to get to him." With gloomy faces, they split a path for Will who extended a hand for Jay.

"You need a bed or wheelchair," Will teased?

"Not you too." Will threw his head back in laughter.

"Come on, let's get you inside." He guided Jay past the crowd and waiting room before pointing to an available trauma room. Jay walked a step ahead, Will right there in case anything happened. Once in the room, Will closed the curtains and flung a gown at Jay.

"No."

"Yes, it's required when you have to be admitted."

"I don't need to be admitted!"

"We need to do a couple of scans and probably stitch you up. But you won't be staying overnight. I promise." Faces were jumping in and out of the strip of curtain exposing the room. Necks were craning as Will helped Jay remove the top half of his clothing before snapping the back of the gown. Once Jay was street clothing free, the hospital band was put on and the view was shown to the world. Hailey and Kim didn't hesitate to enter and rest against a wall of the room.

Natalie entered the room with iPad in hand. Jay gave her the elaborate yet short report of what happened as she typed things in. She did a neurological test and felt around Jay's head, neck, and stomach before giving out orders to the medical personnel in the room. Jay was annoyed to say the least, loudly exhaling and rolling his eyes before obeying a command. He figured they were tired of his stubbornness but didn't care. In his mind, none of what they were ordering and instructing was necessary. Furthermore, their reactions and hovering wasn't making things better; the opposite actually. Hailey and Kim waited till Jay was about to be sent up before inquiring.

"Well," they asked?!

"He's needs an x-ray and CT scan but I think he's going to be fine. He'll need some suturing but overall things look fine considering."

"No surgery or overnight stay? I can go pack a bag for you." Jay's eyes went wide in annoyance, Will smacking him before responding.

"No, he'll be discharged in a couple of hours. But thanks guys."

"Can we go up with him?"

"There's a waiting room outside of radiology where you're more than welcome to wait, but you won't be able to stay with him till the tests are done." They all went their separate ways, Jay and Will heading up to the testing center while Intelligence booked it to the waiting room. Those in the waiting room knew things weren't dire, but was always uneasy having to sit in one of those rooms. Anything could happen and turn south fast. So as they got comfortable in those hard chairs, each couldn't help but count the minutes and seconds till they could be reunited with the injury prone one.

…

Snoring over the intercom had them all laughing. It was Will, the CT tech, and Natalie in the room watching the scans of Jay's head come in. Jay had been in there for half an hour now and had been silent for the most part. One of them would alert him of what to expect and he'd respond in one word answers. It was clear to see he was ticked and cranky over the unfolding of the day's events, but he didn't have a whole lot of say in what came next. It was standard protocol for attacks of Jay's caliber and you just had to deal with it. So to hear him finally relax to the point of falling asleep was promising and put them all at ease.

"Is this normal," Will asked? The tech vigorously nodded his head.

"I can count on one hand the number of people that stay awake through the whole thing. It's quiet, dark, and confined in there. Good luck staying awake." The scans flashed across the screen, revealing positive news.

"He's got the smallest amount of swelling but it's nothing to be concerned about. He's got a mild concussion at the most." Natalie's phone buzzed in her pocket as Will was in the process of opening the door.

"X-ray's are negative. No broken bones, just a couple of cracked ribs and a lot of bruising."

"So he was right after all."

"Hey, you know the drill. Better to be safe than sorry."

"Yeah, I know." Natalie went to alert the crew of the results while Will entered the sleep zone, waiting till Jay was out of the scanner before stirring him.

"Jay, c'mon it's time to wake up." He jostled a shoulder which made Jay jolt, arm going straight up and just missing Will's jaw. Will chuckled as Jay rubbed his eyes and winced.

"I didn't realize I fell asleep."

"Eh, it's fine." Will moved the wheelchair closer to the scanner before extending an arm for Jay to grab. He wasn't thrilled to be needing that kind of assistance but accepted, the two of them taking the two step journey from the scanner to the wheelchair. Jay turned around and just about collapsed in the seat as Will maneuvered towards the door.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to the ED for stitches."

"What about the test results?"

"Everything looks good. Just a mild concussion and some cracked ribs, but overall things look good." Jay smirked, relishing in being right about things.

"Told you all of this was overkill."

"Yeah, but it's better we found out now then you developing something bad tonight." Will had moved past the CT door and was in the process of opening the door to the hallway. Jay yelled for him to stop and he did so, a hint of worry sprouting in the pit of his stomach.

"What? Any pain or dizziness or anything."

"Oh my word, no."

"Then what?!"

"Does this go by the waiting room? They're going to give me an aneurism." Will sighed, smacking himself for overreacting.

"No, we can take another way." It was amazing to see the relaxation pour all over Jay's body. On the way up he was stiff, constantly adjusting in the chair and breathing loudly. But now he was the complete opposite, to the point of resting his fist under his chin and asking Will how his day was. While he never wanted to see Jay in the hospital, it was refreshing to have things play out like this. He could talk with Jay and rest easy in the fact that Jay wouldn't require an overnight bag. He was being treated and discharged in mere hours and that was a rare and great thing.

On the way back down, Will offered Rhodes for Jay's suturing and Jay accepted. Rhodes was paged to the ED and both surprised and confused as to who the patient was but took on the challenge. It wasn't exactly what he was trained for nor was it his specialty, but was touched and a little puffed up that Will requested his skills. As things got laid out and Rhodes started inserting the lidocaine in places, Intelligence was gathering outside the room again. Gone was Jay's relaxation, now replaced with uneasiness and an attitude that was on edge. He fidgeted with things and adjusted in the bed to the point Rhodes looked to Will for assistance.

"Jay, you move and things get messed up."

"Yeah." The room was silent after that, none of them speaking till Connor was thirty stitches in.

"What's your deal," Will inquired. Jay looked over from his daydream at the foot of the bed.

"What?"

"Why don't you want them around? They're trying to help you."

"I get that, but it's not necessary. I'm fine."

"Says the guy with a sewing needle coming out of his chin," Rhodes chimed in. Will concurred.

"I get that you like to do things you're own way and you don't want the help or pity, but they're worried about you. Whether it's serious or not, they're allowed to be scared. Especially with your track record." That one made Jay laugh, apologizing for moving again.

"Just grin and bear it," Will concluded.

"Fine." A hundred twenty stitches later Jay was sat up and thrown his bag of clothes. With the soreness, swelling, and freshly sutured places all over, Will assisted in the redressing of Jay. He gingerly pulled the shirt over his head and across the face before repeating the treatment with the pants. Jay was ready to hit the streets a couple of minutes later. Natalie handed out discharge instructions before rolling the trauma room door back, allowing the wave of concerned people to flood in. Jay was now a vision of butterfly bandages and steri-strips, the bruising really making itself known. But he was awake and walking and cranky and they all were thankful for that. Hailey started the group hug, gently wrapping her arms around his waist before the rest joined in.

"Be careful," Will advised, knowing it would earn another protest from Jay. They stayed like that a few seconds before Jay thanked them. Two steps were taken back, enough space for Jay to head towards the door.

"Sorry guys," Jay blurted out, all of them letting him know things were fine.

"So, how many stitches?"

"One twenty."

"Nice."

"Do you need someone to stay with you tonight," Hailey asked? The words were right there, the typical response was on the tip of his tongue, but a stern glare from Will shifted the response.

"Um, sure." From there, it was a fight over who was doing what. Enter exasperated and freaked out Jay Halstead. He threw daggers in Will's direction, mentally telling him all of this was his fault. Will only laughed before escaping out the door.

**Like I said, this wasn't going to be all that long. I pray you found this lighthearted and enjoyable. Hoping this makes up for the craziness of the last chapter. Side note, I've been thinking of doing an Upstead one-shot, prompt based story. I've gotten a lot of Upstead prompts that don't really fit within the specifics of this story but want to write what you guys have been asking for. It may not be right away, but something I'd like to do soon. What do you guys think? Thank you for reading! Can't wait for what's next.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16- Jay Halstead 2.0

**Hey everyone! Can you believe we've been doing this prompt based jig for two months now?! TWO MONTHS! This has been a blast. Let's keep it going! Back by somewhat popular demand, we're returning to ****_Seconds From The End Of The Line_**** for a follow up.**

**_Acsian88: "Can you do a part 2? Pretty please?"_**

**_Lanteaddicted1: "Now I'm going to be watching for more chapter about this and hoping that it won't be too long of a wait." _**

**_Extraordinarygirl116: "…would love to read a part 2 of this chapter." _**

**_Maryls901112: "…maybe something about another of your stories and see how things are going after the accident of Jay and Kim?" _**

**I was actually beginning the research part for another prompt when this chapter came back into my mind. I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer than you already had. Now this will not take us through the whole recovery, because that's big enough to fill a stand alone story, but this will take things down the recovery trail for a bit. Without further delay, let's get this started!**

Despite being advertised as a place separate from the world, Hailey couldn't help but laugh over how alike the two were. The place had the same ebb and flow of life, knowing when to be loud and crazy and when to whisper and tip toe around the place. There was the same victory and defeat and everyone seemed to be muddling through it all. It was nearing midnight and the whole building had the ambience of quiet. She left for a couple of hours to head home and shower. It was weird going home, knowing the last time she stepped over that threshold she was hanging up on a phone call with Jay. They were so close to taking that step, each still friends but hoping for more soon.

"See you tomorrow," he told her before hanging up, neither of them realizing what the next day had in store. Her place was quiet, too quiet for her liking. Her recharging shower was quick and soon she was back on the road, contemplating if she should stop by his place and check on things. But the threat of crying kept her far away from the building, she wasn't up for that kind of throwback just yet. Upon pulling up into the hospital, Hailey noted the couple of lights on in patient's rooms, signaling that most of the place was asleep. The ED was still for a brief moment, only a handful of people waiting in chairs. Hailey waved to Maggie and the nurses and doctors she'd befriended over the last couple of weeks. None of them spoke, keeping with the theme of remaining quiet for the sick, sleeping ones. The elevator was silent and the floor announcement felt to have its' volume adjusted to a whisper. The miracle floor was extra dark this time of night, truly encouraging those fighting to rest, allow the body's willpower to take over for the night. She was two rooms away from Jay when the nurse briskly walked out of his room, suctioning contraptions in hand. Her speed and attitude greatly sticking out from the rest of the place. Hailey stopped to ask her something, but the women only nodded as she breezed by. She swore the women smiled or looked happy, urging Hailey to pick up the pace. Trotting to the room, Will's wiping under his eyes put her at a crossroads. She feared the worst, but something told her to hang on to the best. A little scared, Hailey opened her mouth to ask the obvious.

"What happened?" Will's non wiping hand was grasping Jay's right hand, the awake one laughing and shaking his head in disbelief. He failed to hear Hailey's question, so she inquired again.

"Will." Her voice was louder, stronger that time and it did the trick. Without losing his grip on Jay, he turned to face Hailey with tears pouring now.

"He woke up. It was only a couple of minutes but he was awake and responding." It was the timespan of the snap of fingers between being worried and balling. Hailey ran, literally, to her side of Jay and just stood there. He still looked to have a death wish on him and his appearance was very out of the norm, but there was hope. And what wonders it did for him. He was awake, he could hear them again, and live. Jay was still on the miracle floor with an incomplete skull, but no one in that room suddenly cared. Jay was awake and returning to them. All of this was worth it. They all slept well that night, relishing in the hope Jay would wake up with them in the morning.

…

When Abrams meant Jay would have to relearn everything, Will wasn't fully aware of how accurate and thorough that prediction would be. The following morning he and Hailey awoke to monitoring beeping and lights flashing, letting them know something was wrong. All through the night neither of them woke up. Not when nurses came in to do their usual check in and none of them noticed Jay had woken up three times, occurring sporadically and varying in time. The first time Jay was awake enough to look around the room and wave. With the breathing tube still in place speaking wasn't going to happen. He was still dependent on the device so he didn't fight the harsh, deep breaths it was providing him. He looked left before heading right, his right hand doing the smallest of waves as if to awake the blobs on his sides. When a few seconds of that didn't work he gave up, his depleted body shutting down to regain some power.

The second resurfacing was during a check-in with the nurse. She called his name and got no response, but the penlight in his eye made him blink. He let out a quiet grunt before staring up at the ceiling, answering her simple answer with yes or no blinks. Despite all the unknowns, his hearing was the first truth to break through. His lack of understanding his name was concerning, but they all chalked it up to being early in the return to consciousness. In time, they reasoned, it would all switch over to normal.

The third time he woke up it was for a good three, four minutes. The waving resumed and his shuffle between the two sleeping people went without a reply. He gave up, looking out at the glass wall at the end of his bed, completely clueless where he was, why he couldn't move, and unable to remember anything. It was like waking up to a blank book, told that this was his life. He struggled, really pushed himself to recall something. He knew he wasn't dead but everything else was a question mark. This lack of memory, feeling, mobility, self recognition made him cry. Tears were pouring and he wasn't sure what the wet substance was. His left arm brushed his right eye while the right worked on the left. Along the way he bumped into the many things attached to him, which didn't aid in comforting him in the least. Weakness crept in as he sniffed, dozing off as he swore he'd figure out more then next time he woke up. Which brings us to now, with the beeping alarms and flashing lights, finally awakening Jay's help. The feeding tube had been pulled out of Jay's nose by the time Will figured out what was going on, blood dripping from where monitors and catheters inserted in his arms were pulled free.

"Jay," he calmly spoke, not getting a response from the writhing, clumsy person in the bed. Nothing was coordinated or with purpose, arms were just going till they clamped onto something. Hailey ran to get a nurse, leaving Will to deal with the mess. It wasn't the reunion she envisioned in her dream, reality being far scarier. Jay had his hand on the breathing tube, beginning to yank on the tape around his mouth by the time Will took control of things.

"Hey, you can't do that." Even in his weakened, drugged, brain injured state Jay fought, his tugs against Will barely there, but trying to get free. Will was both proud and heartbroken over the moment. He called Jay's name again, realizing he wasn't connecting the dots from the name to himself. With great care and caution, Will placed both hands behind Jay's head and turned it to face him, not budging till Jay looked at him. There was real fear in his eyes and a complete lack of connection, but it was his brother nonetheless.

"You're ok. No one is going to hurt you, ok? You're in the hospital." Nothing, not even a nod came from the other person. He just kept searching, trying to figure out who was talking to him and what all he was saying. He didn't remember getting hurt so this had to be a dream. Hailey was standing in the doorway, watching the Halsteads continue this weird form of communication. Will would speak, Jay would blink nothing in response. Once he twitched a hand, still trying to break free before Will gripped harder. He explained he had to keep things attached, asking Jay to nod in understanding. A single up and down motion came out of Jay before everything went limp. His body went back into shut down mode.

"Is that normal," Hailey nervously inquired as the two of them watched things get reinstated and attached.

"Pretty much," Will replied, wishing there was some tidbit of hope he could give her.

"He didn't recognize his name," he quietly spilled out, watching as Hailey's eyebrows shot up.

"I called his name twice and he didn't even react." Hailey stood there dumbfounded, feeling a little shellshocked at how far back of the beginning things were. Forget talking to Jay about ever after, she had to tell him who he was. The desire to run suddenly came on, but her defiance remained firm. This was the worst, she reminded herself, nothing could get worse than this.

"Could that fix itself? Could he just start remembering things when he's more awake?" Will sighed, not losing sight of the person in the bed, totally scared and heartbroken for the life Jay wasn't fully aware of.

"I don't know. There isn't a series of steps or pass/fail tests. It's just waiting and seeing. Abrams is going to be in here the next time Jay wakes up." Hailey took a seat on Jay's bed. She didn't touch him for fear of waking him, but just gazed, trying to validate a reason for hanging on. Right now he wasn't her version of Jay, or anyone's for that matter.

"I hate this. Waiting." The person in the bed twitched their hand, almost as if to recognize her presence and acknowledge it. That was it, the reason to keep fighting.

…

"And it is out!" Hailey did a very small clap and smile while Will squeezed Jay's hand harder. Jay's two week companion was finally gone, allowing the mysterious one to finally speak. He woke up startled by his own gagging, the cue everyone had been waiting weeks for. He gagged once, eyes went wide open, and then three more gags spit out. Will helped Jay breathe with the vent while Abrams listened to his lungs and checked numbers, concurring it was time to let Jay try things on his own. Jay was clueless and in pain so it took a lot of explaining before things got underway. Abrams made the breathing motion he wanted Jay to make, counting down before yanking the footlong contraption. Nurses were inserting a tube under Jay's nose while the feeding tube went back down a nostril. Jay squirmed over the discomfort, but Will's coaxing helped tremendously.

"Don't take this off," Abrams told Jay and he nodded, allowing the nurse to suction the spit out of his mouth. Once the devices and crowd of people left, Abrams took a seat on Jay's right side and just stared at him, doing the visual before diving into questions. Jay's eyes moved in sync with each other, his spacial awareness and audible capabilities still in tact. He'd randomly poke a spot on Jay and the limb or part of the body would flinch, making Jay's eyes rove to that spot on him afterwards. Miraculously, things were looking good. Then came the questioning.

"Do you know your name?" Jay was zoned out, the latest pain drugs and other life savings liquids having their way with him. He closed his eyes, truly digging to find the answer, but eventually shook his head.

"Ok, that's fine. Do you know what year it is?" Same zoned out stare, same answer as before.

"Do you know who these two are," Abrams asked while pointing to Will and Hailey. Jay was now tearing up, figuring out he was in a strange world knowing absolutely nothing and no one was telling him why. He closed his eyes again, internally screaming at himself to figure it out, but the question mark remained permanent. He shook his head. Abrams told Will and Hailey they could stay for questioning but were not allowed to say anything or react. He had to know the basis, where they were starting at with things. So externally both were emotionless mimes, but internally both were royally freaking out. They were starting all the way back at square one.

"Can you touch your ear?" Jay perked up a bit, excited to finally be doing something. He lifted his left hand and touched his right ear, getting a small praise for his efforts.

"Can you touch your other ear?" Jay quickly did, using his left hand to touch the right ear. Will was baffled by the discovery. People typically use their left hand to touch their left side, with the same being true for the right. So it was odd, and a little creepy to see Jay perform this crisscross thing.

"Last question, what about your nose." Jay kinda stared at Abrams oddly, taking a moment to process the word before moving, holding a hand up before touching his right shoulder.

"Good job. You look tired so I'm going to let you sleep." Jay was dozing off as Abrams walked out, motioning for Will and Hailey to join him. Will didn't waste time, but Hailey hung back. Jay looked like a lost, frightened toddler trapped in an adult's body. There was so much he didn't know. His gaze found her, sitting up a bit as she approached the bed.

"Do you want to know your name?" It took Jay a minute to process but he slowly nodded.

"It's Jay," she replied, occupying Abrams' spot. She bravely smiled through the glistening tears, not really sure how to feel in this moment. Happy, sad, excited, terrified, and running away were dancing in her mind, but she just sat there. Jay nodded, just accepting her word as truth.

"It'll come back," she blurted out before even realizing. Again, a nod was all she got, except this time he didn't lose his focus on her. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, wary of the gauze patches and exposed scalp. He didn't flinched but did have an odd face when she looked back at him. Some weird, fairy tale side of her thought that would work, that everything would return to normal and then two of them could get out of that place. But his lack of recognition told her otherwise, it'd take more than a kiss from the princess to change this dilemma. She tucked him in as he completely passed out, smirking at his softs inhales and exhales through his mouth.

"This can't be the end" she whispered while heading for the door. Sleeping beauty needed more rest before trying again.

Will and Abrams were looking over Jay's chart, handing off the iPad before turning to face Hailey, their faces full of upset and restlessness. Clearly, they were hoping for better than what Jay was giving them. But Abrams' attitude surprised Hailey, proving that despite his best efforts he hoped Jay would better off.

"Well," she asked?

"We're back at square one, obviously. I expected his reactions and responses to be sluggish and behind, but he can't recall anything. His movements look promising, but everything else is trash. Short term, long term, any kind of memory is gone. He's looking at a lot of therapy over the next year or so."

"What was with the crossing of his hands? And why hasn't he spoken yet?"

"The crossing of his hands is normal, believe it or not. Both hemisphere's of his brain were injured and both are trying to figure things out. It can distinguish it's assigned side, but the two still need to find each other. Thus the reason he can't find his middle. The further along his recovery goes and the more awake he is, it should get better. I just don't know how long it'll take."

"What about the talking," Will asked?

"Again, he needs time. He's still pretty traumatized. Imagine waking up and not knowing anything. Like nothing about yourself and where you were. You'd be freaked out as well." Will and Hailey paced for a bit, trying to come to terms with post-injury Jay. They were aware that deficits were going to happen, but all of it flooding in at once was a bit overwhelming. Hailey now felt stupid for envisioning walking into work with him. Those days were more likely to be over than ever happening. Will wondered what kind of long-term care he was looking at. Abrams held his arms out, bringing his guests' scrambling, racing minds to a halt.

"Here's what we're going to do. He needs to sleep for at least twelve hours the next couple of weeks. We're going to back off on the check-ins, putting them at every hour in order for him to be totally out when we examine him. The best thing for him right now is rest. His brain is a swollen lump of mess and it needs time to work on itself. When he is awake you two are to be there, no excuses. We need him to start working on facial recognition, connecting images of people to names, time of day, stuff like that. Talk to him, don't ask questions that are too hard or deep. Just simple ones. If he gets it wrong, tell him the right answer. After a week, if there aren't any further setbacks, we'll start talking about re-inserting the missing piece of his skull. Sound good?" Both of them nodded, incredibly grateful for the forces residing in Jay's life right now. Someone needed to be the calm leader in the midst of uncertainty.

"I told him his name before he fell asleep," Hailey meekly spoke.

"Good, ask him what it is when he wakes up. I'll let the nurses know the plan, you to get in there. We're not giving up on him." It was such an uncharacteristic sentence coming out of Abrams, Will and Hailey were convinced this was some odd dream. But it restored their faith, brought things down to earth. They knew the challenge and remembered Jay had already tackled Goliath sized problems. Returning Jay to his former glory was going to be a piece of cake.

…

The human brain is an awful lot like a computer. It stores a lot of information and retains rather well. It needs down time to clean itself up because without it it'll run extra slow. When a virus or injury comes its' way, just like a computer the brain frequently shuts down for a long period of time. Try to reboot the system and you may get things up and running for a couple of minutes but be prepared for everything to randomly shut down. That's perhaps the best way to describe Jay's first week after waking up. The recommended twelve hours Jay took as a starting point, often times sleeping for fifteen to eighteen hours in one day. Will and Hailey were glued to the room, not even allowed to leave the floor in case he woke up. Meals were brought to them and the two would tag team showering and other bathroom duties. Some may feel like they're being punished or in isolation, but the two of them took the temporary way of life head on. Even when things were too hectic and requiring too much planning, they always returned to the fact that Jay needed them and that was it. Their crazy way of life was worth it.

His brief moments of consciousness were almost guaranteed to be entertaining. Early on he still refused to speak, the uptick in his heart monitor or the twitch of his hands or feet being the alert he was awake. The first couple of resurfaces Will and Hailey were overly excited, sitting inches away from him with wide smiles and squeaky voices. Jay's lack of a response was a hint to them they were acting a little out of character. From day two onward they did their best to act normal, glance over and speak to him, but gave him some space. It was around day three, late in the afternoon he spoke for the first time since his admission. Will was coming out of the bathroom when he noticed the eyes staring at him, speaking in a way that got Hailey's attention.

"Hey, you're awake." Jay nodded before moving his head to face Hailey who put a book down and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Wht tme isit," Jay slurred, a vision of dropped jaws greeted him. It was his voice. It was tired and distant and weird, but it was his; a sound they never thought they'd hear.

"Um, four forty-seven," Will stuttered out, doing a double take to make sure he was correct. Hailey had her hands over her mouth, doing her best to not freak out.

"Do you remember your name," Will asked? Jay looked around with searching eyes, almost as if a file cabinet of information was floating in the air. Will and Hailey held their breath, waiting for the response they'd heard a thousand times.

"Jay…um…H something. I dnt know." He was acting like himself. His face wore one of those surprised and annoyed expressions, like it was a weird question to ask.

"Good! That's awesome. Are you in any pain?" Jay nodded his head, looking over at Hailey before dozing off. Will excused himself to get a nurse, leaving Hailey to celebrate by herself. She rose from her seat and danced, jumping up and down while waving her arms in the air. Jay was coming back.

Over the coming days and weeks Jay's level of consciousness and coherent-ness grew. It was a gradual, glacial incline but as long as things were moving forward no one seemed to mind. His questions about the time transitioned to days, months or the year. Hailey was puzzled every time Jay asked before Will provided an explanation. With Jay being out of everything for so long, his internal clock was shot. It didn't know anything and needed something, a series of times and dates to begin setting itself back up. This was very common in TBI patients and further proof Jay was on the mend. About nine days after waking up Jay fell into a repetitive state, asking the same question every time he woke up: 'where are we?' Will always answered the correct response in the proper manner, Hailey was another story. The temptation to say a jail cell, mall, or airport was there and she took it every now and then. With his sarcasm radar in the toilet Jay took her word as truth, his eyes going wide with each odd response. Will scolded her, saying she was violating Jay's trust and harming his recovery, but Hailey didn't care. It was fun and at some point Jay would enjoy it. But what wasn't funny was Jay getting a first glimpse of himself.

Along with the verbal exercises and sleep patterns, Abrams wanted to get Jay mobile again. The steps towards that were so small: getting him to sit up one day, helping him move to the edge of the bed and stand the next. Will wanted to push harder but Abrams refused. Jay was in uncharted territory right now, so everything had to be taken with extra caution out of fear for going too far. It was towards the end of day eleven that Will was by Jay's side, helping move devices and contraptions out of the way so Jay could sit up. Leading up to this moment Jay knew something was off. People kept touching the top of his head and he could feel their fingertips. He found that weird, different from the others. Everyone else had hair, everyone could scratch their head, everyone else wasn't noticing when the room got hot or cold. Whenever Jay reached up people would grab for his hand, saying he had to be careful.

"You ready," Will asked. Jay nodded, not sure what all the fuss was about. Will placed a hand behind Jay's back and gently pushed, guiding Jay to a normal sitting position in the middle of the bed. Will's hands were an inch off of Jay's back before he collapsed back onto the pillow, digging his palms into his eyes and shaking.

"What's wrong," Will asked, fully embracing Jay in a hug. Words were trying to come out but the emotion and shaking were blocking that from happening. Will looked to Hailey who just shrugged, gripping her bottom lip out of concern. Will glanced around the room, trying to find something that would spark this level of fear. Not letting go of Jay he raised himself up a bit, finally finding the culprit: the glass door. It was dark enough to become a mirror, surprising Jay with a scary sight. The hair was still completely gone displaying the numerous gauze pads, scratches, ICP bolt, and red marks from where they screwed pins into Jay's head for the surgery. They were all used to it by now, poor Jay never got the chance to acclimate with his new self.

"Did you see the mirror," he quietly asked, Jay's head nodded against his shoulder. Will squeezed a little harder, apologizing and assuring Jay that things were fine. People were moving in and out of the room, alarms from the disconnected machines going off, and Hailey was upset in the corner. They were all talking, creating more noise than Jay needed to hear. The Halsteads were the only still and quiet thing in the room, which was starting to bug Will.

"Hey, can we close the curtains by the door," he calmly yelled, receiving scurrying people hastily obeying his request. Will waited till the coast was clear and the room died down before pulling away. Tears were in Jay's eye and his face was pure white. The corner of his mouth smirked just a tad as the rest of him shrugged. It was such an odd moment. He saw his brother while simultaneously not recognizing him. Meaning, the appearance made him look unfamiliar but the little facial ticks and body movements gave Jay away. He was a mess but Will wouldn't trade it for the world.

"It'll get better, I promise."

"I want to try again," Jay replied. Once again Will supported his back and helped up get upright, marveling at how strong and sturdy Jay was as he stepped away from his post. This round Jay had his eyes closed, revealing another layer of improvement: retention and adjusting. He knew trouble was ahead and figured out a way around it. Will and Hailey were beyond proud.

"You can open your eyes. There's nothing bad up here," Hailey coaxed, getting a vision of blue a couple seconds later. She greeted him, he shrugged as he looked down at the bed. The embarrassment was real and Jay obviously didn't want any attention from people.

"Hey you, I think you look good." A single eyebrow popped up.

"Really."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Everything grows and heals. It'll be normal before you know it." The weakness eventually won, allowing Jay to fall back onto pillows and pass out for the night. This night was in the middle. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't good. Just another stop on the way to Normal Town.

…

"What's happening," Jay asked with sleepiest of voices. It was three weeks since he'd woken up and today his head was going to become whole. The swelling had gone down enough to where Jay was out of the danger zone and his improvement was at a satisfactory point. Jay was able to talk to people pretty normally and could occasionally recall names and dates. Like he knew who Will and Hailey were but was still figuring out the relational dynamics. Again, any progress was positive so concern or disappointment did not exist in that tiny room.

Due to Jay's large memory lapse Abrams wanted to keep the surgery on the down low. Partly because they didn't want to stress him out but mostly because they didn't want to explain things multiple times. The surgery was simple but its' explanation was massive, so best to keep the questioning one out of it for as long as possible. It was just past midday now, about an hour from the start time of the operation. Will and the rest of the surgical team was getting ready to move down to the surgical floor. Hailey was granted permission to leave for awhile and she didn't hesitate to leave, excitedly planning out her jog around the river before getting everyone back at the hospital to wait for Jay's surgery. The cabin fever was bad the last couple of days.

"We're going on a little trip," Will told him as the team moved him out of the room and down the hall. Will realized this was the first time Jay was out of his room. That room was the only world Jay knew for the moment so he was a little too excited for Jay to see new places. You could tell he was uneasy, the constant left to right to straight up head movements gave away that. But he didn't say anything and didn't protest.

Pre-op was easy, just removing all the dressings and outlining where Abrams would be making the incision. Will was handed all the paperwork who signed them on Jay's behalf. The feeding tube removal was comical, Jay's sneezing and overly excited face had everyone laughing. For a brief moment things weren't dire. Yes, Jay was on the doorstep of having another brain surgery, but things never felt more calm than in that moment. It was a mood lifter to see Jay laugh, shield his beet red face from his loving crowd. If Will could he'd have shed a tear in that moment. Despite everything it was the first time he felt to have had his brother back. Soon everyone left and Abrams finished the drawing on the side of Jay's head, leaving Will to explain things for the hundredth time.

"So where are we going?"

"You're going to sleep and while you're sleeping the doctor is going to put a part of your head back where it belongs."

"Why is it missing?"

"Remember when I told you you were in a bad accident awhile ago?" Jay shook his head.

"Well, you were and when that happened a part of your head was taken out so you could get better."

"And things are better?"

"Yeah, pretty much." The OR nurse opened the door, letting the brothers know it was time. Will hugged Jay before releasing him to the team, remaining a couple steps behind the group. They made it to the OR suite doors when Jay held them up.

"Is he coming," he asked one of the nurses? They reassured him things would be fine, but Jay wasn't having it. He sat up and turned around, looked straight at Will and asked again.

"Is he coming." Will was baffled, stuttering his words while trying to come up with an excuse. The nurses looked to him before one of them took off down the hallway. It was ballooned into a bigger deal than it needed to be, the obvious solution playing out a moment later.

It felt so weird, walking into the operating room with your brother. People can only envision what's happening when a family member is under, never actually walk into the room with the person. It was odd, different, a little uneasy but Will did his best to hide his emotions. They parked Jay next to the table and assisted him in moving over. Monitors were connected and trays of instruments were rolled into place. It was easy to see Jay's nerves but he never said anything. Just focused on the bright lights above him. Will didn't talk unless he was spoken to. He didn't want to be a distraction, just a outlet of strength if Jay needed him. The anesthesiologist rolled in on a stool a couple minutes after things were situated. He injected the relaxor before setting up the actual anesthesia.

"I'll be there when you wake up," was Will's only comment. Jay nodded as the clear mask was placed over his face. There was no countdown, just blinking and loud mouth breathing before everything went limp. It was a scary flashback to those days not too long ago. They were intubating Jay as Will walked out, completely freaked over Jay's lifelessness.

…

It was very much like a family reunion. With visitation limited to Will and Hailey, none of the outside world had seen any of them in several weeks. So naturally their reconnection was filled with hugs, greetings, and numerous stories. Will and Hailey caught them up on everything they could recall while the team told them tales of the outside world. What the latest case was, how everyone was pulling for Jay, and how different things were with almost half the team gone. Kim FaceTimed them during the waiting game, letting everyone see her walk around on crutches and Adam's help. They praised, cried, laughed, and enjoyed living again. The weeks had been trying to say the least, so this hour and a half to unplug and relax was everything. Kim hung up right before Abrams came, announcing she wanted to she Jay when her time finally came. An agreement was struck and farewells were dished out. They were just commenting how amazing everything was going when the quiet knock bounded off the glass door.

"Hey everyone," Abrams spoke through a yawn, getting a loud greeting in return.

"Right, so everything went well for the most part. We found a couple small bleeders but nothing to be all that concerned about. It's normal given the drugs and stuff he's been doing and that should be the last of them. The crack in the front of his skull is slowly healing but that's fine. He's not intubated and somewhat awake. He thanked everyone for being there which was a little weird, but he's doing well."

"So he's awake," Hank asked?

"Kind of, the anesthesia is still in his system so he's floating between places."

"Can we see him," Kevin asked?

"Sure, just for a couple of minutes. I don't want to overload him and he does need to sleep the rest of the day." They didn't care if it was thirty seconds. They all sprung to their feet, lining up at the door as Abrams guided them out of the room and to the elevator. The ride was the same, but the floor was different. Jay had progressed enough to where he no longer needed the miracle floor but a traditional ICU floor. Hailey and Will looked to each other and hugged it out, marveling at all Jay had accomplished. They were guided down a new path to another quiet corner of the hospital. The room looked about the same and was not much bigger than his other room, but it all felt so much better. Jay was totally out when they came in, his head titled in a way that the surgery side was on display. The tube under his nose had returned and the monitoring leads were singing their normal tune again, but Jay looked so much better than earlier that morning. Maybe it was knowing his head was whole again, but there was this aura about him. He was getting better, becoming more normal and human again. He didn't wake up when they were all in there nor did he arise the rest of the day. The exhaustion was back at square one but no one seemed to mind.

…

"No, no, no, no." Jay was sitting up and throwing the sheets off of himself by the time Will and Hailey woke up.

"Jay, you can't do that." Will grabbed his brother's arm, gently pushing him back against the pillows and pulling the sheets back up. Hailey was now sitting at the edge of the bed, becoming a roadblock in Jay's path.

"What's wrong," she asked? Jay was reaching for the top of his head, genuinely freaked out.

"They took it, all of it." It was true, the peach fuzz of hair that had managed to begin growing back were removed during the surgery. Will rolled his eyes before throwing his head into his hands, the shakes of laughter bursting out of him moments later. Hailey pursed her lips to hide the chuckles, failing a couple minutes later.

"It's not funny," Jay told both of them, neither letting up the laughs.

"You're right it's not," Will spoke those it, Hailey nodding as the laughter turned into tears. This was such a Jay Halstead way to wake up from brain surgery, worrying about the vanity of things. Forget asking how things went or upping the pain meds, what concerned him the most was what he looked like. In the moment, Jay didn't realize that was so inline with his pre-injury self. But this wasn't the only moment pre-injury Jay poked through.

The following afternoon he walked for the first time. It was from the bed to the chair, about a ten step trip. Will helped Jay stand before asking the myriad of questions about pain, dizziness, lightheadedness and so forth. Jay shook his head in annoyance, begging Will to just let him go. Will was still asking questions when Jay just moved. It was wobbly and took Jay by surprise, but he did it without any spills. He shuffled to the bed before turning around and plopping into the chair. From there he made solo trips to the bathroom and even a couple of trips around the hallways, always with Hailey or Will at his side. Jay almost always made an effort to walk faster than people's approved speed or taking a couple more steps than what was prescribed. Will and Hailey just rolled their eyes in defeat, there was no way they were going to slow the stubborn one down.

Eating fell right inline with Jay's old ways as well. The nurses wanted to start him slow, beginning with soft and work his way to normal foods. But by day three of eating Jay was having take-out snuck in, refusing to eat the bland hospital food. The staff had hesitations but let it slide. If food from the outside world aided in Jay's recovery then they didn't mind. Despite being on a feeding tube for several weeks and not able to move, Will joked Jay would leave the hospital heavier than when he came in. Jay would shrug at the comment, his rebuttal that he didn't care.

But perhaps where post-injury Jay poked was in the memory. He became two personalities: old and new Jay. Old Jay would poke through at random times and blurt out the most random of phrases. There was a particular day where the pain was really bad. Visitation had been going fine days before with zero side effects. But this particular morning Jay woke up sluggish, refusing to open his eyes or even move. People were limited to Will, Hailey, and one nurse and the lights never went above pitch black. Hailey was reading while Will snoozed when Jay finally spoke.

"Hailey, do you want to go on a date when we get out of here?" He didn't open his eyes, dared not move a muscle, just spoke his thought and waited for an answer. Hailey looked over to Will for guidance, but his soft snores told her she was on her own. She leaned closer and grabbed Jay's hand, staring at him a couple of seconds before replying.

"Sure."

"Ok." That was all he spoke the remainder of the day. It was like all his energy was used on that one question. Hailey wanted to scream she was so excited, thinking Old Jay had broken through for good. But the following day New Jay resumed. He couldn't recall asking Hailey out nor did he even grasp who she was to him. It was disheartening to say the least. But New Jay was a fun guy as well. He had them cracking up just about the entire hospital stay. Early on it was finding how many ways he could ask the same question. For example, the dilemma of where he was.

"Where are we," is where Jay would start and Will would simply and quickly answer. Jay would nod and then ask the question all over again.

"So we are…?" It was his brain's way of processing things. It was trying to figure things out, so multilayered questions meant he was trying to process things from different perspectives. Furthermore he was rebuilding the vocabulary. Some words went well in a question, others had Will and Hailey guessing. It was a slow, grinding, sometimes annoying process but it was all worth it. By the time Jay was discharged he could keep up with everyone and communicate like nothing ever happened. Granted he had to still ask a million questions, but he could process it and do his best to store the information. A lighthearted theme ran through the re-learning phase and Will and Hailey half hoped it would never end: figuring out who Will and Hailey were. About a week after waking up was when Jay first inquired.

"So you guys are together." He boldly and bluntly asked. Hailey spit out her water while laughing and Will did his best to explain things.

"No, we're just friends."

"Oh, are we friends? Why are you here?" Hailey kept laughing, beginning to annoy Jay just a tad.

"Yes, we are friends and we're here to see you."

"Oh, ok." From there Jay kept turning the dynamics around, landing on he and Hailey being together, Will and Hailey being related, to finally figuring it out. It was around week six, super early in the morning when he shot up in bed.

"Oh my word. We're related!" Will groaned as he rolled over, standing up to turn the lights on.

"What?"

"You and I are related!" His face was beaming, so proud of himself for figuring things out. Will rolled his eyes in defeat.

"Yeah, we are."

"And Hailey is a friend?"

"That is the question of the hour."

"Huh?!"

"Yes."

"Cool." Welcome back, Jay Halstead.

…

He was in street clothing looking totally out of place. Today was the day. After seven weeks of fighting and trying and not dying, Jay Halstead was being released into the world. He couldn't wear the clothes he wore coming in so Hailey made the journey over to his place and scrounged up some clothing. It was sleepwear and slides, but at least Jay would finally look out of place in the hospital. He awoke that morning excited. He wasn't sure what this place outside his window was, but it was stunning. Every morning he stared out, watching the sun rise dance on the buildings. Windows became reflectors, highlighting the various blues, oranges, and reds that the sun and shadows paint. He asked almost everyday if he go venture out and today his request was finally being granted. He was giddy while getting dressed, practically ripping IV ports out of his arm. Will's threat of broken needles and another overnight quickly put an end to that. Abrams came in as things were properly being removed.

"You ready to get out of here?" Jay nodded, mesmerized by the bandaids and cotton balls sprouting all over his arms and neck.

"Alright, you're still healing so no strenuous activity for a few more weeks and you're to get rest, a lot of it till we say otherwise. You can walk around and watch TV, but limit it to a couple of hours a day. The name of the game is still moderation. We don't want to set things back. Take your meds as prescribed and we'll give you another round of pain meds for the next month. After that you'll be fine on over-the-counter stuff." Jay nodded through the details, signing on the dotted line, readying to be discharged. It was after Abrams and the nurse departed that Jay noticed two people standing on the other side of the glass. One of them had crutches while the other was helping her move.

"Hey," Kim sheepishly spoke as she stood at the doorway.

"Hey," Jay replied. He didn't recognize her but Will kept saying 'Kim is coming before you leave.' He figured this was the infamous Kim.

"You look good," she commented as Adam helped her sit in the chair. Jay had his feet hanging over the bed, watching Kim get comfortable before inquiring.

"Are you Kim?" A beaming smile shone his way.

"Yeah!"

"So you were the other person."

"Yes, did Will tell you.."

"Yeah, he did. I don't really remember it so.." Jay trailed off, his train of thought leaving him. Kim's smile faded to concern. Jay was so different from the last time she saw him, in a totally good way. But some part of her thought things would be normal, that they'd pick up right where they left off. He'd ask about the case and she'd fill him in. Alas, as she watched him twist the hospital band on his wrist, she knew that wasn't going to be the case.

"We're both a sight, huh?" Jay looked up at her and smirked.

"Yeah, we look weird. But it'll get better."

"Definitely." Will knocked on the window, pointing to the wheelchair as he spoke.

"Ready to leave?" Jay nodded, standing before extending a hand to Kim.

"No I've got it. You're the one that's leaving today, not me."

"It's fine. I can help." They all were fighting back tears, watching Jay help Kim up and guiding her to Adam. It was a splash of Old Jay, a final hope that things were on the right track. The two of them met their awaiting parties and climbed aboard their rides. It was a slow, parade like journey from the ICU room to the ED doors. Jay had become a bit of a celebrity during his stay so just about everyone made a point of coming out to send him off. Hugs, cards, kisses, and farewells are adorned on the miraculous one before things came to a halt at the ambulance bay. Adam and Kim left first, waving to Jay, Will, and Hailey as they sped off. Will ran to get the car, leaving Hailey alone with Jay. She was busy texting work, letting them know she was coming in after Jay left, when sniffs and chokes erupted from the person behind her. She whipped around to see a balling Jay, snot and tears pouring down his face.

"What's wrong," she used a sleeve to wipe his face.

"I don't remember any of this." Hailey was clueless until she saw what Jay was seeing. An ambulance had pulled in a couple yards away from them. It wasn't a serious case, but a patient was being extracted from the rig, paramedics spitting out numbers as doctors and nurses nodded in understanding. Jay was piecing that horrific day together. Hailey hugged him hard, listening to him let it all out. He needed this, this moment of coming full circle. For weeks he'd been in the aftermath, coming in after the event and piecing random particles together to form some kind of conclusion. But now, in this first person perspective of things, it was making everything real. He did the same routine as that person seven weeks ago, he was dying, all but gone that day, and by some massive miracle he was here, living out a life he didn't know. He needed to feel that weight, grasp the magnitude of life before moving on. In a way it was a closure. The closing on what was. No longer was there an Old and New Jay, but one person journeying over the hills and valleys of life. Hailey pulled away when the coughing kicked in, smiling at his pitiful, bleary face.

"I feel like I did something wrong," Jay choked out.

"No, you didn't. It was an accident. Nothing you did or didn't do could change all that happened. But you've made it this far. I'm proud, we're all very proud and excited for you." Will honked the horn, flying to a stop and at the passenger side of the car seconds later. His smile and giddiness made both Jay and Hailey laugh.

"Ready?" Jay responded with getting up, walking to the car with bag in hand. Will threw a beanie on his head before helping him get situated in the seat. Jay rolled the window down as Will climbed into the driver's seat.

"Are you coming," he asked Hailey?

"No, I've gotta go to work."

"Oh, ok."

"I'll see you tonight though, alright? Don't forget to sleep when you get home." Jay rolled his eyes as he nodded, waving to her as she stepped away from the curb.

"Let's get out of here," Will exclaimed. The tears Hailey bottled up sprung out as the car moved out of the loading bay disappeared into the city. It was a storybook ending to a horror movie plot. The rest of Jay's story was an unwritten book. For the first time in almost two months, everyone was excited about that.

**TA-DA! It is finished! This was a lengthy continuance and I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know if you guys have any questions or prompts or just want to chat. I'm up for whatever. Onto the next adventure! Thank you for reading. **


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17- Trading Places

**Hey guys! What's going on?! How is everyone doing? So we're back on track, picking up with the story I began working on a week or so ago. This chapter's prompt comes from Chicagogirl13 and I really like it. **

**_Chicagogirl13: "What if someone from intelligence is abducted (Hailey ;) ) and return for their life they want Jays and in the end he gets hurt." _**

**This one is going to be fun. We have thrills, drama, some whump, and the potential for Upstead moments. I'm ready to get it going. Without further delay, let's get it started!**

Everything ran per the norm. She awoke at the same time that morning. Showered, ate, and got dressed in her typical attire: at the corner where comfort meets combat. She drove the same route she'd done almost every morning, stopping at the coffee shop near her place and picking up the same standing order. She greeted Platt as she climbed the steps, placing her hand under the scanner before trotting, smiling at her rugged partner with boyish charm. The day was blending with the others, all the promise of being another typical day in the life story of Hailey Upton. Which is almost always the precursor to something going terribly wrong. You never hear people comment on how they knew things were going to go wrong that morning. Conversely, they always say the opposite; that things came out of nowhere with no warning. That's perhaps the best way to describe the unfolding of events that February afternoon.

The case was very much real. The crime scene photographers, flashing police lights, and bone chilling wind whipping around them was proof of that. The city's crooks seemed to ignore the world was well below freezing, doing their evil deed without a care for the people that would come behind. But it drove home the truth that evil and destruction never rest. Just like the mailman, crime occurs in the rain, snow, sleet, freezing and extreme heat. Those crews and caretakers that came in the postpartum just had to live with the elements. They were standing over the body, examining ligature marks and gun shot entry points when something rattled behind them, a cloaked figure running away from them. Jay bolted first, gun drawn while motioning for other people to move. The crime scene was on the doorstep of a massive apartment complex, a sickening playground for the evil ones to romp in, creating havoc without much in their way. Jay and Hailey naturally fell into their partner thing, clearing each other's step before moving. It was a leap frog, methodical, somewhat slow movement but necessary, better to catch up than be dead. They were on the fifth floor when the magic trick took place.

Jay was down the hall, two apartment doors ahead of Hailey. He was alerting the team things were fine when a force literally yanked Hailey out of life. There was no way it was a person, this thing was too strong to be in that category. One second she was staring at the back of Jay, the next everything went dark. She didn't even get a chance to fight. In very rapid succession something was thrown over her mouth, stinging erupted from the back of her neck, and a heavy, black mask shielded her from existence. She was there and then gone; awake and then asleep. Jay rose from his crouch at the end of the hall, sighing in the fact that the floor was safe. He was talking to Hailey, asking if she was ready to move before turning around to nothing. She vanished in the span of ten seconds.

"Hailey?" Jay retraced his steps, opening unlocked apartment doors while yelling her name. There was no way something could happen that quickly. They were multiple stories up, the building was surrounded, the math wasn't adding up. He just kept yelling, full on sprinting down the stairs and returning to cleared floors.

"Have you guys heard from Hailey," he nervously asked over the radio, receiving the terrifying answer he knew was coming.

"No," everyone echoed. Anxiety was now bottling up in his chest, breaths now hard to come by. He was at the base of the building, doubling over for a couple of seconds in an effort to not pass out. Adam and Kevin ran to him, placing a hand on a shoulder while looking at each other dumbfounded. None of them grasped that Hailey vanished into thin air, not a trace of her to be found. They spoke comforting words, asking him to run through the moments leading up to her being gone. Jay shoved them out of the way, jogging around the entire perimeter while looking high and low. He wanted to find a fire escape, balled up sheets, some shrivel of evidence that Hailey left this building against her will. He was at the southwest corner, yelling her name in vain when the thin, black wire rapped against the brick exterior. It aligned with her last known location. It was the breadcrumb he'd been looking for.

"I've got a wire. She's gone guys," Jay shakily barked over the radio, dropping the device as his whole body shook with emotions.

…

They were a sad bunch, trudging up the steps with the gloomiest of expressions and sloth like movements. But it was all validated. Hailey was gone with zero hint as to where. It was as if Harry Houdini put her in a box and set her into another realm. She was gone, plain and simple. They stayed at the scene for hours, walking the perimeter with Jay before returning to the fifth floor. Not a footprint, piece of hair, or struggle sign could be found. Just by looking around the place, one would've never guessed a high ranking police detective was abducted. Usually there is some amount of struggle, a shout at the very least. But none of that was there, which was chilling to say the least. Jay was a shocked, mute individual by the time Voight instructed everyone to head back to headquarters. Adam drove Jay there, offering apologies and empty promises of finding her. Jay didn't speak, just nodded and shook his head from time to time. They waited till the gate slammed behind them and everyone was seated before they began.

"Walk us through it again, Jay," Voight commanded. Jay rolled his eyes, very much done with saying the same thing numerous times.

"We were clearing the fifth floor as we were trained. I took the lead, Hailey was right behind me. She took the rooms on the right, I took the left. She'd just cleared the one two back from me when I finished. I stood up, turned around to help her and she was gone."

"Why did you guys breach again?" Jay pursed his lips while biting his tongue, really over the interrogation.

"Because we heard and saw movement. When I turned to face the building I saw a figure run in."

"But what about the figure made you pursue it?"

"Why are you asking me this? This isn't my fault. I did as I was trained and let's not forget we all went into that building. We all saw the same thing and we _all_ ran after it."

"No one's blaming you.."

"-Like hell you aren't! You're sitting here interrogating me while she is out there having Lord only knows what done to her. Clearly this was a set up. The crime scene was a lure to get us in this creep's playground. He took her with only a wire to go on. The building was surrounded by cops and no one saw him leave with a body. We don't even have camera footage to comb through. We have nothing and we're sitting on our asses pointing fingers!" Jay slapped his desktop before getting up, storming away only to slam the break room door. They looked to one another, realizing Jay was very much right. The kidnapper had hours on them, the lack of evidence providing a massive leg up, and they were all here getting comfy while discussing what they already knew.

"Who wants to go talk to him," Adam nervously asked, getting silence in return. Hank rose from his resting spot on Hailey's desk and walked, baffled over his detectives' fear of Jay. The door was jammed by the Jay's weight pressed against it. Jay had managed to slam the door before collapsing into a crouch, his back facing the door as his knees met his chin. He wasn't crying or screaming, but rather silent. Thumbs were pressed into a corresponding eyelid, heavy breathing and nerves rippling across his scrunched body. Hank knocked, Jay back away enough for him to get in, returning to his spot after the sergeant closed the door. A chair was pulled away from the table and Voight turned to face his detective, realizing an acknowledgement wasn't coming.

"Look, I know she was your partner.."

"-Is," Jay corrected. Voight didn't react, just kept talking.

"So she needs your best effort, everyones for that matter. We're not giving up and you certainly shouldn't be feeling guilty."

"It's kinda hard not to."

"Well sitting in here won't help."

"It's quiet in here. I just need time for it to stop talking." Hank stared at him with amused puzzlement, not really sure what this 'it' was. He prayed this wasn't going to be a banana peel for Jay, the event that slipped him back into dangerous ways. The room was silent, allowing both of them time to reflect and think. People were hovering outside the door and window, Voight shooing them away as Jay continued to remain motionless. This state of things lasted a good ten minutes, way beyond what Hank Voight was able to handle. He was in the process of rising, extending a hand to Jay when something buzzed on the floor. Jay's eyes went wide and his complexion reached a new stage of white. He turned the phone to reveal Hailey's caller ID.

"Answer it," Voight commanded. Jay didn't hesitate.

"Hailey," he pointlessly asked, knowing she wasn't going to be on the other end. Instead, an evil and malicious laughed cackled into his ear.

"Jay, how's life? Do you remember me?" Jay darted out of the room, snapping his fingers while pointing at the phone, asking for someone to start a trace.

"Your girl is tough, won't say anything." Jay could hear yells in the background, one of them being female while at least two other were male. They were laughing while she begged them to stop. The blood was boiling at this point.

"I swear if you do anything to her.."

"-Oh relax Jay, you've always been so uptight and righteous. She's fine for now." The phone call was on speaker, everyone looking to Jay with nervous and questioning expressions. He shrugged, unable to put a name with the voice.

"What do you want," Jay inquired, pacing in an effort to hide the rage.

"Well, how about you? We haven't seen each other in a good minute and we need to catch up. Meet me at Navy Pier tomorrow morning. We'll have a little trade, Hailey for you. If the exchange is easy and you're alone, I won't harm her. If I even see or get word of a cop anywhere in the area she dies."

"Deal," Jay replied, zero hesitation in his decision. There was no thought process or bargaining. It was his life for hers and Hailey won out every time. Jay didn't care what happened to him, she had to make it out. No other way around it. Jaws dropped and heads shook as the kidnapper gave out the details. Jay felt their arrows but ignored them. There wasn't a universe where this wasn't happening.

"Excellent! Meet me at the very tip of the pier, we don't want to attract any attention. I'll be there at sunrise. I've got to go, your tracker has nearly found me." Before Jay could ask for proof of life the line went dead, showing that they were four seconds away from finding the nightmare. No one spoke, each looking to the other for an explanation for what just went down. They were now in the life weighing trade, substituting one of their own for another. The day that had all the promise for being mundane made a sharp wrong turn. Voight walked into his office, yelling behind him.

"Jay, now." No one held him up, seeming to be telling Jay he deserved the chat. He felt to be a rebellious child summoned by the principal. With the throwing of his head back he marched in, holding his hand on the door as Voight glared at him.

"Close the door."

"Sarge I.."

"Are you thinking through things with your head or pants because I'm really not sure right now." Jay was bewildered, not realizing their weird, undefined relationship was that obvious to everyone. He stuttered for a second, trying to convince himself he wasn't thinking that way either.

"It's the only play we have."

"And you know that how? We have just started working on this."

"Because this guy is coming for me, obviously. Whatever it takes to get her out alive, I'm willing to take on that obstacle. I'm not up for weighing who's of greater value to this unit."

"Which this plan of yours is pretty much doing," Voight interjected, making Jay bite his tongue. Adam knocked on the door, an apologetic look all over his face.

"Sorry to interrupt but we got something on the call. Now we don't have an exact location but a state, Indiana. The signal is bouncing all over but stays in that state." Voight spun in his chair, putting his back to his team in an effort to think. This had that same feeling, the same no win situation from oh so long ago, Jay's involvement being the final piece. As much as they didn't want to admit, this was a game of value, the weighing and trading of lives. He hated it. He hated there wasn't some other way out of this. Against every fiber of his being, he had to trade one for the other. Voight reached for his phone, texted a couple of lines before turning to face everyone. Jay was still sitting in the chair but everyone else had crammed into the doorway, looking for the next step.

"Jay's going to go with the plan. We need to call Indiana police and fill them in on what we know. We're also going to track Jay, hopefully it won't be too long of a search."

"But this guy is going to suspect we're tracking him. You heard him, if he knows we're following Jay then he kills Hailey."

"Which is why we're going to inject a tracker. And it needs to be somewhere no one will look and where there's a lot of tissue to block any scanner." A couple of them figured it before Jay, their giggling putting the pieces together.

"No."

"Oh yes, it's the only way." Jay rose and headed for the exit, the snide remarks and laughter ringing in his ears as he trudged down the steps. It's not that he didn't want to do it, he just didn't realize they were having to go to these lengths. But then again it was for Hailey so it was all worth it.

"It's just a shot. How bad could it be," he thought out loud.

…

Sleep did not come to Jay that night. It was such an odd, rare conundrum he found himself in. Typically one doesn't know when they're going to be taken by evil forces. It almost always happens by surprise when you least expect it. So to say the evening was weird is an understatement. It's not that Jay was nervous, but on edge. He knew the all too likely outcome of the following morning. He'd be taken, drugged, bound, and then whisked away to an unknown world where he'd be interrogated/tortured for hours before his miserable self would be put to death. He'd faced this thing before, had gone through the event and come away traumatized but alive, but this felt different. This person knew him, knew Hailey would be the weakness in his armor. Yet Jay couldn't put the voice to a name, the details to a person of his past. It was unsettling, knowing there were people out in the world who knew everything about him without his knowledge. Jay spent the evening on his couch staring into nothing. The television wasn't on and zero music was playing. Silence rang its' haunting and annoying tune in his ear, every passing moment bringing him that much closer to the end date, the point of no return. Jay then moved to the kitchen, the bedroom, hallway before turning on his shower and sitting for a good hour, only budging when the water ran ice cold. He had to find that state of mind, that place he'd go to when things got bad. Wrapping himself in a towel he moved to the closet, staring at nothing but everything, eventually landing on workout gear, socks, and sneakers. Ignoring the fact it was after midnight and well below freezing Jay grabbed some Air Pods and jogged out the door. Running seemed to be the only thing that made sense right now.

He rode the Loop for several rounds, treating it like a grand, grown up carousel. He was in another world, maneuvering from train to train without any hesitation or emotion. The city was quiet, the wind and temperature keeping the masses tucked away in their beds. The occasional crowd of club goers laughed and rolled onto the cars, but for the most part things were silent and somber. Jay would look over when shrieks came out from the party goers, shaking his head at how clueless they were. People were lost, dying, and in great fear right now, their laughter seemed so inappropriate. The lights distracted his racing mind, their cast revealing normal ways of life. People were watching TV, cleaning crews were dusting and vacuuming office spaces, and there was the occasional dancing couple in the middle of a room. It was comforting, seeing life go on. It was a reminder that things could and would roll along. That despite this temporary nightmare, the sun would still rise in the morning and life would kick into gear once again. By the fifth rotation around the city the agitation won, pushing Jay off the train and onto the frozen sidewalks. Air Pods were dawned and music turned all the way up. For next several miles Jay ran in a daze, ignoring the soreness and stiff joints that cried all along the way.

His senses returned to him at the tip of the city, directly behind the Adler Planetarium. Waves were sloshing against the concrete barrier, their splash becoming frozen ice sculptures in a matter of seconds. His lungs burned, but in a victorious fashion. It had been awhile since he did one of these black out runs, the last being after Erin left. Jay double over, coughing to catch his breath. The air felt to be at least ten times colder than in the heart of the city, driving home the scientific truth that water and wind making a cooling team. His extremities were shaking against he cold, his forehead dripping with sweat, but he never felt more alive. For a couple of hours he was gone, not focusing on the problems and trials in his life. It was all about making it to that next mile, upping his speed to be better than the last. He loved it, lived for it, because that's the exact level of determination he was going to need in order to get through things. He had to be more stubborn than his attackers.

It was during his cool down that she came back. The black mass of Lake Michigan at night was terrifying, becoming the stage for his mental play. He shuttered at the thought of her confused and scared, in a place far away and out of his grasp. Tears crept into his eyes at the thought of the physical and psychological trauma done to her that day. She was definitely not sleeping tonight, at least not on her own accord. Terrible images of her injured or worse danced in his head, no amount of distraction could pull him out of the rabbit hole. Despite his best reassurances and running of the scene, he couldn't see how this wasn't his fault. He was supposed to protect her and he failed, epically. So whatever happened next he deserved, nay, took on with contentment. It was all about her making it out alive, nothing else mattered. Jay looked down at his watch to read four thirty nine in the morning, his meeting with his sentencing in less than two hours. He forced himself upright and headed back towards the city. Time to get this trade show on the road.

…

"You look like crap," Antonio greeted Jay. The plan was to meet up at the district an hour before the exchange to go over details and check the tracker. By the time Jay returned to his place he had enough time to change and head over to the district, making the hours of sleep he got a whopping zero. The bags under his eyes were on display as he rolled in, the grogginess and yawns not doing much to restore the team's faith. Despite his best efforts to shrug things off he was nervous, no amount of coffee and joking could shield that.

"Likewise," Jay replied, examining the crowd. Late last night Jay was kicked out of the office, instructed to get some sleep for the following morning. The rest of them worked around the clock tracking down leads and going over evidence in an effort to gain some hint as to where Hailey was. Their sluggish, annoyed behavior let Jay know none of them got sleep last night.

"Did you guys find anything?" Head shakes were all he received.

"We went over every footage near the building and two blocks in every direction. Nothing, not even a vehicle racing through a red light. We went back to the building and CSIs found nothing. No sign of a struggle and zero DNA. This guy, or girl, is trained. Very good." Jay downed a large gulp of coffee, absolutely hating how blind he was walking into things. In prior plans such as this, there was a fallback plan, or at least an idea of what could happen and how everyone was going to get out. But this morning they were going into the trade with two facts: Hailey was going to go free while Jay was being taken. This was such a backwards, messed up case on so many levels. In all actuality they only had one truth.

"Run through it," Voight loudly called out, slamming the tact room's door closed.

"Kim and I will be on surveillance. Kim will be in the pier about a hundred yards off while I'll be on one of the docked boats," Antonio stopped, rotating to Adam for the second layer.

"Kevin and I will be parked near the marina with audio and visual, also tracking Jay when he's on the move."

"What about the chance this guy has backup or security in the area. He said no cops and that he would be told."

"We've already contacted the Pier's security and districts in the area. As far as they know an Intelligence case is going on and they need to stay away from the premise. Let us worry about evading this jerk's detail," Hank replied. Jay nodded, getting a final snapshot of things before looking down at his feet. This was the end, the final stop before chaos. It was weird, heartbreaking, and offering closure. The thank you note speech was there, but all Jay could conjure up was a nod.

"Let's get this going. Rush hour traffic starts in half an hour." They all went their separate ways, Kevin and Adam leaving first while Jay, Antonio, and Kim climbed into the under cover car. Jay was in the process of sitting in the passenger seat when Hank called for him.

"Sure you don't want me to call Will?"

"No, he'll try to talk me out of it." Jay turned away, slamming the door as the car began to drive off. Hank stood in the loading bay till the caravan departed, closing the door as their tail lights disappeared into the city.

…

It was freezing, to the point Jay hated he didn't don another layer of clothing. The wind from last night didn't appear to be letting up, seeming to be pushing the fog into the mainland. The pier was desolate, the occasional jogger or groundskeeper interrupting the stillness. At this time of year the pier was barely opening, the bare bones of indoor activities and walkways the only thing open to visitors. The docks were virtually empty, the stationary ferris wheel creaking and swaying in the winter breeze. Jay's eyes were watering from the wind, nose in a constant state of running. Jay paced exactly two steps, keeping his hands in his pockets as he shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. The sky was giving way to its' darkness, the navy black hue surrendering to the orange and blue shades of light. It was stunning, watching the world transition. The world's natural alarm clock was a sight to behold, probably would've been marveled at more had the all too soon events not been preoccupying Jay's mind. He stood there for another half hour, convinced he was being set up, when a bone chilling voice called his name. While he may have been cold prior to the voice, Jay was at a whole new level of shaking as he turned to face the demon of his past.

"Hey Jay." It was him. His appearance was vastly different from prior encounters but there was no doubt about things, it was the one guy he never wished to see again. The last time they met they never actually saw each other, but this person, this animal wrecked havoc on his life; nearly killing him while terrifying the rest of Intelligence. And now, as the two of them made eye contact for the first time in years, Jay couldn't help but feel he'd made a terrible mistake. By willingly turning himself over to this demon, this was going to be his last day on earth.

"Where's Hailey?" The frail, rail thin, ghostly figure revealed the widest smile.

"Why don't you come over here and then we'll release her."

"No. Me for her. I'm not moving till I see her." The demon rolled his eyes, sighing as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine. Bring her out!" Hailey was shoved around the corner of the building. Her clothing was disheveled and there was something off about her. Like she was alive and awake, but nothing about her seemed real. Had you told Jay she was a talented look alike and he would've believed you.

"Satisfied?" Jay wanted to yell her name, run to her and rip the demon's head off. She was weak, her reliance on someone holding her up gave hint to that. She was the farthest thing from unharmed.

"I go when she goes." The demon pushed Hailey in Jay's direction. From that point on it was a dance. Jay took a step, Hailey clumsily followed. Along the way she stared at something past Jay' shoulder, her eyes never meeting his. They met in the middle, Jay holding back every urge to touch or speak to her. Any sudden movement or hint of giving things away and that would be the end of her. Jay was inches away from the demon when he was grabbed from behind. There was some struggle before something hard and blunt brushed his back, allowing him a final glimpse of the world. Hailey was seriously wobbling, swaying between the edge of the pier before resting on a pillar or bench. Jay fought as he watched her, infuriated with the trauma and harm that went her way.

"What did you do to her? We had a deal," Jay spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, about that…I lied." Jay didn't have enough time to blink. Something hot and thin pierced the back of his neck as a dark hood was flung over his head. He was out before his knees touched the ground. The demon and his minions grabbed an extremity before tossing him into an awaiting boat. The members of Intelligence who were present held their breath as they watched the events unfold, feeling completely and horribly helpless.

"Let's track his ass," Kevin commented as the boat sped away into the unknown.

…

Kim was sprinting, not losing track of Hailey. She'd made it twenty feet, tops, before collapsing on the sidewalk. Kim was flailing her arms and screaming. As she got closer to Hailey Kim couldn't help but gawk at how many people were on that pier this early in the morning. It's the fastest way to count people, have someone collapse on the ground and then witness the helpers rush in.

"Chicago PD, out of the way," Kim yelled while elbowing her way to Hailey. Some people were quick to respond, others needed some extra nudging, but at last she arrived. Hailey was unconscious, speckled with bruising and scrapes. She was on her stomach so Kim rolled her, revealing weak and dangerous breath sounds. She was shivering, but not in a freezing way. Like she was coming off a withdrawal or worse. That's when Kim made the call.

"10-1 officer down. I need an ambo at my location. We have a possible overdose." Kim was searching Hailey for marks, some type of entry point when Antonio slid into the scene.

"What happened?"

"She collapsed, was walking funny right before and looked spaced out. She didn't even recognize Jay when they brought her out. Ambo is on its' way." The ambulance arrived three minutes later and took them seconds to find the problem. Hailey was exhausted, clearly drugged, and freezing, like she probably spent a good amount of time outside last night. She was practically thrown into the back of the rig as Kim climbed in, holding Hailey's hand the entire trip. She was so cold, so distant, it was frightening. Antonio went ahead of the ambulance, lights and sirens on to the save that much time. Along the way details were radioed to Med, regarding Hailey's body temperature, heart rate, and lack of consciousness.

Natalie was on the other side of the doors when they came to a stop. She didn't acknowledge Kim, just grabbed the gurney and ran. People were shouting out directions and room numbers, the crowd of medical personnel grew with every step. By the time Kim arrived at the trauma room the place was packed. Hailey had been moved over to a bed and was in hospital attire, in the process of being connected to monitors and IV bags when Natalie began spilling out tests.

"Do we know what she's on?" Kim just kept staring, zoning everything and everyone out of focus. Hailey looked to be dying and she couldn't help but feel like they failed.

"Kim! Do we know what she took!" Natalie's uncharacteristically loud tone jolted Kim out of her mental spiral, her head literally snapped up upon hearing the shriek.

"Um, no. She was abducted." Natalie's eyes widened for a second, composing herself as she announced the plan.

"Hit her with NARCAN and then we're going to pump her. Get a drug screen up to the lab now. Kim you need to wait outside." Before Kim could ask to stay curtains were drawn and hands were pulling her out of the room. Kim began writhing, Maggie's voice calming her.

"Kim, let them work. Let's go in the doctor's lounge." She nodded, too shocked and numb to suggest anything else. Her hand was on the handle when it sprung open, revealing the absolute last person she wanted to face.

"Will…"

"Where's Jay?" Maggie pushed the group into the room, locking the door before telling them all to sit. Will was worried, but tried his best to keep his cool. Seeing Kim's level of distraught only shot his that much higher.

"Hailey was kidnapped and…um…in exchange…" Will didn't need her to finish. He rose and began pacing, the worry was transitioning to furry.

"Whose brilliant idea was this?"

"His." Will rubbed his face, still processing what all went down right under his nose. In that moment he couldn't help but feel betrayed.

"Get Voight down here."

…

Natalie knocked on the door about an hour later, greeted by numerous upset faces. Adam and Kevin were back at the office surveilling, but it appeared the rest of the district was present. She nodded to the crowd, finding an available spot on the floor to sit before giving out the news.

"She's stable and on her way up to a room. We're going to keep her a couple of days for observation but she's doing well. Drug screen came back and she had high levels of ketamine, valium, and acetaminophen in her system. We're also warming her because her temperature was about eight degrees below normal. She's doing well considering."

"Any idea when she'll wake up?"

"Probably this afternoon, but she'll likely be out of it for a bit."

"So she may not be able to give us information." Natalie shrugged her shoulders.

"We won't know till she's awake." They all rose, forming a line behind Natalie as she guided them to Hailey. Voight felt the daggers ever since he entered the hospital, making a point to avoid speaking to Will until they were alone. He was on his feet and a couple steps from the door when Will asked him to hang back. The confrontation had arrived.

"So at what point did you guys think to call me? After he was taken? Maybe after he gets killed? At what does it become a priority to call me! The only family member!"

"Will.."

"-No, there is no excuse for this. If anything happens to him, anything, it's all on you." Voight's phone buzzed in his pocket, the absolute last thing that needed to come after that. Will glared at him as he reached for the phone, Voight not breaking eye contact with Will as he answered.

"What is it?"

"We've got something. You need to see this."

"I'm on my way." He pivoted and stormed out, leaving Will dumbfounded.

…

The remaining members of Intelligence were gathered in Voight's office, door closed with Atwater manning the door. Adam threw a laptop onto the desk in a way that everyone could see. There was a video paused on the screen, the camera looking at an angle of Navy Pier.

"Ok so bad news, Jay's tracker was on and working right up until reaching the Indiana coast. We've called Indiana police and they're canvasing and working on potential suspects in the area. We think he was taken to a location with cell phone and radio blockers. He obviously passed the initial scan but the perp is being extra cautious. And now for the good news. We have a face." Adam hit the space button on the laptop, all of them inching closer as the video rolled on. Jay was in the foreground, looking towards a person facing away from the camera. The video revealed Hailey coming from the hiding location and the trade being exchanged. However, it was during the struggle with Jay that the mysterious person turned, practically smiling for the camera. Everyone gasped, their stomachs and hearts dropping in unison.

"No way," Antonio spoke. Kim shook her head before closing her eyes. This was de ja vu in the worst possible way.

"He was sentenced to life without parol last year. How did he.."

"He had a psychotic break, randomly stabbed his cell mate with a shiv one night. They transferred him to a psych ward at a nearby hospital where he escaped about a couple months ago. He wasn't heard or seen since then."

"Why are we just now hearing about this," Voight practically yelled.

"System isn't perfect. As he's done his entire life, he slipped through the cracks." They all looked to one another, not believing they were here again. The last time they had to deal with this nightmare Jay nearly lost his life. That all happened while under the restraints of working in the Chicago city limits. With no limitations, several hours head start, and zero leads on his location, they couldn't even fathom what he was doing to Jay.

"Contact Indiana PD and get his face over to them now. Have them run a deed, title, any type of purchase search in his last known area. The guy is not doing this on someone else's property. Kim, go back to the hospital and talk to Hailey when she wakes up. We need that information now." They took off in different directions, not hesitating to question the 'what ifs.' Jay didn't have time for that. Hank pulled the laptop closer to him, playing the tape multiple times in an effort to spot details. About the tenth round he shoved the computer across the table, his skin crawling over the evil smile Jason Briggs was flashing his way.

…

She felt to be drifting in multiple universes. One second she was back in her childhood home, chasing her brothers with a squirt gun yelling for them to stop. Another blink later she was with Jay, the two of them tangled in sheets smiling, laughing, enjoying the finer things in life. Then things shifted to him. The tips of his fingers sent goosebumps sprouting all over. His breath reeked of something wrong, the stomach doing its' best to not spill its' contents. He was speaking to her but the words were undetectable. Whatever force she was living on was doing a number on her listening skills. There was something sharp, people yelling, before a soft voice spoke. It was comforting, stable, safe. A hand touched hers, making her jolt out of the many worlds. She opened to a blurry image of Kim, bringing everything down.

"Hailey, can you hear me?" She blinked several times, each snapshot revealing another clue. There was something strapped around her face, resting right under her nose. There were things taped to her arms while her body was wrapped in several layers of warmth. The room was quiet, dim, silent, encouraging rest and calmness. The band around her wrist gave her location away: Chicago Med.

"Hailey," Kim asked again, inching a tad bit closer.

"Kim?" A wide, happy smile broke out on Kim's face.

"Yeah, it's me. How are you feeling?" Hailey looked around the room again in an effort to piece the series of events that landed her here. She squinted, bit the inside of her lip, before lying back in defeat, getting nothing for her efforts.

"What happened?"

"Do you remember being taken?"

"What?" Kim grabbed her hand, the two of them tearing up before long.

"We were at a crime scene yesterday when you and Jay went to look for someone in an apartment building. Someone kidnapped you, took you to another location before we got you this morning. You were drugged and freezing but you're doing better. Doc says you'll get discharged in a couple of days." The shortened story brought it all back. The scenes were small puzzle pieces, but it explained the voice, the fingers, the smells, and sounds. She shook, doing her best to inhale but nothing availed. It was a nightmare she endured, hating that she now remembered it all. In that moment she wished she was suffering from amnesia, better to be clueless than informed.

"Do you remember where you were? Any sights or landmarks or sounds. Anything, even if it's small will help."

"Did you get the guy? Where's Jay?" Kim squeezed her hand harder, staring in a way that Hailey figured things out.

"No."

"It was the only play." Hailey ripped her hand away from Kim, sobbing as she wrapped into a ball. She vaguely recalled the phone call, hearing Jay quickly and willingly trading his life for hers. It was stupid of him, valuing her life over his. He could get over things, have a life without her, but the opposite wasn't true. While they only knew each other for a couple of years he was everything, her person in any situation. She hated that she didn't fight harder, come up with some bargain Briggs couldn't pass up, done something to evade what went down. And now, as she sat comfy in a safe hospital Briggs was having his way with Jay, all too likely slowly and painfully killing him.

"Hailey, I'm sorry. But we need to know." She closed her eyes, extending both hands for Kim to hold onto. She shooed away the emotion, finally realizing she was the key to Jay getting out. While she couldn't avoid what went down on her behalf, she could certainly play a role in swaying the end result.

"There were waves. They crashed a lot before smoothing out, like you were at the beach or something. There was dinging from a buoy and everything smelled bad. Like animal crap."

"Was it a house, industrial building, restaurant?"

"A house, I think. There was definitely a barn but I remember someone saying something about a house."

"Do you remember being on a boat."

"No."

"Ok, where did he keep you?"

"In the barn. You could hear horses, cows, and they were all so loud. It was really windy so things crept creaking and cracking." She opened her eyes, bravely smirking at Kim while feeling so helpless.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could do better." Kim went in for a hug, tightly holding her as the two of them balled for a good three minutes. Kim's phone buzzed in her pocket, creating a light, slightly humorous endpoint of sorts.

"I'm going to fill the guys in. I'll be back in just a second." She got as far as landing on the floor when Hailey freaked out, the gasp and sudden movements making Kim turn around.

"Don't leave, please," she begged. Despite everything else, Kim kind of forgot that Hailey went through all of this. That she was a victim and dealing with real things. Some were physical but the psychological ones were raw and real right now. She returned to the bed, grabbing Hailey's hand as she spoke.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm going to stand right out there so you can see me. I'm going to make this call and then I'll be back. The room is guarded by two police officers and they're not leaving anytime soon." Hailey nodded before Kim broke away. Her call was quick and to the point, returning to find a passed out Hailey whimpering and crying in her sleep.

…

It was dusk when they rolled down the driveway, practically nightfall when they found Jason kneeling over a still and bloodied Jay. The location where they found them showed that Jay fought, breaking free and crawling for safety before giving up on the property's edge. Hailey's intel and Indiana's PD zeroed in on an old farmhouse owned by Jason's great grandfather, passed down to the mother. She died several years ago, the house sat empty and deserted till a couple months ago, around the same time Briggs escaped custody. The property bordered the shores of Lake Michigan, creating a free and silent exit for Jason to romp freely. They didn't bother announcing their titles or searching the house. It was a fast, speedy charge to the edge of the property, their gut instincts proving to be life saving.

Intelligence joined forces, allowing Indiana to breach first with them right on their tails. Will also tagged along, much to everyone's disagreement. Jason was holding a knife to Jay's neck, seeming to be in the process of the final step of his long term game. Hank didn't hesitate, not caring what the legal ramifications entailed. The guy was a lifelong creep with a history deep enough to fill a trilogy of horror novels. Jason was dead before he hit the ground, the satisfying end to his miserable story. Jay was a close second in the race to death. Antonio slid to a kneel next to Jay, in utter shock over what was done in such a small amount of time. The incision Jason made created a nice, deep line in the throat, stopping just before the vital arteries in the neck. He was crying, everyone was crying over the scene. Jay had been through hell, the lack of defensive wounds letting them know he either didn't have the chance or was intoxicated enough to not stand a chance. Antonio pressed on a single source of bleeding, his efforts seeming pointless since Jay was dripping red in countless places. Paramedics pushed and shoved their way to the scene, doing the fastest examination before grabbing Jay and throwing him in the back of an ambulance.

Will was in the passenger seat of a locked and armed Suburban, pounding on the window as the scene rolled by. He got a glimpse of Jay and the worry, quickness of things made him realize his brother was near the end. He unlocked the door and bolted, ignoring the orders for him to back off. The ambulance door was millimeters from closed when he zoomed in, taking a seat in the back before anyone could protest. He sat near Jay's feet, grabbing an ankle as the ambulance rattled and rolled through the unknown streets of Whiting, Indiana. His was bleeding all over, the numerous stab wounds seeping the red substance like a leaking faucet. The ride came to a sudden stop and doors were flung open to a foreign ER. People were grabbing, running, shouting as the show was transferred from paramedics to hospital staff. Removing clothes revealed further details. Jay was stabbed several times all over his body. Codes were called, drugs were administered, before specialists flew into the room, commenting that Jay needed to already be upstairs. As Will was pushed out of the room, a doctor commented on the quality of Jay's blood, comparing it to water.

"Run a drug screen," someone yelled.

"Start him on a clotting factor," another voice shouted. Will actually fell into a fetal position upon finding a chair outside the room. Forget the injuries, Jay was bleeding to death as his thin blood pumped the life out of him. It was a sick, slow, painful way to die. Something only the worst of evil minded people inflicted on their fellow man. Will didn't notice the circus move to the elevator nor did he hear a nurse ask for information. He rose and walked in a daze, looking for someone or something to punch.

…

They opened the waiting room to nothing. No Will, no SWAT leader, not a soul in the room. They arrived a little over an hour after Jay was admitted, once Jason's body was handed over the coroner there wasn't much left for them to do, everything else was out of their jurisdiction. The ride over was silent, every single occupant finding it hard to not feel guilty. They allowed Jay to head in blind, allowed him to float away out of their grasp, and were too slow in finding him. He was in trouble, literally crawling for his life and they were nowhere to be found. Not until Jay was in the clear would the guilt be at the forefront of everything.

They arrived at the hospital and parked in a spot, feeling very out of their element. In most situations they were in their own backyard. They knew most of the staff and knew they could slack on parking, knowing some kind soul would take care of it. This time around they truly were a visitor, the sign in badge and strict instructions proof of that. It was all so strange, so imagine their shock upon opening the door to an empty room. If they were to be spinning in the wrong direction, Will couldn't be feeling a whole lot better.

"So, where is he," Adam obviously asked? Atwater smacked him.

"Let's go find him." They broke into groups, one taking the interior while the other took the exterior. It was pitch black and freezing by now, so they figured he couldn't have gone far. Half an hour and several shouts later, they found him on the roof of the building, huddle in a corner.

"Will," Antonio called, hesitantly strolling towards him. His head was rolled into his chest, arms crossed while the forehead rested on his knees. He looked up towards Antonio, not answering the calling of his name.

"It's freezing out, don't you want to come inside?" Nothing.

"Have they said anything?" Antonio sat to face Will, gently placing a hand on a knee as he shook his head.

"From what they're allowed to tell us, he's still in surgery." Will didn't budge from his curled up ball, grunting as a stiff breeze whipped around them.

"Will, I'm sorry." The red head nodded as his body shook.

"We should've kept you in the loop. Gone against Jay's wish. I'm sorry."

"Of course he did," Will laughed out, putting Antonio slightly at ease. Atwater was standing a couple feet away from them, hands deep in his pockets as he danced against the weather, giving Antonio the eye.

"Before we turn into ice sculptures, can we head in?" Antonio extended a hand and Will accepted. The trip down to the waiting room was as quick as expected. The closer they got to the room, the antsier Will became. He rotated from stomping his feet to loudly exhaling. When Atwater opened the door for him Voight rose from his seat, ready to accept what he knew was coming. Will walked towards him and did something unexpected: hugged him.

"Thanks for getting Briggs."

"You're welcome," he nodded. Will took a seat before the rest followed him. They waited in the room for five hours in silence, none of them up for talking. Their minds raced, their bodies ached, and before long some of them gave into sleep tempting vices. They sat there for over five hours, bringing Jay's surgery time to just over seven. The sun was in the process of rising when the surgeon knocked on the door, everyone jumping at the arrival of a verdict.

"Halstead?"

"Yes," Will replied, rubbing his eyes as he sat up.

"Do you want all of them here?"

"Yeah, they're family." The surgeon shrugged, landing in a chair as he rubbed his eyes.

"He made it through surgery. He suffered fifteen stab wounds, most of them on non-life threatening areas of the body. A majority of the wounds were deep but only required irrigating and stitches, but three of the wounds were near fatal. Two stab wounds were to his chest and the other in his neck, stopping just shy of his carotid. The neck wound punctured his trachea, damaging the structure of the airway. We were able to repair things, but he'll remained intubated for several days. He's not going to be able to talk for a few weeks, but things should heal. The chest wounds punctured his lungs and nicked a few arteries but missed the heart. Once we repaired the lungs and inserted chest tubes we fixed the arteries and stabilized him. But the real issue was the blood loss. It appears he was overdosed with heparin, a blood thinner. You said he was kidnapped right?"

"Yeah."

"Well whoever took him wanted to cause some serious damage and for the most part they succeeded. By the time we got him his blood was shot, basically water. We have him on clotting factors and volume and hope to start blood transfusions in a few hours, but he lost at least half his blood supply."

"What are the odds," Will asked?

"We'll know more in a few days. He's sedated right now and on paralytics, forcing his body to completely rest. Let's get through today and go from there." It was a slow march to the room, and a weird one at that. Most people were coming in for work, faces bright and fresh and cheerful. Their positive countenance greatly contrasted the group passing them. They were depleted, depressed, and not in a mood to smile. The surgeon wove them through the dismal colored hallways and doors before arriving at a little nook in the southwest corner of the hospital, the bold ICU letters painted on every patient's door. Will took the first step, the rest trickling in after several minutes.

Jay was a mess, to say the least. He was on several life supporting machines, each of them doing basic tasks. He was covered in white, his head being the only skin exposed to the outside world. He was buried under sheets, wires, tubes, and gauze hiding the violence done to him. He was pale yet bruised, the lack of blood coupling with the thinner substance doing wonders for his skin color. He looked to be one massive bruise. He was so thin, so weak, looking to be anything but hanging on. Will was sitting on a side of the bed, holding a hand while inspecting things.

"He's so cold. Must've been outside for awhile," the smallest of voices squeaked out, the group huddling closer to confirm the suspicion. Scrapes and cracked nails were suspected, confirming Jay crawled away from Briggs. The culmination of everything drove things home. Every stab, drug, and environment Jay endured was meant to elicit the highest amount of pain and suffering.

"I'm so sorry, Will," Voight softly spoke, watching Will gently fall onto his brother, hugging his limp body as the tears poured out.

…

Jay didn't die that day, or the following three days after. The heparin overdose did a number on him for awhile, his heart constantly fluttering and vying with trouble but kept him out of serious harm's way. The blood transfusions went on for several days, each pack pushing him that much closer to living. The lack of blood, and the thinness of what was left took his body temperature for a ride. Early on he was constantly shivering, to the point he was under four layers of sheets and one layer of heating blankets. Will would hold his hand when the shaking got bad, talking to him about summer and warm places, laughing through tears when things subsided. Jay would be sidelined for a couple months till things evened out and blood returned to its' normal thickness, but by day five it appeared he was out of the woods.

He was lifted off the sedatives around day three, eyes flirting with opening two days later. Ranging from blinks to brief seconds of opening, Jay would connect with the world before unplugging, diving deep into unconsciousness for several hours. The brief openings coincided with Hailey entering the picture, something that didn't surprise Will. His brother always had a knack for impressing his crushes. Hailey was nervous, catatonic when she entered. Later on she told of how nervous she was when she entered the hospital room. The thought of breathing in Indiana air again, especially so soon after the kidnapping, was almost as bad as the kidnapping itself. She was shaking, wore fabulous bleary eyes and ghostly white skin. But Jay made the terrifying flight and ride over worth it. Her first move was to slide into the bed, laying on her side for hours while making sure to not sit on anything major. She talked to Jay, made a point of telling him how stupid he was before thanking him for saving her. The doctors and nurses wanted to protest, but after learning the whole story they let things go for a bit. They all needed to heal and if her lying with him helped, they could look the other way for a moment.

It was in the wee hours of day nine that happiness roused Will from his slumber. Knowing any better he would've sworn he was dreaming. He rolled over to face Jay, pushing himself straight up when he saw Hailey smiling, her eyes following the person in the bed.

"Hey sleepy head, you're awake." Jay was still incredibly weak at this point, a single arm movement was met with frustration and small gestures. He blinked as Hailey spoke, filling him in on all he slept through.

"You're in the hospital. You were attacked over a week ago. You've been through a lot but you're doing better." Jay used every ounce of strength to throw a hand in Hailey's direction, her warm grip meeting him halfway.

"I'm fine. Don't do that again, but thank you." She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead and right cheek, rustling his hair as he slowly blinked in annoyance.

"I'm here too," Will broke in.

"Are you in pain?" Jay let out a small groan, all Will needed to get up and press the button for assistance.

"The tube has to stay in for a couple more days. They can give you something to help with the tightening and spasms." Jay blinked once, rotating between the visitors as they smiled back at him.

"They got him. It's over." Jay blinked again, opening his eyes to let a couple of tears fall down. Hailey wiped them away, Will squeezed a hand while nodding. While nothing was running per the norm, this little moment felt to heading in that direction. Nurses came in and did their normal thing while Hailey and Will stood back taking on their assumed roles. Jay did his normal thing of refusing help and relief before Will glared at him to cave in. The lights were dimmed as Jay resumed his normal, passed out state. Jay was aways off from jogging up the Intelligence steps and kicking doors down. But as they all fell back to sleep, there wasn't a shroud of doubt Jay would find a way up there in no time.

"Oh by the way, they got the tracker out," Jay's eyes never shot open so fast.

**And with that, we're over 100,000 words! Awesome job guys! This prompt was big enough to fill a stand alone story, so I did my best to abbreviate the sequence of events without sacrificing the heart of things. This was so much fun. Side note, Jason Briggs was the villain in another story I wrote called _Not Going Home. _He seemed to fit with where I wanted to take this. If you haven't, go check the story out to get his backstory. Please forgive my very shameless plug. Thank you so, so much for reading. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed writing it! We're off to the next stop!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18- The Jay Halstead Appreciation Post

**You guys are the best. Thank you so much for your very, very sweet comments. Last chapter was extra long and I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it. This chapter we'll be swaying away from the whump, just appreciating the person that is Jay Halstead. I think we all need a bit of a breather from all the action. But don't worry, that'll resume soon. **

**_Guest: "Something like, the firefighters or med-characters noticing how skilled/badass Jay is (without him or anyone else who's important getting seriously hurt)? Or his past as a Ranger playing a part?"_**

**So I love this idea. I wish I knew this person's name so I could thank them! But you know who you are so thank you very much, you! I went searching for inspiration, trying to come up with a storyline or episode that could play into this. I dug deep and found this prompt. **

**_Guest: "Jay's first impression on the Intelligence Unit. Like how he gained approval from the different members and/or how he was introduced and/or how his fighting/combat skills came into play…" _**

**The angels started to sing their high note and the clouds parted. A story came to life. We're going way back, like before the series opener for this one, but it's going to be fun. Think of ****_Stepping Stone_**** as episode two, this one being the pilot. Ready? Let's do this. **

"What do we even know about this guy?"

"Antonio's bringing him up, which isn't saying much." The two women were standing against the counter in the break room, Erin pouring another cup of coffee as Jules was tossing her to-go cup in the trash. They intentionally arrived before anyone else, partly because it was the only time they could have a non-work discussion, but mostly because they wanted to grill Antonio before the new guy came in. Intelligence was very much in its' infancy but the reputation was hitting the masses. Every week seasoned cops and detectives flocked to the pine counter at the 21st district, doing their best to cooly apply for a spot in the unit. Rumors were swirling, saying the unit operated under different rules. The unit could do whatever and get away with it, so long as they got the job done. It was so different, relaxed, and refreshing that the pull was great. Unqualified applicants became so common and frequent that Platt came up with a code name: adorkable. Too many people were cute and friendly and by-the-book nerds to succeed so the code was perfect.

"He didn't even give us a name. What is he like eighteen? Just out of the academy?"

"He probably didn't tell us because he knew we'd go searching." Erin laughed in agreement, walking out of the room to situate herself at her desk. Jules was sitting in contemplation, eyes zoned out as her mind dug deeper into a thought.

"What," Erin inquired.

"We should do the coffee test." Erin's face lit up, mouth curled in a sarcastic smile as she pushed her eyebrows up.

"Yes."

"No," Antonio butted in. He'd managed to sneak in the back, evade their surveillance. Both women whipped around to face him, looks of disappointment when they saw Antonio was alone.

"Oh c'mon, it's a great idea. If he can't do that, no way he stands up to the job." Antonio rolled his eyes while he sat.

"Why are you two so interested?" They looked to each other, smiling as they turned to face him.

"Because the last two you brought up here were horrible."

"Look, he's not like the other two. He's got experience.."

"-Which isn't doing much," Jules interrupted. Antonio cocked his head, ignoring them as he continued.

"You'll like him." It was at this point Voight walked up the Intelligence steps, bypassing the friendly greetings and slamming his office door. The mysteries of Hank Voight were endless. He was a cop, but a crooked one. He was arrested, put away for a very long time till some higher up sprung him free. Rumors were floating around saying he blackmailed his way out and that he was still working both sides. Erin new some of it, the rest knew nothing. So for weeks now she was barraged, eventually threatening to quit if another question went her way. She looked over towards his office, not moving till Hank looked her way. He was mad and Erin felt bad for the poor shmuck that was about walk into it all.

…

It was like the first day of high school. He knew the drill, was familiar with the layout and nuances of a police district, but this one he'd never been in. Oh he'd heard the tales of the 21st district, but standing in its' doorway now things were not what he envisioned. He was prepared to walk into a dark, quiet, thick air of tension. People divided into desk, whiteboards, and the latest technological advancements. A spy movie was the closest comparison to what Jay concocted. But now, as he noted the drunk person passed out on a bench, and the vivacious cops practically running to their squad cars, the place wasn't different at all. Same frequent flyers, same numbers of spry cops, same snarky, older, brilliant desk sergeant behind the counter; and she made her recognition of him known.

"Hey you, freckles. Don't just stand there. I don't need a real life mannequin standing in the entrance way." Jay was taken aback, startled by her rude yet humorous demeanor. Just from that one line he knew nothing was going to get by her. She was in charge and he had to learn to roll with the punches. She reminded him of a commander from his past. The two of them were going to get along great.

"So what are you here for? Someone steal your fancy car or something?"

"Um, I actually work here." Her head shot straight up, the wind of it making the newspaper under her hands flutter. She scanned him head to toe, smiling in a condescending manner.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Antonio Dawson is expecting me…Sargeant Platt," Jay replied as he read her name tag. He smirked, cocking his eyebrows up in victory. In order to deal with people like this you had to be quick, throw a couple of punches every now and then.

"Here's the paperwork for my transfer and I filled out the other stuff for a hand scanner." He plopped the stack of papers on the counter, not breaking eye contact. She did another scan, liking what she found the second time. He was young, good looking, and fast. There was something different about him, like you wanted him in your life when things went belly up. He was tough and able to handle himself. In that moment, she knew he'd fit right in. She observed the paperwork for a couple seconds, seeing that things were in order.

"Ok Jay Halstead, scanner is over there, Intelligence department is at the top of the steps."

"Thanks," Jay replied, trotting over to the stairs and hesitantly putting his hand under the reader. The last thing he wanted to make was an embarrassing first impression. He felt Platt's stare, her judging eyes ready to detect weakness or something to ride him with for the rest of time. The hand aligned with the outline and soon the green light went off, the gate releasing its' lock. He looked over to Platt and curtly nodded, stepping into the other side.

"Welcome to the 21st, Jay." But he didn't hear, the shouts and questions from the top of the steps drowning her out.

"Hey man," Antonio greeted him, quickly rising and embracing him in a bro-hug, Erin and Jules mocking them.

"Aw, that's cute," Jules remarked. Erin just scanned. Antonio failed to mention the point where the newbie was attractive, very attractive. He was tall, athletically built, sporadic freckles and wavy, dark hair. He was a looker, that much was for sure. He turned to face her now, masked nerves written all over his face.

"Erin, nice to meet you.."

"-Jay," he replied, extending a hand and she took it, both of them making eye contact the entire shake. Apparently the attraction was mutual.

"And this is Julie Willhite, Jules for all of us."

"Nice to meet you, Jay." She offered a hug and he took it.

"That's just about everybody. I'll introduce you to Al when he gets in."

"I'm here," Al quietly shouted, swiveling into the middle of the room while peeling a pear. As mysterious as Voight was, the long time companion and sidekick Alvin Olinsky was even more so. He was quiet, using that to detail the most paranoid criminals in the city, and greatly succeeding. Also, he like to fly under the radar, slink in when no one was paying attention. It was rare to spot him coming into work, a lot of them joked he never left. Voight opened his office door now, resting his hip against the doorway as he took in the sight. He wanted to observe, see how this guy interacted with everyone. Antonio's track record was in the trash at this point, so every new contestant on the 'Intelligence Match Game' had slim odds. The kid was just that, a kid. He screamed green yet moldable.

"My office," Voight barked and everyone stopped, each looking to Jay for some type of reaction. Ignoring their scanning, judging eyes he walked, soon being told to close a door.

"So how do you know Antonio?"

"We worked on a couple undercover cases together when I was over at organized crime." Voight nodded, a moment of silence filled the room. Jay wasn't sure if he should speak or breathe or anything.

"How's the shoulder?" Jay's eyes went wide, a little surprised he knew. Things were kept under wraps, only the necessary people knowing. He was shocked to say the least.

"Um, fine. No lingering problems. If you don't me asking.."

"-I know everything." Jay nodded, wisely deciding to not continue.

"Ok, you're going to be paired with Erin today. You're taking a backseat today, no breaking down doors first or chasing down perps on your own. Just observe."

"Sounds good." Voight pointed behind Jay, finger waving at an standard desk.

"You'll be over there. Don't get comfortable though. I want go-getters, people that are going to put the legwork in, not outsource jobs."

"I look forward to it." Jay rose, had his hand on the door when Voight held him up.

"I don't need the polite, file and rank remarks. Just be yourself and do what brought you into this unit." Jay didn't reply, simply kept walking before sitting at the desk. Whatever amount of nerves he had bottled up were now springing out of his hands. It was all real, no longer was it a hypothetical situation. He was a member of the greatest unit in the city and the boss had it in for him on day one. Jay felt right at home. He rubbed his hands on the desk top, trying to play off the fact he was geeking out. Drawers were pulled out as Jay put things into them: gun, notepad, pens. Erin scoffed, rolling her eyes as she watched from across the way.

"He doesn't like when people are rule followers."

"Oh yeah," Jay replied?

"And what he really doesn't like are overly emotional people. This job is tough, you see and handle things you normally wouldn't in any other department. Find your middle and you'll do great."

"I'm not overly emotional."

"Yeah, which is why you're massaging your desk like it's the first day of school. The giddiness works well on you." Jay rolled his eyes, making her laugh a raspy tune. He loved it. It was the first time he'd ever heard it and yet, he adored it. Jules soon broke up the love fest.

"So Jay, we have this tradition up here. Newbie buys coffee for everyone."

"Ok, so right now?"

"Sure. Everyone gets normal, boring, black coffee. I'd like a grande coffee in a venti cup. The extra space is half milk half cream, two pumps of hazelnut and one shot of espresso. Oh, and a dash of cinnamon and chocolate flakes and it better be searing hot" The longer she spoke Jay realized this was a test, Erin's cocky eyes and Antonio's constant request for things to stop solidified the theory. Jay was out of his seat, grabbing his jacket and keys when Voight stormed out of the office.

"House fire in Cicero. Let's go."

…

It was comical that they called the scene a house fire because when Intelligence pulled up to the location, all that remained were remnants. 2x4s looked like splinters, scattered up and down the entire street, extending a couple of blocks to the north and south. There was a blank space where a house once sat, the neighboring homes resembling half of their former self. Whatever happened was loud, massive, and intentional. Smoke was billowing out of the home, a sea of firemen and truck lights set the scene. One by one members of Intelligence climbed out of their vehicles and convened around Chief Boden, all of them struck by the magnitude of everything.

"The call was a house fire, but when we rolled up we knew there was more to it. The house, or what was left of it, was burning. We evacuated the neighboring houses and were told this was a drug ring, a cook house for some cartel. That's why we called you in."

"Cooking that went wrong," Voight asked?"

"No, this was a bomb. Probably used C4, maybe a brick or two." Everyone turned to face the voice in the back, shocked the newbie was the owner of the voice.

"How do you know?"

"I've seen it before. Cooking drugs typically burns the place down, not extending the foundation outwards. Look at the neighboring houses and how deep it went into them. This was a bomb and it was probably planted. Any bodies?"

"One. In the basement."

"The cook most likely. The rest were probably destroyed in the blast and the evidence burned up. It's smart, killing competition with no evidence to prove you were there." Jay walked past the group, inching closer to the site and staring. Someone told him once that bombs all return to a center point, the place where the thing was detonated. Despite the width, depth, and breath of the bomb, it had to start somewhere. Jay stood still, watching crews toss out debris and hose down smoking portions. He wanted to yell for people to stop moving, but knew it wasn't his place. So he closed his eyes, traveling back to past snapshots for guidance. Erin met up with him, staring at his eye closing procedure and was weirded out.

"The fireplace," Jay finally spoke, turning to face Boden as the man called out the location. Several minutes later Severide confirmed the suspicion, alerting the group he found wiring and parts of a phone. They spent the next hours observing, capturing, talking, and gathering evidence. One by one members of Firehouse 51 crawled out of the scene, each asking who the brilliant bomb expert was. Intelligence wasted no time pointing them Jay's way.

"Hey, Kelly Severide. Nice pick up."

"Jay Halstead, thanks."

"So how did you know?"

"Past experiences."

"What, fire department? FBI?" Jay laughed.

"Rangers, two tours in Afghanistan. Saw about a dozen of these at least. You get the feel for things pretty quick." Erin yelled for Jay, letting him know they were heading back to the district. Kelly and Jay parted ways, the fireman amazed and impressed over the complexity that is Jay Halstead.

…

"You know I can drive, right?" Erin laughed, rolling her eyes as they turned the corner for the district.

"It's a territorial thing. Plus you're new so.."

"I've lived in Chicago my entire life. I know the layout of the land." Erin shook her head, refusing to back down. The 300 was hers, bestowed upon her by Voight. She loved it, she wasn't going to give up driving privileges that easy.

"Maybe another time," she replied, injecting false hope into the conversation. They pulled into the lot and marched through the back gate, winding through the maze of steps and hallways before reaching the office. Jay was convinced he'd get lost before finally figuring it out, which the building was probably designed that way. By the time they rejoined the group pictures, handwriting, and blueprints were scattered across the surface. Voight was talking to Antonio and Jules while Al was deep in his corner coring an apple. He was so not like the others that Jay was attracted to him, wanting to know what made this guy tick. A zen master was in his past, Jay was convinced.

"Owner of the house has been identified as Margret Steele. She was an eighty year old women who had no priors and no gang affiliation. But, according to her financials and tax returns she had a twenty year old grandson named Dylan. Now Dylan does have several priors, ranging from home invasion to car jacking. Last prior was a drug charge and he was a couple of blocks away from Southside Hustlers hot spots."

"Selling or buying?"

"Um, buying."

"So grandson goes to live with grandma, gets involved with the Southsiders and then what, becomes their cook? How does that happen so quickly? Usually cartels and drug dealers have a single supplier, typically based in Mexico or some outside country."

"That and no one goes from street seller to a major player in the gang. It's usually you get selected for that position. The highest he'd ever get is 'manager,' if you will. Like he'd be in charge of everyone selling on his block and take in the cash and distribute new product."

"Who's their producer," Jay asked, looking up from his notepad and pen. Erin looked at him funny, internally laughing at his writing down of things. Those were the days of patrol and organized crime, not Intelligence. But it was his thing so she let it slide.

"Mexican cartel. El Diablo.."

"-The Devil," Antonio and Jay spoke together, both surprised Jay knew that off the top of his head.

"They were raided two night ago. DEA had a long term operation on them, finally got the opportunity to take them down. What if the Southsiders panicked, knowing their product was about to run out, and grabbed this kid."

"It's a theory, but hardly one you could prove in court. That's like saying because there's a drought in one area of the world we have to conserve water here," Jules argued.

"Yeah, but we know their getting product from them."

"Ok, but how does the kid get involved in all of this?"

"Craig's List," Alvin blurted out. Everyone turned around to face him, eyes huge that Al was speaking.

"They put a listing on Craig's List disguised as McDonalds or something, saying they need a cook or cashier. You show up only to find out you've been hired by a gang, threat of life keeping you from leaving."

"Too bad we don't have the kid's computer," Jules commented.

"Hit the kid's school, odds are he did the browsing there. I want to know everything about him, who his friends are, what class he has all As in. We have a bomber roaming the streets, let's try to stop them before they hit again." Voight instructed Erin and Jay to head to Dylan's school while the rest worked on probable targets, narrowing it down to who or what organization would have the mental wherewithal and motive for blowing up a house.

…

"When he didn't show up for class I thought he was sick. Dylan was always here, never missed school." Her name was Olivia and she was sobbing into Erin's shoulder. From her level of distraught she figured to be the girlfriend. They were in a quiet classroom, Erin sitting on a chair with her as Jay stood a foot away, the notepad out and ready to dive in.

"Olivia, I have to ask this. Was Dylan in any gang? Did he know anyone who was?"

"No," Olivia quickly shot back, head shaking and the heaves came faster.

"He was a great kid. Funny, smart, had zero enemies."

"Did you know he was arrested for buying drugs?" Olivia looked towards Jay, completely surprised by the question. Clearly, she didn't know.

"Was he looking for a job? A part-time one?"

"He said something about it last week. I asked around and had a couple of ideas for him, but when he came to school on Monday he said he got it figured out. I don't know what the job was though."

"Does the school give out computers or do you have a computer hall?"

"The school gives us laptops for homework and research. The chemistry teacher keeps them in his office." Chemistry, the mental wheels were turning.

"Last question, did Dylan like chemistry?"

"Straight As." They thanked Olivia and took off, finding the chemistry teacher and talking him into providing them the computer. It took some mild threatening, but soon they were buried deep in the computer's history, finding the Craig's List theory to be correct. The ad was for a part-time job at a local restaurant, location details to be provided upon hiring. It was so obviously a trap, but to a young kid they didn't know any better.

"Get that computer to the district and have Jin get an IP address on the listing. We get that, we find the bomber," Jay instructed.

"Whatever you say, boss," Erin joked.

…

They were positioned outside a closed up restaurant on the southeast side of the city. It was the perfect place to conduct whatever business your heart desired. The street was a visual reminder of what was, the several empty businesses and broken up sidewalks told the tale of an aging area, one that had seen better days. People weren't walking down the street nor were there any signs of life around. It was as if everyone picked up their belongings and moved elsewhere, leaving their old town road to erode. Not even the police patrolled this area all that often. No point to tracking down high speed tumbleweeds.

Everyone suited up at the district, doing their usual thing of loading weapons and applying the proper protection wear. It was such a routine thing that it became second nature, talking about the case or personal life as they prepared for battle. But today, things were different thanks in part to Jay. He was so fast cleaning, loading, and securing both his rifle and handgun. It was meticulous and thorough, along with having a perfect rhythm. From start to finish he was ready in two minutes. They all stopped what they were doing and marveled, realizing this wasn't some doe-eyed kid who worked in organized crimes. He'd done this dance several times.

"Done this before," Al questioned? Jay smirked before collecting his gear and heading out. Erin noted the thigh holster and rolled her eyes, Jay was a real life version action hero.

They pulled up a few blocks away from the location, parking the cars around a corner and charging on foot. Jay and Erin were told to take the back, keeping in line with Jay staying on the sidelines. The rest would take the front, police coming in as backup. Al walked by the place first, finding things quiet and untouched. Erin and Jay moved first, tip toeing around the back while doing their best to not disturb the peace. There was broken glass, paper, and rocks all around the perimeter, each one looking like an easy item to wake the people inside. They found a spot twenty feet away from the backdoor, using flats and boxes to form a barrier. Erin radioed in their location, telling the others to breach. Jay looked to her and spoke in weird hand signals she'd never seen.

"What," she mouthed, Jay shaking his head in defeat. They listened to the front door get blown down, screaming and gunfire erupting in no time at all. There was cursing, thuds, and radio calls for people to move to other locations. The temptation to stand and run was there, but Jay and Hailey stood firm. Jay's training told him to help his fellow man, but instincts told him to wait, that the party was heading his way. Almost on cue, the back door slammed open, a scared and evil faced greeted the assumed free air.

"Chicago PD, drop your weapon and get down on the ground," Erin yelled! The suspect returned the command with gunfire, spraying his automatic weapon their way. Jay dove on top of her, listening to the bullets fly all over and missing them by a couple inches. His counted to five, knowing that by then the gun would be out, and then stood.

"You good," he asked? Erin nodding as she gathered her weapon. She took out her handgun and drew it, finding no one to aim at. Jay was gone, the suspect was gone. She took off in a direction, guessing this was the right way. She ran for several blocks, noticing kicked dirt and knocked over boxes were breadcrumbs along the trail. She shouted Jay's name, getting nothing in return. She radioed her location in, letting the unit know to move her way. This went on for several minutes, her chase ending at a back alley that dead ended into bricks. Jay was yelling, telling the guy to stop and give up. The guy lunged, another gun drawn and pointed at Jay, who shot him in the chest. Erin gasped, watching the large man collapse to the ground.

"You ok," she asked Jay, feeling for a pulse on the suspect.

"Offender in custody. Roll an ambo," was Jay's reply into a radio. Erin's hands were shaking, bypassing the blood seeping out of the guy's chest. It was thick, dark, and smelled bad; like something was dying. Jay picked up the guy's guns and held them, observing the type and numbers of bullets remaining.

"He's not dead," he commented without looking up.

"What?!"

"If I wanted him to be dead, he would be." Erin looked behind, completely amazed at the bluntness in Jay's assessment. The ambulance arrived when the rest of Intelligence did. Gabby and Shay hopped out of the rig, relieved at the sight in front of them.

"What happened," Gabby asked? She brushed a hand by Jay's, Erin narrowing her eyes at the sight. She figured out the reason Antonio brought this kid up.

"Told him to stop and he didn't," Jay replied. They quickly loaded him into the rig, the sound of a sinus rhythm beeping it's tune as the doors were slammed shut. Erin waited till the ambo rolled down the road before saying anything.

"You and Gabby?"

"Yeah," Jay replied, grinning wide. He walked away, knowing the next question. He wasn't brought up because of that, Jay reassured himself. Antonio patted Erin on the back, Jules hugging her as their job was done.

"Told you," Antonio victoriously proclaimed.

"Shut up," Erin shot back.

…

Voight was sitting at Jay's desk when he got back. It was late, everyone else had escaped to the roof of the district for celebratory drinks. Apparently it was a thing they did. Jay was assigned the lovely task of waiting for the suspect to be announced and in the hands of patrolmen. He did suffer a chest injury but would make a full recovery. Dr. Willhite was shocked, letting Voight know the very small areas on the chest one can be shot in and live to tell the tale. The bullet was nestled between the right lung and the heart, causing a lot of bleeding but zero structural damage. He went on to say whoever shot this guy was skilled, commenting how informed and accurate a shot had to be in order to do that kind of damage. It didn't take long for word to get back that Jay took the shot. There were still many unknowns with this Jay Halstead kid, but from the top down everyone wanted to know more. Antonio picked a gem of a person to fill the need. Questions of who trained him, where he came from, and how long he could stay danced in everyone's heads. But for tonight relishing in another victory would have to suffice.

"Sarge," Jay stuttered out, a little surprised to see the man at the office this late at night.

"So, first day on the job you manage to figure out the weapon, help track down the target and take him down in the best way possible." Jay shrugged, relaxing on the Jules' desk top.

"Team effort," he replied. Voight smiled, turning to face his new detective.

"Where'd you learn to shoot?"

"Columbus, Georgia. I was in the Rangers, trained in Fort Benning before shipping out to the Middle East for two tours."

"Saw action I take it." Jay nodded, his face relaxed to a point of daydreaming. Almost as if he had some big story to tell but was holding back.

"Still active?"

"No, I left after the second tour. Family needed me here and I was ready to come home." Voight rose, stumbled over to Jay and extended a hand.

"Welcome to Intelligence." Jay eagerly and happily accepted the invitation.

…

"Wait, so why go through the trouble of blowing the house up," Jin questioned? The rest of them looked over at him annoyed, finding it hard to believe this guy was their tech support.

"To make a statement. To cover their tracks. Once they got what they needed from the kid he was collateral. They couldn't have him alive or that house existing, so they used the brashest way possible to take care of things." Jin nodded, taking a sip of beer as he turned to face the city. It was windy tonight, hair and coats lofting into the wind. Leaves were being blown off of trees, signaling the end of autumn and the beginning of winter. The city was stunning tonight, it's millions of building lights and street lamps highlighting the dark skies. Will's Tower was lit blue and orange, showing their Bears pride for the season opener. This was the best way to view the city: atop a roof at the stroke of midnight. Erin and Jules were whispering and giggling, catching Antonio's eye as he put the glass bottle down.

"What?" Jules poked Erin who jokingly pushed her away. She shifted on her feet, smiling in a cocky way as she spoke.

"Gabby's boyfriend? You forgot to mention that part." Antonio stepped back, rolling his eyes as he groaned, which only induced more laughter.

"I wanted you guys to give him a fair shake. And was I not right?"

"Yeah, you're excused with this one," Jules said. The door burst open, Jay looking around before finding the group huddled in a corner. He pulled his jacket closer, arms crossed as he made his way to them.

"Nice shooting," Alvin started, handing a beer to Jay.

"Thanks," he replied, downing a gulp as they spoke.

"So your first case, how did you like it?" Jay swallowed fast, catching his breath before speaking.

"Good. Not as action packed as I imagined, but it was fun."

"What's your definition of action packed," Jules asked? Jay shrugged, smirking as he took another sip. Antonio raised his bottle, the rest joining for a toast.

"To Jay popping the cherry?"

"Huh," they replied in unison?

"Just clink." Which they did, looking to the other for some philosophical meaning behind the toast. Jay's face lit up, telling everyone to wait. He returned with a cup holder of white to-go cups, calling out names as he handed out the drink. He ran out of cups before getting to Jules.

"Oh, not bad newbie. But you forgot the most important one."

"Which is why I saved this one for last." He took out a large cup from around the corner, acting out how hot it was as he handed it off to her. She was amazed to say the least.

"Alright, you've got skills," she confessed. Her sip was small, but the searing hot grande in a venti, half milk half cream, two pumps hazelnut, one shot of espresso, dusting of cinnamon and chocolate shavings coffee burnt her tongue. This Jay Halstead kid could stick around.

**I tried my best to keep this abbreviated while having the storyline make sense. Abbreviated, abbreviated, abbreviated was the name of the game. I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I do apologize for the tardiness in posting this. I've had a lot of personal stuff going on this week, things that have kept me in a bad place. I'm not trying to make an excuse, just letting you know the reason behind my delay. Thank you so much for sticking with me!**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19- Oh Lord When Will I Breathe Again

**We're experiencing some technical difficulties with the comments. Like I receive an email that you guys submitted something but it never shows up under the actual story. I do apologize for that, but I am reading them and I appreciate them all! Hopefully it gets straightened out soon. So this chapter were revisiting another story, one of my favorites to write…probably ever. **

**_Anon: "In one of your stories where Jay had a heart transplant, there was a mention about Jay diagnosed with pneumonia and had to stay at Emory. I'd love to read up a story of that."_**

**So the story this reader is talking about is ****_Even The Best_****. I absolutely loved writing that story. It was an escape for me during such a dark and trying time. In some twisted way it was therapeutic to spill everything out into words on a screen. Just like the chapters of that story, this chapter's title is a lyric from a song that matches the mood. This one comes from the song 'Unconditional' by Freya Ridings. It's a relaxing, stunning song that jives really well with just about everything. Ready? I'm so excited to dive back into this one.**

_"__It wasn't that big of a deal and you were hours away and I didn't want to bother you." _

_"__Jay, it was pneumonia. You do realize how damaging that can be. Especially so soon after the transplant?!"_

It began as a simple inhale. The cough occurred in the middle of a session, at a very inappropriate time. A group member was pouring their life story out, truly experiencing a breakthrough moment when the lungs decided to expel the fluid from its' housing units. It took Jay by surprise, his face turned red as he apologized, clearing his throat in a way for the story sharing to continue. But then it happened again, a third time had him rising, doing his best to run without bringing anymore attention upon himself. He made it to the bathroom before the coughing fit died down. He found a stall and claimed it, feeling his chest while slinking down to the floor. It was a flashback in the worst possible way, one he never wanted to visit especially so soon. Through closed eyes he massaged his chest, absorbing the hasty breaths and elevated heart rate. Things were on the up and up, his life was being pieced back together, it couldn't go away that easily. He sat there till he lost track of time, the voice of someone in charge of his group yanking him out of his mental spiral.

"You alright, Jay?" It's important to note that not very many people knew about the transplant. The nurse handing out his medication and a couple of people in the administrative department were aware, but most of the residents of the facility weren't, per Jay's request. He didn't want to be treated differently and it wasn't something he was ready to share at that time. The response was the same he'd given for the last year.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He was falling back into his old ways, hiding important information from people who wanted to help. It was slightly ironic that he was backsliding in rehab. Jay sprung to his feet and opened the door, smiling as he washed his hands and walked out the door. He did his best to hide the growing fear he was in early rejection, failed to mention to people his body was sprouting aches and lethargy all over. He smiled when he needed to and responded with all the appropriate answers. He was playing the undercover game again and winning. Sleep came quickly that night, Jay pushing back the unspoken truth that he was getting worse, not better.

…

It was an absolutely freezing day in Atlanta. As much as the city is known for being hot a majority of the year, winter time in Atlanta is nothing to joke over. The humidity during the winter months goes against the city, creating much colder, bitter temps than what is predicted for the day. This type of cold goes right through you, hitting you in the core and residing there for a time. Couple that with an occasional whiff of wind an you're in for a dreary day. While it only lasts for a couple months, this meteorological nightmare is a great counter balance to the above normal heat. It's something to look forward to as you're a melting poolside. Today is was a steady downpour, the clouds painting the city varying shades of grey, black and wet. Atlanta looks stunning in the rain. The contrasts of the road, buildings and sidewalks against the trees and skies forming a picturesque watercolor painting. People were clutching their extra heavy jackets while some were running across walkways in shorts and a vest. It's the truth, just go with it. Cars were whizzing through the rain pools, orchestrating a symphony of wet asphalt, crescendos with puddle splashes, and softened car horns as the result of the thickness from the wet substance dropping out of the skies. Life was moving is slower motion, people complaining about the depressing winter day as they went about their rituals. But Jay was shut out from all the happenings of the outside world, focusing on forcing breaths out of his exhausted lungs as he slept the morning away. He didn't acknowledge the knocking on his door nor did he hear the step-by-step inquiring from the nurse. Her light touch on his shoulder finally stirred him from his half-slumber.

"Jay, it's time to take your meds." He rolled over to reveal a scary pale face, the darkest, deepest circles under his eyes. He was the living representation of death warmed over. He blinked and coughed, loud. Loud and deep enough to draw concern from the nurse.

"When did that start?"

"A…couple…days ago," Jay panted out. Air was so difficult to come by these days, the act transporting him back to those final days before the transplant. She felt his forehead, wincing as the skin was warm to her touch. A concerned face met his worried one, Jay acknowledged with a nod.

"You're what, eight weeks post-op?" He nodded again, dreading what was coming next. The nurse handed Jay his prescribed drugs and watched him swallow, extending a hand for him to grab.

"Let's, get you to my office and see what's going on." This was step one in the process. Jay already saw the writing on the wall. He'd end up on an ICU ward in some hospital connected to a ventilator in the early stages of rejection by day's end. In his sick mindset there wasn't another reason for why he felt so crummy.

It was a throwback to camp days, the bare room reminding him of sitting at the nurses' station with a gash down his knee. The room was almost comical, especially considering they were in a rehab facility, not a log cabin turned doctor's office in the middle of the Wisconsin woods. There wasn't an x-ray machine, substantial lighting, exam bed, or even the typical sterile smell to the place. It was a chair next to a rollback desk, a large, locked medicine cabinet on the opposite wall. All that was missing was the poor medical attention and puking, crying campers sitting next to and across from him. She gently pushed Jay into a chair as she searched for a stethoscope. The nurse rummaged through several drawers and shelves, before ending the search in a bag in the corner. Jay smirked as she nervously pushed the earbuds into her ears as she approached him.

"Haven't had to use these in awhile," she announced while pulling Jay's shirt up to get to his chest. The surprise from the scars was all over her face, but she didn't say anything. Jay coughed his way through the breathing exercise, apologizing as they had to keep starting over. From there body temperature, blood pressure, and a myriad of questioning took place before she excused herself out of the room. She was beyond her medical capabilities, that much Jay could figure out. How bad off he was had to wait for a bit longer. She returned a few minutes later with a phone glued to her hand and ear.

"Uh huh…yes…uh huh…yes. Thank you." Jay felt like Mia from the Princess Diaries waiting to be told the queen was coming to Grove High School. The nurses answers were one syllable mysteries, none of them providing clues as to what was coming next. Jay was eagerly awaiting her next syllable when she promptly hung up, flinging the phone at desk as she sat down.

"Is it rejection," he asked? Her eyes went wide as she shook her head.

"Oh, I don't know. That's a question for a doctor or surgeon, not me. But you are definitely sick and need more care than I can give."

"Oh," Jay replied, too drained to work up much more than that.

"Because of your situation we're going to send you to Emory. It's the best hospital in the area, perhaps the whole state. They're sending an ambulance now so we've got to get your paperwork and chaperone ready."

"What do I need to do?"

"Nothing. Just sit here. We'll figure out the rest." Normally Jay would protest, concoct some comeback that he was capable of taking care of himself. Perhaps it was the unfamiliar place, or the fact he felt to be moments from passing out, but Jay was silent. He sat back in the chair, falling into a hugging position as the crackling and tightness of his chest echoed in his ears. Everything was going according to the assumed plan.

…

His name was Matt. He was average in built, height, and demeanor. It was Thursday on his first week on the job. His days were filled with bed checks, standing in corners while people spoke, and making sure things were in line. It wasn't the craziest job he'd ever had, but one that was certainly fulfilling. As a recovering addict himself nothing was more rewarding and satisfying than helping others reach that point he was at. One day he wanted to be a group leader, but for now he settled with taking on the behind the scenes role. He was sitting in a session when his shoulder was tapped, whispers of a chaperone assignment dealt in his ear. Bags were packed in record time. The thrill of leaving the facility for a moment, going against the norm of things for a time was exhilarating. And now as he stood under the awning above the front door, waiting for his assigned patient to arrive, he was smiling at how much he loved this life. All that changed when he turned to see who the patient was.

"Oh crud," he muttered under his breath. Jay hadn't done anything, but rumors of him were seriously swirling. It was a thing the faculty did, research incoming patients. Not to form assumptions about people, but to get a feel for who they would be dealing with. Jay's research was great in depth. His military and police experience raising eyebrows, people joking he'd be trying to breakout any given opportunity. Matt wasn't working the day Jay arrived, but it didn't take long for people to size him up. He wasn't as built as people expected, but everything else fell in line. He was tall, able, and stunning, all the makings for someone who could cause trouble. But nothing had happened until today. So as Matt watched the nurse rest Jay against a brick wall before turning to face him, he couldn't help but feel this was going to be a ride. Whether it was Jay or himself, one or both of them was going to eventually hate the other.

"Here's his paperwork with all his medical background and restrictions. Do not leave him, got it?" Matt nodded.

"Alright, the ambulance should be here any minute. You'll be in good hands, Jay," She encouraged, patting his shoulder a final time before escaping to the warmth of the building. All the answers were housed in the file, just begging to be pried open. Matt went as far as cracking the seal when Jay spoke up.

"HIPPA says you can't do that." Matt rolled his eyes.

"Sorry."

"It's fine," Jay laughed.

"I'm kind of in the business of digging through people's lives."

"Oh yeah?" Jay nodded, standing up and strolling a couple of steps.

"Police detective." Matt nodded, turning his focus to the rain in front of them, his eyes dancing from the sheets escaping down the awning to the driveway of the facility. Jay's deep, multi-layered cough bringing things back to the questions.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. Kinda wish people would stop asking me that."

"Why?" The ambulance interrupted Jay's response, both of them turning to glare down the lights and sirens. Things were calmer than expected, the medics slowly stepping out of the rig and greeting the shivering men waiting for them. Before long Jay was escorted to the back of the rig, Matt gathering bags and handing off paperwork. The party rolled off into the rainy morning, Jay a look of silent misery, everyone else not too far behind him.

"What happens with all of this," Jay quietly asked as they pulled away. Matt glanced over, noticing the twinge of worry in his voice.

"What, the program?" He received a nod.

"Will I have to stay longer now that I'm leaving for however long?" In all honesty Matt wasn't sure. This was unfamiliar territory for him, but he didn't want to give Jay's hopes up.

"Let's focus on getting you better. We'll deal with the rest in time."

"Heard that before," Jay mumbled, another cough erupting out of him. The twenty minute drive from the facility to Emory was weird, for lack of a better word. For starters, the last time Jay rode in an ambulance he was unconscious and suffering from a heart attack. So to be awake and sitting up, staring at motorists outside the back window was odd. Furthermore, the mood in the vehicle was out of the norm. Typically things are frantic, people shouting updates as alarms dictated the speed of the ride. The lights and sirens were per the norm, but everything else was different. The Emory doctors never called in and the paramedics weren't even tempted to update the other end. They all rode in relaxed silence, each passing off looks to the other, seeming to agree that this was weird, but enjoyable. Jay would occasionally cough before clutching his chest, but for the most part he was quiet. This whole day was a throwback of the unfavorable type. All progress he'd made since that day vanished, seeming to be back at the beginning in the blink of an eye. The guilt was there, the idea that his actions from a year ago were still altering his future were just about shouting. For lack of a better word, Jay was disappointed. He obeyed the rules, did everything people and recovery told him to do, and yet here he was sick and on his way to dying…again. It was hard to not feel like he did something wrong, making the drive the perfect time to inventory recent life, scouring for hints or moments of slip-ups. As Piedmont Park, Virginia Highlands, and other wooded, stunning pockets of Atlanta rolled outside the ambulance window's Jay was gone, time traveling through the entirety of his life.

…

Hospitals are all the same. Certainly they vary in wall shades, personnel, and hospital bands, but at the foundational level they all were the same. Beginning in the ambulance bay, there's always the same eager nurse and begrudging doctor, half ready for what the other side of the doors entailed. There was always a crowd of sick, worried people in the waiting room, begging to know things. The floors and hallways of these places were always nonsensical and dizzying, your mind on a constant jog to remember the correct twists and turns. The only thing different about this place was it was lacking in one person: Will. Jay realized this as he was escorted onto the elevator. There wasn't a friendly face waiting for his arrival, an always present source of help and information was not going to be residing with him for this stay. It was up to him to be attentive and understand things, a fallback wasn't going to be there to catch him. All of Will's lecturing and explanations had to be put to use now. Jay walked himself into the ED and remained that way till they reached the ICU floor. The staff was concerned with the decision but went along with it. Jay was brought to a quiet corner of the ICU floor, told to change into his favorite article of clothing as hospital bands and medical histories were taken. Matt was in the background with the bags and blank expressions.

The removal of the shirt perked his eyebrows up, the connections quickly being made. He knew Jay was in trouble, thus the reason for rehab. But there was another side to the story, the still healing incisions telling a more tragic, or colorful tale. Jay felt his shock but decided to ignore it. Now wasn't the time to tell his tale, especially if another chapter was in the works. The two men made eye contact, but Jay's turn to the medical staff told Matt to back off. A curtain for privacy was drawn, Jay silently thanking whoever for the layer of fabric between the truth and the inquirer. Nurses handed off Jay's clothing to Matt before long, pulling back the curtain to a familiar scene: Jay the hospital patient. He was embarrassed, nervous, slightly uneasy about the day's unfolding. People were tucking him in as Matt sat in a chair, a bit off guard himself. For a first off-sight assignment, this one was a doozy. Before long an important looking person entered the room, the hushed tones and departing nature of the staff alerting Jay this was someone high on the medical pyramid. A cardiologist or infectious disease specialist at the very least. A nurse was inserting an IV as the significant person greeted him.

"Hi, Jay. My name is Christina Long and I'll be your doctor this visit. What seems to be the problem?" She rubbed a stethoscope against her palm, warming the listening device before sticking it on his chest, instructing Jay through the learned exercises.

"Woke up pretty tired, lacking in energy, and I can't stop coughing." She nodded as he spoke, almost as if she knew the answers before he said them. Her touch was soft yet precise, knowing the exact spots to listen. In seconds she was rattling off numbers and codes that even Jay hadn't heard before.

"From your chart your about eight weeks post-op, correct?" Jay nodded, feeling another deep cough coming along.

"Did you have any other open procedures before the transplant?"

"Had an angioplasty about three weeks before, BIVAD surgery a week or so after that." She put the stethoscope away, inspecting the rising and falling of his chest as he spoke. Embroidered on her white coat was 'Department of Cardiothoracic,' confirming Jay's suspicion that he got the top doctor working on him.

"That explains the small arrhythmia. You went through a lot in a small amount of time."

"Is it rejection," Jay nervously spilled out?

"No, she chuckled.

"Well, not at this moment. Based on the tightness, mucus, and timeframe of things I'd say you have pneumonia. We'll get x-rays to confirm but I'd say that's the culprit. Because of how soon you contracted this after the transplant we're going to keep you on monitors and a pulse oximeter and probably add a couple of medications just to be safe. You haven't missed a dose of the anti-rejection meds, right?" Jay shook his head.

"Good, we'll have you switch over to intravenous doses while you're hearing, just so you don't have to worry about that. Rejection is a possibility anytime you get sick. Just like your body needs to heal, the immune system needs time to adjust, often times longer than everything else. You probably got a cold that transitioned into pneumonia quickly because of the reduced immune system. Who was your surgeon?"

"Connor Rhodes."

"Gaffney Chicago Medical Center?" Jay nodded as a nurse inserted a cannula under his nose.

"Ok, he's certainly qualified. Let's get the testing out of the way and then we'll get in touch with him." Dr. Long practically twirled out of the room, doing nothing but bolster Jay's spirits. Even under the threat of rejecting the heart Jay couldn't help but feel rejuvenated. Once again his shortcomings found him in a situation of fortunate circumstances. He might be in trouble, but very capable hands were ready and able to help. He smirked for the first time since entering the foreign hospital, his happiness a stark contrast to poor Matt. He waited till the room was occupied by two to speak.

"You had a heart transplant?"

"Yeah. Eight weeks ago." Matt's mouth was open, ready to ask the obvious when Jay butted in first.

"I'll tell you later."

…

"Hey Jay, how are you feeling?"

"Like crap," Rhodes signature laugh broke through the phone speaker. Dr. Long's phone was in the middle of the crowd, the doctor and her assistants on one side with Jay and Matt on the other. The monitors behind Jay were loud, projecting the all too familiar sounds of a newly transplanted, but sick heart. It wasn't the beat Jay first heard waking up the morning after and that kind of scared him. But reassurance from everyone told him it was the infection, not rejection.

"I'll bet," Rhodes replied.

"X-ray shows pneumonia and a pretty good case at that. Heart rate is too elevated for my liking and the arrhythmia is back. Also his oxygen is lower than normal. I want to start him on broad spectrum antibiotics and a beta blocker. Maybe a high-flow to help with the breathing."

"Sounds good, except I'd start him on a low dose of the beta blockers. I typically don't put new transplant patients on those till six months after, but a low dose shouldn't do too much damage."

"Two milligrams per hour?"

"Yeah, that's fine. And the high-flow I'd wait till tomorrow. His lungs like to do their own thing and I'm afraid too much at once will only make things worse." Dr. Long silently chuckled as Rhodes spoke, snapping her fingers before handing off medication instructions for the nurse to acquire. She was down the hall when Christina resumed speaking.

"Alright, send over his medical files and I'll keep you updated on the progress. Oh, when was his last post-op exam?"

"Fifteen days ago."

"Did you do a biopsy?"

"We did the stress test, blood draws, EKG and ECG. Biopsy isn't scheduled till after he gets back."

"I want to do a biopsy on Monday. The infection should be gone by then and I want to make sure things are good before I release him."

"That's fine. We'll keep ours scheduled for when he returns." The whole time they spoke Jay was in a phone tennis match, rotating his gaze from the phone to Long before starting again. He wasn't completely aware of what all they were about to put him through, but the failed mention of a ventilator was promising. Perhaps the assumed plan wasn't going to be followed to a T.

"Do you want me to contact Will or are you," Rhodes asked, taking Jay out of his game.

"Leave him out of it for now. I don't want him to worry when its' not that big of a deal." Jay realized he was downplaying things, ignoring the fact he was in the ICU having difficulty breathing. If anything, he didn't want two worried Halsteads sitting in this room this weekend. Best to keep Will in the dark for as long as possible.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. If things get worse then I'll call him." Rhodes was reluctant, his exhale seeming to encourage Jay to reconsider, but they all knew that wasn't going to be the case. The group bid their farewells before going their separate ways, leaving Jay to overthink the coming hours and days. The nurse had returned by now and was administering the medication, Jay keenly watching as the bags of salvation began the dripping into his wrist. Dr. Long had one foot out the door when he spoke up.

"I don't want to be put on a vent." She snapped around, face a vision of surprise.

"Oh, I don't want to put you on one till I absolutely have to. That'll probably make things worse, not better. We're going to keep you on the cannula for now and switch over to the high-flow machine tomorrow. It isn't an intubation, I promise." The drugs Jay was on were making him chill, overly chilled to the point of drifting between realms. He got as far as nodding before the eyelids grew heavy. Christina took that as her cue, waving to Matt while sliding the door shut. Matt realized Jay wanted to sleep but the curiosity couldn't stay in anymore.

"Are you up for talking?" Jay shook his head, eyes glued shut as he relaxed deeper into the pillows and bedding.

"Later," he mumbled.

"I'm too tired to think. Sorry you got stuck with me." Matt completely agreed with the sentiment as he watched Jay roll onto his side and go completely limp.

…

The high-flow machine was wheeled in the following morning, kicking up anxiety in Jay's system. It was so similar to a ventilator. The size, sound, and preparation before its' insertion truly mirroring its' intubation counterpart. Jay was dozing when it was pulled in, but wide awake as the nurses set things up, waiting for Dr. Long to get things underway. The night was not restful for anyone in that room. Jay fell right back into the flow of things, the mental alarms going off for an impending check-in or IV bag refill. The level of ease was unsettling to him, a bit embarrassed how smoothly he got back into the rhythm of hospital life. He got that a lot happened not that long ago, but the fact that he knew the interworking of these places upset him. By check-in number four or five Jay was sleeping through the nurse's exams and her moving around the room, just doing what he did eight weeks ago. For Matt this was his first hospital stint in some time, so his sleep pattern resembled that of a newborn: sleeping for two, three hours before stirring from the sound of the sliding door. He was groggy and a bit cranky when the sun poked through the window that morning, doing his best to hide things from Jay. After all Jay didn't intentionally drag him to this place in the city, and he certainly didn't invite a potentially deadly infection into his system. It was just apart of his life for the moment so Matt did his best to just go with things.

What did keep Jay awake was the coughing. When he entered Emory his chest was tight, the mucus and fever hindering him from feeling alive. But by the midnight hour he was full on gagging on things coming up. What began as clear gunk became green and yellow thick puss, proving the antibiotics and small dose of steroids were working. A particular coughing fit ended with Jay shaking, looking down at his hands and noticing the mucus color was brownish red, red flags flying the banner of rejection in his mind. Dr. Long was paged for that one, her rushing not doing anything good for Jay.

"Let's take a listen," she calmly spoke, opening the back of Jay's gown as he shakily breathed. Her forehead scrunched, robotically shifting the stethoscope right to left, asking for silence as she closed her eyes and listened.

"Up his steroids to ten milligrams per hour. Also get a breathing treatment plan going."

"Stage three?"

"Yeah," she returned, stepping away from the bed as she typed into an iPad.

"What's wrong," Jay asked?

"Because of the infection your lungs aren't opening all the way and your bronchial tubes aren't contracting. In fact, they're in spasms, or tightening when they should be relaxed. The steroids are going to help push things open while the breathing treatments will help relax things, making the exit of the gross stuff better and faster. I do need to warn you you're going to feel really exhausted. Because we're adding more steroids I'm also going to up the beta blockers a little more. I don't want to elevate your heart rate anymore but we need to get this infection gone." A nurse picked up on the beta blocker cue, scurrying out of the room to retrieve the drugs.

"So the brown stuff?"

"Was probably from the transplant. It's a messy operation, not uncommon for old blood to come up weeks later. Probably won't be the last time."

"Is all of this bad for the heart?" Dr. Long contemplated, showing her thinking through the tilting of her head.

"It's not ideal, but it's not permanently damaging anything. We're keeping a close eye on things, but the best thing for you right now is getting better. We'll deal with aftermath when we get there." It was early by now, Jay honestly not caring what happened next. But as the hours ticked off he wished he'd had. Varying by the hour Jay would swing from completely knocked out to super jittery and insomnia. It was the mixture of beta blockers and steroids and breathing treatments taking him on this seesaw ride. So whatever peaceful sleep he intended on having that night was thrown out the window. Thus the reason why the room was dripping with emotions as the high-flow contraption was set up. No one wanted to see what was coming next nor did they find solace in the machine's entrance. At that point it was just another element to add to the restlessness.

"You ready," Dr. Long cheerfully asked? Jay just nodded, closing his eyes the doctor sat on the edge of his bed. In simple terms, a high-flow machine is like a typical cannula flow but on steroids, word totally intended. The oxygen is heated and humidified and pushed into a patient's lungs in tune with their breathing pattern, forcing air into the oxygen deprived body. Because of the high-flow, or speed of oxygen entering, the cannula is strapped around a patient's head, meeting at the nose. A large, ventilator-like tube is connected at the nose and snakes back to the machine. Dr. Long held out a hand for the cannula and was rewarded in no time. Jay twitched his upper lip as the small tubes were inserted into the corresponding holes and strapped around his head. The power of the machine caught him by surprise at first, his gagging and choking making everyone else giggle.

"It's tough at first," Dr. Long reassured, patting Jay's back as he figured out the pace of things.

"You can talk while it's on, but you'll be labored. We'll turn it off when you have to do a breathing treatment. We'll keep this on for twenty-four hours and go from there."

"I feel like I'm going to blow up," Jay joked, earning him another round of giggles and smiles.

"Literally everyone says that. You'll get used to it." One by one the medical staff trickled out of the room. IV bags and monitors were stared at before promises of check-ins were spoken. It was noon by now, Matt growling stomach letting him know it had been a full day since his last meal. He rose to rummage through the backpack, finding his wallet and sneaking out of the room, wary of Jay sound asleep state. His foot was out of the room when Jay stirred.

"Are you getting food?"

"Yeah."

"Can you get Chick-Fil-A?" Jay was wide awake now, a look of dejection and fatigue. Matt couldn't help but feel really sorry for him.

"Sure. I can get DoorDash to deliver." Jay nodded, adjusting in bed as another shot of air kicked into his lungs.

"Just get whatever, I don't care."

"Ok, I'm going to stand outside for a bit, wait for the food to get here."

"Alright, I'm not going anywhere," Jay yawned, smirking as he fell back to sleep. Matt practically sprinted down the hall, destination fresh, non-sterile outdoor air.

…

"I can't wait anymore," Matt confessed, looking up to Jay who was slurping the remnants of his Arnold Palmer. Since Jay was checked in neither of the men spoke very much, nothing above one word confirmations or short phrases. Some of that had to do with sleep patterns, but for the most part Jay just wasn't in a talking mood. His mind was in another time, racing through unanswered questions and having to deal with going through the UNOS process again. Try his best Matt saw right through him. While he figured Jay wasn't much of a talking, his lack of anything was troubling.

"What?" Matt gave him a stern look, realizing this was going to be a tooth pulling session with Jay.

"I'm going to look in that file if you don't tell me." Jay attempted to sit higher up in the bed, placing his cup on the tray as he untangled himself from the IV lines and monitoring cords. Matt sprung from his seat, offering a hand to grab and Jay accepted. It was a brief flashback to life with Will, and Jay actually took comfort in that. He nodded that things were fine, Matt propping up the pillows as Jay maneuvered the high-flow tube to the side of his mouth, allowing him to speak a little more freely.

"How far back do you want to go?"

"The beginning." Jay took a breath and began. From a redacted story of his job and the DEA case to the night before he flew down to Atlanta, nothing was left out. Albeit the story was streamlined, the forceful oxygen acting as the metronome. The flow rate swayed like a wave, slowing for a couple of minutes before crashing into the walls of his lungs. Jay often closed his eyes when that side of things occurred, Matt reminding him to take his time. By the end Jay was wiping away tears, focusing more on the bed or contraptions on his hand than the person he was talking to. Matt realized this was self therapy, probably the first time he told his story to a stranger. He knew the feeling, had done it in a different season of his life. So he dared not speak or interrupt, letting Jay have the stage. It was only after Jay relaxed back on the pillows and asked for a tissue that he finally added dialog to the conversation.

"Why are you crying," he gingerly asked? Jay unhooked the cannula before blowing his nose.

"Because it's insane to verbalize the last year of my life; a time that I'm not proud of at all."

"Totally get it, was in your shoes not that long ago." Jay stopped his reattachment of the cannula, looking over to look at Matt surprised.

"Well, maybe not in an ICU ward, but I struggled with drugs too."

"What was your rock bottom."

"I hit a van full of kids, waking up in a hospital handcuffed to a gurney. No one died, but on top of doing time I went to rehab. Was in and out for a couple years before I finally got things turned around. Why haven't you shared your story with people?" The pulse oximeter was fascinating again, Jay's drug stupor pulling him out of the conversation and into euphoria.

"Pride, embarrassment, fear of being treated differently. I get that I went through a lot, but I don't want to be babied. It's apart of me, not all of me."

"Spoken like someone who gets things." Jay smirked.

"Just try it, you'll find the more you talk about it, the less it has a grip on you. This is a poor choice of words, but talking takes a big weight off your chest, makes you feel like you can breathe again." A laugh evolved into a coughing fit, Matt apologizing while holding the Chick-Fil-A cup out for Jay who gulped the liquids down in record time. Alarms were going off, nurses racing into up doses and start another breathing treatment. Matt was beet red with embarrassment at this point, convinced he just injured Jay with words. He stood in a corner as the medical staff brought things down to calm levels, asking numerous questions while instructing Jay how to breathe. A bit later things died down to their usual norms. It became apparent to Jay he had to be the one to re-break the ice, become the common sense in the situation. He found it funny how quickly their roles reversed.

"Definitely feel like I can breathe again." He looked over at Matt sitting in the corner, amazed the guy was balled up for such a long period of time.

"It's going to take more than that, Matt. You're going to have to try harder next time." That one got to him, mischievously grinning as he stretched out his extremities.

"It's on," he jokingly replied.

…

Today is Monday, the day Jay wasn't entirely looking forward to. Over the weekend the fever, achey-ness, and coughing finally broke, granting him permission to remove himself from the high-flow machine. Sound, deep, healing sleep was finally achieved last night, his chest no longer caring a heavy burden, but calm and normal again. But as the sun shone through his hospital window Jay couldn't help but feel the dark cloud over his head. The snippet of information pertaining to this day was troublesome. Jay had done the blood draws and scans enough to perform them himself, but the 'B' word, the biopsy sounded daunting. Had he known the level of follow up care a heart transplant entailed, he'd have considered the whole thing more seriously, Jay humorously thought. Never had he visited so many doctors and taken so many prescriptions in such a small amount of time in his life, but this was his new normal. Certainly when he got back to Chicago things would continue to fall back into a typical rhythm, but for the time being he couldn't help but feel like a vessel housing a new organ rather than a human being. Matt was in the process of packing up the room when the testing began. By now everyone had learned of Matt's fear of blood, his brush with passing out over Jay's bloody coughing session proof of that. From there Jay always made a point of warning Matt when blood related things were incoming, this morning being no exception.

"You can step out if you'd like," he warned Matt, the poor guy not wasting time to dart out. His back became Jay's focal point during the draws. They weren't exactly pain-free and it was a large amount they had to take. Jay watched the needle dig into his skin before finding his thing to stare at. The nurse did her best to make small talk, comment on how much better Jay looked and ask about his time in Atlanta, but Jay never lost focus of Matt. He couldn't help but feel guilty, almost knowing Matt would be quitting after this weekend with him. A firm press on his arm indicated the draws were over, Jay raising his forearm up as the nurse collected the vials and exited. Jay prematurely waved Matt back in, because as his bottom met the room's chair Dr. Long entered the room with a tray housing a scalpel, catheter parts, and a rather large and long clamp device.

"Oh dear Lord," Matt spoke under his breath, Jay truly laughing out loud as Matt scurried away. He was further down the hall, doubled over with his head resting on a railing. Part of Jay thought it was an act, the goal being to entertain and distract Jay; which was working rather swimmingly.

"We're not doing this in an OR," Jay asked, eyes glued to things that would all too soon be entering his body.

"That's the beauty of the floor, we can do minor stuff like this right here."

"Minor?" she laughed while donning gloves.

"It's not as scary as all this looks. It'll take a couple minutes." Long story short, a heart biopsy is the retrieval of heart tissue, gathered to analyze the liveliness and health of the organ. The procedure is almost exclusive to post-transplant check ups, being the best way to analyze the heart itself without opening a patient. The tissue is very small, collected in an area that will not damage the rest of the organ. If done right there shouldn't be any bleeding and the removal sight will heal on its' own. Dr. Long explained all of this to Jay as she laid the bed flat, removing the pillow out from under Jay and instructing for lights to be turned towards Jay's chest. She offered Jay a relaxant and he took it, eventually admitting to being nervous. Surgery was never intended to be done awake and Jay wanted no clear memory of this happening. That welcoming euphoric state returned in no time, Jay soon floating in and out of things. He grew to hate it, its' relaxing and numbing qualities bringing him back to a time he was trying to overcome. While most people would find that loss of control calming, Jay was quickly coming to a point of hating it. This literal moment of losing touch with things was scary, something he swore to never let happen again. While this was in a very controlled setting and for good reasons, Jay couldn't help but feel like he was betraying himself. But then again, it was the drugs and fear talking, Jay concluded. He soon realized he was going way too philosophical and he could've just as easily said no.

"Here's the lidocaine,' Dr. Long announced, plunging the needle into Jay chest.

"Okay," Jay responded much later than he should have, evidence that the relaxant was doing its' job. At this point Jay would blackout. He swore he never closed his eyes, but things went in and out. He remembers seconds of people talking, a small amount of pressure, and then more talking. However, those memories were stand alone scenes, the parts in between completely blank. Jay felt very much out of his own skin, feeling like he was watching a movie. It was all too much for his liking. So instead of sticking with it all, Jay decided to pass out for a bit.

…

"Jay! Hey man, it's done. Wake up!" Matt was nudging, no, shaking him awake. It had been two hours since the biopsy and Jay hadn't stirred, not even moved since Dr. Long found Matt to tell him everything was done. The body in the bed didn't acknowledge him when he returned but Matt didn't think twice about it, actually relieved to see Jay had a breaking point as well. He packed the room as quietly as possible, doing his best to keep Jay asleep. But as the first hour went by Matt couldn't help but feel concerned. Hour number two he visited the nurses' station, eyes wide as he told them something might be wrong. Dr. Long's soon return didn't help things much, seeming to confirm things. So it's easy to see why Matt was shaking him against better judgement. Better to harm something than continue in naive danger.

"What," Jay moaned. Dr. Long smirked, taking a seat on the edge of Jay's bed as his eyes lazily blinked open.

"You scared your friend over here."

"Sorry," Matt butted in, Jay sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"You got tricky there at the end so I had to dose you a little bit more, but everything went well. We won't get results till next week so I'll send the information to Dr. Rhodes and I'll contact the facility. Other then that, everything looks good, really great actually."

"Ok." Jay was so out of it all, he was proud he managed to squeak that much out.

"Ready to get out of here?" Jay's eyes popped out over that one.

"Really?"

"Discharging you in a couple hours. Pneumonia is gone and you just need to sleep the relaxant off. No reason to keep you here longer than you need to." The eyelids won the battle, Jay getting as much as a nod in to Christina's reply before he went limp. Matt thanked her on Jay's behalf, both of them laughing at Jay's snores before they went their separate ways. Nurses came in and disconnected Jay's IVs, the sleepy one zonked out though the whole thing. Matt got an outfit out for Jay to change into and had successfully stacked everything into a corner when Jay jolted awake.

"Whoa," he replied, looking down at his band-aid speckled wrists and arms. He marveled at his level of sleep, amazed he didn't feel any of them come out.

"You're a deep sleeper," Matt observed.

"Only when I'm in a hospital," Jay shot back. As he became more alert his chest signaled that it was sore. Jay tugged off the gown to find the culprit, the white patch of gauze from the biopsy.

"The doctor said the stitches will fall off in a week or so. Just to keep it dry till then." Jay nodded, knowing the drill by heart now. Pun was totally intended.

"Thanks for all this, Matt. I hope I didn't drive you to quit," Jay yawned.

"No, this was actually kind of fun."

"Want to trade places," Jay joked?

"No, but this all did solidify that this is what I should be doing. It's fun getting to help people." Jay nodded, reaching for the shirt at the end of his bed and beginning the redressing task.

"Let's do it again…just not here." Matt eagerly nodded.

"Want to get some Chick-Fil-A when we get out of here?"

"Is that a serious question?"

**I love being from Atlanta, the great food being one of the reasons. Treat yourself to some Chick-Fil-A today. You'll not regret it. I hope you guys enjoyed this one because I had a blast writing it. The title has multiple layers. For obvious reasons, the title is referring to his lack of air from the pneumonia. But on a deeper level, this chapter's title was about him opening up, actually talking about things with a stranger. The group of people that knew everything was so small and prior to this chapter, he kept things hidden. That guilt, shame, and secret was doing a number on him, not allowing him to freely live. Sure, he'd gotten better since the beginning of that story, but in actuality he was aways off from being himself. Part of the recovery process involves talking, discussing things with qualified people who are there to help. So for Jay, that unloading phrase began with Matt and continued with the rest of the people in his path while he was in rehab. Through truly adapting the rehab process, Jay was able to breathe again. Not be looking over his shoulder to see who may or may not be seeing him in that weakened state. I hope you guys got that through this, and enjoyed learning a little more about Matt! He was inspired by someone well known in the Atlanta area, hint hint. Ok, I'm going to stop talking. Thank you so much for staying with me! Onto the next chapter. **


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20- Don't Leave Me Here

**Right off the bat, I'm slapping a whole bunch of warnings on this one. First warning, this is going to be a very long story. I'm still debating if I should divide this into two parts, but regardless this is going to be a big one. Second warning, this is going to be a very, very, very heavy topic. When I first read this prompt I was shocked, in a mixed way. The underlying theme of this prompt is extremely personal. I have lost family members because of this. I have other family members who are struggling or have struggled with this. Getting even more raw and personal, this has been something I have dealt with recently. Something that I'm still having to come to terms with and managing. But for me, speaking and writing is everything. You can only keep things bottled up for so long. At some point, regardless if I want to deal with things or not, it all has to come out. So in a way, this story is that release. I get that this is such a hard topic and I completely understand if people don't want to read this. Everyone has a different way of dealing with things and I very much respect that. So if this is at all going to be a trigger or something that will become a negative influence in your life, do not read it! I repeat, ****DO NOT READ THIS**** if you are triggered by this in any way.**

**I kept shoving this story further down the line, trying to talk myself out of this idea. But the more I tried, the more it all came together. I go back to a pillar of my writing beliefs, bad things happen. People, characters need to be pushed every now and then. This is one of those times. So having said all of that, let's share the prompt(s). **

**_OneChicagoPD: "What if a good friend of Jay's from his military days killed himself/someone shot him in front of Jay and the team was also there and saw his reaction while he broke down. It would be cool if Al was alive too!" _**

**_Lila17: "Although I miss Mouse how about when Jay gets a call that Mouse has died and the team tried to be there for him. Maybe a suicide attempt in between somewhere." _**

**_Guest: "Would you ever write a prompt involving Linstead?"_**

**Ok, so these are the pieces that'll be used to craft this story. I am going to say this, I will not be seriously writing about the act mentioned above. I will not dive into details, nor will there be a play by play. You'll get the idea, hints dropped about what happened, but I will never write something in detail about that. Ok guys, let's go through the tough one together. Hand in hand, passing the tissue box to the other. Let's do this.**

The human brain is a fascinating creation. On top of being able to store a lifetime amount of data and concoct one's emotions for every given moment, it has this freaky, amusing ability to predict the very upcoming future. For example, a word or phrase can pop into your mind and within a very small amount of time that thing plays over a radio, is spoken in a conversation, or a television show brings it up. It's a crazy phenomena that can be amazing, amusing, and scary all at once, depending on the situation. As Jay drove himself into work that gloriously rainy July morning he found himself living this future telling brain trick. At the time he wasn't aware, but as the day all too soon progressed, he'd come to realize his mind was readying him for battle, internally preparing him for what would become the worst day of his life. Yes, worse than losing his parents, far more terrible than the day that doesn't want to be talked about, this day was going end up ranking at the very top of the list.

A person, a face tattooed on his mind flashed across his mind. He hadn't heard from him in awhile, the last communication lasting seconds with the reception being terrible. He was in a valley, thousands of miles away deep in enemy territory. Jay's mind time traveled, stopping at the last day they worked together.

_"__You know maybe Voight's right. Maybe I need to just clear out of here." They were in the break room, where most deep, personal discussions took place. A few weeks back Greg brought up the idea of reenlisting, reason being that the unit needed him. After medically discharging him the U.S. Army wanted him back. It was his purpose, his reason for existing. Despite Jay's best efforts, and both their past experiences, he wanted nothing more than to answer the call again._

_"__What are you going to do with your felony record. You going to go back to boosting stereos?" _

_"__That guy on the board could've been me when I came back. High, doing something stupid and dangerous." The idea was so out of left field that Jay was taken aback. Knowing what all it did to him, for the life of him Jay could not figure out why Mouse was so bent on going back, willingly submitting himself to that kind of environment. Furthermore, the guilt and train of thought he was on wasn't doing much to convince Jay this notion was a smart decision. _

_"__Greg, that is not you! That's not you now." They went at it a couple more rounds, one trying to outdo the other. Looking back it was senseless. Both were equally stubborn, neither going to let the other one win. Had Erin not come in a full on, fist blowing fight probably would've happened. _

_"__Listen, what you two went through and what you carry is real. And you know that if you ever need my help carrying it you just have to ask me. Why are you not listening to him?" _

Love makes you do crazy things. It puts you in a spell strong enough to let you best friend and closest, most reliable ally march off to battle with a very real risk of never seeing them again. Back then, Jay broke because of her reasoning. Caved because her argument was solid, was a key to keeping their thing harmonious. But now, as he sat in the car alone, watching a thunderstorm roll by, he could not ignore the shouting voice of mistake. He wasn't sure why today his mind rewound to that time. Perhaps of the recent loneliness or the fact he and Mouse had become distant since then, but Jay found it difficult, impossible to see that vapor in time as a mistake. The emotions were there, the heaviness was all over his face as he rounded the turn for the district. It was the funny thing about living with that kind of past. Some days were better than others, today looking to be stacked in the bad day files. He waited till the vehicle was parked and off before picking up the phone. Scrolling through his contacts he found the number, the blue numbers begging to be selected. The heart told him to move, but the mind convinced him otherwise. No point in going back, it'll only make things worse. He locked the phone, gathered his coffee cup, and headed for the back door. The promise of a serious case loomed over, Jay accepting its' distractive nature.

"Don't sit," Hailey told him, Jay's butt hovering inches above the seat.

"Why?" The remark was snarky. The morning's commute still lingering.

"Reports of a man with a gun on the roof of an apartment building in Pilsen. Voight wants us already on the way."

"Why didn't they call SWAT, crisis negotiators, people who's job it is to actually handle that?" Hailey stopped in her tracks, whisking around to make eye contact with him.

"Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of life today." She gave him one of those 'explain' looks and he pushed her off, storming past and heading back to where he came from.

"Let's go," he practically barked! Those within earshot flew back, shocked that level of anger and attitude was coming out of him. By the time Jay secured his gear and weapons the rest were already in their unofficially assigned cars, filing out in a single procession. The rain was coming down in sheets now, thunder clapping overhead as Jay slammed the truck's driver door. Hailey had her hand on the handle when she hesitated. Jay looked at her wrong, the final string that broke her understanding.

"I'm going with Voight. Get your head on straight," she hissed at him through the closed door. Jay rolled his eyes, putting the truck in drive and flying out of the lot. He realized she was right, but wallowing in his anger was more enticing at the moment.

…

On the way officers on the scene radioed to the unit that the shooter was on the west side of the roof, facing in the same direction. Jay took their directional message to mean park on the opposite end, hoping to maintain the allure that the shooter wasn't under the police's watchful eyes. The building was unrecognizable when Jay pulled up. Just another hipster renovation in the reviving area of the city. It was painted white, scaffolding lining the street letting people know work was being done, a beautiful masterpiece was being brought back to its' former glory. Cars were stacked two deep in the street, cars honking their way around the parked vehicles and construction activity. Jay found an alley and stopped, not wasting time to get out and help. Eyes were fixed on the sky, squinting and rapidly blinking against the pouring rain. He figured the shooter would be somewhere near the edge, the only way people would've been able to notice them. If the shooter was serious, anyone that stumbled upon him on the roof wouldn't have been able to call for help. His quick scan around three fourths of the place resulted in nothing, confirming the shooter was either still on the western side of the roof or had ventured in to drier cover.

By the time Jay reached the front door of the place a small crowd had gathered. It was a workday so most of the crowd consisted of police officers, construction workers, and the building's workforce. The small number of tenants offered a sliver of relief, less chance of innocent lives being hurt in their homes.

"Anything," Jay asked, shaking the rain out of his hair and arms.

"No gunshots, no reports of injuries since the last call."

"Which was when?"

"Five minutes ago," Antonio answered.

"Intelligence will take the lead, the rest of you stick close. We'll go floor by floor. Jay, you take the lead," Voight commanded. He wasn't sure why or how he was granted the task, but wasted no time in responding. His gun was drawn and head was nodded before he broke the building's airspace. Hand signals were made, flanking different divisions of the search party in various directions. Some took the elevator, others were instructed to the lobby and basement, Jay, Hailey, Alvin, and a couple of officers took the stairs. It was a straight shot to the roof, Jay having every intention of getting up there first.

The climb was slow, every turn and stair rise was met with caution, each person leap frogging over the next while their guns were drawn. Senses and scenarios were on overdrive, the smallest sound causing everyone to jump. Hesitation and silence was their lifeline. As long as the mood didn't change, and the anticipation grew, things were clear. Along the way people would whisper into the radios, clearing floors and alerting the others they were on the way. The closer they got to the roof the more apparent it became that the shooter was at the end of their trail. The loudest clap of thunder boomed as Jay's crew made it to the roof's door. Everyone jolted, faces shielding embarrassed smiles in an effort to maintain their mindset. Jay looked to each person while gripping the door handle.

"Ready," he whispered. Uncoordinated head nods answered back. Jay took a breath, gripped tighter, and the moved, not ready for what the other side had in store. The scene was not what they expected: it was clear. Of course it was raining still, all of them drenched in a matter of seconds. But what made their skin crawl was the lack of a shooter, or anyone for that matter. Perhaps it was a trap. Ideas of a prank swirled in their mind. Jay felt their nervous, questioning stares propelling him to venture onward. He'd take a step and stop, ready for the gunfire to greet his presence. But it didn't come so he continued on. He did this procedure for ten steps, meeting an exterior corner of the stairwell before long. His head bobbed around the turn, goosebumps their largest yet when his eyes met the outline of a figure. He retreated to safety, vigorously nodding his head that he'd found the target. Another breath, a strong grip on his weapon, and he took the leap of faith, stopping in his enemy's line of fire.

The person was turned away from him, so his first look was their back. It was a man, that much Jay knew. He was sitting cross legged on the ledge, seeming to almost be at peace in the chaotic, loud environment. The reported gun was in the man's right hand, the silver handle glinting against the steady raindrops. The longer Jay stared the more familiar the guy looked. The height was about what he remember. The overall build of the body was the same, perhaps a few pounds lighter than their last connection. The hair was awry, evidence of either the pouring rain or a lack of upkeep. A sharp crack of lighting lit up the sky, the mystery man jumping and spinning his upper body around in admiration of its' splendor. It was at the tail end of his gazing into the heavens that they made eye contact. His face was so sunken, a beard dripping wet like a dog, but it was undeniable him. Jay shook, panic thumping wildly in his veins. In a split second he went from being in control of a hairy situation to full on, pure and utter shock.

"Greg?" Jay's gun adjusted in his hand, the grip on it weakened from the shakiness of his body. Jay blinked, expecting to wake up in his own bed, but the lids revealed the exact same scene. Had he not been the leader of this search party he'd have run towards Mouse, grabbed and dove to the safe side of the building. But alas, Jay knew any sudden movements would do far more harm than good.

"Put the gun down, man. It's me." Mouse responded by rising, his toes curled around the ledge of the roof. He kept his back to Jay, still looking up in an effort for the rain to hit his face. Heart rate was absolutely flying by now.

"Greg! Don't do this. It's just you and I, ok? Please put the gun down." In seconds Jay realized it actually wasn't just the two of them catching a cold on this roof. He was one of a few dozen cops, each of them carrying at least two weapons. Whether Mouse was in a catatonic state, PTSD dream, or far more serious, the worst thing at that moment was for Mouse to feel the aim of a few hundred guns. He was already in a terrified, isolated, dangerous place, the addition of the calvary was going to send him over the top. Ever so carefully, doing his best to not scare Mouse, Jay turned to face the growing herd behind him.

"Put your weapons down, now," he calmly yelled, not flinching till they all holstered. From there he waved his hands, urging them to get out of Mouse's sight. They didn't in the beginning, the seasoned members of Intelligence giving Jay those helpless looks. A few dozen reassuring nods gave them the signal he had things under control, which was the farthest thing from true. But eventually, it truly was Jay and Mouse alone together.

"When did you get back," Jay asked, advancing towards Greg inches at a time. Mouse didn't respond, but decided to turn towards his friend and roof mate. The evidence of trauma was plastered all over his face. His eyes had lost the sparkle, resembled a corpse or empty person more than the character Jay knew and respected. He was rail thin and anemic looking, proof that he'd let himself become an after thought. There was this lack of life to him. His movements were mechanical. There wasn't that twitch or heightened awareness to his person that they'd all grown to know and love. No, the person in front of Jay was the definition of a shell. A person who'd seen better days, looked to be at the end of his rope. Emotions were bubbling to the surface as Jay locked eyes with Mouse.

"Greg, I can get you out of this. We can figure out whatever is going on. Please hand me the gun." Jay stretched out a hand, now within a couple feet of the man on the ledge.

"Don't leave me here," Mouse whispered. Another bolt of lightning shot across the sky. Its' forks went in four different directions, the most stunning streak yet. The other side appeared to be calling Greg home. In that second Jay figured it all out: the reason behind the mental entertainment on the way to work. He was under the spell of the creepy future predicting brain trick. His mind was preparing him for the very thing he feared. His mind was looking out for him, placing peace in something when he wasn't even aware of its' need. The memory took him to a far different time and place, where both of them had hope in their paths. A fork in the road of their relationship, both choosing their path and eagerly taking it. All air was taken out of Jay's lungs, putting the pieces together a fraction too late. The tears blended with the rain rather perfectly.

"I'm not leaving you," Jay gasped out. Greg nodded, looking down at the gun in his hand before looking back up to Jay. He tossed the gun towards Jay who jumped out to grab it. When he looked up, Mouse was gone.

…

This was a side of Jay they'd never seen before: agony. He was screaming, calling for Mouse as he darted towards the ledge. His hands grasped where Mouse's feet once were, head peering over the edge for just a second. He was resting his head on the brick line by the time people arrived, Hailey and Antonio reaching him first and hugging hard. His body was right below convulsion state, his breathing sporadic and heavy. Words came out at timed intervals, each being as random as the last. People who knew the backstory were on their knees, heads nestled in their hands as they mourned for their former comrade and friend. The rain was dissipating, almost as if it was waiting for Mouse to join the clouds. Everyone was soaked and shivering but none of them took concern. It was all about the aftermath now, solving the mystery of Mouse's final moments. Nothing was adding up, this was never a side or possibility in Mouse's life story. So it was easy to see and understand the shock, disbelief, numbness. In the blink of an eye lives were forever changed.

At some point Jay registered that people were gathered around him. The crying didn't stop, but the body was slowly coming back down to reality. Hailey was whispering in his ear, apologizing and comforting him. His response was to bat her, and everyone, away. He didn't want sympathy nor was he the one who needed company at that moment. His head finally left the brick wall, a nice red, egg looking line was display across his forehead, the result of practically throwing his body against the harsh surface. The legs found their mobility, the upper body signaling to its' lower half it was ready to move. It was a glacial pace, but Jay was soon on his feet and moving off the roof. He found the stairwell and jogged down. A promise had to be kept, the least he could do for the person who was always there. The roof door banged open as Jay was three floors down.

"Jay, wait," Alvin's voice softly echoed down the stairwell. A snide remark was on the tip of Jay's tongue but the exhaustion and determination staved it off. He kept reminding himself to take things a step at a time, focusing on reaching his target rather than ponder the questions. And if we're really going to get to the heart of things, the guilt. New floors were greeted with a thud, Jay jumping the last couple of steps to reach Mouse that much faster.

A small part of him was convinced this was a joke, that as he opened the building's front door his alarm would go off, a missed phone call from Mouse being the correlation to his dream. But as the lightened world met his puffy eyes, realization smacked him. All of this was real and happening, there wasn't a universe where what happened on that roof didn't occur. A small crowd had gathered around the body, Jay sickened over people's desire to gawk at things of that nature. He yelled for them to move and they darted away, like roaches seeing light for the first time. Jay stood still a couple inches away from Mouse. The picture in front of him doing negative things for him.

"Don't leave me here," spoke into Jay's mind.

"I'm here, Greg. I'm not leaving you." A new batch of tears spilled over as Jay collapsed next to Mouse's left side. He grabbed the hand, heaving deeply as he felt its' fading warmth. By the time Alvin and the rest of Intelligence caught up Jay was leaning over, hugging while sobbing into Mouse's ear. He was aware he was messing with a crime scene, but that was the farthest thing from important. In a way, he let the event transpire the way it did. Life has a habit of getting in the way of things. Minuscule roadblocks create barriers in one's life, thwart any notion of keeping big promises. Like when a child goes off to college, promises of keeping in touch and visiting home frequently become forgotten in a month. Jay gave Mouse his blessing with the unspoken promise of keeping in touch, frequently checking in with the other side of the globe. But as the cases stacked up and his personal life went up in smoke Jay would admit to forgetting about Mouse. The occasional memory or undercover case brought things back into Jay's peripheral, but for the most part they went their separate ways, sadly become independent people not long after.

"I'm sorry, Mouse. I'm so sorry," Jay cried into Mouse ear, praying his friend's final audible memory was his apology. He let the one solid, reliable person in his life down. Worse than that he came in at the very end, entering a time too late. His mind took him on another trek down memory lane, acting as a cruel guilt trip.

_"__I promised I'd take care of you when we got back." They were at his apartment, a case of beer in to the night. They'd reached the point of talking crap, letting every thought fall out of their lips. Copious amounts of laughs and eye rolls filled the spaces between the talking. Mouse looked over at him, the dopiest sloppy smile plastered across his face. _

_"__And I appreciate it, Jay. But the last time you got me a job.." _

_"__-This is nothing like that, alright? This is a real job with actual people. No clowns this time, I swear." _

_"__What hoops do I have to jump through? Do I have to go through the academy?" Jay shook his head, downing another large gulp of beer before replying. _

_"__Just be you. Do what you do best. They'll love you." Mouse extended the tip of his bottle, Jay clinking his a moment later. _

_"__Thanks, Jay." _

…

The coroner's van pulling up to the curb was what got Jay to finally move. He must've laid over Mouse for at least half an hour, his screaming joints letting him have it. They were so tight, assistance from the others the only way he could be pried away from Mouse. Jay made it to a sitting position by the time the gurney was curbside. Jay never let go of Mouse's hand, clutching it as pictures were taken and initial exams were conducted. Every couple of minutes people would urge for Jay to move, remind him of the procedures and restrictions of the job. But all Jay would do is shake his head and squeeze harder. To this day, the crime scene photos show Mouse, the ground, and Jay's hand holding tight in the left hand corner. Perhaps it was the military drilling, the engrained promise of never leaving a man behind, but absolutely nothing was going to keep Jay from not being by Mouse's side, especially at the darkest of hours. It was when the corner reached the point of needing to take the body that Jay let go, in a complete daze as he watched Mouse get escorted to the back of the van. Voight offered a hand for him to grab a hold of and he accepted, the two men coming to an embrace as the back doors slammed shut.

"I'm so sorry, Jay," Voight spoke into his shoulder.

"I'm not leaving him," Jay whispered. Voight got the message, this is where Jay was leaving him. For today, and the foreseeable future, he wasn't a member of Intelligence working on another case. He was a friend, family member grieving; a person who needed time. In all honesty Voight was going to force his detective home regardless. He was the first to pull away, nod his head before turning away from Jay. That urge to not leave Mouse was growing now, Jay's legs jogging to the van before he realized it. He rapped on the window and a surprised face nodded.

"I'm gunna sit in the back," Jay yelled against the closed window. Before the coroner could respond Jay had rounded the back, opened and closed the door. He took a seat before placing his hand on top of the cold plastic. The duo's final trip together was upon them.

Hailey was off in a corner, observing the scene. She wasn't totally aware who the victim was, but based on Jay's reaction it was someone close. But it was everyone else's demeanor that had her puzzled. Kim was being comforted by Adam, who was emotional himself. Veteran officers of the twenty-first were walking around in a fog, head shakes and shoulder shrugs giving away their uneasiness over the whole thing. No one wanted to talk about it, let time and the silence do that for them. Hailey couldn't help but feel very much the outsider. Everyone was in on the back story, except for her. The gravity hadn't hit her yet, the tears she shed were for Jay, not the person they stumbled upon up there. She wanted to ask but feared a verbal attack. So there wasn't any other option other then to remain silent and in the back, hoping in due time people would fill her in. Voight found her observation location, striding straight for her with a commanding look.

"Go with Alvin to the coroner's office. He doesn't need to be alone." Hailey knew the article Voight was talking about was Jay, completely agreeing with the instructions. She wasted no time removing herself from brick wall she was resting on. Just like any other person struck by something of this magnitude, loneliness would be the thing to break Jay, sending him down some terrible path. Al was halfway to the car when Hailey spotted him. He rested at the passenger side of the vehicle and held the door open for her. She climbed in, giving him her best impression of a brave face. The world was absolutely silent as they slipped away, traveling from one grave situation to the next. She waited till they were well into the trip to inquire.

"Did you know him?" Alvin nodded, eyes glued to the road.

"His name was Greg Gerwitz, Mouse for everyone who knew him."

"I take it he and Jay got close?" Al actually smiled, nodding as he made the left hand turn onto Michigan.

"Jay's the one that brought him into the unit. He and Mouse were in the military together, practically brothers. They saw a lot, was the person each other could rely on. It's hard to not come away from an experience like that and not view your teammates and fellow soldiers as family." Hailey moaned and rubbed her eyes as Al spoke, now feeling the weight of everything.

"Oh my word…"

"Yeah, Mouse went back a year or so ago. Their old unit needed a specialists and Mouse answered the call. Jay didn't want him to go, knowing what the first round of war did to them. But eventually he gave his blessing."

"Why didn't Jay go back?" Al shrugged.

"War is a tricky thing. It changes you, whether you realize it or not. For some, they return home normal, a newfound appreciation for life in this country. But for a lot of people, Jay and Mouse included, return to civilian life is difficult. So to reach that level of normalcy and then willingly through yourself back into the beast that altered you is insane, nonsensical for a lot of people."

"Yeah." The reminder of the ride was silent, Hailey's tearful sniffs being the thing that broke it. Even with a cliff note version of things, she couldn't fathom the world of hurt and disbelief Jay was currently residing in. She only prayed he'd ask for help before it was too late.

…

The office was cold, for obvious reasons. Cold helped preserve things, keep evidence as fresh and precise as possible. It only took one trip in a T-shirt to remember to wear a jacket the rest of your visits. But today things felt to be a tick or two below normal. Jay was shivering, clutching to his wet vest and long sleeved shirt in an effort to warm himself. He realized this had everything to do with the person he was escorting to the table, but still he took the effort to alert the coroner of his observation.

"Did you guys turn the AC down or something?" She was a stern woman, almost always blunt with her delivery of things. Her extensive time on the job pretty shaped the person she was today. Nothing surprised her anymore because she'd truly seen it all. But what came out of her mouth wasn't per her norm which took Jay by surprise.

"Oh I'm sorry. I can change it if you'd like." Someone told her. Someone called or texted her on the way over or before she pulled up to the scene. This was her way of helping him, apologizing for what happened this morning. Jay didn't want pampering or sympathy. He wasn't the one that needed the assistance, that would be held for family, friends, people who were there for Mouse when he needed it most. Jay wanted to spew all this out, let her know the reactions he was getting were so inaccurate. But instead he just shook his head, nodding for the slow march to continue. They walked down the main entrance before hooking a left, maneuvering down a series of hallways and entry points before reaching the final destination. The coroner went in first, grabbing the foot end of the gurney and pulling Mouse in. Jay's hand was on the door when she stopped him.

"Detective, I get the situation with this victim but I think it's best you wait in the hall." As much as Jay wanted to protest, he knew she was right. What was the point in staying with Greg. The damage was already done. As valiant and persistent as his efforts were, he was too late. No small act of kindness or constant hovering was going to bring Mouse back. In his mind he failed him, plain and simple. All of this was to make himself feel better, Jay mentally shouted at himself. A final glance over her shoulder was made, snapping a few million snapshots of the body residing in that room. This wasn't the first time he'd left Mouse alone, but Jay figured out this would be one of the lasts. He took a step without knowing, the stern woman holding a hand up to block.

"Sorry, I'll be right out here," Jay spoke, eventually taking that backward step. He found a chair some ten, fifteen feet away. The collapse was quick, his body exhaling as he folded into a heap. The place was quiet, peacefully quiet. Jay figured it was out of respect, the stories that ventured up and down these halls were sad and deep enough to keep any source of happiness away. This didn't hit him till just now. This was a place where things became real, a place where crazy notions or disbeliefs vanished at the folding down of a sheet. Lives of those who made it were forever altered. Final tales of the fallen were written in this building. The guilt was creeping in, reminding Jay that Mouse wouldn't be here had he'd done more, made a better effort.

"Don't leave me here," echoed in his head, the drenching rains and panic being felt against his skin again. He was about to get up, march into that room when a streak of light lit up the dimmed hallway, Al and Hailey appearing right after. Both ends of the hallway stopped, not sure who should make the first move. It was like a game of Russian Roulette, except without the deadly finale. Jay just stared, Hailey noting the lack of personality and presence to him. A wave would've gone down as being rude, so she did her best to nod, reassure Jay they were there for him. Al did what he does best, bypass the rules to get what he came for. Ever so slowly he brushed past Hailey, eyes dancing between the passing windows and the floor under him. He reached Jay and kneeled, getting eye level with him.

"Jay, what do you need us to do?" Things were serious when Al didn't call you 'kid' or 'man,' so Jay knew his question was legitimate.

"Someone needs to call his parents. I know they were in southern Illinois a few years back, but I remember Greg saying something about them moving. I don't remember where though." His voice was eerie, sounding like an answering machine rather than Jay Halstead. Al patted his arm as he nodded, Jay too busy blinking back tears to do much more.

"We'll get in contact with them." Hailey took a seat on the floor, claiming the spot to the immediate right of Jay's chair. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, not in the mood for small talk or history lessons. Hailey figured that out before taking a seat. In the most friendly of ways she placed a hand on his thigh, drawing his view towards her.

"Do you want me to get a change of clothing for you?" Taking an inventory of himself, it finally dawned on Jay he was wearing rain soaked, blood stained clothing, making him a definite sight. He wiggled his toes in his boots, listening to the squeak of water logged soles.

"No, I can get something when we're done here. Thank you, though." He did his best to smile. It was sad and forced, but Hailey accepted it. He was truly trying, nothing more was needed at this time. The silence filled the hallways once again, stifling any ideas of a conversation. Al moved to the left of Jay, the trio creating a hilly line of zombie-like people. They'd occasionally sniff or scratch an itch, but for the most part the group sat in complete stillness, letting their thoughts permeate the atmosphere of the place. Only when the coroner reentered the hallway did they dare to budge.

Jay shot up at her presence, some part of him hoping for a conclusion; an answer to the blatant question. What happened this morning wasn't in line with the person Jay knew. Despite everything Jay's grief stricken mind told him there was more to the story. Her eyebrows shot up at Jay's sudden movement.

"I won't have anything till tomorrow. Sent blood samples off to the lab for testing. I did find a wallet and his phone is cracked. Figured you guys might have some success with it." Jay jumped in first, claiming the objects before stepping back. The trinkets connected him with Mouse once again. Al thanked the woman for her efforts as Hailey rubbed Jay's back. Flipping open the wallet revealed a smiling Greg on the driver's license. Based on the hair style Jay knew it was taken not too long after he joined Intelligence. He was happy, there was optimism and contentment in his eyes. Jay's eyes wandered to the address on the card, knowing the combination of words and numbers by heart. He went on the long Saturday excursions across the city with Mouse, scouring for the perfect place for him before landing that one west of the city. It wasn't the building they found him on today, which in a weird way comforted Jay. At least the place wouldn't be a vessel for bad memories. A photo of he and Jay was the final straw, the items crashing to the ground as Jay fell into another sobbing pile, each fist pressed into an eye as he shook with tears.

"I failed him. I let him down," Jay coughed out between breaths. Hailey wasn't sure what to do or say. On the one hand, telling Jay otherwise wasn't going to help, only Jay could change his mind. But on the other hand not saying anything would solidify his declaration. She hugged him, tight, and kissed the top of his head, looking to Al for guidance. A shoulder was tugged on, Al's soft and unbending voice speaking into Jay's ear.

"Come on, let us take you home." Jay shook his head, kindly pushing them away as he stood.

"Let's go back to the scene. I'll take the truck home." The time to protest was upon them, neither of them remotely thinking that was a good idea. Hailey shook her head, Al sighed in silent disagreement, but Jay wasn't having any of it.

"I can do it. Let's just leave." Rising revealed the glass door into the room, Jay standing there for a couple minutes. Mouse was concealed by the white sheet, taking the eternal nap. His curtain had closed, the only thing left was for the end credits to roll. There wasn't anything Jay wouldn't do to rewrite history.

"He's in good hands. Let's go," Jay told his protection detail.

…

Life has resumed its' normal pace when the trio pulled up to the building. Someone had cleaned up the sidewalk, the police tape was being rolled away, and the numerous police cars and undercover vehicles had dispersed into the city. Pulling up now, one never would've guessed a violent, heart breaking crime took place here mere hours ago. People were walking down the sidewalk, headphones and Airpods nestled into their ears. They'd walk around the freshly cleaned spot, but for the most part paid no attention to the scene. Jay was offended in a way. People didn't care, their evening plans or weekend appointments being stacked higher than the real pain and sorrow that the day was unfolding. They literally were walking on top of the place where someone inhaled their final breath. Life, the world, is harsh and hectic, allowing very little time for people to grieve. Not even a day could be allowed. When most thing like this happen politics or inconveniences are brought up before the clock strikes twelve. Jay shook his head, telling himself he was in no frame of mind to speak or work. He distracted himself with finding the truck, noticing it wasn't parked where he left it however many hours ago.

"Where is it," he asked as they all stood on the sidewalk. Hailey looked down to her phone, speed texting before returning her gaze to the building in front of them. She was shocked Jay wanted to come back here, especially so soon after the tragedy. Al took a few steps closer to the spot on the sidewalk, seeming to be replaying the events in his mind. He began with looking up at the rooftop, head slowly descending to the pavement in front of him. He went to touch the brick wall, head snapping when he felt Hailey quickly reach for her buzzing phone.

"It's parked around the corner. Kevin said the keys are in the glovebox." Jay nodded, deciding to not say goodbye or thank his protection detail for their work. His gait was slow, almost as if he didn't want to leave. His body was screaming for them to call him back, say they needed his help after all. But it never came. In fact, those observing eyes said the exact opposite to each other.

"This is a bad idea, letting him go on his own. Someone should be with him." Al shrugged, turning around and heading back to their car.

"He's not fit to work and he knows that. He needs time, alone. The best thing we can do for him right now is get answers." Hailey stood there till Jay disappeared around the corner. Looking back, she should've listened to the voice in her head telling her to run after him.

His ice cold coffee cup was the first thing to make him space out. It was the final item he held before life went belly up. He stood on the driver's side of the truck, taking in the sight of the vehicle. It was a mess; gear, papers, and cords decorating the front row of the truck. The back was filled with black bags and battering rams for door breaches. Mouse always got on him for keeping his cars a mess, joked that after years in the military he still couldn't maintain cleanliness if his life depended on it. The apartment was clean and organized so long as a big case or collection of smaller ones weren't in his life, his car the exact same way. Jay laughed at himself, now seeing things through the eyes of Mouse. He was completely right, able to profile Jay better than he could. His response was to grab the coffee cup and papers, finding a trash can somewhere down the sidewalk and tossing the items. He returned and climbed in. It wasn't spic and span but it was better than before. It was on the drive home that things took a dark turn. Recollection and reminiscing transferred to guilt trips, that day Mouse spilled his ideas onto Jay ringing in his ears.

_"__Jay." _

_"__What's up?" The day was a hot one, forecasters calling it the hottest day of the year. Jay and Mouse were in the back of the district, walking to their assigned vehicles to assist in the searching of a missing girl. Jay joked about his hopes for the van having AC. Mouse was hesitant, like he was hiding a secret. His delayed call for Jay was the moment things couldn't stayed bottled anymore. _

_"__I just…look, just so you know I've been thinking about going back in." _

_"__In where?" Jay wasn't dumb, he knew exactly what Mouse meant. The question was to verify if the assumed place was the actual. _

_"__The Rangers. Sergeant Ortiz reached out to me, said he's putting together a tactical unit. They need a coms specialist." The mood was lifted in Mouse's world. No longer was he carrying things, hiding them from the person he confided in most. He was excited, nervous, ready for the opportunity to throw things back to the old days. Jay was experiencing the exact opposite._

_"__Are you serious right now?" _

_"__I've just been thinking man, what am I going to do? Join the academy? Be a thirty-one year old rookie? Come on." He was now on the defense, giving Jay a small amount of reasoning behind his decision. _

_"__Over there I've got stripes." _

_"__Do you forget what it did to you? Depression, can't sleep at night, you want that? You want to be calling me at three in the morning? Can't sleep you're popping pills.."_

_"__-I'll learn to deal with it." _

If today was any type of indicator, Jay was spot on with his argument. There are times he hated being right, this one he resented the most. The question of why bounced in his mind. Why didn't he push harder for him to stay? Why didn't Mouse reach out to Jay when he got back? Did he think Jay would be mad, hate him for going against better judgement? Jay was at a light when that last one popped in. He choked on his tears, pulling over when the light turned green. The convulsions returned, much deeper and heavier than before. In that moment, Jay believed that Mouse in his final days saw Jay as an enemy and judge. It was the only thing that made his lack of communication make sense. He regretted how he went about things, wished he'd done the debating in a different place and time. Listened to Mouse and calmly, lovingly explained how he felt about the idea. But as the case so often went, Jay dove in wholehearted. Took his convictions and tried his best to make Mouse conform to his beliefs. Jay hated himself, hated that he severed his strongest and best relationship without fully realizing the ramifications of his words. Actions do speak louder than words, but oh how painful those words can be. Thank goodness for Erin stepping in when she did, because Lord only knows how much worse that situation could've gotten. But as the tears died down and the shaking became manageable, Jay told himself no amount of could've, would've, or should've thoughts would fix things. Mouse was gone and he had to accept that; embrace his roll in things. For the remainder of the trip home Jay fell into a commuter coma. He couldn't recall a single speed he drove nor the number of turns and lane changes. He was gone, drifting between guilt and hatred.

…

The closet was quiet, the softness of the room acting an absorbent for this thoughts. His venture into the apartment was quick and unmemorable. Upon opening the front door he kicked off his boots, hearing the water splash in the inserts as they struck the wall next to the basket. The kitchen was his second stop, selecting a beer as he worked his way down the hall. One by one articles of clothing were shed. The vest went first followed by the shirt in the hallway before the socks were discarded in the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror in nothing but jeans, he despised the person in the mirror. He wasn't allowed to be happy, live a normal life again. The person looked drained, as if they had the worst day on earth. His face was pale, eyes and nose swollen from the emotion expelled that day. He hadn't eaten all day so his upper body appeared thin, depleted of its' fueling sources. But he resented him, wanted to punch him for still existing after a day like this. His response was to hit the mirror, which he did in no time at all. Shards of glass littered the sink and countertop, Jay taking the time to stare at his bleeding hand. The blood wasn't pouring out, but a steady stream was trickling down his fingers and wrist. Pain felt good, necessary for the moment. Mouse endured the worst kind of pain today, a small hand gash was the least Jay could endure. Rubbing the red substance on his stomach Jay entered the closet, bringing himself to _the_ place.

He stood in that room for at least an hour, the next couple of hours spent laying on that carpeted floor thinking. His mind played and rewound Mouse's final comment over and over again. If Mouse was mad at him, feared Jay would lash out because he was right, why did Mouse do what he did. Why carry a gun to the roof of a building neither of them knew and then wait. Perhaps it was a play to get Jay see him, marvel at the mess he'd become because of the way they separated. Sure, Jay eventually gave him his blessing, but the arguments and malicious words would always sting, resonate in the time line of their friendship. Or was it an ultimate cry for help, a caving to the truth. Mouse was different, mentally harmed because of his return to the place that changed him.

And then there was the 'here' dilemma. Where was here? Was it the roof? Was it earth? The afterlife? Where was this location and why after everything did Mouse not want Jay to leave him. So many codes, too many mysteries for his brain to figure out tonight. Jay shook his head, looking down at the now crusty, dry, brown blood stain on his middle as he rose. Clothes were selected randomly, a slow march to the hallway commencing shortly after.

The hallway was dark, signaling that the sun had set on the day and a single light was not on in the whole apartment. The lack of light was welcoming, Jay feeling unworthy of having warm, soft lighting cascade on his horrible self. He took a seat halfway between his room and the living area. Knees were brought to his chest, arms landing under his bottom while the head smacked against the wall. It was here the thoughts became their darkest yet. He realized his life story was littered with being too late to help. Beginning with his mother. He was on the other side of globe, living the adrenaline junkie life while his mother was sick, dying from a terrible cancer. By the time he got out and back home there wasn't much for him to do. He comforted her, watched as his father broke down as they laid her to rest, but there was always the twinge of guilt that he shouldn't have left when he had. History repeated itself with his father. Their relationship was always rocky, but had a glimmer of hope towards the end. They hung out when they could and talked when one could stand the other. But by the time Jay realized he was in trouble it was too late, showing up to the scene as his father suffocated in the smoke. The pattern repeated with Nadia, Erin, and now Mouse. Every phase of his life he was a fraction too late, missing when people needed him the most. Sure his life had moments where he was able to swoop in and save the day. But for the innermost circle of his life, the people that truly depended on and knew him, he should up after the damage had been done, was forced to take on the role of bystander. He couldn't do it again, refused to live a life where he harmed, abandoned those he care for. Anxiety, guilt, fear were all over him now, seeming to be wrapping him deeper into it's destructive control.

His phone lit up, causing him to flinch against the light change in the area. It was a Weather Channel announcement, alerting him of an incoming storm. Jay chuckled at the multifaceted meaning behind that. Picking up the phone he scrolled through his contacts, landing on a number he hadn't dialed in awhile but needed to hear from more than ever. His thumb selected the number for his ear listened to the other end ring and ring, a curse spitting out of his mouth as the voicemail played on. He cleared his throat as the beep sounded.

"Hey, it's me. I need you to call me back." It was all he could get out, forcefully hitting the red button before the emotions came out for the umpteenth time that day.

"I'm so sorry guys. I'm sorry I let you down," Jay yelled to the ceiling, hoping his heartfelt cry reached the ones up there. A second person entered his mind, one that would listen and help him, but one that he didn't want to involve just yet. Another selection, another set of rings, and another voicemail recording before Jay left the same message. He was alone, run out of miserable and dark thoughts to keep him company. It was in the throwing of his phone that it all came together. He got up and did another lap around the apartment. Gone was the 'woe is me' attitude, a plan was in place. His trip began in the kitchen, passing the living room and continuing into the bathroom before ending somewhere quiet and secluded. The brain took him on a final trip down memory lane, to the place where it all began.

_"__Greg Gerwitz. Nice shooting." _

_"__Thanks, Jay Halstead." While it was just a hand shake, there was this unspoken respect between them, like it was the start of a brotherly friendship._

_"__Are you aware of the rumors going around this place about you," Jay asked? Mouse smiled._

_"__Yeah, I guess people need something to entertain themselves with while they're here." _

_"__So, is any of it true?"_

_"__Other than practicing a lot, no. But I got the training bug from my family. My grandfather was stationed at Pearl Harbor and completed three tours during WWII and my father fought in the Vietnam war. It's become a family tradition of sorts. All the men in my family have either served or will serve at some point. It's just what we do. Growing up on a farm in southern Illinois, you're around guns pretty often. I was given my first gun when I was ten and I haven't stopped since. My dad would set up targets and give lessons on proper gun handling. The best part was that I could practice all day long because the closest neighbor was miles away." _

_"__Sounds like a fun childhood." _

_"__Yeah, it was great. What's your story?" _

_"__Well, born and raised in Chicago and wanted to do something with my life. So I signed up for this." _

_"__Ah, a city kid. How are you enjoying the country life," Mouse jokingly asked?_

_"__Yeah…it's different," Jay replied through a laugh. A sargeant stuck his head in the room at this point, letting them know it was time to head back to the barracks. Jay exited first, being stopped by Mouse before they went their separate ways for the night._

_"__Nice job, Jay. Thanks for being a worthy opponent." Jay smirked and nodded. _

_"__Ditto." It was the start of a beautiful friendship. _

"Don't leave me here."

…

The heat brought forth a never ending procession of patients. It had been awhile since Will experienced a day like the one he just endured. Everything from stabbings to shootings to heat exhaustion kept the ED doors steadily sliding back and forth, a new set of numbers and phrases being yelled at him. Food was eaten between test results and patients changing into hospital attire. Forget having small talk with fellow doctors and nurses nor was there any ideas of sitting down. The twelve hour shift felt to be a month long marathon. Will was seriously doing his best to keep himself awake when the clock struck midnight. Natalie was coming in as he was heading out. Seeing her on the other side of the doctor's lounge door perked him up, his baggy, ghostly face meeting her bright and happy one.

"Tough day," she chuckled while scanning him.

"Oh yes," he replied, scooting out of her way so she could leave. He made it to his locker when she stopped him.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Huh?" He looked up at her puzzled.

"Your day, did something bad happen?"

"Oh no, just the usual summer day in Chicago." She didn't totally buy it, but her silent closing of the door was her way of accepting it. He watched as her figure walked down the hall and disappeared into the madness of the ED. The first thing he noticed when opening his locker was how messy it all. Remembering he walked into work late that morning, his personal belongings were literally thrown in there, bag and phone shoved into corners they all too likely slid into. The second thing he noticed was the strobe-like lighting on his phone. Several missed calls, text messages, and random alerts were causing his screen to light up every couple of seconds. He reached in and noticed the missed calls from Voight, Antonio, and most recently Jay; all of them leaving a voicemail. With a shaking hand he selected his mailbox, pressing his phone to his ear as he listened to his brother's quick message. The tone was all he needed to hear. Whatever level of tired he was when he walked in vanished. Jay sounded desperate, panicked, like he was about to do something drastic. He didn't bother waving to Maggie or Natalie or any of the other doctor's watching him whiz by. Jay was in some amount of trouble, he _had_ to get to him. It was on the way up the other pieces fell into place.

"Hey Will, it's Hank. Um, Mouse passed away this morning. Jay…we all were there when it happened. Just wanted to let you know."

"Dammit," Will shouted in the elevator, stomping his foot in an effort to speed the car up. The third message in the series rolled into his ear as he climbed into the driver's seat of his car.

"Hey, I'm sure you've been informed about Mouse. Jay needs you." Alvin's voice and demeanor was so engraved in people's mind, he didn't have to announce his name, everyone just knew. In record time Will had managed to spiral down to the ground level of the parking deck and was putting his foot to the floor as he wove through the city. He didn't need Al to tell him Jay needed him, the brother's invisible, mental phone line having done that for him.

He wasn't even sure Jay would be at his place, but some level of common sense or familiarity of Jay told him start there. His driving rivaled that of a car chase in the movies, Will honking and waving his hands along the way. He was a little surprised he didn't have a trail of blue lights right behind him and was a little disappointed. Right now he'd love nothing more than help when he arrived and if he were to be pulled over, tonight was one of those night's they'd likely let him go. But traffic tickets and accidents were second priorities, he just had to get there. In his mind there was a ticking clock snapping off the seconds till it was too late. Will wasn't sure how or why it was there, but believed it would erupt if he didn't arrive in time. Jay's building came into view some seventeen minutes since the rollercoaster act on the deck. The first thing he spotted was the truck. It was parked and didn't look to be tampered with. So far things weren't dire. Will found a place to slip in a couple car lengths away from Jay's truck. The gait was brisk, waving to the landlord in the lobby before selecting the stairs. Steps were taken two at a time, his efforts awarding him the third floor a minute later. The hallway was clear and normal, Will's fear dropping just a hair.

"Jay," he knocked? Nothing. Looking down to the space between the bottom of the door and the floor showed Will the place was pitch black. He forewent pounding, nervously scrounging for the key above the doorway and letting himself in. The disarray of the place greeted him, the heavy, eerily evil silence coming right behind it. Will quietly closed the door, taking a step before making sure the coast was clear.

"Jay," he called out, still getting nothing. Onward he went, each movement bringing him that much closer to the thing he feared the most.

Has anyone else noticed the horrible decorating that is Jay's apartment? If you were to be walking right behind Will, the first thing your eyes would go to would be the overall shade of the place. Forget the clothing scattered across front entry way and down the hall, or the dishes in the sink. The first thing you marvel over was how brown the place was. Light brown walls, brown curtains, brown wood molding, brown lamps and shades. His place is the definition of fifty shades of brown. The random posters sealing the deal this was a bachelor pad. As Will ventured down the hall still pointlessly calling for Jay you'd stop in the kitchen, staring at the awful tile and exposed small appliances and wonder how someone as put together as Jay could live in a place as unorganized and un-relaxing as this apartment. From there you'd move into the bedroom and stare, noticing the brown, man cave theme made it's way into this room as well. While Will was screaming for help and begging his brother to not go out like that, you'd be too enamored with the dorm room feel of the place to hear.

**I made the call. This is going to be a two-part story. If you guys made it to the end of this, thank you for sticking with me. Like I said in the beginning this was going to be a tough, hard one. I'm sitting here tearing up over things. I'm so nervous about this, there are so many ways you guys can hate me. And I totally get it. Please go easy on the comments. This story fits in the gap between the end of season 4 and the beginning of season5. Next chapter we'll see some light in this story, things will begin looking up. Also, have you guys figured out who's coming in the next chapter? **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21- Like A Lighthouse Bring Me Home

**You guys are the sweetest, greatest people out there. I was literally shaking when I uploaded the last chapter, completely convinced you guys would hate it or me. But once again you all proved me wrong, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now, before we begin this I'd like to comment on Erin's role in this story. I know some of you have expressed concerns about Erin being in this story, and I completely respect those opinions. That's the beauty of this platform. We have the opportunity to share our viewpoints of a particular show and then discuss things with fellow fans. So in a normal, conversational way, I'd like to answers those questions. I wholeheartedly agree, the way Linstead ended was not cool, especially after everything they all went through over four seasons. It was sudden, sharp, and just plain cruel. Jay was ready to take that next step, be there for her when she really needed an ally and she just up and left. But I like to look at the relationship as a whole. There was always a connection, beginning on a partner level and eventually transpiring into a personal one, but from the first season on they took on the mantra of 'having each others' back.' It was beautiful, it was funny, and it was hot, for lack of a better word. **

**With the uprise of Upstead I've noticed that there are groups of people who prefer Upstead over Linstead, and the opposite is true. I actually like both of them equally. In their time, both were/are what the characters needed. Without Linstead, we wouldn't have had Upstead. Each relationship is a journey, taking you from point A to point B before reaching each person's forever. Each relationship has its' own dynamics, each has unique strengths and weaknesses but all are necessary. Without them, we wouldn't be ready for the next step. A small goal of this story was to give Linstead a proper sendoff, close the book on that so Upstead can begin to blossom. I hope this answers the questions. If not, please let me know! I love talking about this. **

**Oh! One more thing. I need to correct that this story is based in that gap between the end of season 4 and the beginning of season 5, and I do apologize for that. I fixed the comment in the previous chapter. I do agree that as the show moved into season 5, Jay would switch from leaning on Erin to Hailey or Al or someone else in the unit. But in the season opener of 5, we see Jay asking if Voight has heard from Erin, coming to realize that she isn't coming back. So in that summer between seasons it can be assumed Jay was still holding out for her. Thus, in his darkest hour of need, he turned to Erin first before Will and the others. Because in his mind she still had his back, would help him carry his load and get him to the other side. Alright, without any further delay let's finish this difficult one together. **

"Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. We're beginning our descent into Chicago so please return to those seat and faster your belts. Make sure all tray tables are upright and in a locked position. It's a breezy seventy-eight degrees out with scattered storms and heavy cloud cover. We should be landing in about forty-five minutes."

She was passed out when the announcement was spoken over the intercom. In the last two days her sleep counter was hovering around four hours. Life as a federal operative is not for the feint at heart. The cases were deeper, heavier, more expansive than the typical Chicago case. The number of lives involved quadrupled from what she was accustomed to, but the flip side of that was how many lives they were able to save. Since joining the department she'd been involved in over a dozen cases, each of them requiring her undercover skills and street smartness. It was an adjustment but she was finding her way, getting nothing but positive results along the way. She both loved and hated this new way of life. While she was truly making an impact in the world, the homesickness was real. The way she left wasn't one she ever concocted or desired, but it had to be the way it all ended. Fear of being pulled back thwarted any plans of saying farewell. It had to be a middle of the night dash or bust.

The call reached her when she was in the home of a high level target, having a romantic dinner with said person. For reasons unbeknownst to her, it was fate that made her bring her personal phone to the gig today. The device rarely left her brownstone, but that morning its' lure was too much, a last minute grab as she ran out the door. So when it went off during the meal her whole body internally jumped, quickly coming up with an excuse for the buzzing in her pocket. It took some coaxing and a thick layer of flirting, but eventually she found herself in the guy's bathroom. Going through the bathroom motions she dug into her phone, noting the missed call. The caller ID is what scared her first. It was one she never thought she'd read on her screen again, especially after May's events. But the voicemail that came through seconds later is what put things in motion. He was desperate, his voice a tone she'd never heard in the four years of knowing him. He sounded to be on his last leg, her being his last resort before something terrible. Tears glistened her eyes as she turned the water on, commanding herself to think of a way out, come up with an excuse that wouldn't be suspicious. Wiping her hands on the towel, she opened the door and returned to the dining room, complaining of stomach pains and lightheadedness. It was lame, and full of mysterious holes, but the idiot bought it. He offered a ride to a doctor and she shook him off, assuring him a good couple of days in bed would do the trick. Their departure was quick, a promise of checking in in the morning, but soon she was calmly walking down the street, body shaking with helplessness, never feeling so far away from home in her life.

Once she was far away from the target's house she bolted, shouting for people to move out of her way as she wove through the streets of New York. Yes, she was in heels. Naturally, her dress was form fitting and tight. But every couple of blocks a shoe left her, the dress having nice slits on the side by the time she arrived to her home. The torn dress was thrown off for athletic wear and sneakers, a backpack having clothing and essentials thrown in its' compartments as she dashed in and out in record time. The closest airport was LaGuardia, a taxi being hailed in a frantic manner. Phone calls to her boss, to her team, and Voight were made along the way, each call becoming more emotional than the last. She had to get there, nothing else mattered. Screw the upset coworkers and several hundred dollar airfare, Jay, the person she swore to backup for several years was in an unknown trouble. It was the last flight out that night and she was the last person to board, but in the span of an hour and a half she completed the obstacle course. She was sound asleep by the time the plane was airborne. And now, as a flight attendant nudged her to verify she followed the pilot's instructions, she looked out the window and stared at the darkness, petrified her first partner was experiencing the same kind of view.

"Business or pleasure?" Her head snapped around, startled by the sound coming from somewhere close. She looked left to find another sleeping passenger, her face scrunched out of confusion.

"Well?" She looked up to see a kid no older than thirteen leaning over the seat in front of her. His curiosity was getting the best of him, so she played along.

"A little bit of both," she replied, hoping the vagueness would make him turn around.

"Pleasure…well for my family. They're big fans of this TV show filmed there and they want to check out the sites, meet the cast and stuff."

"And you're not?" He shook his head.

"I'm just going for the baseball. Cubs or Sox?"

"Cubs," she replied, jamming her AirPods deep into her ears hoping the kid would get the idea. The saving grace of the attendant brought the conversation to a halt. Her gaze returned to the window, the first lights of Chicago just breaking the horizon. She had a feeling this was going to be the calmest, most silent part of the whole trip.

…

To those working in the ED that night, their reactions to the visitor would've made you think they'd seen a ghost. The visitor was well known, had roamed the halls and floors of the building countless times, her face recognized by almost everyone. So when she hadn't showed up in weeks people thought something had happened, that she'd been kicked out or worse. So for her to unexpectedly pop in without warning was surprising, scary in a sense. It was well into the following day, the department hushed in a way, the trauma rooms were half full while the other half was being cleaned. The chairs in the waiting room were mostly empty, more doctors hovered around the nurse's station than attending to patients. But what they all wore was a look. A countenance she'd seen all too often. Something bad happened. An event so unexpected and upsetting it was weighing on their psyche. So her presence took those looks to a whole other level, stacking that terrible event on a whole other echelon. Hushed voices spoke as she passed people, their concerned and startled selves rotating their heads to stare at her. Nervously she hoisted her backpack higher on her shoulders, feeling things would be better if she turned around and left. But it was Maggie who met her nerves, silently pointing to a glass door. As she got closer the noise level of the room grew. The tone was angry, the number of voices too numerous to count. Taking a breath, she opened the door and stood there in bombshell fashion.

"How bad was it? Was he awake when they brought him up?"

"I told you we shouldn't have left him alone."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Will he be put on a hold?"

"What about the funeral."

"Erin." A dozen heads shot around at Will's comment, Erin now feeling to be under fire. All of Intelligence, Will, Platt, and a few other officers were in the lounge. They were all standing, seeming to be backing Will into a corner. The room was permeated with their anger, fear, shock. The lack of Jay's presence told Erin all she needed to know, solidifying the Home Alone style trip to Chicago.

"How did you know.."

"Al texted me." None of them moved, neither side of the room sure what to do next. Erin took a breath, adjusted her weight from one leg to the other before taking a half step in. It didn't take long for her to pick up the sense that she wasn't welcome.

"Is he in surgery?" Erin kept her vision on Will, fully realizing he was going to be her only source of information.

"Yeah," he eventually and nervously replied.

"I'm going to go upstairs and wait." Before anyone could respond Erin exited, her gait quick yet reluctant. She worried she'd get bad reactions for her sudden, out-of-the blue return, but the level of coldness practically forced her out of the room. A reminder of Jay popped into her head as she smacked the elevator button, telling her he called her. Therefore, he wanted her there, people's opinions or hard feelings didn't matter. The light for the available car lit up and the doors dinged open. She boarded and selected the floor, Will's speedy stride encouraging her to stick her hand in the way of the closing doors.

"Wait," he yelled to her. She nodded and stood by, giving him the three feet of personal space. Will looked to be out of his mind frightened.

"He called me," she whispered while they were between floors three and four.

"When," Will asked, his voice shaky.

"Tonight."

"No, like what time?" Erin opened her phone, taking no time to find the information.

"Nine sixteen." Will nodded, Erin looking over to see a single tear drip down his face.

"He called me at nine twenty. So he called you first." This was new territory for both of them. Erin wasn't sure if Will was mad or heartbroken, she figured probably both. With very little information she was able to piece together a rough draft of what happened. Details weren't necessary right now and she certainly didn't want to get them from the grieving brother. So she didn't verbally respond to his remark but rather, leaned over to hug him. Apart from everything else, Will needed comfort and support right then.

"It was intentional," Will choked out. Erin nodded against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, Will's sobbing continued. They were a sight when the elevator doors opened, both of them lucky the floor was practically empty at this hour. Arms wrapped around each other's waist, the two of them led each other to the dreaded and dreary waiting room, a place where miracles were announced and end points were reached. It wasn't where either of them saw their Saturday morning beginning, but they accepted it with the potential of leaving the room hopeful before long.

Hour number one saw silence, the occasional yawn or extremity stretch, but for the most part Erin and Will were silent. Words weren't utilized at this point, each in their own world. One was piecing together the why while the other was attempting to come to a reckoning of it all. It was during this time the party from the doctor's lounge trickled in a handful at a time. The emotions from downstairs did not come with them on the elevator ride. They were under the spell of grief, everyone having to go through those steps before accepting the day's events. As they entered their demeanor changed. Shedding the skins of anger and hostility, they greeted Erin with hugs, words of encouragement and appreciation for her arrival, and so forth. Erin was still back at stage one, before that part actually. The finest idea of what happened to Jay was all she had. She was still in the dark on what occurred earlier that morning and all that transpired after that. But regardless she was touched for the change of heart, now feeling back in line with the group. She wasn't back to being pals with them, but had reached the friendly cousin level. Over time, apart from all the other things she wanted to accomplish, rekindling those relationships was a priority this trip.

Hour number two is when things began to be verbalized. Voight was on the phone for most of it, checking in with police officers at Jay's residence and verifying things were being kept in close circles. The last thing Jay or any of them needed were rumors to get out into the force. The goal was to keep things hushed and personal for as long as possible, giving Jay the opportunity to decide where they went from the night. Stories of Mouse were spoken at this time. Past tense verbiage and nouns caught Erin's attention, her inquisitive eyes making everyone inhale. It was all so raw, no one wanting to replay what happened mere hours ago. It was Al who finally broke the mental baton passing game.

"Mouse passed away yesterday morning. Jay was there. Did his best to stop it but…" Erin gasped, instantly dropping tears and shaking her head. She only knew him for a fraction amount of time, minutes compared to the years Jay knew him. Her emotions were mixed between Jay and Mouse, the overall theme being mourning. Her mind equated it to losing Justin or Camille, fully understanding the onslaught of emotions Jay must've gone through today. The fact he did it alone really drove the guilt home.

"Any idea why?" Al shook his head.

"His parents just got into town and are going through things. Funeral arrangements are going to be made in the morning." Erin shook her head, doing a once over of the room before rolling into a ball on the chair, heavily sobbing in shock. For the reminder of the time the silence resumed. Those who'd been awake since yesterday morning nodded off, the occasional snore jolting them back with the group. It was Will and Erin to remained alert the entire waiting game. For the most part they gave the other space, this air of guilt or blame creating a barrier between them. When Jay woke up, they told themselves, they'd get the answers they sought. But in the moment, both couldn't help but see where he fell through the cracks, time and distance working against them. He was important to both of them, but in an absolute moment of need they were no where to be found. It was at the two hour and thirty-seven minute mark that the waiting room door quietly and importantly opened. They all rose for the honorable Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Charles. All were instructed to sit as the two doctors sat, looking at their bleak and sorrowful crowd before addressing them.

"He made it through. There was a good amount of blood loss but we were able to stabilize him. From there it was about repairing the damage. He's going to be in some pain for awhile and need some physical therapy to help regain strength, but he should make a full recovery." The tension in the room didn't change; grateful Jay would make it, but how the other side looked was still obscured for the time being.

"How bad was it," Will asked? Dr. Rhodes hesitated, realizing the sensitivity of things. None of them ever envisioned this kind of report being tied to that person. It's the scariest part of the whole thing, the surprise.

"Past the tendons, chipping some of the bone."

"Both," Will asked again? Rhodes nodded, twirling his thumbs in his lap as he let the audience mull things over.

"I'm keeping him on a seventy-two hour hold in the psychiatric ward. I think we all know that's what's best for him. When we were administering the charcoal he woke up, really fought us before pulling the tube out. He told us he had to finish what he started. It's what he deserved. After that we sedated him and finished the procedure before handing him off to Dr. Rhodes." It was hard to not get emotional at this point. Jay's stubbornness was working against him now. Instead of pushing him to resist the permanent, untrue punishment, it seemed to be the one driving things. Again, this was a side none of them saw on any radar let alone coming to fruition. It was a moment of heartbreak to say the least. The Jay Halstead that walked into work yesterday morning seemed to have checked out when the rainstorm moved on, leaving behind a hurting and scared soul.

Some at this point might be mad. Mad at the person for doing what they did, upset at themselves for not seeing the warning signs. But that was not the case in that waiting room. More than anything they wanted to see him, hug him and tell him they loved him. Jay's comments gave away his notion of being guilty for what happened, each person wanting to do their best to show Jay the many ways he saved Mouse. If a negative emotion existed in that room it was regret. Regret for not being better friends and colleagues. Obviously not doing enough to help Jay realize how much they cared for him. But what they were eternally grateful for was the opportunity of a second chance, realizing the gift that in itself was.

"I want to see him," Erin softly announced after some time, Will lifted his bleary head to second her phrase. Dr. Charles slowly shook his head, inhaling as he thought up a reason.

"Then check me in with him. I'm not leaving him alone."

"And I'm right behind her." Daniel locked eyes with the two of them for a couple seconds, feeling the conviction of their courage and determination. He looked to Rhodes who shrugged his shoulders, refusing to get in the middle of things.

"Let's go see him."

…

Prison is the best way to describe the ward. The walls were painted an extra bland color of grey, the floors the darkest shade of brown. Doors were opened via electrical locks manned by medical personal. Before venturing down the halls Erin's bag was checked for potentially dangerous objects, Will's credentials verified as well. Wristbands were donned as Daniel walked them towards Jay's room, the group hesitating outside the heavily pained, bulky door. The window was positioned high on the door, only Will could get that first glimpse of his brother. Another approval, another chime, and the lock was sprung free, knees buckling and bodies stiffening at the sight on the other side.

Jay was completely unconscious. A cannula was under his nose while IVs were located on his chest and the bends of his arms. He was pale, thin looking under the hospital gown, monitors, and sheets. Erin was the first to get close to him, briefly observing the bandaged hands and forearms before returning to his face. When she last saw him he was alive, living, existing. While it had only been a few weeks, the person sleeping in the bed was not the Jay she loved for several years. This person was different, Erin not able to place the exact reason on a certain, single thing. Perhaps it was the day or the location or the fact he couldn't speak to her right now, but she couldn't help but feel like she was standing over a ghost, a stranger. She wept while running a hand through his hair, grasping a section and pulling herself into him. A kiss was administer on his cheek while she whispered apologies. Dr. Charles was talking to Will about medication and times, but Erin couldn't pick up the words. It was hard for her not see her handiwork in this situation.

"He looks so medicated," Will commented while sitting at the end of the bed. It wasn't exactly the reaction one might have, but Will couldn't think of anything better.

"Yeah," Erin replied, not completely agreeing.

"Dr. Charles said he'd going to stay sedated till tonight probably. The best thing for him right now is sleep. Answers can wait when things are more stable."

"Will, I'm.." Will held up a hand, shaking his head as he responded.

"We all messed up today." Erin could not have agree more.

…

The head was so…fuzzy. It felt to weigh a ton while simultaneously being filled with cotton balls. Thoughts were not filtering in very well, movements were out of the question. It's good that breathing is an involuntary response because in his current state that would've been hard. So when he opened his eyes early the following morning he felt to be residing in a whole other universe. Partly because of how he felt, but mostly because his environment suggested things weren't good. The place was dimly lit, the room looking more like a prison cell than a hospital room. There were two beds in the room, sparsely made with zero decorations or television or anything to make the place feel comfortable. There weren't any windows nor were the big glass walls of a hospital present. What sealed the deal were the restraints wrapped around his wrists. He was awake for a handful of seconds before finding those devices. Panic rippled across his body as he yanked on them. The act forced pain to spread across his body but that all was ignored, clumsy determination wanting to get the scary things off. Jay hissed at the pain, letting his strength down a little as it all became too much to bear.

"Jay, don't do that. You're in the hospital." It was the voice, the one he wanted to hear however many days ago, the one that didn't pick up. It was raspy, sincere, nervous, calm and undoubtedly her's. His vision cleared with each blink, revealing the person he forever loved and cherished.

"Erin, what are you doing here?" Will's assumption of Jay was spot on. He indeed was under the strong influence of medical medication. He was too relaxed, controlled, sounding more like an actor in a play rather than human. Erin was seeing why people hated being on these kinds of drugs, it took all personality out of a person. But in the moment, under these type of situations, it was blatantly necessary; her pondering of how worse things would be if his mind didn't get the chance to take a break.

"Jay," she responded, looking down at the growing red stain on his bandaging. Her lack of a response gave him the answer. Her eyes were fixed on the problem area, Jay looking around the room before staring at the top of her head. He couldn't bring himself to look, the memory of that day and night wafting in.

"I'm going to get a nurse, you might've torn a couple of stitches." She looked up to an emotion, a break through from the drug stupor. His lips were pursed, as is to be biting away the tears. The blinks were rapid, his body shivering as he tried to inhale and exhale. The Jay of today had caught up with the Jay of Friday night. Erin didn't advance towards him, just looked back down at the problem.

"If I take these off, you have to promise you won't do anything." Jay was taken aback. Erin, the person who knew him more than lot of other people in this world, the one he first turned to for help, seemed to be scared. He didn't know if it was him or the place or safety reasons, but she was cautious, offering an inch of freedom so long as he didn't put danger into the mix of things. This was a new dimension to their relationship, something Jay never saw coming. The fact they were here because of him kind of made things that much worse. He nodded his promise, the emotions pouring out of both of them as she slowly and carefully unlatched the restraints.

"Erin," he spoke, watching her dart out of the room. She was afraid of him, repeated in his mind as he laid back against the pillows and grieved.

…

"This is going to be uncomfortable. If it gets too bad just let us know." What came back with Erin was a small army. Jay envisioned one person with a suturing tray but what actually came back were several nurses, Connor Rhodes, Daniel Charles, Will and several trays of instruments. Will and Erin took a place on a side of Jay's bed, allowing the doctors and nurses enough space to work. They all didn't speak, just took on the supporting role which Jay appreciated. He was disappointed, embarrassed in that moment, the last thing wanting to be answering questions and enduring judgement sessions. So the silence and focus on other things was welcomed.

"I don't want to look," he muttered as everyone got situated and sheets were pulled back. The oxymoron in the sentence was evident but Jay didn't care.

"You don't have to," Rhodes quickly replied, almost too soon for Jay's liking. His altered state told him the surgeon was mad.

"Just look at us," Will responded, Erin looking up from her spot on the bed and nodding. In all honesty Jay just wanted to shut his eyes and never see these people again, but he did as suggested, shifting between Will and Erin as the source of his hospital stint was revealed to the room.

For starters it was incredibly painful. Even with the trio of pain meds freshly injected into his system the removal of things was excruciating. The bandages felt to be apart of his skin, like they were peeling a layer of it away with Jay fully awake. For the most part Jay bit his tongue, fully under the realization that all of this was his own doing. But every so often a word or reaction would slip out, offers of second, third doses were presented but he refused. The sting of fresh air hit things, letting Jay know it all was exposed to the masses. Out of habit Will's eyes took a glance, getting a snapshot he never wanted.

"Don't look," Jay snapped at him. Will apologized before reconnecting with Jay, seriously resisting the urge to run. It was dark, it was long, it was all his mind needed to replay the sights, sounds, and smells of that Friday night.

"Looks like three stitches broke. It'll take a couple of seconds," Rhodes announced.

"Okay," Jay replied, sniffing as tears trickled down his face. Erin leaned over and wiped them away, biting the side of her lip as she returned to her seat. Before long fresh dressings were taped on and instructions to not move anything were administered. Erin's phone buzzed in her pocket as the medical staff exited, her eyes lighting up as she darted out of the room.

"I have to take this," she apologetically spoke, leaving Dr. Charles and Will in the room with Jay. To say what went down next was uncomfortable is an understatement.

"Jay, do you know where you are," Dr. Charles asked?

"A psych ward," Jay numbly responded. Will scoffed, head rolling into his chest as Dr. Charles asked the next question.

"Do you know why?" Jay stared at the door, watching for Erin's head to bob into the corner of it. She was his way out, the escape from reality for a time. But as the case was that Friday night, she wasn't here.

"Jay," he inquired again, receiving a small nod after a time.

"I don't want to talk about it." Venom was in Will's mouth, seeming to be spewing out of his eyes. Jay felt their burning gaze, dared to not look his direction.

"We won't today. But you'll have to before I can release you."

"This is a seventy-two hour hold?" Daniel nodded.

"And how far in am I?"

"About halfway." When Jay didn't reply Dr. Charles rose and departed, giving Will the floor. Daniel must've prescribed more meds because in no time Jay was floating. Whatever small amount of control he had vanished moments after the syringe pushed the liquids into his vein. Will's speech hardly waited for the nurse to leave the room.

"You realize it was me who found you, right?" Jay was blank, eyes fixed on something behind Will.

"If nothing else I'd like to know why. You realize I'm now terrified to leave you alone, haven't really slept because that keeps playing in my head." Will's voice was shaking, an occasional hand rubbing under his eye as he spoke. It was shock, not anger, that was driving things. He wanted Jay to understand the severity of that night, fully understand that several people were drastically changed that night. While he may have felt alone, the ripple effects of that night hit a good amount of people. Erin slipped in while he was speaking, back glued to the wall as she listened to the one sided conversation. When Jay didn't speak, or even give a shroud of evidence he was listening, Will took off, standing at the door as he waited for it to open.

"I'm sorry," Jay whispered as the alarm's buzzing sounded. He looked to Will who was still wiping under his eyes. He took a step, allowed the door to latch shut again, and did a final scan of things before leaving.

"Where did you go," Jay asked Erin, her movements slow and answer thought through.

"Work called. Had to answer it." The sleepiness was written all over their faces, Jay yawning first with Erin right behind him. She smiled as she finished, covering her mouth as she apologized. There was that escape Jay desired.

"I can't believe you're here," stumbled out of his mouth.

"Of course." It was the best she could do, anything else seemed cruel.

"Do you know when the funeral is," Jay asked through closed eyes?

"Tuesday afternoon. They're giving him a full military sendoff, burying him in Graceland Cemetery."

"Have his parents.."

"-Yeah, they got here early Saturday morning. Flew in from Topeka." Jay nodded, swallowing a large chunk of tears. The guilt of being out of reach to help once again speaking itself destructive tones into his thought process.

"I thought it was all a dream. That I'd wake up and everything would be normal." Erin quietly gasped, the thought process just beginning to make itself known. She was both scared and encouraged he was opening up.

"Is that why.."

"-No." So much for him opening up. Instead he rolled away from her, allowing the concoction of drugs to drift him into another realm.

"I'm sorry about Mouse," she whispered into his ear as he softly snored to sleep.

"Don't leave me here," was all Jay heard.

…

It was a absolutely stunning day in the city. The storms from the prior week had rolled out to the lake, destination northeast of the city. The humid, high temperatures were replaced with below season weather reminding residents that fall was just around the corner. The sun was beaming through the trees, wind was whipping about sporadically and varying in gusts. The colors of the grass, sky, structures, and cars were in high definition, almost as if a parade was in the not too distant future. But it was exact opposite Jay and everyone involved in the situation wanted to see. Jay wanted it to be stormy, the buckets of water and cracking sky reprising their roles as the symphony orchestra to one of the worst events in their lives. He wasn't sunny, cheerful, and beaming that day, or for the last several days in fact. So knowing that was the backdrop he was about to walk into only kicked the nerves and anger that much higher.

He rose that morning not speaking. In actuality he hadn't really spoken since the moment on the rooftop. He'd answer the occasional question pertaining to food or pain level but for the most part he slept, his tic for when things were beyond his levels of control. Dr. Charles sat in that room daily, ask the same questions with zero results each time. The sessions would be an hour, two hours long at one point, a blank stare and mute person absorbing things without a trace of acknowledgement. Rumors of breaking points, permanent drug regiments, and long rehab stints swirled outside the hospital room's door but Jay didn't have the energy to protest. He was about to burying his best friend, had failed his mission, whatever else happened was minuscule.

Will hadn't left Jay's side the entire time. His proclamation of being scared to leave proved to be spot on. It was rare for Jay to wake up and not see Will a couple feet away from his bed. The one time was because Will had escaped to the bathroom, sighing when he found things alright when he returned. The shock and ager from Sunday before gradually went away, understanding taking its' spot. When he would speak to Jay it was to offer his listening ear. Over stating that he was a safe place and wanted to help, but Jay pushed it away. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was talk, reason being that no amount of talking would erase what happened that day. He'd just have to get over it, he told himself late last night. Looking back, it was the fear and resentment talking.

Erin gladly took on the role of care taker. Whatever Jay or Will needed, or whatever plans had to be made she completed without complaint. She met Mouse's parents on Jay's behalf, all of them standing outside his apartment door and hugging, laughing, and crying as they broke the seal of the place. They were heartbroken, obviously, but there was a peace about them. Their son had lived a life, done incredible things and made an impact on the world. While his departure from them, from everyone, was sudden and unexpected, they chose to cling to the good, cherish the happy times. They were in his bedroom when Erin's curiosity got the best of her. The fear of being misunderstood or insensitive rung through her mind, but the question had to be asked.

"How are you guys getting through this with a smile?" Greg was a spitting image of his father, the only difference being the shade of hair. He was just as tall and quiet as Greg, their physical build pretty much carbon copies. His sense of humor he got from his mother, driving home just how much of an impact they made on his life. Even after fighting a war and coming home to defend the city, his parents' were what came through. Greg's mother looked to her husband before answering Erin.

"Because it was his time. It was the day he was called home. Of course we miss him but we also know one day we'll see him again." Erin nodded, sitting on Mouse's bed before sobbing into her hands. The couple ran to her, hugging a side of her as they all let everything out. They sat there for several minutes, a small laugh and apology from Erin calming things down. She opened her eyes to see a the white corner of an envelope sticking out from the bottom drawer of Mouse's dresser. Their search had come to an end. But this was not Erin's worst task to conquer.

Jay's half requested his uniform for the service, stating that Mouse would be buried in his and he didn't want to make him feel out of place. It was the only time Will panicked, and the episode was a big one. Jay was asleep at that point so Erin quickly escorted Will to the hallway, rubbing his back as Will let things fall out. He couldn't bring himself to go back there, return to the scene of his worst nightmare. The evidence from that night, he argued, would still be all over the place and going back would put him back in that angry mindset. Without fully realizing the weight of things Erin offered to go, Will cautiously granting her permission.

She was doing well, keeping her emotions in check as she walked over the threshold and wandered through the kitchen, living room, and hallway before hitting the bedroom. The kitchen showed the first missing piece, the bathroom lacking the one thing she knew he always stored there, but it was upon entering the closet that she crumbled, gasping for air as she stood in the place where Jay all but gave up. The carpet had been replaced, a gift from Voight, but the stains were forever going to be there. She wasn't sure if or how Jay would ever walk back into this apartment. It was the equivalent of living in a haunted house, something bad happened and you're living in the aftermath of things. Grabbing the suit, shoes, and spare clothing was done in a single fluid motion, Erin sprinting out and locking the door. The key was thrown into a trash bin next to the car. She reasoned it was for Jay's own good. If he wanted to get back in there, he'd have to break the door down. All of this played in her mind that morning, like a terrible nightmare that doesn't have an end. She moaned while rubbing her eyes, rolled over to find Jay wide awake and staring right at her. The smallest amount of a smile in the crevice of his mouth.

"Hey," she greeted. He looked per the norm today, the decreased doses of medication leveling him out.

"I still can't believe you came." Wary of sleeping Will she rose from her cot, tip toeing to Jay and hugging him. It wasn't a romantic gesture, but a friendly one. His arms were too weak and immobile that morning so his fingers brushed against her sides as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"One step at a time. We'll get through this." She felt his head nod against her shoulder. They pulled away, both doing that mind communication thing they mastered another lifetime ago. He wasn't ready for the day, not sure if he could make it, but together they'd see the sun set that day.

…

"It still fits," Jay remarked as Erin was buttoning his shirt. With the bandages and numbness from the elbow down, dressing himself was going to be a difficult task for the next couple of weeks. Erin smirked at his comment, leaving out the fact that she had the suit altered the day before. Dr. Charles and Will entered as the second shoe was secured on his foot, Erin taking the hint.

"I'm going to go check on the car. I'll be back in a second." Jay watched her saunter out of the room and disappear somewhere to the left. She was wearing a midline, slightly form fitting dress. It was a dress he'd never seen before, but he concluded she never looked so stunning. She'd changed since the last he saw her. That scared, uncertain person who left in the middle of the night was gone, a spirit of peacefulness and self assuredness filling the void. It was funny and odd how their roles reversed in such a small amount of time. He wanted to propose to show he was there for her, wanted to be that shoulder she leaned on. And if the last few days were any indications, she became that for him, literally and figuratively. He was smiling in this, doing his best to mask the sorrow when Dr. Charles began the exit report.

"It's that time." Jay looked down at his hands, ever so gently rubbing them on his pant legs as he breathed. He wanted to get this dreaded task done and over with.

"Why did you do it?"

"Felt alone. I was in a bad spot." It was a half ass answer, only revealing a thimble full amount of truth. This was neither the place nor the person he wanted to share his darkest secrets.

"Why the way you did it?"

"To thin the blood. If you hit things at the right angle and hard enough, it usually happens quick." Dr. Charles looked to Will whose face appeared to be made of stone. This was difficult for all of them.

"Do you regret it?" Jay paused for a moment. This was a question that had been floating around since he woke up in the room. The train of thought began with why things didn't work, transitioning to what intervened before ending at the now. Could he live with that in his history? What good was going to come out of it? Would that urge come back and would he do it again? Now what? In all honesty, he didn't know the answer to these. Perhaps it was the drugs he was one, or the gift of time separating him from that day, but he felt to be in this free fall. Just existing without a map, aimlessly going to different points without any meaning or conviction behind it. Very similar to his time in the military, he was given orders and expected to complete without a care how he felt about it. Jay was existing because someone told him he had to, that he had things to accomplish because it's what was best for the greater good. But the more he shoved things down the more his soul, his person was being chipped away. Waking up afterwards he felt like the last piece had been shattered, leaving him to operate as a body, not a living, breathing, conscious person. But he couldn't say all of this to this doctor nor was he up for the long talk. The villain of knowing the program worked against him this morning, his answer partially true, but delivered with enough acting skills to fool everyone.

"Yes." An eye was not batted, his body language pumped up enough to convey he was serious. Again, Dr. Charles looked to Will who nodded before they both rose. Will stood next to Jay as discharge instructions were spoken, signing the papers with his permission.

"I would encourage you to seek a therapist soon. In the next week or so would be ideal. Here is a list of people who would be a great fit for you. I'm going to prescribe a couple of medications for you to take over the next couple of weeks. I'm also going to prescribe a sleeping pill as well, you need to rest more than anything right now." Jay nodded, watching Will sign and hand the clipboard off to Dr. Charles. The three of them collected themselves and began the slow march to the entrance. Looks were dished out along the way and Jay understood. The last time he roamed these halls he was unconscious, resisting the urge to live. Fear struck him first, the embarrassment that followed making him want to shield himself for a time. Their eyes, he hypothesized, ranged from judging to empathy. They all knew the story, heard what happened earlier that day, and now were getting that first look into the next step, seeming to be wondering if he'd make it. Will was at his side the whole journey, smirking and encouraging him with every floor change and hallway march. The ED was the final stop before the exit. Natalie greeted them in street clothing, her attire black and formal, very fitting for a funeral.

"You're coming?" She nodded.

"Jay, I know you don't want to hear this and you've probably heard it a thousand times already. But I'm very sorry about Mouse." It dawned on Jay she was speaking from experience, having to complete this same journey not that long ago, her path being far more personal then his. She stepped closer, he nodded an approval. Her embrace was soft, sincere, very touching. There were many things Jay would remember from this day, this moment with Natalie being one that would rank up there. Erin came into view not long after, her wave drawing Jay's attention.

"We're ready." Will offered a hand to Natalie and the two walked out first. Erin met Jay in his spot in the ED, both of them looking out at the black limo awaiting its' passengers. A small part of Jay thought if he stayed still then everything else would be put on hold. That Mouse would still be on this earth and he'd have Erin there and things would go back to normal, for the most part. But her nudging grab of the arm told him otherwise. Life was a never ending trip, not allowing for some things to be put on hold.

"C'mon, I'm right here." Reluctantly the two made their way into the limo, Jay closing his eyes as the door closed. The time had come to reunite with Mouse one last time.

…

They were the third car in the lineup, Mouse taking the lead with the family right behind. The drive from Med to Graceland was uneventful. A typical day for the people walking up and down the streets, worrying more about getting to the end of their day than to notice the eternal line of black cars slowly working their way through the heart of Chicago. The weather was still glorious but was in the waning stages by the time they reached the cemetery's front gates. It was a quiet, gated place north of the city, a couple blocks above Wrigley Field. The place looked more like a park than a final resting place. The paths were wide enough for the cars, visitors quickly and solemnly stepping aside for the newest Graceland resident. While they were just standing by the side, heads turned down in respect, it was everything for Jay. Their gesture was a visual reminder that none of them were alone in this. People whom they never met let them all know they were there and caring for them. It was a scene Jay would never forget.

A thought struck Jay as they worked their way closer to the location, that this was probably the worst place for Will to visit, especially four days after that Friday night. He was already living with the consequences and having to work through things, but he couldn't imagine what Will was going through. He found Jay in that state, uttered those pleading words, sat in a psych ward with him for all those days before ending up here. Jay pried his head away from the window, staring Will down till the two of them made eye contact.

"Are you doing alright," he asked? Will's eyes grew wide, a little surprised to see this side of his brother return so quickly and easily.

"Yeah," he reassured. Natalie wrapped her hand in Will's, both of them smirking at each other before turning back to the window. Jay looked down at his wrists, realizing he still had his hospital tags on. He did his best to push them under his sleeves, following everyone else's lead and gazing out the window to reminisce.

They came to a slow stop at the top of a hill, the green drapes lay on top of moved earth, readying for what was to come next. The occupants of the limo watched as Mouse was pulled out of the vehicle, gently and lovingly carried to the location marked by a tent. Jay loudly breathed, eyes not moving from the scene moving further away from him. Silent tears poured down his face as he watched the family catch up to Mouse. They walk hand in hand, arms draped over each as they followed their son and brother to his resting place. He hated this would be the first and last time he'd meet them, wishing he'd taken Mouse up on one of his offers to go home with him.

There was this unspoken rule, that people had to exit their vehicles in the order they arrived, starting with the lead and working their way to the last car in line. That rule seemed to bypass Jay and the others. His refusal to open the door pausing things for a time but the fourth car got the memo: keep it going. The four faces watched as friends, coworkers, and people they didn't know made their way to the place, all moving as individuals, none of them speaking to their close neighbor. Seats were being filled, saving places for those in the inner circle, but still the third car didn't budge.

"Do we have to leave," Erin asked? Will chuckled, nodding as he wiped with Natalie's tissue.

"During our first tour we were in the middle of nowhere, nothing but sand around us. At night the stars were insane. With zero light out there, it was like something you'd see in National Geographic, just endless miles to pin drop lights. Every night our unit would make a point of going out and staring straight up. It was a highlight in our days. No matter what crazy, high intensity thing we had that day everyone came together for that. Mouse always got up in front of the group and sang Drops of Jupiter. Sometimes it was decent, but most of the time it was awful. Mouse singing on a couple of drinks is a sound you never want to hear. We all made fun of him, had lighters up and sang along. It was annoying in the moment, but this morning when I got up that's all I could think about. I can't get it out of my head. I can still see him swaying out there, hear his horrible pitch. Gosh, I'm going to miss him." No one spoke after that, mainly because they were washing makeup off their face or patting away puffy eyes. Jay looked to each of them, smirking at the beautiful tragedy in the moment. Furthermore, he was kicking himself for wanting to exit stage right, leave them to have to do this dance twice in a week's time. A permanent solution for a temporary problem, no, hurdle was never the right choice. And as he looked back to the window that lightbulb of truth went off.

"Tell me, did you sail across the sun. Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded," he sang, fully aware he wasn't a singing expert but hoped they'd forgive him.

"And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star," Erin chimed in, "one without a permanent scar…" she looked to Will and Natalie, nudging them to join them.

"And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there," they all ended, passing around the now soaked tissue. This was life in its' simplest, purest form: friends and family coming together to celebrate, remember, and lean on each other. Jay looked to Erin who leaned over to open the door. Jay got out first, offered an arm for her to hold onto. Will and Natalie exited in similar fashion. The four of them looked to each other a final time before making the walk down to the place. It was time to say farewell.

…

It's odd how society uses processions for two polar opposite things: weddings and funerals, life beginnings and life endings. But in a way it's so fitting and similar. At weddings we help walk people into a new life, allow family members front row seats while friends take the rear. We give them a proper ceremony before allowing them to disappear into night, the future unknown yet bright. A funeral is like the second act to that. We reconvene together, allow family that front row seat to it all again. After another formal ceremony we all gather together to send that person into the eternal night. We chose to either rejoice in the life they lived or mourn for the story that was cut so unexpectedly soon. So as Jay joined the crowd, walked that isle and sat in the second row behind the Gerwitz family, he was honored to be apart of this procession, allowed to join in the sending off of Greg.

The service and burial were done at the same location, a stipulation of the Gerwitz's. They didn't want to inconvenience anyone, having them trek all over the city for their well being. They wanted things to be quick and memorable, exactly how Greg would've wanted it. One by one people courageously stood behind the podium, hands shaking as they spread out moist pieces of paper; notes and speeches to guide them through the all too difficult task of talking at a funeral. Mouse's youngest brother went first, speaking on behalf of the entire family. He told funny stories, injecting humor into the day, walking off to a standing ovation and cheers. Sargeant Ortiz made an appearance as well. Jay hadn't seen the man in almost a decade, the evidence of staying in the sand too long evident on his appearance. He was ten shades too tan, his skin looking a whole lot like leather. But he was able to get through things without breaking. Jay marveled at the man's ability to discuss such difficult topics in such a sensitive setting and deliver without snapping. Voight was the last to speak, his gruff voice softened by the emotions shed that day, diving into what Greg meant to the unit and retelling the time he hacked is phone in seconds. He thanked the family for their sacrifice, allowing Greg to go out into the world and accomplish all he did, fully aware of the real chance he'd never return home. It was when Voight returned to his chair that things became real.

There were two stages left before Mouse was laid to rest, the flag folding and gun salute. Two events away from Jay's floor being Mouse ceiling, or so people might think. That stupid song popped back into Jay's head as he watched the triangular pieces be folded into its' intended corner. Drops of Jupiter is about someone traveling, leaving earth for a time in an effort to find themselves. Those left behind are worried, hoping the person has found what they looked for while simultaneously hoping they hadn't forgotten about the waiting party back home. As a soldier handed Mrs. Gerwitz the folded flag, observing her cling to it like it was the last memory of her son, Jay realized how on point that song was for this day. Mouse left, went into another world to be what he was born to do, before returning home. The why's and how's pertaining to that day on the rooftop are still a mystery, but that became less important. Mouse came home to reconnect with those he left behind. And now, as they stood for the gun salute, images of Mouse happy, smiling, running amok somewhere else forced Jay to smile. Mouse's story on earth had come to an end, the next phase only beginning.

_"__What took you so long?" _

_"__I believed him." _

Guns loaded.

_"__That robbery, I bet it brought back some memories." _

_"__Mouse, I'm good." _

Bang.

_"__I could tell you some stories about this guy." _

_"__Yeah, but you won't."_

Bang.

_"__Uh, listen man. Do whatever it is you need to do, alright? I'm behind you hundred percent." _

Bang.

The flashbacks stopped, Jay opening his eyes as the tears fell. Erin squeezed his arm as Taps played, sniffs and wails were all you heard for the next several minutes. The moment had arrived, another fork in the road where they'd go their separate ways.

The Gerwitz family went first, kissing and placing flowers on top of the casket. Jay watched as cousins, aunts, uncles, and childhood friends repeated the process, a crowd stepping aside to allow the others to come down. Erin picked up a flower from the basket and offered it to Jay, but he shook his head. Navy Seals do this ritual of pinning their service badge on a fallen soldier's casket, a symbol of staying with their comrade till the very end. The Rangers didn't have a badge so Jay decided to use his service ranking bar, asking Erin to unpin it when they were at the casket. That day on the rooftop felt be lifetime ago yet equally like it was yesterday. Jay leaned over, head about a foot above the casket and spoke.

"Try to not get into too much trouble. I'll see you when I see you." Jay took the bar to the base of his hand and dug it into the wood, hard. It hurt but he didn't mind. Pain was better than mourning that moment in time. He walked to the family, greeted and apologized before walking away from the scene. He needed some time alone, or at least to be away from the crowds. In the blink of an eye it was finished.

…

"Hey, how are you doing," Erin asked. Conversations with attendees allowed Jay to slip out of her watchful eyes. Will and Natalie were catching up with the members of Intelligence, filling them in on Jay and seeking updates on Mouse's case. Half an hour went by before Erin bounced between pockets of people, asking if people had seen Jay. From there she roamed the grounds, trying to act cool and composed while inside she was envisioning him trying to finish things. He was sitting on a bench near a large pond, head down with one leg crossed over the other. She shooed away those terrible thoughts, relaxing as she stood at an end of the bench.

"Can I sit," Jay's dismal face looked up at her, nodding and tapping a spot close to him. The two of them sat, looking out at the scenery. Dusk was upon them, the wind rustling leaves in the tress and encouraging birds to fly elsewhere. You couldn't hear car noises or the El rattling on its' rails. It humorous to think this place is in the middle of a city, the atmosphere of this place so tranquil.

"It's so pretty," she spoke, hoping to get some kind of reaction out of him. She reached for the crook of his arm and claimed it, leaning closer onto his shoulder.

"Yeah," he numbly replied.

"Thanks again for coming. I didn't even ask what all you had to give up for this." She didn't remove, just spoke as she stared out at the pond.

"Nothing is more important than this. I'd drop anything to be there for you. Just because we're in other cities doing different things doesn't mean I don't care about you. That's why you have backup, remember?" Jay nodded, picking at a string on his uniform.

"At what point do I not feel guilty?" Erin sat up, realizing this was the time, the place he'd let things go.

"You're not guilty. What makes you think that?"

"I let him go, against better judgement."

"Jay, you knew he was going to go anyway. He just wanted your blessing, which you gave. Plus, there isn't a connection between what happened Friday and his time back in Afghanistan." Jay shook his head.

"Why didn't he call me. I promised I'd look out for him and I meant that. He was scared, nervous I'd get mad because he became what I told him he would." Erin rose from her spot on the bench, standing in front of Jay and kneeling to get eye level with him.

"Jay, were not going to get all the answers this side of Heaven, but you have to believe it when I say he wasn't scared of you. You want to know what every single member of his family told me?" Jay looked to his left, biting away the tears.

"That when they talked to him a month ago all he could talk about was getting back home, getting to surprise you and hoping to join the academy. He cared a lot about you, wanted to follow in your footsteps. Said his time back over there without you is what made him leave the post early. So while I don't know what happened that he wound up on that rooftop, I do know that he never hated you." She wiped the tears drying on his face, rotating his head to look at her.

"I'm sorry," he spoke.

"I panicked, couldn't live with myself anymore. I just kept seeing where I messed up with everyone. You, mom, dad, everyone. I couldn't stand the sight of me, let alone wake up Saturday morning with this guilt. I had to stop the cycle."

"You don't have to.."

"-No, I do," he interrupted.

"When I woke up in the hospital, part of me was disappointed. I thought it would work, that I'd see Mouse and things would be fine. But instead I wake up to all of this, slowly realizing I had made things even worse, not better. And I really don't know if I regret it yet." Erin slowly nodded, very much out of her area of expertise.

"But, today was really good. Mouse died. As terrible as that is, I'm still here. For whatever reason my time hasn't come. I need to figure out how to carry this, figure how to live again."

"Which is why I'm here, Will's here, the unit is here. Do you realize they came for Mouse _and_ you? They care a whole lot about you. You do not have to carry this alone. But that means you have to talk, ok?" Jay nodded, bringing his arms close to his chest and sobbing, Erin returning to the bench and hugging him.

"I'm so sorry. I messed up," he cried. Erin kissed the side of his face, telling him things were going to be alright. A bird suddenly flew out of a tree, making both of them jump and laugh. It was the first time in forever they were happy, laughed in unison. Jay wished they could pause time, exist the way they were forever.

"When do you go back," he asked, feeling her head nestle comfortably against his shoulder.

"Tomorrow morning, late."

"I don't want to be alone tonight."

"You can stay at the hotel with me. It's got two beds," she replied. Jay rose, did a three sixty spin of the place before heading in the direction of the vehicles.

"Let's get out of here."

…

Her alarm went off at 9:30 the following morning, letting her know she had two hours to get showered, dressed, packed, and say farewell to Jay before sitting outside of security. She rolled over and nudged Jay, letting him know it was time to get things together and checked out. After their session at the pond Jay hung around with the unit for at least an hour. It was the first time they'd all seen him since that Friday, so their nervous energy was understandable. Hailey couldn't help but stare at his injuries, Jay nodding that he was fine with it. Adam and Antonio embraced him in long, brotherly type hugs. Both offered sincere apologies before confessing their love for him. Voight patted him on the back, told him he was glad to see him and then walked off, had some secret business to attend to. Kim just sobbed, laughed at the black smear of mascara permanently stained on his uniform. Erin joined after a bit, all of them talking on the job jargon before switching into story mode, laughing till they cried and their sides hurt. It wasn't appropriate to do this kind of thing at a cemetery but no one seemed to mind. For a brief moment things felt normal again, the many ships intersecting for a small reunion.

It was Jay's yawning that brought things to a close. He made it as far as buckling his seatbelt in the limo before passing. The realization dawned on them Jay had pretty serious surgery four days ago, his tolerance and energy levels just hovering above sloth. Will rode with them to the hotel, giving Erin condescending looks but she laughed them off. She swore it was nothing romantic, just a friend helping out another friend. Jay leaned on the shoulders of Erin and Will, appearing to be wasted or injured as he worked their way to Erin's room. They gently placed him on the bed, took off shoes and jacket before letting him rest. It took several rounds of coaxing from Erin, swearing she wouldn't let him out of his sight, before Will left the room. Will offered a ride to the airport and she accepted, reminding him of the exact time he had to show. She fell asleep on her bed for a few hours, waking up to the sound of rolling around, quiet whimpers and yells from the other bed.

Her sitting on his bed is what woke him up. She pried but he wouldn't divulge the nightmare, asking for his overnight bag and she obliged. Helping him get dressed and handing off toothbrush and washcloth, the lights were shut off a few minutes later. Erin's head plunked against the pillow when he spoke.

"Can you take the other side." She hesitated, fully realizing it wasn't a good idea.

"Jay…"

"No, it's nothing like that. Please?" She reluctantly rose walking around to the other bed and laying there. It had been awhile since she last did this, but was surprised how awkward it felt. He thanked her before zonking out for the night, never stirring till she woke him the following morning. Apparently he just wanted to feel someone close that night, so that put things at ease. But rolling over to him now, she joked that poor Will was going to have to do this at some point soon.

"Hey, it's 9:30. We've gotta go." The medication he took the night before was still fairly prevalent in his system, so movements were extra slow. She was in the shower by the time he got upright, her hair was wrapped in a towel as she dressed when said he managed to dress himself.

"Are you ready for the rest," she yelled through the door.

"I can do it," Jay replied. Twenty minutes later Erin was balancing two bags and her purse. Jay pestered her to let him help but she wasn't having it, told him he had to take it easy. Will was resting against the car when they made it down, grinning in victory fashion as their tired, bed headed looking selves appeared.

"You too had a night," he joked. Jay glared at him as Erin smacked his arm, hard. Bags were thrown in the back as Erin was escorted to the passenger seat, Jay taking the back. The ride over was quiet. Will would ask those weird, first date making small talk questions and Erin would jokingly responding, both of them noticing the lack of communication from the back. O'Hare came into view before long, Will maneuvering through the entering and exiting cars before finding a place to pull over.

"I'll get the stuff," Jay quickly announced, fiddling with the door handle and freeing himself. Erin stood on the curb watching, just waiting for the comment she knew was coming next.

"Do you have to leave," Jay asked as he handed off the backpack? She disappointingly nodded.

"I have a date to finish." Jay scrunched his forehead.

"It's nothing like that."

"I have something for you," he responded, reaching in his back pocket and pulling out a thin piece of paper with a bow on it. He handed it to her, watching her face light up with confusion.

"A CTA ticket?"

"Just something to remember us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, Voight, the rest of the unit, Platt, my smiling face." She grinned wide, letting out a raspy laugh as she stared at his dorky smirk.

"But the El doesn't go to New York."

"Then I'll fly to you." Her happiness dwindled, realizing what he saw saying, truly touched by his outpour of affection. This was exactly why she didn't say goodbye to him that night. He was pulling her back home.

"Well, until we see each other.." she leapt at him, the two of them squeezing the other hard. They didn't need to say it, they both knew what this meant. It was goodbye.

"Thank you, for everything," Jay whispered.

"You're welcome." Will honked the horn, rolling his hands in a way to tell them she had to go. One final look, the last shoulder shrug, and she was off, feeling his stare at every step.

"Are you coming back," he yelled? She turned back to face him.

"I don't know. Are you going to talk to someone?" He smiled as he rolled his eyes, winding up to deliver the rebuttal.

"I don't know." She nodded, spinning around and jogging. Jay watched till she was enveloped in the hectic-ness of O'Hare, Will mocking him as he climbed into the car.

"You're still in love with her."

"What?! No. We ended things a long time ago. Plus, we're in different places doing different things. We've moved on."

"Yeah, sure." O' Hare was a mere speck in the rearview mirror when his brain took him on another trip down memory lane, this time to a highlight in their time together.

_"__My hero. You're still not driving." _

**We have made it to the end. Congrats everyone! This was probably the hardest thing I ever had to write. It took me places I didn't want to go, but through your very sweet comments and the story we have reached the other side. I was driving home from work one day, just minding my own business when Drops of Jupiter came on. I lost it, cried the rest of the way home. It felt so perfect for this story and I just had to include it. Thank you again guys for reading this. Let's see where the next story takes us!**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22- Operation: Scrabble

**You guys, I feel absolutely horrible. I let one of you down and I'm so sorry about that. It's something I never want to do. I spent all of this week sad, upset, disappointed in myself. I want to make this right and I want to deliver what was requested. So the prompts for this chapter are as follows: **

**_NarnianWidow: "Jay is captured and tortured for awhile. He's bad off enough that in med, everyone thinks he's not going to make it. Cue the emotional goodbyes from unit and Will."_**

**_Guest: "Would you ever write a prompt involving Linstead?"_**

**So as you may have noticed we're using Guest's prompt again. I misunderstood what they wanted and I later found out that it wasn't what they were looking for. So this chapter will have Linstead and it will be what the reader was looking for. I hope you can forgive me, Guest! This chapter will be a remake of one of my favorite episodes, The Weigh Station. It's a thrilling, action packed, full of Linstead and really good opportunity for Jay whump and we never got it! So we're righting that wrong right here and right now. Now we must remember there was no Will and there was no major Chicago Med location at this point of the shows. So this will act as the first time we meet Will. Without further delay, let's dive in. **

The plan was everything but foolproof. Jay willingly surrendered himself to a hit man with the intention of luring is bounty hunter out of hiding. His guilt speech was heartfelt and brilliant, citing the innocent ones that fell into harm's way on his behalf, asking every one of them when the point of enough was reached. Erin hated the plan from the moment it all came together. She spoke her piece and made sure everyone understood where she was on the idea: it was stupid and gaping with opportunities for Jay to be swept out of their reach. She was silent when they geared up in the tact room, didn't utter a word once Jay and the hit man had left the premise. Along the way to their hiding points Voight reminded her Jay chose this plan and he was capable, but she didn't want to hear it. She knew the very likely outcome and just helplessly waited for it to happen. It was while they were watching JP pull a fake sleeping Jay out of the passenger that she couldn't wait a moment longer.

"This is crazy. He could take Jay out at any time." Her hand was on the handle, in the process of pushing it open when Adam spoke over the radio.

"He's getting a call." Voight pulled Erin back in the car, speaking with his eyes for her to calm down. Her eyes never left her partner, watching him do an excellent job of pretending to be on high dose pain meds. A minute after the call came through Jay was shoved back into the passenger seat of JP's car and the two drove off. The parade of Intelligence members waited the assumed delay time before rolling along.

"Something's wrong. This isn't right." Voight huffed and sighed, realizing Erin was speaking from the viewpoint of a girlfriend instead of partner. He wanted to tell her this but wisely thought otherwise. He knew her well enough to know she'd fight before cutting him off. Which in this high stakes case was the last thing any of them needed.

…

"What?" They were at a light when the text message lit up JP's phone. For fear of being under surveillance Jay maintained his asleep state, doing his best to appear passed out while communicating with his capture. Without moving his head he rotated his eyes to face the driver, detecting that things weren't calm and collected anymore. The first part of the message was a text that Jay couldn't entirely make out, but what came next was the turning point of everything: a photo. More specifically, a photo of the kid this whole plan hinged on. The child Voight swore to help get into TSA if JP cooperated. The person that now made Jay worthless. He was bound and obviously abducted by the very man they were trying to take down. Never had Jay felt more like a sitting duck in his entire life.

"Sorry, man," JP spoke as he lunged at Jay. The two struggled, one wrestling for a gun while the other was trying to break free. JP reached his gun first, pointing it right at Jay's temple as he yelled for him to stop moving.

"Hand over the gun and phone, now!" Jay knew he had no other option, turning the requested items over with great disgust.

"Put these on," the man yelled again, tossing zip ties in his direction. Jay pulled them on, JP yanked them till they were just about cutting his circulation off.

"You do realize your deal is done. You're going to prison and your son will not get his record erased."

"He's got my son, nothing else matters right now." In the rearview mirror Voight's undercover car came into focus, Jay sighing relief that help was just that far away. But unfortunately JP noticed that element too. Ignoring the light was red he pushed his foot all the way to the floor, the impact of the sudden speed change lunging both occupants of the vehicle backwards. Cars spun out of the way to avoid the speeding vehicle, the act sending blue light flashing behind them.

"He's dusting us," Erin yelled while watching the scene unfold.

"Everybody move, now!" It all too soon became a four car race, three Intelligence vehicles against the lone bad person. They wove their way through the streets, missing stopped and slow vehicles as one tried to outdrive the other. Every street change or possible advantage spot was barked over the radio but Jay and JP always seemed to be two steps ahead of them. The idea of shooting out tires flashed across people's mind but the situation didn't allow for that. The threat of pedestrians, other vehicles, and the fact they were too far away and moving shot that idea down.

The trip went on for several streets and turns before reaching the point of separation. Crossing arms for the Metra train began blinking when Jay and the hitmen were a couple feet away. Instead of slowing the driver just pushed harder, the engine roaring over the sound of the train's whistle. Jay closed his eyes, fully expecting to be hit and pushed down the tracks by the train's impact. He felt the jump of the track and noticed they were still driving a few seconds later. His view revealed the horror of a road and the slowing down of the car. They'd evaded Intelligence and were completely on their own. He looked in the rearview to see the train still flying over the tracks, fully feeling the stupidity of his plan. He should've listened to Voight, to Erin, to everyone who told him this was a bad idea. His intentions were good and the endgame was on point, but the elements between those two moments were now risky and naive. He was alone in a car with a hitman, a retired hitman with a massive motive to get back in the game.

"Should've done this sooner," JP spoke while piercing Jay's skin with something sharp and shiny. The effects were all too quickly felt, Jay already floating and fighting to stay awake.

"Where…are…" was all Jay could get out before he slumped down in the seat. For real this time he was passed out from the large dose of dilaudid.

…

"Dammit!" Erin smacked the dashboard of the car, bring her hand to her mouth as the sting of the act rippled across her hand. Voight was already out of the car, instructing people to move when the time came. The three As, Adam, Alvin, and Antonio, pulled up beside them. They looked towards Erin who shook her head, afraid to show her emotions to the guys.

"Did he have a tracker," she spoke over the radio? Her voice was a mixture of shake and control making her sound like she was trying to keep down a burp.

"There are four on the car."

"Run it," she annoyingly spoke back, scoffing at their delayed action. She stared at them, watching Antonio speak into a phone while Adam tapped and scrolled on the iPad. Al was out of the car, whispering to Voight.

"Got it. They're still moving. They're about ten blocks from here and they're stopped." Erin nodded, hoping Jay had managed to control things but preparing for the very real fact that they'd pulled a switch. The train was still rolling down the track when Voight and Al returned to the driver seats.

"We shouldn't have let him go," Erin spit, Voight actually nodded this time.

"The car is stopped aways ahead of us."

"Probably switched cars. See if there are any reports of a car jacking." Erin was on the radio when the crossing arms raised again, allowing the chase to resume once again. Voight floored it, Al doing his best to keep up with the vehicle. Adam was on speaker, guiding everyone to the last known of the undercover car.

"Car jacking a block away from the LKA was called in seven minutes ago," Erin announced. No one spoke after that, Voight slowing down to a respectful speed. There wasn't a point in chasing anymore. Jay was gone.

…

He awoke when his face came into contact with dirt. The dustiness of the surface floated into his throat and down to his lungs, inducing a serious cough attack. Inhaling wasn't an option, so he did his best to expel as much as the suffocating substance out of himself. His eyes watered as his body was lifted off the ground, his side receiving a nice kick in the process.

"Let's go," a gruff, unknown voice yelled. Jay was finally able to inhale, somewhat thankful for the shot to the side because it seemed to unclogged the lungs. It was nearly dark now, the last of the sun setting behind the medium sized buildings of the city. The fact he could still make out the Chicago skyline comforted him, told him he was still in Cook county for the time being. Further blinks and quick glances revealed he was somewhere familiar, relatively speaking. It was a place well known to the leader of the group, a place where unspoken things went down. The location was abandoned, but assumed it to be owned by Voight. It was where his darkest, quietest deals went down, where criminals were escorted only to never be seen again. It was the Silos, an obviously hasty and irrational decision by someone in this situation.

"Get up, Jay." Another kick came Jay's way, this one landing higher on the chest and much harder than before. An arm was yanked before his body was thrust upright, legs wobbling under him. JP was propping him up, the drugs rendering Jay strengthless and barely above unconscious. His long stares told him they were at the entrance of the Silos, the tall, grey, graffitied cylinders standing on either side of them, seeming to act as guards for the cityscape.

"A trade," Jay asked through a yawn? His capture ignored the obvious question. Jay nodded, mentally preparing himself for what would come next. The bounty hunter wanted him dead, the grotesquely massive reward amount giving away that. So the fact the hitman hadn't killed him yet told Jay his fate lay in the hands of who they were waiting for, which didn't bode well for him making it out alive. The bounty hunter played a smarter game, used the same tactics to lure Jay out and away from Intelligence, prey on the JP's weakness to get exactly what he wanted: a incapacitated Jay to perform what his heart really desired. The torture would be quick but the death would be slow. In an effort save innocent lives Jay all but handed himself his death sentence. When he said he knew the risks of the operation he expected physical harm, not fatal blows. Death was always in the background of the case but he never let it effect him. As he watched a dark van roll down the driveway he wished he's listened to that thought more, truly prepared himself for that moment. All the things he hadn't done flashed across his mind, seeming to act as checkmarks other people would have to fulfill in his name. The severity of this operation's mistake drowned out the fear of dying alone. Whatever happened next was on him. After all it was him who pushed for this, told Voight to tell everyone else he went on his own free will. That seemed pretty ridiculous right now.

Showstack pulled up a couple feet away from them, Jay picking up the smirk and happiness in the man despite the sky's lack of light. There was a pep in his step, the sound of gum smacking and finger snapping letting him know this guy was antsy. He stood at the hood of the van, smiling and laughing as he took Jay and JP in, the scan of them slow and methodical as if to check for booby traps.

"Where's my son," JP asked? Another smacking of the gum and adjusting of his weight before the man spoke.

"In the van. Give me Halstead first and then I'll release your son." JP shook his head.

"I get to see my son before you get Halstead. That's the deal. You've got five second before I get back in my car with him and leave."

"Oh save the righteous speech," Showstack spoke, chuckling as he went to the passenger side of the van. The door slid open, Showstack yelling, and soon a scared, injured kid hobbled out of the van. His hands were bound and his clothing was ripped and disheveled, appearing that he experienced some rounds earlier in the day. The scene became an old fashioned standoff: two groups waiting for the other to make the first move. The drugs still in Jay's system strongly encouraging him to fall back to sleep, that time in the dark would do wonders for him. His eyes took long blinks, during which his body would collapse a little. The bounty hunter laughed when he witnessed the moment, shoving the kid in freedom's direction.

"Get out of here," he barked at him, continuing to laugh as the teenager made his way to his father. Jay fell to the ground as JP ran for his son, hugging and inspecting him as they made their way to the car.

"Take it," the hitman told the bounty hunter, lovingly throwing his son in the vehicle and driving off. Jay was all but passed out by now, the weakness and sluggish moves doing nothing to stop Showstack from dragging him away.

"I've waited a long time to do this," he whispered in Jay's ear. And before Jay could breathe a white hot, spearing pain dug deep into his shoulder. Whatever level of sleep Jay was experiencing quickly vanished, leaving him to reside in a world of hurt. He could feel the blood pumping out, smell the GSR searing into his skin, the pain planting him firm on the ground. Movement was not happening, the shock and realization of what just happened allowing him to do little more than blink and breathe. Another piercing into his skin took place, feeling like a mosquito bite compared to the gunshot. Showstack whispered something into his ear along the lines of 'fun' and 'end' but the sedative nature of the prick rendered his hearing useless. As he drifted off to sleep Jay felt his body being dragged, realizing he was en route to his final destination.

…

"There's the car," Erin pointed out when they rounded the final turn. It was off on the shoulder, the rims scraped into the gutter's lone wall. It didn't look tampered nor was it picked apart. To the uninformed eye one would think it was a broken down or parked car, not a key piece of evidence in a kidnapping case. Wary of surveillance or traps Voight parked a couple car lengths away from the vehicle, reminding Erin that calmness and levelheadedness were crucial instruments at this point. Her response was to slam the car door and stroll, taken aback by Voight's idiotic comments. By the time they arrived the rest were already pulled over and picking the vehicle apart. Antonio was rounding the car, looking for scrape marks or missing pieces, wishfully thinking Jay left clues behind. Al was already popping the hood while Adam and Kevin were combing the back seat and trunk. So much for the threat of being watched.

"Trackers are still here," Alvin announced as he held the small, black box in the air. Voight nodded, securing himself in the driver's seat and watching.

"Jay's phone," Adam called out as he threw it to Erin, shrugging as she helpless stared at it. There went the hope that Jay found a way to keep them informed. He was blind and basically naked out in the world right now.

"There was definitively a struggle. Look at the roof lining, it's got scuff marks and the cuffs are thrown in the back. Also there's a small amount of blood on the passenger side floor." They all stopped their duties to inspect the dime size pool of blood. It was a perfect circle and brown in color, giving away the truth that it dropped to the floor sometime ago. While they all breathed a sigh of relief that the amount was small, what worried them was that things got bloody so quickly. Knowing who and what was out there begging for Jay's death, in the moment they all felt to be a year behind everything else. They were just learning the beginning of things while Jay was probably well on his way to breathing his final breath. It dawned on them that sitting around contemplating was going to be the demise of Jay Halstead. Actions had to happen right now.

"Get this towed back to the district. Get on the phone with your C.I.s, everyone. Jay's maybe got twelve hours left. Every second of that we need to be moving." Each member looked to the other, wanting to see the stubborn insanity streak flash across their face. This was the final gasp before they went under, no one knowing or wanting to find out what things would look like when they came up for air. It was rescuing Jay alive or bust.

"Let's get to work."

…

There was a single lightbulb swinging on a single, long line. It's back and forth motion created this ever changing ambience to the place. One second the world was somewhat lit, the next you could barely see in front of you. Comparing the lightbulb to the square footage of the place caused for speculation, wondering who thought that small amount of light was enough to cover that much space. The tall, cylindrical building towered above them, the small light unable to reach the surface of the roof. You could hear creaking, clawing, movements somewhere high up, but never got the chance to connect the noise to an object. When Jay resurfaced from the latest dose of drugs the first thing he detected was the smell. His world had the aroma of rust, neglect, and tales of another time. His vision was blurry but he could make out needles, glass shards, and a thick layer of dust mere inches from his feet. The shoulder was in the very early stages of bruising. Bleeding had slowed but the soreness and numbing of the shocked and severed muscles and nerves throbbed all over. The smallest amount of twitching sent waves of pain and alertness throughout. Breathing during that time was hard, Jay realizing his outward expression of it all was probably delighting his kidnapper. Tried as hard as he could the emotions and stamina were all but impossible to level out.

A sharp, piercing, deep injection of pain came from somewhere behind him. It was high up and near the center of him. Laughing echoed loudly through the place as Jay screamed out his reaction. Movement was now difficult, breathing was a horrible punishment, and his extremities were under attack. He lowered his head to regain composure but all he got was more anguish and pain. The second strike was to his left thigh, the cut going deep enough to where it hit bone, causing the worst round of pain yet. Tears were there, fear was knocking on the door, but Jay dared not let his attacker win.

"This was just round one." The voice yanked Jay's head upward, forcing him to look the man directly in the eye. They were filled with rage, revenge, emptiness. Jay blinked and his vision gave out, the blow to his head forceful enough to push the chair he was on to the floor. The blows kept coming, varying in location and instrument but all were with full effort. With his legs and arms bound Jay could do nothing but endure the torture. This wasn't his first time he found himself in this predicament, however, this one felt different. Certainly the geographical location differed from the first time, but this one seemed to lack a purpose. In the prior session the attacker wanted information, something from Jay in return for his freedom. This situation had no focus, zero point, and lacked an endpoint. Tonight's beating was purely for fun, placing Jay in a state of agony before he begged for it all to end. There was no talking this guy out of things nor was there an opportunity to sway his fate. It was a two step process: torture and kill. Jay just prayed step one lasted long enough for the others to intervene before step two. All strength and will had left by the time things stopped.

"That was round two. See you in a bit." The eyes were closed now, Jay promising himself the next time he opened them he'd be on the other side. Whether it was in a hospital or worse, this weigh station wasn't going to be seen ever again. His whole body relaxed into an unconscious lump of person as the tower's door slammed in the background.

…

The numbing wore off around midnight, stirring Jay out of his passed out mode and thrusting him back into reality. Strength was all but gone. He was surprised he was still able to breathe and adjust. Checking extremities for movement was a chore. He had to talk his body into it, remind it the task was necessary.

"Do it," was repeated several times till it actually occurred. He'd hold his breath, twitch and grimace before repeating the steps all over again. The eyelids remained glued shut, continuing to keep the promise of never seeing this place again. The creaking and moving above were still present but not as scary now. In his current draining state any option was better than where he was. Getting out of there was just as enticing as another force finishing his captor's objective. Jay was still on the ground, arms completely on pins and needles against the draining blood and compressed position. The fact Jay was still alive and not in complete shock was a miracle. Perhaps the shoulder injury wasn't as serious as it felt, but the pulsating groan from his back told him he was far from out of the woods. Breaths were gurgled, his insides seeming to be more swollen since the last time he woke up, and everything else screamed done. Jay wasn't sure if this was the guy's entire plan, but so far the eternal, sluggish march toward death was going with the suspected plan. Jay did a mental check down of himself, feeling that all his clothing was still on his body. Shoes were untied but there, pants and shirts were twisted awkwardly, but the hoodie is what made him perk up. What he didn't tell the bounty hunter, or anyone else for that matter, was that a tracker was sewn into that particular article of clothing. It's why the thing was always at the office, just in case things went belly up and he was alone. As long as he had the thing on, his exit strategy was in place. Any radar, computer system, or radio frequency would receive the signal. The only downside was that he had to press a button nestled along the zipper.

"That was stupid planning," Jay panted, smirking as he wrangled up strength to turn himself over. For the next hour he rocked his bound self back and forth, stifling off grunts and moans before gathering himself for the next round. What began as millimeter rocks became full sideway shifts, a small cheer of relief spring out of him when he felt the musty concrete surface kiss the side of his face. From there it was the simple task of freeing his wrists from the zip ties. Sure, it required digging the sharp edges deeper into his wrists but Jay didn't mind. Adding up the numerous bleeding and painful spots on his body, his wrists seemed to be afterthoughts. Training told him to not yank, that the more he fought the tighter the bands would become. Instead he put his strength and weight into the weak point, the middle of the loop. He'd visualize the spot, ball his hands into a fist, and then yank. The first time the bands budged while its' corners cut into his wrists. The second time his hands banged against the wooden chair. He was free.

Jay shook with tears and relief as his hands ran down the hoodie and pressed the button. The clicking sensation never felt so good. Whatever guilt or last thoughts he had vanished. The team was alerted, his location was no longer a mystery. He was going home. The team would be storming the place in minutes, hours; he just had to live long enough for them. The night's events resulted in him reaching a new level of exhaustion. He maybe got two, three chuckles in before everything went limp. His final thought was to make it to sunrise. Do that, he was home free.

…

"You got out of your restraints!" A hard fist greeted his sound asleep self. His head was pounding, every inch of him was bruised. Tell him fire was about to reign down on him and he wouldn't have cared. No force on earth was going to propel him to get up. He was numb, cold, aching, dying. He felt to be in his final moments, each breath assumed to be his last. The voice kept yelling, saying explicit things before meeting a new part of him. The level of anger from the day before was a whisper compared to this morning. He was irate, out of control. The punching turned into stabbing, literally. The brain was telling Jay to react, fight back and run, but the body had other plans. He literally couldn't move, having no other option other than to breathe through it all. He felt the object entering and leave his body, whimpering in pain with each strike. Breathing was interrupted by the sharp, blunt object, forcing Jay to choke and taste blood seconds later. Time to conclude things wasn't allowed, the lifeblood was escaping and he had to slow the flow. Before he could register what he was doing both hands were clamped onto his throat, doing their best to scoop things back in and locate the source of his problems. He was so focused on this he didn't hear the silo's doors burst open, failed to detect Voight's boisterous voice command for things to stop. The gun going off made him jolt, but the hands never left his neck.

"Jay!" It was an angel speaking, his oxygen deprived mind concluded. The white light was welcoming him home and he was serious considering taking it up on its' offer. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, only inducing more pain. Soft hands fell on his, the voice returning once again.

"Oh no. We need help, now!" The voice was definitely hers, the body movements and sensations solidifying that Erin was there. Something told him to try opening his eyes and he obeyed, the bleary vision only able to make out her outline. She was right above him, close enough for him to smell her scent and feel her breaths. He blinked once before she noticed his gaze.

"Hey, I've got you. Stay with me. We're getting you out of here." Attempting to nod resulted in massive amount of blood spilling out of his mouth. Erin rolled him onto his side to assist, tears pouring at the sight of things.

"We've got a game night waiting for us at my place remember?" She did her best to smile, allowing the tears to stream down as Jay weakly smirked before going completely limp. Erin didn't loosen her grip on his neck, refusing to scan his body for more damage. She couldn't help but see her hand in the outcome of things, the obvious moment where she should've pushed harder blinking in her forefront. She was his partner and she let him down in a massive way.

"Do not give up," she cried as the blue eyes faded into nothing.

…

It became a mad dash to Lake Shore. Shortly after Jay slipped into unconsciousness he was intubated and awarded a couple IVs before being thrown into the back of the ambulance and sent on his way. Erin never left him, running with the medics and leaping into the back of the rig with them. Voight lead the way, lights on and sirens screeching into the early morning commute. The eight minute trip from the Silo's to Lake Shore was scary to say the least. Jay flirted with heart cessation a couple times, requiring a couple rounds of the defibrillator before resuming a relatively normal rhythm. But that wasn't the worst part of the trip. The more Erin stared at Jay the greater the number of injuries popped up. From head to around his knees his skin was no longer normal looking. His face was either dark red or blue, the blood dripping from several cuts in his hairline and down his face. Both eyes were blackened while while nose and cheekbones looked to have gone a few rounds with a strong object. His neck was slowing its' bleeding out thanks to some substance the medic poured on top of it. As articles of clothing were removed a new round of stab wounds were put on display for the world. Erin lost count around ten, but knew that number would be much higher by the day's end. The bullet wound on the shoulder looked infected, the puss and dried blood making everyone in that rig grimace. The animal that did this to him had no moral compass, no limit to his actions. It was obvious he just went at Jay, not stopping till the stubborn idiot gave out. Erin grabbed for a hand and squeezed, mad at Jay for what he agreed to and thanking him for making it this far.

The back doors sprung open without warning, causing Erin to jolt and whip her head around. Upon seeing it was help she sat back, allowing the qualified people to do their thing. It was a whirlwind journey getting from the ambulance to the ER. Erin jogged behind the growing crowd of people, focusing her attention on Jay's head. People were shouting orders while others were relaying information about his condition. It was the last thing Erin wanted to hear, the small likelihood her of partner in crime seeing the sun set that night. A hand literally pushed her out of the way when they reached a treatment room.

"I have to stay with him," she argued, but the response was a closed curtain. She went audible, closing her eyes as she listened to Jay be transferred from gurney to bed. Monitors were hooked up, beeping the tune of someone trying to not give up. Erin cupped her hands over the top of her head as words like 'removal' and 'excessive' and 'spinal injury' flew out of the room. Her feet felt to be glued to that place in the ER, her mind concluding they'd have to run her over. She wasn't leaving him, look what happened the one time she did. Voight found her in a ball resting on the balls of her feet, kneeling down to whisper into ear. Voices were calling for tests and scans when Voight picked her up off the floor and walked her down the hall to a waiting room. She was sobbing, smacking Voight's shoulder while yelling at him. For the moment Jay appeared to be on a one way trip to the end and she couldn't help but see their role in that journey.

…

The door creaked open about an hour later, the ER doctor being met by a a few dozen eyes. Voight and Erin sat in the room for several minutes, Hank acting as the verbal wall Erin kept pounding into. She was furious, infuriated with how things went down. She argued she should've been with him, they needed to have had more details surrounding the scene and more bugs on Jay. Voight didn't speak till she collapsed into a chair, slumping over and closing her eyes. He argued that everything was in the past, that Jay was capable to handle himself and was the one that called for backup. Certainly they could've done more to avoid what went down, but Jay was alive and in safe and capable hands. Silence filled the room for the remainder of the hour, only being interrupted by the inconsistent trickling of Intelligence members and officers of the 21st. They all did the same thing, looked over and nod. They knew Voight and Erin didn't know much, didn't feel the need to remind them of that every couple of minutes. Their nods would be met with shrugs and grunts, everyone claiming a chair or wall to lean against. By the time the the ER doctor came along the room was standing room only.

"He's on his way up to surgery. It'll be awhile till we know for sure but he was alive when he got up there. Does he have an emergency contact?" All heads rolled to greet Voight, staring at him with judging, impatient eyes.

"We'll find out." The doctor nodded, not sure where to go from there.

"How bad is it," Erin asked? The doctor shifted his weight, looking down at the floor as he slowly spoke.

"Um, I'm not going to lie I haven't ever seen anything that bad. He was shot in the shoulder sometime ago, probably looking at a serious infection and tissue death. He was stabbed twenty-five times, the worst being his neck and back. One of the wounds to the back was close to the spinal cord and his reflex tests suggest he might have some issues. But that could just be from the trauma and swelling. We won't know till after surgery. You guys are more than welcome to stay here or move upstairs and wait but it'll be several hours."

"Is he going to make it?" The doctor shrugged.

"I can't say for certain. Let's just see how surgery goes." They all nodded, thanked the doctor for his efforts before the man hung his head and exited. He looked like a little kid riddled with guilt over something he did, which did little to boost spirits. Adam and Kevin were the first to stand, walking towards Voight and kneeling in front of him.

"Does he have an emergency contact?"

"He never told me one." Adam looked to Kevin who eventually nodded, not looking forward to what was coming next.

"Why don't we go over to his place and look for information. Surely he's got to have something there."

"His place is still a crime scene," Antonio pointed out.

"Great, then we won't have to deal with a key." Voight nodded, standing and looking around at the group, feeling the need to say something.

"We're not leaving him. The last thing he needs is to wake up alone. I'm heading upstairs and everyone is more than welcome to join. You two, go check out the apartment." Adam and Kevin wasted no time, marching for the door and springing it open wide.

"I'm coming with," Erin announced. She felt the glares, the people mentally telling it was a bad idea, but the last thing she wanted to do was sit around and wait. Distractions were her lifeline right now. Grabbing her coat she met the boys in three strides, brushing past them and practically jogging down the hallway. Jay was going to have to hang on till she returned.

…

The place was in shambles. Not a single article of clothing or piece of furniture was spared from the disruptive attitude of the intruder. The three of them stood in the doorway and gawked, looking for a pattern or clue and finding nothing. Whoever did this wanted to stir fear and anger and chaos, the lack of anything missing evidence of that. The boys looked to Erin, about to tell her to stay outside, when she rolled under the police tape.

"Do we know if he has any family in the area?" Both of them shook their head.

"In all honesty, what do we know about him? Apart from the military and he was in Organized Crime, what else do we know?" That one drove things home. Despite the fact they worked with each other all day five, six days a week, very little of them knew very few things about each other. While they were a cohesive unit at work, in reality they were a bunch of strangers. Erin elected to take the bedroom while Kevin and Adam split up the living room and kitchen. The urge to clean the place up had to be strongly resisted, each of them telling the other they were stepping on a crime scene. As Erin dug through dresser drawers and storage compartments she noted the lack of personal items. While he had clothing and accessories, she realized there was a lack of pictures, childhood trinkets, zero high school or college memorabilia. The mind traveled to deeper, more serious thoughts. Was Jay adopted? Was he rejected by his family? Did something happen to them? Why did he chose to not display them in his own home? She loved him, but quickly came to realize she didn't know him, had fallen for a stranger with an even more mysterious background than hers.

"I'm not finding anything," Adam yelled from the kitchen.

"Same here," Kevin replied. They met up at Jay's bedroom door, giggling at Erin's feet sticking out from under his bed. She was elbow deep in a shoebox kicked into the far corner under the bed. The dust was extra thick in this portion of the bed, causing her to repeatedly sneeze while digging deeper into the box's contents. It was here she found it, a yellowed, crispy, faded will with the Rangers emblem stamped on the top.

"I got something." She gently threw the piece of paper onto the floor, scooting her way out and dusting herself off. Adam knelt down to collect the frail stack of papers.

"It's a will?" Erin nodded.

"Why did he need a will?"

"I don't know. But the beneficiary is listed as Will Halstead." Eyes lit up.

"He's got a brother." Erin half nodded.

"The address is in Chicago and the number is probably different, but it's a start." A call into dispatch later revealed Will was on longer in Chicago, but in New York. The option to call the given number or pass the task off to someone else was presented, none of them wanting to perform that hated job.

"Forward the information to Voight," Erin commanded as they shut the apartment door behind them. No one was envious of what was coming next. The poor shmuck was about to have his life turn upside down.

…

He was at a celebration dinner, watching his boss be presented with a lifetime achievement award. People were laughing, drinking, riding the successful high. His date was a bombshell blonde, someone he met at a bar a few weeks back. She was an aspiring actress, he was a surgeon, they hit it off splendidly. There was a lull in the speech when his phone went off. People looked around horrified, in disbelief that someone would fail to silence their phone. Naturally, he was at a table at the front of the room, on display for everyone to see. His date looked at him funny, questioned why he wouldn't just take the call. By the fourth ring he couldn't shake it off anymore. He scooped his phone out of his pocket and did his best impression of a speed walk. He forewent looking at the caller ID, the familiar area code telling him enough about the caller.

"Hello?" Hank closed his eyes, disappointed the person on the other end picked up. In situations like these, a voicemail is a far easier thing to hear this kind of news. He swallowed, clearing his throat before continuing.

"Is this Will Halstead?" Will didn't recognize the voice, not sure if this was a prank or something else.

"Yeah, who's calling?"

"Hank Voight of the Chicago Police Department."

"What did my dad do now?" Voight's face became shocked, realizing that not only did Jay have a brother but a father, in Chicago for that matter.

"This isn't about your father. Your brother Jay was hurt pretty bad today. He's in surgery now but the doctor's told us to get in contact with you." Will hadn't heard from that side of the country for awhile, had almost forgotten he had a brother on the force. So for this stranger to reach out to him was both startling and humbling. Despite their past his brother still viewed him as help, a person to reach for in a time of need. All air vanished from his lungs. Stumbling to a bench he sat in disbelief, fully feeling the weight of being a plane ride away from Jay. Questions danced in his head, shock rippled across his body. But what troubled him most was what to do next. He looked to the ballroom, listening to the laughter and applause erupt out of the room, realizing he'd be leaving a whole lot behind without notice.

"Will, are you still there?" Will nodded as he replied.

"I'm on the next flight out. It'll be a couple hours but I'll be there."

"Ok." Will rose, taking one step forward at a time. He began with a slow crawl, picking up the pace to a full sprint.

"Um, Hank," he yelled through the phone? Voight responded with a grunt.

"Keep me posted."

"Definitely." Will was halfway down the block before he hung up.

…

The sun had long since set when the surgeon emerged from the elusive operating room. Given the fact that most of the people in the waiting room hadn't slept in two days, a majority of them were snoring when he entered the room. For a moment no one reacted, the surgeon taking in the quiet, peaceful scene. What he had for them was anything but hopeful and pleasant, so allowing them those precious seconds of normalcy was important. He worked his way to the middle of the room, doing a 360 of the place before clearing his throat, which made just about everyone fall out of their seat. Raising his eyebrows in a greeting, the members of Intelligence and the district straightened themselves upright, readying themselves for the answers to their long, overthought questions.

"He made it, but just barely. Most of the trauma required suturing and irrigating which we were able to successfully do. The problems areas of the shoulder, neck, and back are another story. The incision to the neck fortunately did not hit ay major arteries and veins. A lot of smaller, non fatal sources were hit, thus the large amount of blood loss, but it wasn't as bad as it looked. Unfortunately his thyroid was severed in half and we had to remove its' remnants. You can live without your thyroid, requiring replacement therapy for the rest of your life. His shoulder did develop a nasty staff infection and his body is really trying to fight it. We were able to remove as much of the damaged and infected tissue as we could but he's still fighting the infection. We've got him on the strongest meds possible, but we just have to wait and see."

"What about the back," Voight asked?

"Ah yes. He got very lucky with that one. The knife did indeed hit his spinal cord but it only sliced, it did not sever. Think of striking an apple. If you slide the knife in and pull it right out you've only created a slit in the skin and tissue, you haven't removed any of the tissue. All his nerves and vertebra are there, it just required reattaching what had been sliced. He has some movement in his extremities but its' sluggish. Over time as thing heal that all should return to normal, but it's going to be awhile before he feels totally fine again."

"What are his odds," Erin asked? The surgeon took a breath, looking up towards the ceiling for the answer.

"He's been through a lot. Any one of these injuries would be a lot for his body, the combination of everything is really asking a lot for him right now. He's got a lot of fighting to do and I suggest you all prepare for the worst." Erin hadn't cried since Voight yanked her away from Jay, but the waterworks kicked back in the second she heard that. She didn't bother looking around the room for help and comfort, her only source of strength and reliance was lying in a bed somewhere slowly dying. In all likelihood the bastard that did this to him was going to get his way, which ticked her off even more. Erin couldn't take it anymore, refused to spend another second away from her partner. Wiping her eyes she rose and walked towards the door.

"Which room," she mumbled. The surgeon must've picked up the control and stubbornness in her tone. She wasn't going to stop until she was reunited with Jay.

"824." That was all she needed. Erin didn't know the interworking of the hospital nor did she know the checkpoints she'd have to breakthrough. She was getting to Jay, nothing was going to stop her. Her journey began with the stairs, reaching the sixth floor only to be surprised the rooms started in the 900s. A short elevator ride and ever weaving hallway run later she was at the ICU entrance, hastily answering questions and filling out guest paperwork. Her eyes were glued to the doors, praying for them to swing open the entire time. She stood at the middle of the two doors, just about to bang on them when the siren went off and she was granted access. She gait slowed to a speedy but controlled walk. She past 820, 822, coming to a stop at the sight of room 824.

There was very little of him on display for the world. The room was practically pitch black, the brightest light sources being the digital display from the life saving devices surrounding the bed. Erin pulled the glass door open to be greeted by silent beeps and whooshes of a dying human. She hesitated at the foot of the bed, noting the position Jay was laying at and the limpness to his person. From head to toe he was covered gauze, tape, and small plastic tubes. Tubing for IVs, drains, and basic bodily functions littered him. Blood spots could be picked around the more serious sections of him, the ones that high amounts of blood seeped out of. Pulling closer Erin noted the shade and alertness to him, concluding he looked anything but alive. He was dead, fake, a thing people were doing crazy experiments on. A hospital gown was thrown over the top half of him, the sheets and blankets of the bed covering the lower half. The only thing that wasn't bound or covered was his head, allowing the disheveled head of hair to be seen by the outside world. Erin claimed the right of the bed, sitting close enough to where she could run her hands through the brown mop. Through the torture, ambulance ride, and lengthy surgery his hair had transitioned from kept and perfect to a bed headed mop. Her hands were shaking but every passthrough did wonders for her spirits. The hair was thick, wavy, caked in hair product and smelled like him. While it was just a part, it was everything to her. It was Jay, her Jay under everything. The tears were dripping down her face as she leaned over and hugged him, remaining like that for several minutes. The fear of injuring him was there, but something told Erin what Jay needed now was to feel loving, trying, human contact. Something other than doctors and nurses encouraging him to pull through.

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving again," she cried into his shoulder. By now the rest of the group had found the room, were gathered outside the door watching in heartbreak. No one cared that their little moment was more than what was lead on. All they prayed was that this wasn't the end, the beginning of several farewells.

…

He made it the following morning, survived long enough for Will to make it through the doors. He was taller than Jay, about as put together as Jay was. Upon first glance you'd never guess the two of them were brothers. For starters Will was a read head but lack the freckles. He wasn't rugged but looked scholastic, very much in line with being a doctor. Hair was short and parted in a perfect way, not an strand of facial hair to be found. What they did have in common was there rather pale complexion. While some figured it was seeing his brother like that, the majority of them figured the Halsteads had an issue with enjoying the sun, taking the time to soak in the vitamin D. The half dozen faces that greeted him took him off guard, but in a god way. He didn't know any of them but were touched they hadn't left him. Down the road they'd get the full story, hear how when Jay came back Will had checked out, gone to find himself and leave everything behind. But for the time being they didn't dare ask questions, fill his mind with guilt. In that moment Will was just a family member, a person they all needed to quickly and wholly embrace. They parted the human sea, allowing Will a place to sit on the edge of the bed, allow him the same exposure and intake of Jay as they all had received. Questions were filled by the medical team, Will eventually figuring out next steps before they were spoken.

"Hang in there, Jay. We have some catching up to do," Will calmly spoke before leaning over to kiss his brother's forehead. Everything he was doing was so out of character but fit the moment. No one said anything after that, allowing the brother's their much needed reunion.

Jay didn't give up on day three or four, but by day five he looked to be in his final hours. Fevers were reaching new heights, Jay flirting with a broiling brain or permanent coma every other hour. Intelligence never left, literally put life on hold for the foreseeable future. Their conclusion was that there was no future without Jay. He had to pull through, everything else was secondary to that belief. Day six saw the fever break. Day seven saw his feet move for the first time on their own. From there it became a good waiting game, everyone placing joke-based bets on when Jay would return, ask to be discharged against medical advice. Erin spent the night of day eight sandwiched between Jay's right side and the railing of the bed. They all knew the secret now, none of them caring in the least. She wanted to do it since night one, finally giving into the temptation that evening. Nurses worked around her, Erin didn't mind the six inch space to sleep. She had to feel him next to her, listen to his breaths expel close to her. Even if the breaths were mechanical, Erin didn't mind. It was him under everything.

The sunlight of day nine was extra bright that morning, as if it knew what the day had in store for the residents of room 824. Jay didn't wake up when they all did, snored his way through lunchtime. But it was during the waining hours of the evening that the eyes snapped open, his right hand brushing against Erin made her jump in startled delight. He wasn't all the way back, but the eye contact they had was just as strong and on point as the last time they were together.

"Yes, you can stay at my place. I'll even bust out the Scrabble." Exhausted Jay did his best attempt of perking up, the eyebrows raising but an inch as he smiled against the breathing tube.

"Everyone's here, even your brother." Jay scrunched his face, looking around for proof.

"I'm just glad I got to meet someone from your family." Jay blinked and grunted in pain. Erin offered to get help and Jay gave a minuscule nod. By the time she returned with the watch party Jay was passed out. So much for the cinematic reunion.

**So I tried a new writing style. With all the long, super detailed and slow paced stories I wanted to switch it up, try to hurry the pace of things. I'm not totally sure how I feel about it. But that's the beauty of writing, it allows to you experiment, step out of your norm for a moment. Sometimes it all works out other times you learn to never try that again. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I get that people will be upset with the including of Erin and I get it, but I had to make things right. I hope you understand. I do have to apologize for the lengthy time between stories. I had a crappy week last week with personal stuff and work and just wasn't able to bring myself to write. Next story we'll be back on track doing our normal things. Can't wait to see where we go next. Thank you for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23- To Be Continued?!

**I'm bbbbbbaaaaaacccccckkkkkkkkk! Hello my lovelies. After taking a slight reprieve from the one shots I'm back and ready to kick off another leg of our little adventures together. Because it's been a minute since we've connected and shared, I though I'd take the reigns for this chapter, set us off once again. Now I'm sure by now you all are aware of the season 7 fall finale. Finally, after sever years our time has finally come. We're getting legitimate Jay whump. Who's as excited as I am?! And as splendid and hectic as the fall finale was, January 8th looks to be that much more. More drama, more whump, more uncertainty, more of everything. **

**Now of course you knew I had to take a stab at this one. I cannot wait any longer, it's time to dissect things, begin to interpret what all could go down next month. I'm going to go ahead and say this is all an interpretation, as all fan fiction really is. Based on the fall finale episode and the preview for the January episode, this is what I think could, will, and hope to see happen. I could be completely wrong, semi correct, we'll just to wait a few more weeks to find out. So, without anymore delay, let's dive right in. We're picking up immediately from where the fall finale ended. Here we go!**

For once in her life she wished she went against better judgement, been the bad, jerky partner in their duo. Because had she not listened to Jay and stay with the guy he'd just taken down perhaps the thing that just happened below her wouldn't have played out in the way it had. She was just wrapping up a report to the team, to dispatch her findings and needs, perched over the splayed body when the shot propelled itself into the atmosphere, landing somewhere rather precious. The surprise of it all, the depth and layers of the noise seeming to pierce her very being, when her senses told her that shock and awe was going down under her. Her entire body jolted, from her scalp to toenails everything came together and released, the tiniest of squeaks coming out of her as a result. Things were supposed to be safe, cleared, over. She rescued her partner, had him in her grasp mere seconds ago, this couldn't, shouldn't, wasn't what was to follow next. She was on her feet, at the top of the stairs with shaky soles as she called out for her partner, just beginning to know what wasn't coming.

"Jay?!" You could pick up that something was moving, shifting and shuffling before some amount of body weight hit the ground. As she descended two more steps the faintest sound of air went out, human made to be exact. It was so quiet, but the fear, pain, shock behind it had Hailey picking up her speed.

"Jay, talk to me," she called out once again, hoping more words would earn her a grunt, something. But as she reached the bottom of the steps, turning to the location her partner spent the last day, life came to a halt. It was as if invisible cement was keeping her in that place of the building, eyes recording the horror with the brain going entirely blank. Jay was on his back on the ground, chest donning a new blood spot. His right hand was hovering over him, like it wanted to land but was being told to hang on. The chest was trying to do it's most basic of tasks. Inhales were minuscule, baby puffs coming out right after. His eyes were tiny slits at the moment, seeming to be battling the unconscious/alert war. To the right of him was Angela, lying on her side and clutching a really large bloody place on her. There was a gun about a foot in front of her, handle facing her with the firing end going in Jay's direction. Jay, gun, Angela. Angela, gun, Jay. That's when it all clicked, this realization seeming to be the ticket that sprung Hailey free of her restraints.

"Stay with me, Jay," Hailey coolly told the expiring body as she made her way to Angela, securing the gun in her waistband before working towards Jay. He was shivering, pain filled gurgles now taking over the breathing tasks. Hailey dropped to her knees, grabbing the suspended hand and death gripping it.

"Jay, you have to stay with me." He didn't respond, didn't even make an attempt to nod or blink or give any bodily response to her. He was clearly in shock, both from a medical and mental perspective. The blood stain on his chest was growing ever wider, darker, and scarier by the heart beat. Despite the fact that the target was Jay and the shooter was hurt themselves, the shot was a good one, certainly ranked in the 'kill shot' range. It was in a vital location, it's endpoint one causing great trauma. The more Hailey stared the tighter her throat got. One doest realize how much blood the human body can hold. Certainly you hear the number in school and can see the evidence of it at a crime scene, but to see a living body quickly expel all it's contents, with little to no barriers of exit, it puts things in a whole other perspective. Jay was bleeding out, dying right under her. He needed a hospital, an OR, and machine that would temporarily stop everything in an effort for him to be saved. But instead they were alone, in a basement of a warehouse dozens of miles away from help without so much as a gauze pad to slow things down. Hailey balled her coat up in her hand and pressed hard, those tears that were once in her throat dropping out of her eyes now.

"Stay with me, Jay," she prayed again, smiling as she watched the non-swollen eye flutter to a close.

"Dammit, Jay! You're not dying on this floor. You need to hang on for just a little bit. C'mon. I know you're tired but you can't sleep right now." All body weight was utilized now, her extra pump of pressure doing enough to stir one eye open.

"Good! Good job, Jay." Angela was saying something, shouting out curses and hatred for Jay, but the words were muffled syllables in Hailey's world. It was just her and Jay, the two of them with a single goal: getting to level ground. Hailey's radio crackled that help was here, needing to know her location in order for them to get to her. It was at that moment she realized she didn't tell them what happened, but dared to not lose focus on the person under her. So instead she screamed, yelled a location till her throat cracked.

"Help is here, Jay. Stay with me." Again, nothing from the person under her just more delayed blinks and small pants now. Hailey swore she saw something red in the corners of his mouth, that one sending chills. Commotion stumbled its' way down the stairs in the form of Adam, Voight, and paramedics for the two people.

"Oh God," Adam declared as he got the first glimpse of things. Hailey just nodded, not daring to budge till someone with medical training told her to. While Voight and Adam stood in the doorway dumbfounded, a pair of medics brushed past them, practically yelling for Hailey to clear room for them to work. She did as was told, scooting away on her rear end and into a ball, forehead meeting her knees as the story of the future began to be read aloud to the world.

"Halstead took it to the chest," Adam called over the radio.

"Clear a path for us and start blocking off intersections between here and Med. He needs to go now. Get a 10-1 protocol going now."

"GWS to the chest. Bullet is still in there," a medic alerted the group as they rolled Jay back onto his back.

"Can't tell if it hit the heart but it's close. He needs to go now. Alert Med were coming in with a bad one." When Hailey looked up Jay was no longer visible to her. People, a lot of people were around and above him, all giving those looks of wishful thinking or false hope. Rising to her feet gave her a better look, watching in helplessness as they plopped him on a gurney, the oxygen mask, and discarded bloody gauze pad acting as pushbacks for her. In the span of seconds he looked so much worse, marching that much closer to the end of things. She inhaled, choked on a tear, and then advanced towards the exit. If this was the end of things, she wasn't going to be a bystander of it all.

"Stay with us," she told him as they made their way up the steps. A hard hand squeeze from her got a wince from him, Hailey looking away from the step to the face under her. She smiled, he blinked. It was the only and last time they communicated that day.

Sunlight was the last thing Jay saw that day. The adjustment from the crappy basement lighting to the world's most powerful power source had him squinting before going totally limp. He made it to seeing the white and all its' splendor, fulfilling that unspoken promise to not have that musty, damp, blood dripping place be his final view of the world. Hailey stepped aside as Jay was loaded into the ambulance, doors being shut on the group as it sped towards the one place that could save Jay. Hailey stood in the middle of the street, listening to the sirens wail into the city, a mixture of ambulance and police sirens alerting Chicago one of its' occupants was on the brink of exiting, checking into a another place for the rest of time. Tears were pouring down her face as she viewed the caravan make the right hand turned and disappear.

The scene seemed to exhale. Turning around the face the building Hailey couldn't help but see things had relaxed, like they'd played their role in the conclusion of Jay Halstead. He was alive when he was under their purview, whatever else happened was out of their control. Angela was being loaded into her ambulance at this point, not be awarded the procession and police salute that Jay received. Hailey noted the handcuffs clasped to the gurney's handrail, smirking in small satisfaction over that. A once over of the place had Hailey thinking deep, dark thoughts. Whatever happened today this place was forever cursed, marked as a dark place. Apart of Jay Halstead died at this place today. Whether it was his entire being or a version of him at one point in time, that essence of Jay Halstead would never find it's way to higher ground, forever be imbedded in that cramped space some two stories below the earth. This day would forever change him, act as the crossroads of things. The coming minutes and hours would steer him in a certain direction, but this place, that room became the springboard for things. In that moment Hailey wanted to vomit, run home and pack her bags and never look back, but a wiser force interrupted her plans.

"C'mon, let's get over there. Will's going to want answers," Voight nudged her, walking towards the car before hesitating at the passenger side. Hailey was met with a choice: run into the scary unknown or flee for safety and forgetfulness. Despite the protesting inside her, the choice was surprisingly clear.

…

Perhaps the best way to describe pulling up to Med is a haunted house or maze. From far away the exterior looks innocent, perfectly normal and just like all the other buildings and structures surrounding it. But as you approach the front door things begin to shift. The hairs on your arms start to pick up, one of the body's amazing censoring systems preparing you for something unpleasant that will scare the life out of you. Cars, people, things were once assumed as normal and in line with the aesthetic now begin to scare you, bringing you to that moment of fear and wrath before things are let down. As Hailey and Hank made their way to the ED entrance, this strange and poignant occurrence was well underway within them. Venturing away from the parking lot and walking past the ambulance bay, Hailey noted that Jay had arrived some amount of time ago, the emptiness of the vehicle and stillness to it proof that the occupants were still inside. Hailey did the horrible thing of peering into the back of the rig, thinking that would help in some strange way. But instead of putting her at ease, the overall bloodiness of the space had her stomach in her throat, a gag falling out when she noticed the blood all over the oxygen mask that he once wore.

"Let's go," Voight gruffly called to her, Hailey deciding to not inquire about the emotions in his voice. Hailey hesitated another second at the ambulance, swallowed the fear that Jay got progressively worse since their last encounter, and moved on. What greeted them on the other side of the ED doors went right along with the mood of a horror house: pandemonium.

For starters the place was jam packed with people, police officers to be exact. Think rush hour on the subway in the middle of the summer. You couldn't move around to save your life, much less sit anywhere. Overall, the gathering of cops for one of their fallen own is beautiful, a stunning reminder that they all were a family. Their roles and rankings were vastly different, but at the end of the day they all lived under one blue roof. Certainly in the coming hours and days this stunning portrait of family would resonate with Hailey, Voight, and the rest of Intelligence, but for today it was chaos in its' purest form. Hundreds of voices shouting, shaking, spreading ten thousand rumors that varied in story and gravity. It certainly was a buzz but those pushing past the crowd grew to hate the noise. The tone was death, the stories seeming to be farewell speeches, examining the likelihood of Jay making it another hour. Hailey wanted to cry, scream, tell them all to run for the hills, but some small voice in the form of Jay's voice told her to let it go. They were uninformed and his finality wasn't up to them. Hailey practically slapped the ED doors when she reached them, Maggie shaking her head as she granted her access.

"I'm sorry about all of them. They started all that racket in here and I practically had to shove them in there." Hailey shook her head, swallowing as she inched closer to the woman.

"Where is he?"

"Trauma three. Surgeons are already down in there. I think it would be best if you hung back here."

"It's that bad?" Maggie nodded. Hailey pushed, gazed into her face to search for any amount of BS or lies. She failed to detect any.

"Come sit over here with me." Maggie pointed to a chair next to hers. Hailey slowly slinking around the counter and hovering over the seat, knowing what was coming the second she allowed herself some amount of rest. She closed her eyes, opening to blurry vision as her body relaxed.

"Where's Will," she whispered.

"Sharon had him in her office till someone called for Rhodes. It was awful. He ran down here, looking rather mad and beside himself. He's in there with Jay. Sharon tried pulling him out but he gave her this look that I have never seen before."

"Damn."

"Yeah…" Maggie trailed off, the two of them watching the drawn curtains. With the ability to see mercifully shielded from them, the reliance on other senses had to be utilized. Smelling was out the window, thankfully, but the noise coming from that way was enough to make your skin crawl. For starters the tune of the heart monitor, it's increased speed and irregular beat showcasing to the world that Jay's heart was unwell, in the midst of a good battle with the grim one. From there shouting and commands from doctors was serious, the tone veering on panic. Whoever was talking was trying to be calm in a situation that was all too quickly becoming out of control. Every now and then you'd hear protesting, someone telling another person to get out or step back. That was the one time Hailey smirked the entire day, figuring out it was Will getting in the way or telling people how to do their jobs, a very Halstead thing to do.

"Do you know anything," Hailey eventually asked, trying to distract from the truth that Jay had been in that closed off room much longer then any of them would've liked.

"No," Maggie spoke through a shaking head.

"I know they brought in a thoracotomy tray but other then that…"

"Thoracotomy?"

"Chest tube procedure. He lung was probably filling with blood and they had to relieve it, insert the chest tube to help re-inflate the lung." Hailey nodded, feeling the bile makes its' quick trip north. Her mouth was open, about to ask more into this painful sounding procedure, when the curtains were drawn, doors flying open as both women rose from their places. He looked dead, the paleness and amount of crap on him all but solidifying that first thought. It was glimpses, freeze frames of him in between the arsenal of people pushing him to the next level of awaiting help. Hailey's assumption of Jay being intubated was correct, the blood around the tube and mouth gave away that he gagged on blood before receiving the breathing assistance. He wasn't clothed, wasn't awake, and didn't look to be in any form of pain, which honestly scared more then comforted. Pain meant living, fighting, want. In that nanosecond look at him, Hailey swore she saw wavering, peacefully slipping away into the forever. But that wasn't the worst part about the whole thing. Because the medium sized, blue surgical towel draped over the chest region is what had the feet picking themselves up.

"Hailey!" Another couple steps were taken, trying to catch up with the stampede headed for the elevators.

"Hailey!" That one was a bit louder that time, doing the trick of stopping her in her place. She couldn't get here eyes off of it, racking her brain of her very limited medical knowledge to determine what was going on under that towel.

"You don't want to see that," Maggie called to her, that being enough to tell the story. Hailey spun around, suddenly unable to look at Jay. She heard the elevator open up and the gurney and people scoot on, the doors closing in their silent way as the horrific adventure moved to another floor. Stopping at the trauma room a thought struck Hailey: this was all she did in life. She was never there at the exact moment people needed her. She was always just a second behind, the person that came in after destruction had run its' course. Her simple minded self thought she was helping people, giving them peace through the worst times of their life. But in actuality she was too late to do any good, a hair behind things to actually make a lasting positive impact on anyone. All she was good for was answering questions that people already knew the truth to. She could investigate Angela all day and night, it wasn't going to change the fact that Jay was forever changed today…or worse.

"You shouldn't go in there," Maggie called out to Hailey as she breached the trauma room's square footage, standing there to observe. The first thing that stood out was the discarded clothing in the left corner of the room, the blood stains, dirt, and odd shape to them told her they were removed in haste, probably cut off. The boots were actually at her feet, near the entrance of the place. Connecting the dots shoes were yanked off first before he was transferred to a hospital gurney before undergoing the patient transformation. The room's stench was blood, the floor coated in the substance. Hailey took a step, noted how many bloody gauze pads, syringes, and instruments were thrown on the floor. A life was here, its' essence lingering in this small space of the world. A person _was_ here, Hailey at this point unsure if it that was a past tense or hopeful future thought. A loud exhale made her jump out of her skin for the second time today, head swiveling to the left in search of the sound's source. The room was dimmed, someone taking the extra step of shutting the lights as they rolled out of here. The figure was balled up on the floor, outline telling Hailey everything.

"Will?!" He looked at her, his face somewhat obscured but she figured he was crying.

"What the hell just happened?" There was anger, sorrow, fear in that phrase. Hailey wasn't sure how to answer. She wasn't familiar with Will in this stage, not entirely confident how he'd react if she opened her mouth. The only thing that came to mind was a hug, which Will accepted without hesitation. The two of them sat there balling, deeply feeling all that they had bottled up for a time. Hailey would blurt out apologies and Will would nod in return. It was a sweet moment, a breath they both needed to take. Will was the first to pull away, jam the sides of his hands into his eyes as he stood. A hand was extended to help Hailey rise and she accepted.

"I need to go update everyone. They're going to want to know." Will's whole countenance changed. Gone was the emotional family member, he was back in doctor mode. Again, another side of the Halstead family. They could flip things on and off effortlessly and be rather convincing.

"Will, if it's too much. Someone else can do it. We can ask Maggie, Sharon.."

"-No. I'm fine." Like she hadn't heard that a million times from the other brother.

"I was here. I know what's going on. It needs to be me." Hailey nodded, allowing Will to walk in front of her to the waiting audience. She never felt so sorry for someone in her life.

…

When someone important walks into a room you're supposed to rise from your seat, give them your unwavering attention. It's a sign of respect, a gesture to express your happiness to see them or desire to hear what they have to say. So it was humorous, in a way, to see the exact opposite happen when Will entered the crammed and swirling waiting room for the first time. The rambling and deep yet shallow conversations didn't cease, no one seemed to notice that the single family member was standing at the doorway, hands shaking and mouth unable to expel a word. Voight first noticed Hailey, following her pointing finger to the nervous and upset Will Halstead.

"Everyone shut up," he yelled to the circus, silence rippling across the room in no time. From there they all sat, taking that unique way of showing respect. Voight rose from his place, walking up to Will and hugging him, whispering something no one could pick up. A moment or two later the men backed away, Voight keeping within arm's length. Will took a breath, closed his eyes, and began the rundown.

"He's in critical condition and is probably just getting underway with surgery. He, uumm, flatlined on the way here. It was for a couple minutes but they were able to get him bak. X-ray shows the bullet hit off his rib cage, bouncing it through a portion of the left lung before resting very close to the heart. We don't think it hit the heart but certainly hit a few major arteries. However, with the amount of blood loss it's not certain till they open him up and get in there. You guys are more then welcome to hang out but just a warning, it's going to be awhile." Will nodded, letting everyone know he was done. There wasn't a witty one liner or strung together words of encouragement. It was the facts and nothing else. If anything it only made things worse, the dangerous bad far outweighing the potential good that could come out of this day. Hailey leaned over to rest her hands on her knees, head relaxing against her chin. She felt a hand brush her back and she just nodded.

"You need to sit," Will whispered.

"Did he code again," she asked? She knew he was the last person to ask, but she couldn't get that final snapshot of Jay out of her mind.

"Yeah." That was all she needed, the final piece to know the secrets of the blue cloth. Will guided her to a chair that was cleared just for her. Hailey did her best to smile, put on some form of a brave face. Will squeezed her shoulder a final time before turning back towards the ED.

"I know this is a stupid question right now, but is he going to be okay," Voight asked? Will turned to face the man, noting that behind the rugged and gruff exterior was a nervous person terrified for someone lying on a table some three floors above them. Will swallowed, ready to tell the truth but not sure how to put it mildly.

"We'll know more if…when he gets out. Again, it's probably going to be awhile. They've got a lot of work ahead of them." It was at this second that Will's phone buzzed in his pocket. He assumed it was a text message from Sharon, Maggie, or someone not in this room expressing their concern for Jay. So as he looked down at the message the sender had him mentally on his knees. It was the phone line from the OR requesting his presence immediately.

"I've gotta go," Will mumbled, tripping over his feet as he began to pick up the pace. He heard the calls for him and people trying to encourage him. But all this was second to the do-or-die, grand bartering he was mentally doing with eternity on his brother's behalf. The request for him was so unexpected and rare, whatever was going on was dire.

…

There are certain life events that family shouldn't see, let alone walk into. For example, each other going to the bathroom. Certainly it can be talked about, but should never be seen by anyone other then themselves. Another comedic yet traumatizing example would be the conceiving of a younger sibling, which of course Jay told Will about one day when they were young adolescents. A run into their parent's bedroom after a bad nightmare had him stumbling into another horrific sight he'd soon never forget. But on top of these examples is surgery. There's a reason there are so many layers between pre-op waiting areas and the actual room where things would go down. As a family you ought to know what will go on with a loved one and certainly be on the same floor as that person endures something altering. But it is something no one should ever see, regardless if said family members are in the medical field. There's a reason family members aren't allowed to work on or operate on family members, it's too much for one person to handle, it drastically changes things. So Will completely understood the looks and attempts at stopping him the closer he got to the room. If anything he wanted to turn around, flee to some quiet place where he forget the hellish day for just a moment. But Jay needed him, Rhodes needed him for some mysterious reason.

As he inched ever closer to the OR his whole body slowed down. The thought of literally gazing at his brother under the caring hands wielding a scalpel and other instruments over and inside his chest cavity sucked all energy out of him. Will made a deal with himself to stare at Rhodes and Rhodes alone. He couldn't look at Jay, no matter what. He kept his head down as he approached the prep station adjacent to the OR room. Will picked up that the lights were bright in the center of the place and felt the presence of a lot of people in the room next to him. Head was still lowered as he fiddled for the coms button and clicked it on.

"What," he shakily replied, fully aware he was either on the verge of a panic attack, tearful events, throwing up, or all of the above. Without leaving his spot in the room and refusing to slow down the rate of his work, Rhodes laid it all out.

"Left lung is not doing well. Even after the thoracotomy it's not inflating and the bronchial stem is damaged. On top of that the heart was hit. Left ventricle is the worst out of the issues, it's actually where the bullet finally stopped. Aorta was grazed but not completely severed but the LAD is torn. He's in bad shape right now. By the time we got bypass set up and him on it he lost another pint of blood. Even on volume he's low, borderline too low for all this repair."

"What are you saying," Will cut in before he expired on the floor?

"I think we need to remove the lung, giving him enough time for me to fix the heart issues. He can't stay under forever."

"Connor you know he can't work if he has one lung."

"Will, him working is the very last thing you should be worried about right now. We're talking quality of life, giving him a small chance of getting off this table alive." Will nodded in hesitant agreement. It was what the small voice told him ever since Jay was brought in: that today was his brother's last day as a cop. At first Will shook it off, told himself it was fear or uninformed ideas. But now it was all he could think of, realizing that this was a massive crossroads in a sea of tiny ones and he had to make the call. Will made the fatal mistake of looking up, eyes going to the very thing he swore he wouldn't look at. It took nanoseconds for the picture to register, the answer coming immediately afterwards. In the battle between life and death, there was only one answer.

"Do what you need to do." We've reached the point of Will becoming catatonic. As instructions were dealt and people started moving, Will was on the floor. As he rested the back of his head on the sink the tears were picking up size and speed, the heaving of his body to expel them almost making him gag, air not really coming in or going out, which was comical and poetic in a way. The thought of this being the final hours in the final room encompassed by the final day of another Halstead genuinely scared him. Will Halstead could not be the final Halstead in the world. He pulled himself into the tightest ball, doing his best to hug comfort into himself. He couldn't move, he couldn't leave. This was his place in the world right now. There was no way he was leaving his brother at the very end.

…

_Seven hours later_

"Will, it's done." He wasn't even aware he had fallen asleep, let alone splayed himself out on the floor. His whole body ached, Will swearing he'd be covered in bruises by the morning. He blinked a couple more times, each blink filling him in on his location. He saw the ceiling first, the sink and its' items next. A nudge from the OR nurse had him moving the extremities. It was in the pulling up to a standing position that he connected things, realizing that a nurse once helping his brother was now helping him. Cue the mild panic.

"Wait, where is he?! What happened?!" The nurse nodded her head, offering him a glass of water he turned to face the banned room yet again. The OR table was empty, a gurney housing a heavily blanketed body on it slowly being pushed out of the room. The protective layers of being a surgical patient were still on the person, it was the pump connected to tube going down into a mouth that had Will's body swelling with excitement, oddly enough.

"He's alive. Connor will fill you in once he's done." She lovingly slapped his back, almost like hard pat on the back. Will smirked, fully feeling the foolishness, desperation, tiredness, and every other wacky adjective to describe the last few hours roll off his being. While blissfully unaware of all that lay in front of him, and whoever else was effected by the events of the day, Jay was alive. That was reason enough to celebrate. Will had this sudden urge to move, run after Jay and his medical posse. Will knew that wasn't completely allowed or approved but, today's theme seemed to allow it. His hand was on the handle to freedom when Connor entered the room, clearing his throat in an effort to slow Will down.

"He's on his way to the Cardiac ICU. Just let them get him settled before you get up there." Will released his grip on the handle, turning to face Rhodes and a surprise second surgeon.

"Marcel?"

"So you really were out of it," the surgeon replied, which had Will raising his eyebrows.

"I asked for Marcel to assist so we could both work on things. It was really touch and go for awhile, the major arteries requiring a lot of attention, but he has two lungs still." Without delay Will walked over to the men and hugged them, creating a three person hug that had all of them chuckling before long.

"Now, he's not out of the woods just yet. We still need to get him at normal capacity and breathing on his own. He's still dependent on a lot of things right now."

"But he's alive," Will cut in.

"Yeah, he is." Will nodded, fighting off more tears and emotions. The relief rippling off of him was incredible.

"Can we discuss this upstairs?" Rhodes nodded, realizing he couldn't keep Will away for much longer. He took the lead, Will and Marcel taking up the rear. The three of them rode the elevator in silence, Will tapping his foot in anticipation while the surgeons' used the time to ponder, swallow all that went down for those numerous hours. The second the doors opened Will was off, doing this weird dance between normal walking and speed stepping, pushing his arms down towards his sides in an effort to slow himself down. Six doors down from the nurses' station was where things came to a halt, Will pausing as he took everything in. He was a doctor, he was fully aware of what major cardiac surgery looked like afterwards. But knowing it was a family member under everything changed things. The first surprise was the ICP monitor on the top of Jay's head. In his brief glimpse Will hadn't caught that, so to see it there, already in place, was a bit upsetting. Bringing to the forefront that on top of everything other deadly issue going on with Jay he could add brain injury to the list. Will was just beginning to understand the 'not out of the woods yet' comment. There was the usual amount of IVs and monitoring wires snaking out from under the hospital gown that was basically thrown on top of Jay. The breathing tube was still in place and now welcoming the full force breaths of a ventilator. There was very little of Jay that was not being monitored or free of medical devices. Jay was a mess, plain and simple. He looked dead, the lack of movements and shade of skin really hinting at this terrifying observation, but that wasn't the thing that Will was most concerned about. In fact, there were two things that stood out against all the others: the left eye and the number of blankets between Jay and the world.

"What's with the ICP monitor?"

"We don't know all that went down in that basement, but it's pretty obvious it started with a strike to the back of the head. Fortunately where he was hit just required a lot of stitches and stapling. Unfortunately his skull is cracked, pretty deep based on scans and the amount of blood he lost. He has some brain swelling but not enough to require surgery. It should go down in a week or so but he does have a pretty serious concussion. His vision will probably be blurry for a bit so he might need glasses till that corrects itself. The monitor is because we need to keep him in a medically induced coma but we also need to monitor if things get worse. It's for precautionary reasons." Will nodded, taking that first step into the room, eyes not leaving Jay as he found something to sit on. Once situated Will reached under the blankets for a hand, shocked at how freezing it was. He was scared, but gripped tighter. Finally, after hours of peril and fighting, here they both were on the other end of things.

"Hypothermia?"

"A mild case of it, yeah. Between wherever he was and the length of the surgery he's a bit below normal temps. It should get better in a couple hours. Tomorrow at the latest." Will turned away from the doctors and back towards his lifeless, unconscious brother. It wasn't the place or situation any of them had in mind for the day, but it was what they had and no one was taking it for granted.

"I'm going to have an optometrist come in and look at the eye in a few minutes. Just to see if it's bruising or if he needs more treatment."

"Okay." Will sighed, yet another doctor and another layer of medical personnel having to observe his brother today.

"Hang in there, Will. I'll be in to check on him in another hour or so."

"Can you update them? I don't want to leave."

"Of course," Rhodes and Marcel replied. Will thanked as they slinked their way out of the room. Finally, the two of them were alone. Will looked for a spot on Jay that wasn't covered in things, settling on the forehead and carefully placing a brotherly kiss on it.

"Thanks for sticking around for this long. Love you, Jay." Will wanted a hand squeeze, a quick smirk, some kind of response from the dark abyss. But instead he got zilch in return. A cruel and realistic reminder of the outcome that could still unfold before the day was finished.

…

The optometrist was deep in the swollen eye, via some medical device, when the masses arrived. Their nerves could be felt through the glass door, looks of shock and fear seeping in through the surface and bouncing off of Jay, Will, anyone who was in the room. It was Hailey at the very front of the pack, the rest of the unit sprinkled in between before other random people filled out the back. For a brief moment Will was mad they were there, waiting to join him in the waiting party. They'd only been separated for a few hours and in that time Will must've developed a bit of an isolation trait. In this moment of oddness he didn't want to share, hated that others had to be updated and sit next to him, both of them during this time. This was all so personal, highly sensitive stuff that both brothers were going through. Just the thought of a stranger, essentially, crashing their precious final moments really set him off. But before long Will shoved those thoughts and potential actions aside, told himself this was all apart of the healing process. The doctor was removing the inspection device from Jay's eye when Will waved people in. Hailey cocked her head, as if to ask if things were really for their viewing. Will nodded vigorously, waving the whole arm this time.

"It's definitely swollen but I don't see any structural damage. Just a really bruised and beginning the healing stages. It'll be black and purple in a day or so before going to those lighter shades. Things will look nasty for a couple weeks but the eye will heal on its' own. Whatever hit him was hard and had to have happened several times. You typically see cases like this in abuse situations."

"Yeah. So no surgery?"

"No. Unless things drastically change it'll be fine doing its' own thing."

"Okay. What about the concussion? Rhodes said because of the concussion he could be looking at glasses for awhile?" Hailey snapped her head up and stared at Will. Obviously they weren't filled in on that part of the report.

"That's a question for Abrams, not me necessarily but yes, there are cases where a concussion can be so bad that it temporarily damages the occipital lobe and this can cause vision issues. It could be a month, a week, several months. It's hard to tell at this point. But once things heal the vision should return to normal."

"Alright, thanks doc. I appreciate it."

"Absolutely. We're all pulling for him." The room kept filling in as the doctor left, leaving very little space for anyone to sit, stand, or do much beyond stare at the unconscious one in the bed. They all were shocked, that much was obvious. But the thing that stood out to Will was how differently they all showed it. Some were happy, relieved to be at this point, in this place, at this part of the day. Others were silent, depressed works of art. Their lack of facial expression or tears proof of that. Then you had the people somewhere in the middle; those who had hopeful fear or realistic thoughts. A thought struck Will as he watched the crowd: where did he fit into all of this? Which option resonated with him? At this exact moment he wasn't sure. Certainly he was relieved knowing that Jay had made it through surgery, but the odds were still not in Jay's favor. He couldn't help but feel this was the lull before things really took a turn to somewhere. Will couldn't stay in the room another moment, refused to parade people past his brother while he fought for everything. Again, the grieving process doing a number on him today. So as everyone took turns sitting next to Jay and speaking to him Will slipped out the back, resting against the nurse's station and gazing with proverbial smoke coming out of his ears. The anger was at full capacity at this point. Will wanted to scream, remind all of them that Jay was a person, not a freak show at the circus that one had to marvel over. He needed to rescue his brother from all of this. Will had to get away, find solace and reprieve in something outside of this cursed floor.

"Can you text me if anything changes?" The nurse sitting at the desk jumped out of surprise from the noise coming out of Will. It was definitely anger-driven, borderline biting his tongue as he spoke. She nodded while making the note on a sticky pad.

"When's the next check-in?"

"Thirty minutes." Half an hour. Enough time to find a place to let it all out. Save himself before having to attempt the same for his brother.

"Thanks. Don't let them stay forever. They don't really need to see this part of things." Before the nurse could ask where he would be Will was off. In this time there was only one thing that could rescue him from the demons within.

…

"Hello?! Will?!" A sound crossing between sorrow and a cow in agony was coming from the direction of the showers. Natalie was just coming in for her shift when the noise was registered in her ears. As she approached the door she was able to begin piecing things together. She was told of the day Jay had and the likely outcomes, but this was something people had failed to mention. The shoes outside the door told her it was Will on the other side, his lack of answering her knocks letting her know things weren't well. Hesitantly she opened the door, preparing herself for the news she dreaded the most.

"Will? It's Nat." The squawking and mourning stopped for a second, the timespan of a nose sniff. Natalie took that as her cue, tip toeing ever closer to the curtain before collapsing onto the floor. She placed a hand on the curtain, hoping the outline of her hand showed Will she was there for him, ready to help with whatever he needed. He seemed to have gotten the message because soon both were hand in hand, with the curtain in their way.

"I snapped and needed to run away." Natalie exhaled, cautiously asking the obvious.

"Snapped? Did something happen?" Will pulled his hand away from her's, the act quick and power behind it showing Will was still coming back down to things.

"With Jay? No."

"So what's wrong?" Will was sitting on the tile floor of the shower, back against the wall and body directly under the shower head. The warmth and rippling qualities of the water doing exactly what Will hoped it would: cleansing him. Ridding him of the bad with the good ever so slowly filling its' place. He needed this time to think. This brief period in the series of unforeseen events to absorb all that had taken place today. The sad cow cries were just the ugly escaping, peace and tranquillity greeting him shortly thereafter.

"I just started having really bad thoughts. I wanted to scream at them, even though this wasn't their fault. I just don't like that he's on display."

"Will, everyone reacts differently. I think if you told them this they'd understand."

"No. I just needed some time to think. Be alone for a time."

"Okay. How's he doing?"

"Not great. But it could be worse." Will's phone buzzed on the bathroom counter, a nice yet eerie reminder of things. Will asked Natalie to read the message as he finished up the showering process. She threw a towel over the shower wall as she read aloud.

"Rhodes is on his way up to check on things. Everyone but Hailey has gone home for the day. Hailey wants to know if it's alright if she can stay." Here was the first mini challenge: to share or to keep to himself. Will's rattled mind immediately went to one answer but realized there was really only one way of doing this.

"Tell them it's fine. I'm sure we could both use the company tonight." Will emerged from the shower wrapped in the towel, both doctors awkwardly standing on opposite ends of the room, neither sure what to do next. It was Natalie who approached first, embracing Will in a hug.

"You're now wet," he joked away the tears.

"It's fine. We're all pulling for him." She felt Will nod, squeezing a little harder before pulling away.

"Thank you," he replied.

"Of course. If you need anything.."

"-I know. Thanks, Nat. Seriously." Natalie's phone went off, the ED doesn't wait for it's personnel to be completely ready for things. She raced to the door, offering to visit when things died down at some point. Will was left to his own thoughts and actions once again. It was 7:27pm, three minutes before the first of many hurdles. The time for ideas and fear was in the past. Now it was time to get Jay all the way to safety.

The best way to describe the remainder of the day is a stunning orchestration of music. Like a concerto, the ebbs and flows were present, each having their moment along the way of events before the big finale. Things begin calm, the gentle changing of the notes on the piano put you in a trance, a sense of tranquility and reassurance. That things will be alright and that life can only go upward from that point. But soon the violins and cellos join in the piece, acting as the soft roar of the unknown. What was once under control appears to be the very opposite. What you once thought you knew all about turns upside down, leaving you to beg and plead for everything to stop. The music continues to build, taking you on this beautiful and alarming journey with no sign of adhering to your pleas. All you can do is sit and listen, pray for that calming beat of the piano portion, hoping at that moment you are with the one you love and that both are on the same side. Because by the time you reach the quiet, serene finale you are left wondering if what you were just witness to was a stunning work of art or an eerily horrific finality of things.

The calm portion of the concerto of Jay Halstead's night was set into motion when Will returned to the room, greeted by doctors, nurses, and Hailey all peering over the passed out one. The once anger-driven Will was replaced with a humorous one, finding the lifelessness to Jay comical, in a way. If only he could see what was going on around him, understand the level of care and concern that was being expelled on his behalf. Will somehow thought that Jay would get a kick out of it. The report from the first check-in didn't show any signs of improvements, but also didn't see him take that harsh turn for the worse. He was like the piano, calmly floating around in peace, seeming to not have a care one way or the other. For the next several hours the piano solo went on. Will and Hailey whispering to each other over the huffs and puffs of the ventilator or other life saving devices in the room. Their whispers soon becoming normal levels of communication. Jay was unconscious by medical interventions. There was no way he was going to be interrupted by them. If anything, it would be him doing the crashing of things. Which is where the night found its' first uptick of things, where the other instruments began to chime in. Hailey had left the room for seconds, minutes in search of coffee when the alarms went off. Where Will was once mutely replying to the hundreds of encouraging text messages now he was at Jay's side, both frightened and unsure what he was allowed to do.

"BP just spiked," he semi-calmly told the nurses as they flooded into the room. Sheets and hospital gown were thrown to the waist, Will getting his first glimpse of the handiwork a single bullet can do to the human body. The bile was there, the lightheadedness right behind, but Will only stood firmer in his place. He was not about to abandon Jay at this apparent pivotal moment.

"Page Rhodes," one of the nurses called out. Will jumping on it before anyone else. He had to do something at this point. It was in the ringing of the phone that things only got worse, more alarms going off and the heart monitor picking up its' pace.

"He's in PEA. Massaging the carotid." In record time Rhodes was in the room, asking for clearance. At this point Hailey had returned, face ghostly white as she stood outside in shock, begging that this moment didn't come just yet. She wasn't ready. No one ever really was in fact. Will noticed her but kept his vision on Jay.

"A round of epi and get ready to shock with the pacing wires." The assistants did as was told, the watching party jolting at the electric jolt running through Jay's body.

"Again," Rhodes called when nothing changed. However, unlike the first time things resumed their normal pace of things after this round of efforts. Rhodes kept two fingers on Jay's neck as he spoke.

"Alright, I think that was the first blood clot he's passed."

"First?!"

"It was a risk with this. We had to give him volume and we also had to give him a transfusion. It's not completely uncommon for the introduction of both things to have this effect on people. We're going to put him on a blood thinner for awhile but first we've gotta do a scan. Check and see if the CT is ready."

"So could this happen again," Hailey asked, both doctors remembering she was witness to all of this.

"That's what we're hoping to prevent with the blood thinner. But I have to warn you.."

"-It's going to put more strain on the heart," Will butted in. Rhodes nodded.

"There really isn't another option." News of the CT being free came into the room, Rhodes taking over the bagging task as the team and Jay were on the move. Will offered to come with but Conner reassured him it wasn't necessary, that Jay would be back within the hour. That left both Will and Hailey alone, the big space where a bed once was between them.

"How's he going to breathe," she asked after the group was out of sight.

"They've got a vent down there for situations like this. He'll need to be bagged between here and there, but he'll be fine." Hailey nodded, placing the cup on the floor before rubbing her face. It all came to a head, every sight, smell, and sound of the day finally catching up to her.

"At some point we're going to wake up," she laughed, Will sighing as the tears poured down her face.

"Something like that." The remainder of the time they sat, listened, distracted themselves till the bane of their day's existence returned. Once everything was back in place Rhodes gave them the rundown of his findings. It indeed was a clot that Jay passed, the deadly thing breaking apart before reaching the heart. For now things were slow but steady, Jay about endure some hard pumping for a bit but with hopes of something like that not happening again. The once dark and stormy music returned to the melodic entrancements that everyone grew to cling to. Hailey sat on the right side of the bed till she dozed into an awake trance, grasping Jay's hand the entire time.

…

"Hailey, he's not breathing right now and you need to get up." The voice was calm yet annoyed, level yet hinting at being on the verge of freaking out. It wasn't the first time the voice told her some variation of this message, but it was this pass of news that it finally clicked with her. Nodding as she looked around, it was apparent that the single note, high pitched whine wasn't some note of the symphony playing in her ear, but the sound of doom and peril ringing out in real life. When Jay returned after the first scare of the evening Hailey took a small place on the bed, grabbing a hand and just staring at the evil handiwork of a bullet. Picking a spot on him she'd stare for a rather lengthy period of time, eventually moving to another spot and repeating the process. Time wasn't a factor anymore. Hailey falling into a vat of daydreaming and floating. She didn't hear when Jay's oxygen levels dipped into the 80 percentages nor did she move when Jay's chest gasped for assistance from the outside world. So now, as she checked back in with reality, a legitimate panic attack was doing it's thing to her. Will gently pulled her off the bed as Jay was lowered to a completely flat position. As this was being done Hailey noted that Jay's upper half was covered in bloodlines, hovering right around where incision would've been.

"Why is he bleeding," she softly and numbly asked?

"It's from the blood thinner he's on. Pretty normal at this point." Will guided the two of them to a corner of the room, both watching as the vent hose was removed from the breathing tube as Marcel explained what could be the issue this time.

"Even with the 50/50 split of assisted breathing the left lung isn't getting enough air. Hopefully this will help things." The surgeon deflated the ballon at the end of the tube, waiting till the soft gag from Jay sounded out before moving to the next step.

"Rotating," he coolly replied as he gripped the clear tube and pivoted to the left about sixty degrees. Once Marcel positioned the tube in it's new place, a bag was reattached before he listened to breath sounds, everyone sighing a moment of relief as the oxygen levels ever so slowly began to tick upward.

"Now put him back on the vent." It was miraculous, watching everything resume its' normal status. Gone was the dread in the room. Farewell to Jay dying at 2:47AM. All was right with the world once again, for the most part.

"It's because of the ill functioning lung," Will announced as Marcel took things in.

"Yeah," he quietly replied.

"It's really not wanting to cooperate. We'll keep things on hold for right now, but long term.."

"-Yeah, I know. I still stand by things. He's got a chance we have to take it." Before long the room returned to its' three occupants status, Hailey now choosing a chair this round. The symphony returned to its' calm and collected rhythm once again. Another heightened moment was behind them. None of them aware of the big finale just beyond the horizon.

"So what did they just do?"

"After the chest tube, surgery to fix the damage from the bullet, and splitting the breathing capabilities equally between the two lungs, the left lung is still not functioning all that well. So they just rotated the tube so that more of the ventilator can help that lung inflate. It won't be for forever but it's not good that had to do that. They wanted to remove the lung during surgery but I may have fought for them to try and save it. In the moment it was an obviously easy call for them. He was bleeding out and had damage to a lot of other things. He could live with one lung. Except I knew that meant he'd never work in Intelligence…" Will trailed off at this point, clearly in an internal struggle with himself. You could see the questions of judgment dancing through his eyes, both sides of the debate darting back and forth.

"Well I'm sure Jay is thankful you told them to keep things together." Will just nodded, not looking up for his lap.

"I hope so." The music played on, the cellos taking a break as the flutes and piano re-took their place in center stage. All was going well. Life was looking to be on the up and up. It was a window of healing, restoring, quiet reflection. Oh how that would change before the sun came up.

…

From the get go this one felt to be different, the big one that was to decide it all. Survive and Jay would live to see another lifetime. Fail and the morgue would be the next destination. Neither of the visitors bothered to check the time, but it was just after 4AM. The once still room erupted at the sound of the four alarms chiming their goosebump inducing tune. What once was was no more, both Will and Hailey giving each other that look. The look of the end being upon them and there was nothing in their power that either could do to sway things. The dark cloud that was just off in the distance was under them now, the steady, heavy rains just hitting the tops of them. Cue the lower end of the piano and its' stringed friends. The tempo was picking up, the grand finale had arrived at last. All you could do was watch, listen, and pray.

"What's going on?" Will was at Jay's side in record time, hovering over him as he glanced up at the monitors.

"I don't know." The scariest thing of all was that Jay wasn't responding. There wasn't a single movement or hint of noise. He was a still, lifeless figure letting nature take its' course. Whatever happened would transpire, he was just going with the flow. Will hit the assistance button, realizing that task was foolish because Jay was on a high status, any activity was registered with the nurses who immediately paged for doctor-level help. The calvary was in the room in seconds, just beginning the diagnosing process. Will and Hailey were all but face planted into a wall of glass as people pushed their way to their positions.

"What happened," Marcel asked in a hurried way.

"It all started going off."

"No movement, sound, anything that suggested this would happen?" Will was about to answer when the heart monitor kicked into another gear, the speed the fastest it had been since Jay was first admitted. There was this brief moment of dread from everyone. As if to say this was the finality of Jay, that they'd reach the point of letting him go. Hailey mouthed a word, Will just spoke it.

"Shit." The two of them watched as the displaced surgical gown was thrown to the floor, Hailey turning out of fear. She couldn't bring herself to see the points where air met the insides, where hands dove in to rescue the one person that mattered most. Collapsing into Will's arms she sobbed, mourned the inevitable as everyone worked to drag Jay to safety once again.

"Is it another.." Marcel nodded his head, wary that that didn't need to be spoken. Hailey listened to the pacing wires try to shock life back into the fragile body, detected the people running about getting medication and switching the CPR task. But nothing was working for countless rounds. Will was now shaking like a hypothermic person, refusing to abandon Jay right at the end. With every round of shocks he'd jump a little less, beg for saving fading into the distance. He was about to accept things, picture a life of singularity when the got what they were looking for: normal rhythm.

"Get him downstairs, now!" In a blink the caravan of people and contraptions was gone. Paper, gauze, random things were seriously floating to the ground, doing their best to catch up with the speed of life.

"He's still alive. They're going to help him," Will repeated over and over again. Before long Hailey pulled away, patting Will's shoulder out of thanks as the two of them absorbed the emptiness of the place, appreciating both the good and bad behind it.

"So what exactly just happened?"

"Another clot. Based on how bad that just was, it got pretty close to the heart." Hailey nodded, slowly sliding against the glass wall, eventually ending in a lump of person. She figured that the last time she had quality sleep was two days ago at the very least. Two days that had been the biggest roller coaster of her life. It began with confronting Jay about his secret agenda, then cracking a case, only to worry about him all night before the terror of him missing kicked off the following morning. In forty-eight hours plus she hadn't eaten, showered, laid down, let alone brushed her hair or teeth. It was at this precise moment at 4:51AM that she fell asleep on the floor. No warning was dished out. There wasn't a farewell speech or request to be updated when Jay changed. She was there and then she wasn't, her body finally, mercifully letting her check out of reality for a time. Will was talking about what could possibly be happening in the imaging room just a couple floors down when he looked over the heap of Hailey, smirking before doing his best to rest her on the chair. She was tiny by any standard, but having to lift sound asleep body weight when you yourself are totally exhausted is a chore, but Will got the job done. Will found a blanket and gently placed it on top of her, taking a step back and watching the image of sound asleep, wishing he could join her in that world. His mind wasn't going to allow that. It was a habit of his, mentally walking through a procedure even when he wasn't present. He knew what was going on right now, how deep the catheter was in one of Jay's main arteries, how a device was being pushed into the vein to both retrieve the clot and place a filter that will prevent the deadly object to form once again.

It was in the shuttering over how close Jay was to teetering over the deadly edge that the wounded one returned. Just prior to the wave at the door, Will figured the ninth life was grabbed hold of a couple hours ago. The human body can only take so much. That once you reach a certain number of times it will just give up. No level of hope, prayer, and medication could lift someone from the fall to death. Going over the number of instances where Jay should've died, Will ultimately lost count. The act of retracing steps making him shiver with fear. He kept reminding himself that Jay should not be here, especially in one piece. If anything, Will was starting to talk himself into letting Jay go. The quality of life would certainly be much less then whatever ideas they had, or something Jay could live with. For his personal gain he was choosing to keep his brother suffering. So to say he jumped when his crazy, dark notion came to be absolutely nothing in an understatement. As the door was slid open Will held a finger to his lips, letting everyone know that Hailey was down for the count. Silence was upheld as they restated Jay, placing everything back to where it was prior to the latest round of setbacks. Will noted the new dressing just below the collarbone region, confirming his supposed procedure to be correct. Marcel waved for him to follow out of the room and Will obliged, heavily exhaling as the report rolled out.

"Found the clot in the artery opposite from the one we worked on. It was just about to enter the heart by the time we got it. It was huge, deadly if it had finished it's course."

"Damn."

"Yeah. We also put in a filter so that should be the end of this. He's going to be on the thinners for awhile. We're also going to keep him under the sedation for a little longer then we originally wanted. He hasn't really had a break so we need to keep trying to give him one." Will nodded, holding his arms out for a hug and Marcel eventually accept, a little weirded out by the whole thing.

"Thanks man. Seriously, he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you guys."

"Of course." The men stepped away, staring in disbelief and amazement of the two sleeping people in that room. It wasn't ideal, or pretty and comforting, but it was happening.

"Have we reached the end?" There were so many layers to that, it was hard to figure out which one Will was referring to. Marcel began to walk away from his perch, cocked his head as his reply trailed off.

"We'll see." Will waited till he was alone in the hallway to venture back in. As he took his place in the scene he couldn't help but feel the music fade into the background. Its' sound was soft, draining, leaving you to wonder if it was the end of a masterpiece or the prelude to the main act.

…

He didn't die the following day, or the three days thereafter. In fact, he did the very opposite: live. By the end of day two he was lifted off the sedation, lungs finally doing the very thing they were intended for. Day three was when the first movements from the sleeping one slipped out. It would be a foot twitch here and a hand tightening there, but at last something was signaling there was life in that shell of a body. Day four was when the eyes fluttered. It was typically around the time pain meds needed to be reinserted so Will and Hailey used those times to talk to Jay, ask him basic questions or fill him in on what was going on between rounds. It was a gradual, sloth pace journey, but they were crawling in the right direction so no one was complaining. It would be days before he was allowed to leave this place, weeks before work was even brought up in conversations, but the fact that they were even discussing such things was everything. But it was the tail end of day five that it happened. That very thing that was a far away notion coming to fruition.

Hailey was reading a book about coping with the afterlife of all things, Will was straddling the doorway, hovering halfway in and out of the room; trying to talk to people about things while getting back in the room. Jay was about another hour away from the next round of pain meds, everything ticking along per the norm. Will was doing his best to take that next step into the room when he noticed a jolt, jump almost, from the person in the bed. It was as if Jay was dropped out from wherever the universe was holding him, giving him the green light to return to earth. He was passed out and then awake just like that.

"Hey hey, Hailey." She looked up from her book, darting first to Will who kept pointing to the thing in front of him. Jay was definitely awake and certainly in the process of freaking out. The arms and their fragile state slowly working up towards the face.

"Jay," she cautiously called out. Will forewent the conversation in the hallway, now at Jay's side and doing his best to pull the hands back down. Jay was swiveling his head left and right, blinking extra slowly and beginning to grunt in discomfort.

"Hey, don't move. You have to keep your arms at your sides." Predictably, Jay ignored Will the first time, now kicking feet in a slow yet scared manner. Hailey quickly picked up how out of it all Jay was, probably wouldn't be remembering this part of the journey.

"Jay," Will called again, the tone a little more serious this time. It seemed to do the trick since Jay went totally limp, relaxing as Will kept speaking.

"You're alright. Just let it breathe for you till Rhodes gets in here." Jay grunted a response that only Will understood. Hailey was holding back humorous snorts. The level of drugged up and out-of-it Jay was was so not like him and comical at this point. At this point the surgeon in question entered the room, sitting the bed up a little more as the brothers kept eye contact with each other. One of them wouldn't shut up while the other gazed around, stopping at odd things before moving along.

"Let's give this a try for a bit. He still might need to be intubated if the stats don't hold."

"Yeah, that's fine," Will replied. Jay glanced back over at his brother, still clueless on what all was going on.

"When I say blow, push this out as hard as you can. It's going to hurt but it'll help, alright?" A few seconds later Jay blinked in response, keeping his eyes closed as he felt the device be prepared to be yanked.

"1, 2, 3, go." It was a super weak effort on Jay's part, deep eye squints and gags showing his distaste for the whole thing, but before long he had a mouth, lips, entire face again. Hailey watched the tube land of Jay's chest before Rhodes picked it up and hand it off to someone. The very thing that was keeping the great one alive was now no more, it's role finally coming to a close.

"Jay, you've gotta open your mouth. It's like at the dentist." Jay nodded before opening his mouth just a small amount, his hand reaching for Will's arm as the suctioning removed the excess spit and blood from inside his mouth.

"What, does it hurt?" Jay nodded in response.

"Okay, okay, it's all done. We just have to put this under your nose and you're finished."

"Can you say hi," Rhodes asked? The noise that came out of Jay was so foreign, not at all what everyone was accustomed to. Some of this had to do with the fact he just woke up from a five day stint with unconsciousness, but the other thing was that they'd become used to him not really being there. While they all wanted him to survive, deep down they'd adjusted to life without him. A startling yet curious thing about the human race. Even in the depths of despair and moments where we don't think we can go on, we find a way. So to hear Jay speak, see him seeing everything and everyone, it was like they were breaking a law, cheating life's decision in a way. It was all so strange, but a good strange in this instance. Rhodes promised to return before long, congratulating Jay on the big accomplishment as he left. Hailey looked to Will who sighed a massive relief. He was about to speak when Jay motioned for him, the hand flopping in the direction of the torso. It was the best Jay could do considering. A whisper Hailey couldn't hear slipped out, Will smirking before leaning closer.

"I'm hungry," Jay spoke again, a little ticked that time. Will actually laughed that time, chuckling as he responded.

"Good! I'm sure we can find something here." Jay nodded, taking in his surroundings before dozing off. Hailey got up from her spot and headed for the door, stopping to ask Will something.

"What can he eat? I don't mind getting it."

"Oh, he's not ready to digest stuff just yet. I'll get him another nutrient pack for the feeding tube. It's all he can handle for right now," he replied in a whisper. The two of them stared at the miracle for a moment, fully breathing for the first time in forever. The stubborn ass would live to fight another day. Will moved first, jogging down the hall for the requested item. Hailey took a seat on the end of the bed, running her fingers against the leg closest to her, only to jump when Jay did. He'd become a light sleeper in record time, the sensation of someone touching him stirring him from a drug induced slumber. He looked around the room before finding her, giving her one of those looks that spoke a million things all at once.

"It's fine," she replied, smirking away some tears as he peacefully fell back sleep. While certainly things weren't fine at the moment, they would get there somehow, someway, someday, Hailey had no doubt about it.

**You guys, I so wanted to tell you I was writing this. As I was putting this together very sweet people reached out to me. I hope you guys like this, even if it's a million words wrong. Also, I know that Rhodes left but I'm not ready to let him go. So for this instance he's in the story. Who is ready for January 8th?! I totally am. Just the small preview we got earlier this week was enough to send me spiraling. Our boy has to find a way out of this, and we better get some good whump along the way! I turn the directions over to you guys. Let's have some fun. Thank you so, so, so much for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24- A Continuation of Transformation

**Greetings, everyone! I'm so glad to be back and beyond delighted that you guys liked the previous chapter. With it being a billion words long I really didn't think anyone would read till the very end. But as you always do, you guys surprised me with your very sweet comments and I'm forever thankful. Before the fall finale I was watching one of several interviews that Jesse so graciously gave us. I can't recall the exact wording of the question but his response truly inspired this chapter. He was asked what was going to happen after the fall finale cliffhanger and his response was that no matter the outcome—dead or alive—that this event would change Jay. Perhaps he meant that in a joking or serious way, or a mixture of both, but that has resonated with me for several weeks now. What would a serious life or death situation look like immediately afterward? Obviously we hope to see positive physical results, but it's that long term, internal effect of things that I think get overshadowed a lot of the time. Unfortunately, television doesn't usually allow for things of this nature to be explored. In one episode you see the hero character nearly die and survive only the next week to see them running down suspects and fit as a fiddle. Thus the reason I love this facet of things. This platform where we can explore those deep, dark, nitty and gritty aspects of surviving things. So when a few very sweet readers reached out to me, asking for a continuation of this story, I knew I had to do it and was beyond delighted to take up the task. I hope I do you, and Jesse, proud. **

**_MaryIs901112: "What I really want to read next would be Jay's physical recovery, see him in rehab, frustrated because he does not improve as fast as he would like." _**

**_Britt: "Your capture said "To Be Continued.," and I really hope you will."_**

**_Muumilapsi: "I absolutely love this! Could you please write a part 2? Maybe about his recovery journey?" _**

**So this chapter will be designed very differently from the rest of the chapters. There will be three acts, each stand alone snippets of Jay's recovery process. They will be marked and hopefully all falling under the same theme. Here we go, everyone!**

_An Ever Moving Target_

Guilt has this funny way of ruining things. It's a multifaceted, million definition word that effects everyone so very differently. The tentacles of guilt are ever reaching and suck the life out of its' prey. One could be on the highest of highs, having accomplished something truly stupendous and honorable and yet, as one stands on the podium to accept the award that little tentacle tickles your ear, reminding one of how unworthy they are or what questionable action they might have taken to reach this moment. This prickly little monster can also convince you that something not of one's doing is in fact your fault. Victims of heinous crimes often report times of guilt, moments where in some way what happened was of their own doing. Guild is debilitating. Guilt is blinding. Guilt hinders people from living a life of freedom and happiness. Guilt can play a crucial role in one's physical health. In those early days after Jay awoke from the dead, per se, this demon of a best plagued him. Angela may have shot him and nearly ended his life, but in those initial days he couldn't help but see how he turned the gun on himself; pointed it at his own chest and pulled the trigger. Furthermore he didn't understand why he survived. The act justified what he did to her, to Marcus, to the entire West family. He made the mistake, lied to her and ruined her life. He had every right to suffer the consequences of his kindhearted yet ill laid plans. So to wake up, to breathe seemed to be unfair, unworthy on his part.

What he remembers the most about that day, exactly one week after the shooting, was how heavy the weight of the guilt was on his chest. He vividly recalls awakening that morning with the sense that a skyscraper was resting on his thin and fragile chest. Every inhale was too much to bear and each exhale was met with labored grunts of pain. Jay chalked it up to his internal struggle with the aftermath, but in actuality it was the body suffering the toll that comes with fighting. It was still dark out when the first sign of trouble made its' way to the sound waves of everything that was detecting and documenting his condition.

"Jay," Will ever calmly called out. The two of them were resting, storing up energy for whatever the day had in store for them. Correction: Will was sound asleep, Jay was floating between full blown alertness and those early stages of sleep. It was the oxygen monitor over Jay's head quietly chiming that roused the redheaded one from his slumber, looking to his right to see his brother's eyes wide open and nothing behind them. He was struggling in all intents and purposes.

"Is it tight," he normally asked, putting his palm in front of Jay's nose to feel just how much air was coming out.

"Uh huh," Jay puffed out after a moment of struggle. Those collection of syllables being a sample of the vocabulary he'd been using since waking up. Those outside of the Halstead clan assumed Jay's lack of speaking to be a result of his condition. Even a week after the event he was still critically low on blood, was still suffering from the occasional blood clot, and was succumbing to the pain that comes with open heart surgery. But Will knew his brother all too well to fully believe this to be the case. Certainly when others came calling he put on the work facade; smiling and mumbling through things to convince everyone that he was the same old guy. But it was in those moments of between that the guard came down just a hair. Will could see it in the eyes, the internal battle was waging havoc and deceitful lies within. Will was the first, everyone else soon followed.

By last night Hailey pulled Will aside after Jay had fallen back to sleep, practically threatened him to tell her what truly was going on. Will spilled his assumptions, eventually sharing that the best thing for Jay was some time alone. As much as everyone wanted to help, Jay was the last person to accept that without asking. It was up to Jay to make the calls, feel in control of something that was strangling him. So against everyone's desire they promised to keep their distance, provide Jay with that space to breathe he so desperately needed. Pun was totally not intended. Oddly enough Jay wasn't surprised when he awoke in the early hours of this morning to find Hailey missing. If anything he was relieved, finding peace in the knowledge that he could let things down for a time. But more on this later, because by now the medical team was in the room, courtesy of Will's concerned glare to them from across the way.

"Stats are in the 80s," he declared as they all filed in. With sleeping people all around there wasn't more they wanted to do then whisper. Any form to treatment would require moving Jay to another location.

"Okay, that's not great but it's not terrible."

"Did it just now start getting tight, Jay," Marcel asked? A half nod came from the motionless person in the bed. There is this feeling, sensation doctors get about patients recovering from major trauma. There isn't a name for it, but everyone knows what it is. While every medication and device can be used to save a patient on their behalf, once a patient returns to the world it truly is their call on whether they live or die. Some really do try and it is easy to see those efforts. Others give a halfhearted try for themselves, for others before concluding that the fight is too much, eventually allowing the injuries to win over. There are physical and intangible cues that give hint to a patient's will to live or give up. On this particular day Marcel couldn't avoid the notion that Jay was that darker second option. That for the moment he was doing things for Will, his team, everyone but himself. The lack of speaking or desire to see and hear things heavily swaying in that direction. Every morning he prayed the day wasn't going to be that day. This morning feeling like it wasn't going to obey that request.

"What's his steroid dosage?"

"15mg every three hours." Will rolled his eyes back in fear.

"We can't give him anymore for fear of.."

"-Inducing heart problems. I know." Will looked over to Marcel who shrugged his shoulders and nodded. That thing Will didn't want to have happen was kicking off and there wasn't much that could stop it.

"Can we do a scan first before deciding things?" Marcel looked down at the iPad with Jay's chart before making the call. From a medication standpoint Jay was maxed out. He was on the highest legal doses of the strongest medication out there. It was time to intervene. If a scan helped Will get to that point, then so be it.

"Yeah, we'll do a CT of the lungs and then an echo of the heart. MRI is out of the question for right now."

"Fine." In no time things were moving. The world of the ICU floor was dimmed and silent. With Jay in his current state of immobility there wasn't much for him to do other then stare straight up. He saw the ceiling shift from drop tile to straight tile and florescent lighting. There were quick intervals between light and dark, making him ever squint and relax before starting the process all over again. People's heads bobbed close before going away. Other rooms' layouts meeting the ceiling at various points. He heard the doors chime open and felt the elevator doors slide open and the gap between car and floor jostle him a tad too much for his liking. People were talking, noise was going on all over, but he couldn't comprehend any of it. Chalk it up to the drugs and tiredness, but deep down Jay knew it was the guilt. It's voice tickling his ears that he didn't deserve to see people, was wasting time, money, and drastic measures to keep a life wrecker alive on this earth. Only's Will hand in his own could make things stop for a time. The gentle and reassuring squeeze from Will doing enough to stave things off for a time. Without moving Jay would squeeze back for a split second. He knew what his brother meant but couldn't say: I'm here and do not give up. Jay's weak response confirmed for Will the very thing he feared: I'm trying.

…

"Ok. They need to slide you over to the scanner and this will probably be uncomfortable. You with us, Jay?" Here was another odd thing about Jay since waking up: he hated people touching him. For reasons unbeknownst to them at the time he despised having strangers touch him. Early on it was a flinch, but by the end of day one of waking up he'd point to Will, stressing through mumblings that he wanted him to do things. So every catheter change, every check in and transfusion Will either had to do it or be right there when things went down. It was a pride thing, in a way. Jay hated having people, strangers see him in his current state. Will got what was happening. Jay knew he wouldn't judge or treat him in that sing-songy manner. Certainly they were breaking hospital regulations, but what else could they do? So now, as they pushed the hospital bed right next to the CT scanner's table, Will was right there to assist in the transfer. Jay didn't look away from Will as he felt himself be lifted off one flat surface and gently be placed on another. Will was correct that things were uncomfortable, the long eye blink told the world what was going on inside.

"Sorry, it should go away in a second. You just had a round of meds so you should be okay." Jay nodded, slipping his hand out of Will grasp as the radiologist told him to not move. In all honesty Jay wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. His chest was beyond sore, its' pain radiating to every corner of the body. On top of that air wasn't coming in. Whatever ounce of strength he had was utilized on doing the most simple of tasks. The world disappeared as he was slid into the machine, the cramped space of things comforting oddly enough. Jay closed his eyes as the machine rattled and clicked every so often. Each click his brain would blurt out another message from his past. As clear as day he could hear Marcus plead his innocence, beg Jay to listen before putting him in that place. Another click and he was in Med, standing over Marcus' unconscious body in a hospital bed. The guilt of knowing he put him there doing wonders for his psyche. The CT scanner clicked once again, putting him at that initial meeting with Angela. He was so stupid in his ways, ridiculous to think things would end well. Another snap, another painful reminder of who put him in this place at this very moment in time.

…

"Will, we can do this all day long and run every test in the book. It's not going to change the end result. It's not the end of the world." Will paced back and forth, knowing Marcel was right but hating that they were here once again. The one week anniversary ringing loud in his ears as he contemplated things. It wasn't surgery, but wasn't a great move either.

"You realize that if he goes back on.."

"-The chances of an infection go up that much more. Yes, Will, I went to med school too." Will stood in his place dumbfounded over the bluntness of the reply. But in the long run it was the very thing he needed, a swift reminder that smart, informed people were working to help his brother.

"He needs air, now. He needs a break, now. We can call in Rhodes but I don't see any reason for it." Will nodded, looking towards Jay's feet sticking out the end of the machine.

"How long would he be on it?"

"At least two days."

"And he'll be awake?"

"We can start with that. But if it becomes too awful for him we can always sedate." Will thought, paced, and groaned for a moment before coming to the conclusion he knew was right there. This was a setback. Jay's recovery wasn't going to be a straight line to normalcy. This was life for the foreseeable future: struggle. He helped him this far, there was no way he wasn't going to let up now.

"Alright, let's do it."

…

Jay was returned to the room in no time, tiredness allowing him to miss the journey back home. When he awoke things were happening all around. The machine that was keeping him alive a few days ago was back in its' place, Will talking to Marcel while nurses threw trays down on other trays. Even in his limited mental state Jay quickly figured what was coming next, a bit perturbed that no one seemed to ask for his input. A nurse noticed he was awake, giving one of those overly happy, way too eager greetings that he'd come to deeply hate. Her elevated voice turned everyone's attention to Jay that much more, which made him hate everything. Marcel whispered to Will who nodded before the room cleared. Jay rolled his eyes, groaned as Will took a seat on the bed.

"Will," Jay panted out. Will was floored. It was the first time Jay called him by name in over a week. For a brief moment he thought he'd never hear his own name ever again. Prior to this it was 'hey' or 'um,' so for Jay to call him by name said all he needed to know. Jay was scared.

"Sorry, man. They've gotta do it. You're not getting enough air and you need the assistance." Will waited for a response, getting a blank stare in return. Ah, there was the deadness, the darkness in the eyes. The war was at category five by now, Will swore he could see the turmoil bouncing between pupils. Sure, his brother was physically alive on this earth, but his true self was still trying to find its' way back. Will wanted nothing more then to reach down and pull him to safety, but true healing and control had to come from Jay's efforts. Will prayed he figured things out before it was too late.

"Okay." Will wanted to cry over Jay's willingness to cave to things. His brother would've fought things, begged for another option. But this version of Jay Halstead, his quickness in surrendering scared Will, had him thinking he made a mistake that day. He didn't know this person in front of him.

"I love you, Jay," he allowed to spill out. Jay replied with a mild cough, closed eyes over how much that hurt. Marcel interrupted the moment by now, lowered the bed and removing the pillow under his head as he explained things to Jay.

"You're going to fall asleep in a couple seconds. When you wake up you'll have a tube in your throat and you can't speak. We'll give you a paralytic so your throat doesn't tightened around the tube but if you can't handle it we can always knock you out." Jay nodded his understanding of things, not caring in the least. For half a second he wanted everyone and everything to stop. He wasn't worth it. The guilt far outweighing living. But of course he kept this to himself, shook off those dangerous thoughts.

"I'm right here and I'll be here when you wake up." Jay blinked, felt the drugs get pushed into his system, and he drifted off into the peaceful slumber.

"I'm sorry," he muttered as the sedative gripped him tight. Sure enough he awoke to that all too familiar pain he felt not so long ago. He swallowed and regretted it moments later. The hyperventilating over things doing a number on the sore sternum, rib cage, muscles, skin that were letting Jay know they hated being moved in that way. Will wiped away the tears and explained that he knew things were painful, to which Jay wanted to retort that Will had no clue how awful this all was. But alas, all he could do was blink and focus on never putting himself through that again.

_Sleep Can Be A Real Pill Sometimes_

"Hey, thanks for coming."

"Yeah, of course," she replied as she stepped over the threshold of the apartment. The whole place felt weird, off in a way. Everything was in its' proper place and beyond the usual level of clean, but something was off about the place. Perhaps it was the eerie silence to everything, Will's whispering against pin drop stillness creating this funeral home ambience. The other possibility was that Jay was here, residing somewhere in this horribly decorated, crammed place; which was weird considering it was his apartment. Whether they all realized it or not, they'd grown accustomed to Jay being in the hospital. The logistics of visitation and food delivery were seamless, as if Jay had taken up a permanent residency in that floor of the building. So to know that Jay wasn't in hospital attire, attached to a million things, and operating on the schedule put in place by doctors and nurses was a little strange in a way. He'd been granted the opportunity and ability to be human again and that was going to take some time to readjust to. Another very interesting and heartbreaking discovery of the human psyche: we all can become accustomed to the most intervening situation out there.

"So, what's going on," Hailey spoke as she worked her way to the couch, Will shushing her as she sat. Her face scrunched, Will's persistent poking towards the bedroom helping answer the question mark in her mind.

"I'm trying to get him to sleep." Hailey let a small burp of a giggle slip out. To the ill-informed audience you'd think Will was referring to a newborn child, not a full grown adult recovering from a traumatic experience.

"He's not sleeping. Since being home he's maybe gotten an hour or two of sleep each day." Hailey's eyes went wide, all air suddenly stopping itself from going in or out.

"Will, it's been a week."

"Yeah, I know."

"Could it be from the whole changing of scenery?"

"Maybe, it's not uncommon to actually get used to the sleep pattern in the hospital and then be unable to adjust to a normal awake/asleep pattern. But with him I think it's more." Hailey let out a sigh, she figured this was coming but not so soon after everything. It was the fear that rolled in after he woke up, not knowing when the internal aspect of things would kick in. By all accounts that was well ahead of schedule.

"The PTSD." Will reluctantly nodded.

"The first hint was that he wanted me to sleep next to him in bed, which is something he's never asked ever. Even during other episodes when things weren't being treated. He typically wants to be alone, so that request was really different for him. That was after two days of just laying in bed and staring into nothing all night long. So when we tried that that's when the couple hours of sleep finally happened. But it's not restful sleep. It's a lot of talking in his sleep and sharp breathing, usually waking up with a jolt or sweating. And of course none of this is good for his overall health. He needs sleep."

"So, I'm not sure what I'm doing here."

"I've talked with Dr. Charles and were going to put him on a sleep aid and an antidepressant, which I know Jay's not going to like. After the last episode he was put on those for awhile and absolutely hated it. Said it made him feel hollow and small?! I don't know. But he's got to rest and we've tried everything else. I've got to go run out and pick up the stuff and I hate for him to be alone."

"So I'm a babysitter essentially."

"Just try talking to him. I think if he talked to a friend he might open up a little bit. The last month its' been doctors speaking to him in numbers and strange lettering, a friend will do a lot for him." Will's phone buzzed on the coffee table, acting as a perfect interruption for the retelling of Jay's tragic and troubling time. He promised to be back within the hour as Hailey stood from her place on the couch, not moving till she heard the front door lock behind Will. For a brief moment she was scared, apprehensive to see Jay. They'd all been naive that day he woke up, thinking he'd be down for a time but return to his old ways. Certainly the latter could reign true, but in the meantime he was different, almost having become a stranger to his very core of people. This was the unsuspecting element none of them picked up that day and in all honesty Hailey felt to be an idiot, moron for not weighing all the elements of healing. She closed her eyes as she placed a hand on the door handle, inhaling as she turned the knob and exhaling at the scene in front of her.

He was propped up by what appeared to be every pillow in his apartment. Donning a button down shirt, joggers, and socks, he was the picture of a lounging bum. His back of his head was buried deep in a pillow, cushioning the still healing skull fracture and concussed brain, and his head was tilted to the left. The amount of scruff on his face told the tale of not shaving for a few days and the mop on the top of his head said that showering hadn't been attempted in a little bit. The left eye was a tinge of yellow, the very last shade in the bruising process, the rest of his face small lines of red where cuts and suturing happened over a month ago. Yes, you read that correctly. It had been a month since the attack and Jay was just now home. Guilt really puts a wrench into things. Hailey stood there for a second, just taking everything in and watching him fake sleep. This one wasn't going to be a good day, the energy coming off of him told that. The day he stood and walked a few steps was a good day, a high note of the journey. Clear as the scene in front of her, Hailey could still see Jay resting against the IV stand as he grinned that dorky smile as everyone poured out tears of excitement. His face was beet red through the whole process, but he was beyond proud of himself that day. The memory faded when Hailey spotted the gauze pad taped down the middle of his chest, the friendly reminder of how the bottom fell out the next day. That day was the second worst day of their lives, its' menacing surprise terrible for following up such a momentous occasion. Hailey shook her head, telling herself for the billionth time Jay had made it through and was home.

"You're a terrible fake sleeper," she spoke into the room. The not-so-passed out one cracked a single eye open, tensing as he realized who it was.

"Hey," he trailed off, glancing around and behind her for Will.

"He went to get meds. It's just me. Sorry." There was this weird invisible wall between them, Hailey had picked up on it pretty immediately in the hospital. At first it was subtle, looking almost at her and then answering with quick responses. She thought it was just the situation of everything, but before long he would refuse to look at her, answer a question every now and then. She didn't know if he was embarrassed, disappointed, scared, or worse. But as she took that first step into the room she felt the wall shoot right up. It was almost like meeting someone for the first time, those awkward silences when you run out of things to say but feel the need to keep trying.

"Do you need another pillow," she joked? Jay glanced at her for a moment, smirking when he figured out the joke.

"It's Will."

"I figured." Hailey smiled, looking over at the nightstand and glancing at the sea of medicine bottles.

"Baby steps," she whispered to herself. What was once IV drugs was now in pill form, and from pill form would eventually be nothing.

"What," Jay questioned, reminding her that she had thought out loud.

"Oh, nothing," she quickly shot back, eyes resting on the glasses closest to the bed.

"I haven't seen these yet." She held them up, opening them and advancing towards his face.

"Sure," he replied as she rested them on his nose and ears, taking a step back to observe the new look. It wasn't anything she was accustomed to, but the jerk somehow managed to make glasses attractive. He looked like a hot, geeky professor or grad student and she hated that. There was very little he couldn't pull off.

"Well, keep this look up and it just might become the next undercover gig. You could be the young professor all the girls chase around campus." That one earned her a chuckle, protesting and denial right behind it.

"Stop, there's no way that's happening."

"You say that now," she responded, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Now at a closer position she could really see the brunt of things. The arms with several band aids covering where IVs used to be, the series of hospital bands from his many trips to different parts of the hospital, but the new set of coverings on his chest still doing the most for her. Jay seemed to pick up on the glaring and scanning fairly quick, clearing his throat and shifting his feet in bed.

"Sorry," she embarrassingly replied. Jay nodded, none of this was comfortable for either of them.

"I hear sleep isn't happening right now."

"What didn't Will tell you," he responded through a huff.

"I don't know, what didn't he tell me?"

"Oh, nice try." She smiled, gently patting his shoulder before rising, heading for the bathroom as she spoke.

"When I was younger my mom would always tell me to redo my pre-sleep ritual. That making yourself brush your teeth, wash your face, stuff like that, your body gets in that sleep mentality." Hailey grabbed a washcloth and got it wet, putting face wash on it before returning to the bedroom.

"Did it ever work," Jay inquired as she stood over him.

"No, but doesn't mean we shouldn't try." Hailey motioned to the dripping wet towel and Jay obliged, scrunching his face as she reached every crevice of his face. She was wary of the areas that were still healing, gently patting things off before going back for the toothbrush.

"This is humiliating," he replied over the toothbrush, Hailey giggling at the slurred nature of the sentence.

"Oh stop, you can't do this on your own anyway." Jay nodded in agreement, spitting into the cup she placed under his mouth. Next was the hairbrush which he really wanted to protest, but let her do it. It's amazing what a lack of sleep and injury will do to you.

"Feeling the least bit sleepy?" Hailey was now on the free side of the bed, lying flat and looking up at Jay.

"No." This was a fun game, making her find weird ways to do what only drugs were going to resolve now. He knew whatever she tried would fail, but the fun of it was watching her brainstorm, the two of them bonding over his inability to shut off.

"Okay…what about drinking something. Water? Coke? Juice?"

"Water." Hailey sprung to her feet, a mixture between shuffling and speed walking to the kitchen. She returned moments later with the largest cup he owned just about filled to the brim with ice water.

"Look! A straw so you can drink yourself."

"Great!" Jay was still put off by the fact he couldn't do any for himself, but her enthusiasm in finding something for him lessened the blow. She cradled the cup in his hands, constantly asking if Jay was alright before releasing things to him. She sat at the end of the bed as he sipped, the two of them rolling their eyes and scoffing over how excited the two of them were for this very mundane task. Before long Jay asked her to put things on the bedside table and she obeyed, collapsing once again on the free side of the bed. She could still feel that wall between the two of them, but a window was being etched out somewhere near the top. It was the size of a peanut but Hailey was elated. Things were headed in the right direction.

"It's not working," he spoke a few minutes later. Hailey sighed, rolling to her side and resting her head on her hand.

"I think you know the only other option." Jay moaned, the head digging just a little deeper into the pillows.

"Can't we just talk about work or the weather?"

"Next time. And also you're not even supposed to be mentioning the W word, remember?"

"There's going to be a next time?" Hailey lovingly slapped his arm, rolling her eyes before speaking.

"Let's go, dude. It's just me. Okay?! I'm not a doctor or a nurse,"

"-Or Will."

"Exactly. Jay, it's all understandable. In the last month you've had two major heart surgeries, been intubated several times, and been stuck in a hospital the entire time. No one is condemning you in fact, I think they're praising you for still sticking around."

"It's not the surgeries, or any of that," Jay mumbled.

"That stuff just happens. You get through it and wake up on the other side and start getting better."

"So it's the guilt." Jay snapped his head towards her, shocked she got things that quickly.

"I know you think you're this big, mysterious person who's impossible to fully understand. But after a couple years of this you're not that complicated. And knowing you I know you won't believe the next words to come out of my mouth. You being shot was not your fault at all."

"I know it's not." Hailey's eyebrows perked up. This was a first for Jay.

"It's everything that came before it." Hailey sighed, sitting up and taking Jay's left hand. She really wanting him to hear what she was about to say. Lord only know how many rotations of that case had spun around in his head.

"Jay, not that we should be throwing blame around at anyone, but do you recall who told you to use the facial rec software? Do you also remember that things weren't exactly ready for actual use? In what way does that equal you being responsible?"

"Because I ran with it."

"After being told you had to. Jay, you did the best you could with what you had. Not everyone is going to be perfect. What happened to Marcus was not ideal, terrible. But that is not your fault."

"And Angela? That all was my fault. Against everyone saying I needed to leave things alone I kept going. And now because of that a child is going to live the rest of his life without either parent, stuck in the foster system and who knows what else. And I get what, a few weeks off of work and then go about living life?"

"Jay, her choosing to shoot you is not some twisted form of punishment that the world had coming for you. Whatever was said or happened before that moment, her pulling the trigger was _her_ decision. You need to understand that. Also, for the record, I forgive you. We all forgive you. Yes, we told you to stop and you kept going. But that's you at your core. You have a good heart, pure intentions. Sometimes things work out and other times they don't but you were trying to help, there's nothing wrong with that. We all forgive you. You need to forgive yourself." She looked back up at him, internally sighing over the lifelessness about him. Everything she was saying was going in one ear and going right out the other.

"You need to promise me something?"

"What?"

"First, you're going to take the meds. I don't care if you don't like it, you need them right now."

"Fine." Hailey ignored the lack of fight from him.

"Second, you need to talk to someone."

"That's already been scheduled."

"Ok, but before then you need to talk to Will, me, whoever. You cannot keep this inside. As you can see it's not doing great things for you." Jay nodded, the two of them jumping at Will's sudden entrance.

"Hey! You're wearing the glasses. And you have a drink, perfect!" Hailey sat up as Will took out the proper dosages and cupped them in his hand, cradling the straw under Jay's mouth before Jay swallowed them. A quick mouth check later things were over, all of them realizing the magnitude of what was just consumed. Jay was about to be altered and not in a way he was thrilled about.

"Can we take a couple pillows out," Jay asked and the two helpers agreed.

"Just relax on the shoulder," Will told his brother as he gently pulled him forward, apologizing for the pain when Jay let a grunt or whimper slip out. Four pillows lighter Jay relaxed into the new position, Hailey and Will making sure everything was perfect before heading for the door.

"Do you need anyone in here," Will offered?

"No, I'm fine." Once the door was shut Hailey wanted nothing with the apartment, practically sprinting out of the place as Will showed her out. The drive over to work was forgettable, which Hailey did rather splendidly. She felt guilty walking up the steps, convicted that she got to solve another case while Jay reminded unresolved. He was different, distant, distracted by the demons. Try as hard as she might there was nothing for her to do. For the third time in this month span she had to standby, watch someone else rescue the one thing she truly cared about. The morning was unmemorable, the case just another one that would blend into the sea of thousands. It was around lunch time when the tears fell, snot and blubber dripping off of her as she read five simple words.

"He's slept all morning. Thanks."

_Thankfully, Temporary is Never Permanent_

"So, how did it go?"

"I believe the whole point of therapy is that you don't have to talk about it outside that room." Will rolled his eyes as the two of them boarded the elevator. His brother would never divulge things if it was the last thing he did.

"In general, man. Is it helping?"

"Yeah, I guess." Will shook his head, adjusting his weight in an effort to not smack his brother. It was the reminder that he still had the ability to do such thing that kept him from doing so.

"So I have something I've gotta do and it's going to take awhile. I can't take you home now." Jay slowly threw his head back in annoyance, hating that he was still so inept so many weeks later.

"This completely sucks."

"Just a couple more weeks, Jay. Once the blood thinners are done you can start physical therapy.."

"-Can drive myself places again. This is a terrible throwback to being a kid."

"Oh stop, you're getting everything done for you. How is that bad?"

"How is that good?" The elevator chimed, relinquishing their loving bicker into the hallway, the two of them going back and forth as they rounded the turn to the ED. It was Will who held up initially, scanning the sea of people needing help. This place was never empty, never not housing the assumed worst day of people's lives. That was when he turned to face Jay who was zoned out, staring at that room. They were so far removed from that day, that place where the all important crossroad decision was made. Jay made the call, relieved it was the right one, but the emotions and slight memories of that day were still raw and at the forefront. Today a young child and their parent were occupying the room, but one day not so long ago it was his. That place was the kickoff to the seemingly eternal phase of life. He couldn't shake the guilt and realization that a split second decision was still effecting him today, his whole being still trying to move on from this memory. While the rest of his world had grown past it, he was still picking up pieces, trying to make sense of it all.

"Hey, you ok," Will quietly spoke, acting as the rope that would pull him to safety.

"Yeah." Will did another scan marveling at the miracle standing in front of him yet heartbroken for how altered it all was. It was the buzzing phone in his pocket that told him the moment of reflection was up.

"I've gotta go. They're in the waiting room."

"Hold up, they?!"

"Just go. They asked." Jay raised an eyebrow, a tad lost on why Will couldn't just tell him who the elusive 'they' were. But as he worked his way through the ED and towards the waiting room doors he figured out why. He hadn't seen these people since the day he woke up, allowing him weeks to manifest elaborate yet inaccurate assumptions of them. One had told him to back off, let things be and he did the very opposite. The other, he figured, was so that he wouldn't get beat up in broad daylight. Jay now got why Will didn't say who these people were because the chance of him running the other way was quite high.

"Jay," Hank called as the doors slid open. Jay stood just enough in the room to where the sliding doors wouldn't hit him. He was basically cemented in his place, unable to move, breathe, talk, react. He figured his face was revealing all of those because both Voight and Platt were on their feet, ever so slowly approaching him like he was about to fall over.

"You look…great," Trudy stammered as she got closer. Jay shrugged, realizing she was talking about the glasses and not his physical appearance, which was less then stellar at the moment.

"You okay," Voight asked?

"Um…yeah…it's just…the blood loss and concussion. Have this tendency to just zone out." Both of him gave him those looks of sympathy and sadness. He'd gotten countless numbers of them over the last several weeks and quite frankly he despised them.

"Do you want to sit?"

"I can make it to the car. Where is it?" He was guided through the waiting room and out to the ambulance bay, hesitating when they reached the black car. This was a first for him, being terrified of his boss. In the past he was concerned or inquisitive of Voight's actions, but never scared.

"He just wants to talk," Trudy bluntly let out as she opened the door for Jay, waving an arm for Jay to hurry up and climb in the back. With every fiber of his being telling him to run, as if he actually could, Jay climbed in. Palms were in the initial stages of sweating as he watched the two people round the vehicle and climb in. In unison both turned to face him, now leaving him to feel like a college student meeting his parents for the first time since being kicked out of school or breaking up with a long time girlfriend. They were overly concerned and quiet for his liking.

"So it's been what, eight weeks," Voight began?

"More like ten."

"Wow, time really does fly," Trudy remarked. Jay nodded out of a desire to move things along. To him it was the longest stretch of time in his life with nothing but setbacks dotting those days.

"So where are things at right now?"

"I can't do any PT while on the blood thinners and the latest report on that is a couple more weeks. Rhodes and Marcel aren't completely fine with levels or something right now."

"Okay, that's fine. Take however much time you need. We're ready when you are."

"Yeah, um, about that.."

"-How 'bout you hear what we have to say before you say anything," Voight offered. Jay nodded, mentally concluding that whatever bartering had been done on his behalf wasn't going to change much. At the time his decision had been made and he was fine with it. It was at this moment an ambulance flew into the trauma bay entrance, encouraging Voight to get things into gear and get out of the way. So the conversation wasn't going to become a face to face one, but that of him driving and reporting. The occasional glance to the backseat would take place, but for the most part Jay was given the ability to glance out the window and get lost in the view.

"Superintendent is taking the brunt of this. Finally came out with the truth that he heavily insisted Intelligence use the facial recognition software for that specific case. He still won't say that he knew it was in a beta stage but he isn't denying it either."

"Ivory tower made the decision to pull all facial recognition software out of every precinct in the city. There were five other districts using it around or after the time we did. The tech company has been sued by Angela for Marcus' death and news has come out that they'll settle and it'll be a big check," Trudy filled in.

"Too bad she'll be in prison for the rest of her life. She's never going to see a penny of it," Jay quietly spoke in the back. He could hear the groaning up front, feel the frustration running off of them, but Jay didn't care. He felt and believed what he did, no amount of money or semi good ending was going to change that.

"Jay, she almost…um.."

"-Killed me. You can say it."

"Took your life. I'm sorry if you feel some amount of guilt or responsibility for her being charged with that, but it's the reality of things. She has to be held responsible for her actions."

"And I don't?" Things were silent for awhile after that, the harsh yet realness to the question seeming to cast a ban on speaking. The radio wasn't turned on, small talk in the front row didn't occur, the whole car was silent. The person driving focused primarily on the road while the passengers took to the world for a distraction. They are were aware of the double standard that was plaguing the brotherhood of police these days, but Voight and Trudy did not see this as that type of situation. Jay was genuinely trying to help someone out but wound up being in way over his head, not knowing he entire situation before diving in. It was a risk in his secret operation, but one that Jay decided to take damming the consequences. Now he was in that effect of things, trying to piece things back together while making sense of it all. He did nothing wrong, just was ill-informed. As they pulled up to his place Voight silently concluded that this was well above his pay grade and training. They all had to trust the care and therapy he was getting right now would be enough to return him home.

"So about coming back…" Voight closed his eyes, fearing what was coming next. That possibility was always dancing in the back of his mind. In a way he understood why a lot of people decided to leave after events like this, but he never thought it would be Jay uttering those words, living in that mentality. He was about to speak when Trudy placed a hand on his shoulder, as if to say she had it.

"Jay, I think I know you're going to say next. You want to walk away, go find something else to do because you don't know if you can do this job anymore."

"That's a generalization of things."

"Okay. If you say that then we have no choice but to start putting things in motion. At some point down that road we cannot back out of things and I would hate to having you doubting that decision. You're still recovering, a lot is still going on in your life. Please do not make these kinds of calls right now. You still have several weeks so use that to forget that aspect of things. I'm telling you, once you get away from that for a time things will become clearer."

"And if nothing changes?"

"Then we will respect your decision. I'm just asking you to give it more time." Jay looked to both of them, feeling like this was a goodbye. In the immediate it was, he couldn't sit in the car forever. But in a more philosophical, metaphorical way, this was a splitting up, a breakaway from the norm. He didn't know if or when he'd see them again. He'd go back to his currently stalled out life while they propelled into the next stage. It was the analogy of two ships passing. They were together for a time but soon alone again, hoping at some point to reunite. Jay took things in, appreciated the moment, and then excused himself to the freezing cold. Waving was still a small task but he managed, holding the hand up as they disappeared into the belly of the city.

A strange thing then took place. Without fully realizing it Jay was standing at an intersection. Both literally and figuratively he was at a corner of the city, the world, his life. He was met with a choice: turn left for safety and familiarity or right into the cold, mysterious unknown. Jay realized that for the past ten weeks this is where he was: making that call. He'd glance one way or take a step towards another, but the stalled out feeling he had on his life was the result of not making the choice. He was shot, he almost died twice, and now it was time to move on. He took a couple more minutes to contemplate, get emotional, and find solace in it all. He looked to the right, noting the temptation in figuring out the unknown. But deep down in his very core he knew the option that he could live with the most. Final look right and he pivoted left, escaping into the warmth of what he knew.

**A small spoiler alert: the next chapter will be a follow up to 7x04. I know you guys have been asking for it and now you shall have it! Thanks so much for reading! See you guys soon. **


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